Because it may never get approved, and because people take my recent posts to mean that I am leaving, I have decided to post my HOF speech here. Mod approval not required.
First, a few words for any new quitters:
For any new or potential quitters out there. Nicotine is a bitch. I do not blame my quit or KTC on my current problems. I blame the fact that I started using nicotine in the first place. I should have been dealing with all this other shit for the last 10 years, but instead I have covered it up with nicotine.
The sooner you say goodbye to the nic bitch, the sooner you can begin to rebuild into the person you were always meant to be, without nicotine.
Now I must say Farewell:
142 days and I am still at day 1. Running in circles. Gaining no ground. I've actually become a worse person since my quit. I will not let this fact ruin my resolve, but it is just a fact. I will now need to focus on facing all my other problems that are no longer covered up with dip. This is the final step in getting rid of the old me, and starting a new.
For 142 days I have replaced one addiction with another. Instead of putting in a dip I check out this site constantly and always have it on my mind. Like any addiction it started out slow and has gradually grown. I am done with my addiction to this site.
This site has a certain culture and a way of treating people in the name of "brotherhood" and "accountability". For 142 days I have fought against this culture in the hopes that it was controlled only by a minority of outspoken individuals. I thought that there is no way this is really the way a support site is supposed to work. I thought there must be others out there, like me, who disagree. I thought if I speak up then maybe we would see a new culture breed. A new culture where the focus wasn't on tough love, name calling, and shit talking.
I was wrong. The culture is too strong, too ingrained, it cannot be changed. Maybe I'm wrong about another thing. Maybe this is exactly the way this support site is meant to be. Maybe this culture is exactly what the founders had in mind. But, this culture is not for me.
After 142 days, I am saying goodbye. The death of the old CoB will give birth to a new CoB. A CoB who is not addicted to this site. One who continues to post and support his January brothers and sisters, but does not bother himself with trying to change the culture.
I am falling in line, I am ringing the bell. Goodbye.
