I talked to mylilsecret again on the phone tonight, and she dictated the following to me to post on her behalf:
I asked Jim if he would type this out for me. OK now what do I say? I am hurting. I am lost and confused. IÂ’m emotionally and mentally drained. And the bronchitis has taken its toll on me physically. I honestly donÂ’t understand how I am able to stay quit when for so long Copenhagen always seemed like it helped me to cope with the very problem I am dealing with right now. But I am quit as well as not using the fake snuff anymore, though I still have it in case I ever need it. For those of you who think I am looking for a pity partyÂ….I am not, OK? I did however call Jim tonight crying. I feel so lost right now. I try my best to put my problems and fears aside so I may appear strong on the outside, but inside itÂ’s the total opposite. Please know that I have thought about you all and in a way, I hope that I, too, have crossed your mind. As for my son, he will be starting a different medication next Wednesday. This will be his third drug change in the last five weeks. I promise once everything settles down, IÂ’ll go into detail about it. As for my bronchitis, itÂ’s day to day. I was supposed to be in the hospital as of last week, but I just got a permanent sub position for the rest of the school year, so I couldnÂ’t mess that up. We need the income, so I am fighting through it. As for my computer, I have more than enough on my plate right now. IÂ’ll have to worry about that later. A week or so ago, I checked my email at a friendÂ’s house, but she doesnÂ’t know I used to dip. So yes, I guess I am still a bit uneasy talking about the nasty habit I used to do. I used to hide dipping and now it seems IÂ’m still hiding. So if you have emailed me, sorry for not replying back, but thatÂ’s why. I would really like to hear from you. I know this is going to sound totally off the wall, but if you are able to get a message to Jim, please do so. It doesnÂ’t have to be long, just so I know I am in your thoughts, and hopefully that will bring a smile to my face and a bit of warmth to my heart. Janhawke, call me when you get the chance. I didnÂ’t program your number into my phone. I found out some of my sisters and brothers have fallen. It hurts me to know that I wasnÂ’t here to help you in your time of need. Remember that tobacco will not fix what is wrong in our lives. It just puts us back to day one. I shall keep you all in my thoughts.
Hugs, mls aka Nickie
