I'm A Douche

[IRISH]

Good shit, SWJ.

I am quit with you today.

[Colonel_No_Cope]

Nice first step.

*LOOT offers SWJ a hand up, dusts him off, pats him on his firm yet supple ass, and sends him back in the quit*

Welcome back bro.

I concur, Loot.

I was looking for this kind of post all along.

Sometimes it takes a few days to really cook in... some will get it, others will not... some will post one, others will continue to try and fly under the radar.

I am glad you made the right choices SWJ.

* CNC rolls his eyes and shakes his head at Loot's groping, then punches SWJ on the shoulder knocking him towards the June house.

Now get to it, man.

[Souliman]

and knowing is half the battle. Bitches.

INDEED!

(SFW)

Sounds like one of those Super Friends PSA shorts...

[G]

and knowing is half the battle. Bitches.

INDEED!

(SFW)

[Smokeyg]

and knowing is half the battle. Bitches.

[Smokeyg]

SWJ - I worried this would come some day. I've been in your shoes. Standing in line at a convenience store with well over 100 days quit under my belt. Alone. Looking at a tin and making that rash decision. You had KTC and threw it all away. I had a hospital quit group and threw it all away.

Without that experience, I would not be the picture perfect picture of perfection that you see before you today. No shit.

It's not about quit brothers. It's about you. I've never met 65fl. I've never met tooL. I've never met you. If I let you down, I let myself down. We are one in the same. Let our strength serve as your strength when your addiction takes over.

You are an important piece of my quit. I know that your quit is now solid. You've been where I've been. I will draw on your current strength when my addiction comes calling. I will draw on Greg's strength and tooL's strength and 65's strength. All y'alls fucking strength. You are in me. Deep inside me. Like a veiny cock.

[zandrew58]

I dont know a whole lot about you brother, but your threads have been forwarded my way for a laugh when shit was down.. So, that being said I am disappointed to read about your cave..
However, after reading all the posts after you confession, your ass has been handed to you and you need no more after your last post.. I tip my hat to it brother, wipe your hands clean and stay quit man..

Just my POVÂ….You can say I am an idiot but I have to thank SWJ for the second time. His stories got me through a tough time early in my quit so thank you for that.
I am 124 days quit and I have seen myself starting down a slippery slope after my HOF speech. I still am posting roll everyday but I have started to post later in the dayÂ….when it crosses my mind. Reading what has happened to SWJ, I feel I am in a danger zone. I can see a direct coloration between going alone and being active on this site, even if it is just to make your promise every day. If a BAMF like SWJ can cave, who am I to think I can do this alone. So thank you again SWJ. I will refocus and post roll first thing in the morning just like I did days 60 -100.
Thats it but you can still fuck off.

[djr2]

I dont know a whole lot about you brother, but your threads have been forwarded my way for a laugh when shit was down.. So, that being said I am disappointed to read about your cave..
However, after reading all the posts after you confession, your ass has been handed to you and you need no more after your last post.. I tip my hat to it brother, wipe your hands clean and stay quit man..

[Cornholio]

What would you say to others who fade away? I wonder, because there are great men that have stopped posting not too long after 100 days in FEB2012. Quitters who managed to post every day....until they were "cured", or "over the hard part", or thought they crossed the finish line?

What do you do after 100days next time? Try picking up at least one name for each new group that is started. Stay involved man, but most importantly, pick up some numbers and find somebody you give a hit about. You can pick up a guy who JUST faded away after 100days from FEB2012, or JAN2012..

Make this your quit brother. You obviously have balls of steel.
Now use them to tea bag nicotine for the rest of your life. IT'S TIME TO TAKE CONTROL.

[wastepanel]

Understand that what I put down here is not intended or expected to get me right back where I was with this group. I don't at all expect to "slide right back" in or to post up shitloads of hilarity or arrogance. Believe me, the hilarity and arrogance hasn't at all returned, if it ever will.

Consider this instead, Step 2 of what's likely to be an almost infinite number of steps here. Step 1 was coming back and owning what I've got coming. Step 2 is just me laying down the truth.

Maybe it will help someone and maybe it won't. Either way though, for what it's worth, I owe at least that much to the guys who helped me here.

I almost wish I could say that some traumatic shit happened to make me cave.

It didn't.

It was nothing more than standing in line at a convenience store to pay for a cup of coffee.

Before it really registered, I had asked for a can, paid, walked out to my truck, opened it up, and stuffed a big, glorious wad in my pie-hole.

Shit. That's when it registered.

All that I had done. All the bravado. All the smack-talk.

Gone. Undone. Worthless.

I don't even remember how many days Quit I was then, because every one of those days went bye-bye in that one fucking moment. I know it was a lot, and I know how much it hurt to see them go.

So then, a choice: Do I come back to KTC the next day and fess up to my terrible behavior..?

Or do I just push that certain unpleasantness aside and go with the can instead..?

You know the choice I made - Going back to my habit was easier than coming back here.

You see, to come back here would be, in my mind at the time, pretty sucky. I'd have to publicly admit that I wasn't as awesome as I thought I was, that I was weak, and that most of you guys were stronger than me. I'd have to own all kinds of unpleasant admissions and I just didn't want to do it.

I agonized over it. I really did.

But I wasn't strong enough to make the right call.

So since then, I've been off and on... On my own. Sometimes not chewing for months and then other times convincing myself that one can won't hurt.

This, as you all know better than I, is unmitigated bullshit.

While some dudes can just quit things like tobacco on their own, with no support group, no accountability, and no problems, I'm obviously not one of them.

None of us are, or you wouldn't be here.

Admitting this to myself and owning my multiple weaknesses brought me back here.

And here's the ridiculously simple math:

SWJ On His Own + Tobacco = Disaster
SWJ And KTC + Tobacco = Quit

You see, I got past my 100 days and somehow became convinced that I'd been cured of my addiction. I stopped posting roll. I lost touch. I fell away.

And look what happened.

WTF. Am I going to be posting roll up in here when I'm 65 fucking years old..?

That's bullshit - I just want to be done.

But with me, I realize, this isn't the way it works. I WILL have to be posting roll in here 20 years from now, if I want to stay Quit.

Apparently, I just can't do it alone.

Which sucks in a lot of ways, but it is what it is.

So, here I am.

Humbled...

Embarrassed...

Ashamed...

Disappointed...

And firm in the belief that I need this place to kick this shit.

So bring it on - I deserve whatever you want to say, as I know how it works here.

For my part, I want to be done with this  along the way, if I'm able to regain some of the trust that we built together before, that sure would be nice.

But I expect it will take time, and I'm ready to do my part.

For now, no bullshit, no comedy, no awesomeness.

Just me, leaning on the accountability here, one day at a time.

Where have I read a very similar story?

Oh yeah, here..

SWJ, own this mistake. Learn from it. Do everything in your fucking power never to relive this again. Be the leader you were meant to be.

The past is the past. Fuck tomorrow. Quit today and we're awesome man.

[Nolaq]

Let's get it done SWJ.

Like looT says, good first step in deed.

[RAZD611]

Time seperates us from our addiction even though with all the time in the world we are still addicted.

Time also heals wounds. This is a big wound. Yet it is one that can heal with time.

[mule]

exactly why i am still here.....even if only for the few seconds it takes to post roll.

it matters....

we ain't ever gonna be fixed.

realizing that (finally ya dam tard) will save your life.....your example will hopefully prevent the same mistake.

don't trust you yet....that will take some time.....

but a helluva first step in the right direction.....

[ERDVM]

SWJ,
Glad you got back in here. You have helped me through some intense craves and I feel I need to be honest with you. I have some observations.

Before it really registered, I had asked for a can, paid, walked out to my truck, opened it up, and stuffed a big, glorious wad in my pie-hole.

Bullshit. I hear that a lot from cavers. Like you were in some kind of zombie trance. You had multiple opportunities to not cave. My 0.02? You were tired of being an addict. You thought you finally could

be done

. And wanted to prove it.

WTF. Am I going to be posting roll up in here when I'm 65 fucking years old..

I asked the very same thing. The answer? I don't know. Maybe. The only thing I know for certain is that I am quit today. That's it. I will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.


A good friend of yours said something that I will never forget. "It takes nuts to stay quit. Lots and lots of nuts!" You have showed some baby scrotum getting back in here. We will see if you have nuts or not.

PS - I would change your signature and HOF.

Vadge

[Grizzly25]

Understand that what I put down here is not intended or expected to get me right back where I was with this group. I don't at all expect to "slide right back" in or to post up shitloads of hilarity or arrogance. Believe me, the hilarity and arrogance hasn't at all returned, if it ever will.

Consider this instead, Step 2 of what's likely to be an almost infinite number of steps here. Step 1 was coming back and owning what I've got coming. Step 2 is just me laying down the truth.

Maybe it will help someone and maybe it won't. Either way though, for what it's worth, I owe at least that much to the guys who helped me here.

I almost wish I could say that some traumatic shit happened to make me cave.

It didn't.

It was nothing more than standing in line at a convenience store to pay for a cup of coffee.

Before it really registered, I had asked for a can, paid, walked out to my truck, opened it up, and stuffed a big, glorious wad in my pie-hole.

Shit. That's when it registered.

All that I had done. All the bravado. All the smack-talk.

Gone. Undone. Worthless.

I don't even remember how many days Quit I was then, because every one of those days went bye-bye in that one fucking moment. I know it was a lot, and I know how much it hurt to see them go.

So then, a choice: Do I come back to KTC the next day and fess up to my terrible behavior..?

Or do I just push that certain unpleasantness aside and go with the can instead..?

You know the choice I made - Going back to my habit was easier than coming back here.

You see, to come back here would be, in my mind at the time, pretty sucky. I'd have to publicly admit that I wasn't as awesome as I thought I was, that I was weak, and that most of you guys were stronger than me. I'd have to own all kinds of unpleasant admissions and I just didn't want to do it.

I agonized over it. I really did.

But I wasn't strong enough to make the right call.

So since then, I've been off and on... On my own. Sometimes not chewing for months and then other times convincing myself that one can won't hurt.

This, as you all know better than I, is unmitigated bullshit.

While some dudes can just quit things like tobacco on their own, with no support group, no accountability, and no problems, I'm obviously not one of them.

None of us are, or you wouldn't be here.

Admitting this to myself and owning my multiple weaknesses brought me back here.

And here's the ridiculously simple math:

SWJ On His Own + Tobacco = Disaster
SWJ And KTC + Tobacco = Quit

You see, I got past my 100 days and somehow became convinced that I'd been cured of my addiction. I stopped posting roll. I lost touch. I fell away.

And look what happened.

WTF. Am I going to be posting roll up in here when I'm 65 fucking years old..?

That's bullshit - I just want to be done.

But with me, I realize, this isn't the way it works. I WILL have to be posting roll in here 20 years from now, if I want to stay Quit.

Apparently, I just can't do it alone.

Which sucks in a lot of ways, but it is what it is.

So, here I am.

Humbled...

Embarrassed...

Ashamed...

Disappointed...

And firm in the belief that I need this place to kick this shit.

So bring it on - I deserve whatever you want to say, as I know how it works here.

For my part, I want to be done with this  along the way, if I'm able to regain some of the trust that we built together before, that sure would be nice.

But I expect it will take time, and I'm ready to do my part.

For now, no bullshit, no comedy, no awesomeness.

Just me, leaning on the accountability here, one day at a time.

Welcome back! I dont know you but i do know your addiction and shamefully i have the same!

I am happy to be quit with you and stay strong you wiil beat the bitch back!