Feeling pretty down today, but almost got Day 1 over with...
Not gonna feel sorry for you. Wondering if you have honor and guts.
CC I feel sorry for you.
I don't feel sorry for you because you got your ass reamed for caving. That should be a learning experience- that there is no acceptable reason to cave. Roll call is simple, it takes very little time. Honoring your promise for 24 hours... also not a big deal, especially as you get farther and farther from a day 1.
I don't feel sorry for you because your day 1 was shitty. I hope it was shitty, so shitty that you never want to go through it again... so shitty that you wake up in a cold sweat thinking about what it would be like if you ever had to go through it again.
I don't feel sorry because you have feelings of shame over your cave- you should be ashamed, there was no reason for it.
I feel sorry for you because despite all of these things I still wonder if you truly understand what went wrong.... I spent decades trying to shed this addiction. Each time I "quit" for a few hours to a few days, I crawled my way back into the can wondering why I couldn't stay quit... why the fear of cancer wasn't enough, why I would go back knowing fully well that some day the white sores on my bottom lip might not heal... I wondered why it wasn't enough seeing people who had to cover the hole in their trach to speak. I wonder if this is still you? That each cave has been an "accident" that you couldn't help?
You can post roll every damn day at 12:01 am, give 500 quitters your number and get involved with 30 different texting groups and read the site from front to back every waking hour. The bottom line is if you don't want this bad enough, you will fail. If your word means less than seeking temporary relief from withdrawal symptoms- you will fail. I see you promising the same things that so many others promise when they return... I'll post roll, i'll do it early, I'll be involved, I'll exchange numbers... yada yada yada... all good things to do, but so often they are just hot air expelled giving the answers that you know are what you SHOULD do.
In the morning when you come to post roll, I want you to take 5 minutes to think about what you are doing. Look down the list of names and envision yourself shaking their hands, giving them your word, just as if you were looking them in the eye. Think about what roll call MEANS- not just a place to put your name and number, but a PROMISE made. Before you put your name and number on that line, think about how many people you will let down if you lie to them on rollcall. If you find that you cannot make the promise for CERTAIN that you will not use nicotine for the day, do not put your name on rollcall. Go over to general discussion or emergency cave prevention and admit that you cannot make your promise for the day because the need to feed your addiction has overpowered your will to stay quit.
The key to staying quit is very simple in concept.
1. Post Roll
2. Honor your promise
3. Repeat.
There are no conditional steps. all 3 are to be done without fail, no matter what is going on in life, no matter how bad the crave is. 24 hours is all we ask. It can be done.
Shit or get off the pot. Never Again, For Any Reason.
