Man, what a day its turned out to be. Im nearing the 48 hour mark from when I had my last dip and Im startin to feel pretty crappy. Im anxious, fidgety, cant sit still. I've burned through a bag of sunflower seeds today and my tongue is sore from rubbing against the straight edges of the shell halves after you split open it with your teeth. Whats even funnier, is that I even attempted to make my own non tobacco dip out of stuff i found here at the EMS base. I cut open a teabag and emptied the tea leaves onto a saucer. Then I mixed in a little maple syrup, salt, sugar and just a few drops of water and before long, i had created in front of me a rich, dark brown, sticky yet grainy textured mound of pure shit. Laughing at myself I worked up a pinch with my fingertips and packed one in. It actually tasted pretty good but it really had no more effect than the sunflower seeds did. I left it in for a few minutes simply because id gone to the trouble to make it, but it made me realize that I really am addicted to the nicotine, which I told myself was BS for years. It has helped to come on here and rant a little bit. I have only had one call today in almost 12 hours. That means the shift is almost half over. I had to drive past that fast phils on the way back to the base where I usually stopped to buy Grizzly. Im scared to even go in there to buy a drink because Im scared that Ill cave if im that close to it. My mind has been playing games with me. Ive visited the cancer pics link several times today to keep myself in check. My brain keeps telling me to look how many people dip compared to how many people end up with cancer. Its probably closer than i think, but thats the little battle going on inside my head right now.
