Eternal Write Up

[Richard K]

In Loving Memory
May 17
Family Member
Joel "Success This Time" Arbic

Joel was 48 when he left us.
He lived in Tempe Arizona with his wife, Shantala and their two sons.
He graduated with an engineering degree from Michigan State University,
and worked as a computer analyst for most of his career with Humana Health Insurance, in Phoenix

Joel and Shantala backpacked around the world for 18 months after they were married.

Joel was at home in the mountains, and loved skiing, backpacking, mountain biking and rock climbing and new experiences.

He loved to share his stories and pictures from that trip with all of us in chat.
He was really at home in chat, and most nights, late into the wee hours, you could find him there.
He was always helping new quitters find their way to the proper quit group. Or helping people get through the fog, with stories and helpful advice. Or just keeping us occupied to make it through another 24 hours.

That helpful advice wasn't contained only to chat. He freely helped anyone on KTC, and loved to share whatever was on his mind. He might've got bored with the stories, but we didn't.


Quote from: SuccessThisTime

Be warned.... verbal diarrhea ahead. 32 yrs of bottled up shame coming at you.


Joel was a ninja dipper, He may have had "bottled up shame" but was not afraid to share his experiences, in the hopes of helping other quitters know they weren't alone.


Quote from: SuccessThisTime

I've been ashamed for almost 30 years. I hid it from every girl I dated, thinking I could quit "when I meet the right girl". My close friends knew I dipped, but my girlfriends never did. Not exactly kosher in my profession either, so I hid it there too. I hid it from my parents as a teen, so that started the hiding behavior. It was not socially acceptable at my college to dip. So, I dipped in college, but not much, since I couldn't afford it and it wasn't really acceptable. (Side note : smoking was starting to get stigmatized at that same time). After college, I suddenly could afford to buy dip on a daily basis, so the addiction really took hold, but the social stigma was still there. In my world, anytime a girl would "catch" me dipping at a party or other social event, I would get "that look" or "that comment". It was obvious that most people in my world found it disgusting, so learning to hide it became the easier option. Once you get in the habit of hiding an addiction, it becomes just that, a habit/lifestyle. I hated the fact that I was addicted to this shit, didn't want new people in my life to know it, and just continued hiding it, just like I had since I was a teenager.

Weak analogy: "I keep pounding my head against this wall, even though I hate it, and everyone looks it me like I"m an idiot for pounding my head against this wall, but I just can't stop. So, I'll just pound my head against the wall in secret, so I can still seem like I'm a normal, socially acceptable creature, instead of an idiot who pounds his head against a wall and can't stop even though he wants to."


Joel loved being quit. And loved helping others. He was a true asset to KTC, and will be missed deeply.


Quote from: harvestgirl

One late night or early morning when I was in too much pain to sleep or function, you stayed awake with me and showed me photographs of your travels, told me stories of the cultures you immersed yourself in, painted pictures in my mind of people and festivals.
The next night you knew I'd be in chat again, and you kept my mind off of a shitty shoulder for a few more hours.
We discussed your adventures in Southeast Asia, how it transformed your beliefs, changed your views on the world.
How you took away the ability to live fully and simply.
We talked about your family history.
We talked about politics.
We talked about mental health.
We talked about a lot.
Night after night was one more tiny bit of your world backpacking adventure.
One more story of STT .
One more piece of Joel.

"Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds."

Rest now, my brother. May you have found the peace you anxiously craved in this world.


He may have Gone Away, but he's eternally on roll in May 17.



Quote from: Big Sexy

STT - 365 - This would have been a year for Joel. He left his family too soon. Depression is a real thing and often times it goes unnoticed until it’s too late.
RIP Joel. I think I speak for the entire KTC family when I say this place isn’t the same without him. God Bless.


Rest Successful Brother.....