Intro: Scared to death

[CaliforniaSlim]

I have already caught myself saying,"  well  I already have cancer, who gives a shit. "

Be very clear, it isn't you thinking that. It is the nicbitch whispering in your brain. You know you care, or, like others have said, you wouldn't be here.
You are quit for today, so figure out how you will get through. You will start to feel the pride that comes with kicking nics ass every damn day.

[Mthomas3824]

COULD BE ALOT OF THINGS. INFECTION, STAPH, BLOCKED SALIVARY GLAND, HYPERACTIVE LYMPH NODE, AIDS, AMONG OTHERS.

THE ONE THING YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW IS KEEP THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR PIE HOLE. YOU CAN DO THIS.

but I have already caught myself saying," well I already have cancer, who gives a shit.

I BET THEY DO 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant

Yeah sneaky nic bitch. You give a shit. You do. That's why you are here.

Scared straight? I honestly never feared cancer from the can. So this is a part that I really can't relate. I just realized one day that there is no point to it but I couldn't just stop it. I am addicted.

I don't like the mess, the lies, giving up sleep so that I can dip in peace. I just stoped loving it on March 14th, 2012 and KTC lead me to freedom.

Remember your addiction is speaking to you but you do give a shit and all you need to do is stay quit today and forget thinking about being quit tomorrow or forever. Just quit and keep your word when you wake and its today.

Things work out and you deal with life on life's terms. Fear and Faith cannot be present at the same time. Start believing that you can be quit today and you do give a shit.

Your addicted mind is tricky. Really sit back and ask your non addicted mind, Do you still love her and is the fear you deal with worth humping the can again? You will see the lies more clearly and knock the nic bitch out today.

Dismiss her and start believing in your quit right now!!!!! You got this and will prefer not having nicotine in your life or around your loved ones.

[RAZD611]

COULD BE ALOT OF THINGS. INFECTION, STAPH, BLOCKED SALIVARY GLAND, HYPERACTIVE LYMPH NODE, AIDS, AMONG OTHERS.

THE ONE THING YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW IS KEEP THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR PIE HOLE. YOU CAN DO THIS.

but I have already caught myself saying," well I already have cancer, who gives a shit.

I BET THEY DO 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant

[Dougie]

Nothing new to add other than be a Badass Quitter today.

[Greg5280]

Be very careful with diagnosing yourself or allowing your mind to run wild with "what could be". I was probably the biggest hypochondriac on the planet early in my quit. I diagnosed myself with mouth cancer, throat cancer, heart problems, I think I even diagnosed myself with ovarian cancer... I would get myself so worked up about having cancer or some other fatal ailment that I would crank my anxiety to the point I would have panic attacks. I thought more than once I was having a heart attack, could not catch my breath, heart pounding, sweating, thought I was going to die.

I eneded up in the ER more than once, didn't sleep well for months, worried myself so much I puked at times. I went to the doctor so many times she actually told me to stop coming to see her. Guess what they found? NOTHING... Even when I was sure my regular doc had missed something the other docs would confirm what she said and I was not going to die with my self diagnosed illnesses.

Here I am heading into my 4th year of quit... the anxiety is gone, I no longer self diagnose, I exercise daily, I enjoy my family, I enjoy my life.

Dump the shit and get to quitting, remember how scared you are right now as it will serve you well later.

Then go to the doctor and get checked out.

STAY QUIT
Greg

[Evil_Won]

I agree with everything said already and can't add much aside from the fact that the human body has remarkable self-healing capabilities. Stop dignosing yourself and listen to what the pros tell you. In the meantime stop self inflicting more damage by ingesting cancerous chemicals.

[beartrapper]

I wondered how long it would take someone to write back and all these responses came in minutes. Appreciated. I should have done this long ago. Nice to have someone that understands.

[AppleJack]

This roller coaster ride blows man. The "highs" so high that dippin' makes sense. The "lows" so low that dippin' makes sense. You get me? It never stops for us. You need to get off the ride. We can help with that bro. Your health? Just take a breath... It's probably not what you fear. It's already been said, your mind will screw you in this area. Fear and shame and worry... Running rampant, it's a bad recipe. I'm pm'ing you my number. Let's do this...

[jake frawley]

Well, here I am. Clearly should have done this a long time ago. I am afraid I am too late. I noticed some wierd swelling in my neck under my ear on the mastoid bone and it hurt a tad. Then other lymph nodes swelled up and I figured I had a cold. Buts its summer time..... but I kept on dipping. Then I had troulbe swallowing. It felt like I had something in my throat all the time. Then yesterday I am having jaw pain and my teeth feel loose. Basically every symptom that you can have for throat or oral cancer. This has been going on for over 2 weeks now.

So I made an appt with oral surgeon but I feel so stupid. I have "quit" before and usually it only last a couple days or hours even, with the "just one more" mentality. I have been scared about my health before, but as soon as the worrisome signs went away, I went right back to dipping.

Now I am screwed. I have looked at every symptom on the Interenet possible for swelling of the mastoid, jaw soreness, trouble swallowing and the only thing it could be a is a cancer of some type . I am so stupid. I feel like crying and I can't tell my wife or parents or anyone so I am just floating through the day here until Friday appointment day.

Background on myself here. I am 33 and started dipping when I was 17 or 18. Dipped in college and started smoking as well, and was more of a smoker than dipper during that time but really did both. Then I quit smoking in 2007 and just occasiaonly smoke when I drink or on fishing trips. I dip quit a bit though, usually a can every 1 1/2 days. My mouth gets tore up so I move it around, bottom, top, middle of both sides. I never want to look at my mouth because then it would make me quit, if that makes sense.

Now I might really have screwed this up. I have a 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant, due in August. What in the WORLD AM I DOING USING TOBACCO??? So stupid. I feel like an idiot, when just 2 weeks ago I would pop in a chew with no thought whatsoever.

I don't have any life insurance and my wife stays home with the kids. I have a good job, but how am I going to work and provide for my family if I am going through some kind of brutal cancer treatment. Am I going to really die? Am I really going to go and get diagnosed with some type of horrible lymphoma?

Also, I am the process of getting a new job. Have another interview next week hopefully and what am I supposed to do? Do I tell my new job that I have freaking cancer? What a disaster.

So I am a 33 year old dipper with very little savings, looking for a new job, with 2 kids and a baby and I just wrecked it all? Is this really happening?

Regardless, I somehow managed to still dip during this emotional crisis. I have bot 6 cans and done one chew out of them before throwing them away, once again convinced I have cancer. I quit again yesterday at 8am and and now 28 hours in. Using Smokey Mountain to curb the itch, but I have already caught myself saying," well I already have cancer, who gives a shit. "

Any thoughts welcome. I will post roll as well once I figure out how to do it.

Do you have cancer? Maybe! But the odds are in favor that it is something else! You have to be careful looking online at symptoms! It makes you see everything. It makes you start rubbing your neck and jaw to check for swelling, and even doing that a little can start making your neck and jaw sore.... So then you become convinced of symptoms. My doctor ordered me to stop looking online cause I was making myself crazy. Then the symptoms went away. The mind is a powerful thing. It is summer but I just had a week long sinus infection that made my throat sore and face hurt.... The season does not matter! You need to relax until you go to the doctor! It can be 100 different things. Don't stress about what you can't control at the moment! As far as quitting... THAT you can control this moment! Its a minute, by hour by day commitment that you CAN control! Quit now and then on Friday when you get a clean bill of health you will be that much happier! You will get peace and be over the Nicotine addiction as it has left your body after 72 hrs! This needs to be done for you and not out of fear or for others like your kids or wife. They can motivate you but they cannot be the reason! This is a lifelong addiction and it will take YOUR will power not theirs! I am glad you are here and I will help in anyway I can. Send me a PM and I will give you my number! I quit once for the same fear you are going through right now, and I urge you to quit for more then fear. When you get a clean bill of health it is not an excuse to go back to dipping. It's the opposite! A reason to continue in the best decision you have ever made!

[OneImpressiveBall]

Well, here I am.  Clearly should have done this a long time ago.  I am afraid I am too late.  I noticed some wierd swelling in my neck under my ear on the mastoid bone and it hurt a tad.  Then other lymph nodes swelled up and I figured I had a cold.  Buts its summer time..... but I kept on dipping.   Then I had troulbe swallowing.  It felt like I had something in my throat all the time.  Then yesterday I am having jaw pain and my teeth feel loose.  Basically every symptom that you can have for throat or oral cancer.   This has been going on for over 2 weeks now.

So I made an appt with oral surgeon but I feel so stupid.  I have "quit" before and usually it only last a couple days or hours even, with the "just one more" mentality.  I have been scared about my health before, but as soon as the worrisome signs went away, I went right back to dipping. 

Now I am screwed.  I have looked at every symptom on the Interenet possible for swelling of the mastoid, jaw soreness, trouble swallowing and the only thing it could be a is a cancer of some type .  I am so stupid.  I feel like crying and I can't tell my wife or parents or anyone so I am just floating through the day here until Friday appointment day.

Background on myself here.  I am 33 and started dipping when I was 17 or 18.   Dipped in college and started smoking as well, and was more of a smoker than dipper during that time but really did both.  Then I quit smoking in 2007 and just occasiaonly smoke when I drink or on fishing trips.   I dip quit a bit though, usually a can every 1 1/2 days.    My mouth gets tore up so I move it around, bottom, top, middle of both sides.  I never want to look at my mouth because then it would make me quit, if that makes sense.   

Now I might really have screwed this up.  I have a 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant, due in August.  What in the WORLD AM I DOING USING TOBACCO???  So stupid.  I feel like an idiot, when just 2 weeks ago I would pop in a chew with no thought whatsoever. 

I don't have any life insurance and my wife stays home with the kids. I have a good job, but how am I going to work and provide for my family if I am going through some kind of brutal cancer treatment.  Am I going to really die?  Am I really going to go and get diagnosed with some type of horrible lymphoma?

Also, I am the process of getting a new job.  Have another interview next week hopefully and what am I supposed to do?   Do I tell my new job that I have freaking cancer?  What a disaster. 

So I am a 33 year old dipper with very little savings, looking for a new job, with 2 kids and a baby and I just wrecked it all?  Is this really happening?  

Regardless,  I somehow managed to still dip during this emotional crisis.  I have bot 6 cans and done one chew out of them before throwing them away, once again convinced I have cancer.  I quit again yesterday at 8am and and now 28 hours in.  Using Smokey Mountain to curb the itch, but I have already caught myself saying,"  well  I already have cancer, who gives a shit. "

Any thoughts welcome.  I will post roll as well once I figure out how to do it.

Ok. You are scared to death and are dealing with a lot.

Lets make this easy.
1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems.

Lets focus on what you can control, nicotine. Hit the welcome center link: index.php?showforum=13

and read it. Read it again. Then execute. Focus on today only. No matter if you are sick or not, stop the stupidity today. This site has the tools to make it happen. The choice is yours.

BearTrapper,
You have come to the right place you have people already on the way to help you. We do things one day at a time here or ODAAT like SCO just said lets focus on what we can do here and that is get you to stop using tobacco. I know you have a full plate right now so sit back and just breath right now. ODAAT bro

PM if you need my number.
T

I can't really add to what's been said. Keep your focus on the one thing you can control: abstaining from nicotine. We can help you with that. We'd LOVE to help you with that. Toss every bit of nicotine in every form, even the stash in your golf bag, and kick that "I already have cancer so who cares" mentality right out. Go to the doctor on Friday. Hope. Pray. Whatever you need to do to cope with the things that you CANNOT control. But grab the reins on your addiction and get nicotine out of your life. As Sco said, start with the Welcome Center.

[Roamcountry]

Well, here I am. Clearly should have done this a long time ago. I am afraid I am too late. I noticed some wierd swelling in my neck under my ear on the mastoid bone and it hurt a tad. Then other lymph nodes swelled up and I figured I had a cold. Buts its summer time..... but I kept on dipping. Then I had troulbe swallowing. It felt like I had something in my throat all the time. Then yesterday I am having jaw pain and my teeth feel loose. Basically every symptom that you can have for throat or oral cancer. This has been going on for over 2 weeks now.

So I made an appt with oral surgeon but I feel so stupid. I have "quit" before and usually it only last a couple days or hours even, with the "just one more" mentality. I have been scared about my health before, but as soon as the worrisome signs went away, I went right back to dipping.

Now I am screwed. I have looked at every symptom on the Interenet possible for swelling of the mastoid, jaw soreness, trouble swallowing and the only thing it could be a is a cancer of some type . I am so stupid. I feel like crying and I can't tell my wife or parents or anyone so I am just floating through the day here until Friday appointment day.

Background on myself here. I am 33 and started dipping when I was 17 or 18. Dipped in college and started smoking as well, and was more of a smoker than dipper during that time but really did both. Then I quit smoking in 2007 and just occasiaonly smoke when I drink or on fishing trips. I dip quit a bit though, usually a can every 1 1/2 days. My mouth gets tore up so I move it around, bottom, top, middle of both sides. I never want to look at my mouth because then it would make me quit, if that makes sense.

Now I might really have screwed this up. I have a 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant, due in August. What in the WORLD AM I DOING USING TOBACCO??? So stupid. I feel like an idiot, when just 2 weeks ago I would pop in a chew with no thought whatsoever.

I don't have any life insurance and my wife stays home with the kids. I have a good job, but how am I going to work and provide for my family if I am going through some kind of brutal cancer treatment. Am I going to really die? Am I really going to go and get diagnosed with some type of horrible lymphoma?

Also, I am the process of getting a new job. Have another interview next week hopefully and what am I supposed to do? Do I tell my new job that I have freaking cancer? What a disaster.

So I am a 33 year old dipper with very little savings, looking for a new job, with 2 kids and a baby and I just wrecked it all? Is this really happening?

Regardless, I somehow managed to still dip during this emotional crisis. I have bot 6 cans and done one chew out of them before throwing them away, once again convinced I have cancer. I quit again yesterday at 8am and and now 28 hours in. Using Smokey Mountain to curb the itch, but I have already caught myself saying," well I already have cancer, who gives a shit. "

Any thoughts welcome. I will post roll as well once I figure out how to do it.

Cried my eyes out many a time thinking I had cancer, still dream about it all the time too. Scowicks right, lets focus on quitting and stop oushing the poison in your system. There are some who have had cancer and will tell you thier first thought after being diagnosed was "I want a dip". Deal with your addiction....quit with you today.

[traumagnet]

Well, here I am.  Clearly should have done this a long time ago.  I am afraid I am too late.  I noticed some wierd swelling in my neck under my ear on the mastoid bone and it hurt a tad.  Then other lymph nodes swelled up and I figured I had a cold.  Buts its summer time..... but I kept on dipping.  Then I had troulbe swallowing.  It felt like I had something in my throat all the time.  Then yesterday I am having jaw pain and my teeth feel loose.  Basically every symptom that you can have for throat or oral cancer.  This has been going on for over 2 weeks now.

So I made an appt with oral surgeon but I feel so stupid.  I have "quit" before and usually it only last a couple days or hours even, with the "just one more" mentality.  I have been scared about my health before, but as soon as the worrisome signs went away, I went right back to dipping. 

Now I am screwed.  I have looked at every symptom on the Interenet possible for swelling of the mastoid, jaw soreness, trouble swallowing and the only thing it could be a is a cancer of some type .  I am so stupid.  I feel like crying and I can't tell my wife or parents or anyone so I am just floating through the day here until Friday appointment day.

Background on myself here.  I am 33 and started dipping when I was 17 or 18.  Dipped in college and started smoking as well, and was more of a smoker than dipper during that time but really did both.  Then I quit smoking in 2007 and just occasiaonly smoke when I drink or on fishing trips.  I dip quit a bit though, usually a can every 1 1/2 days.    My mouth gets tore up so I move it around, bottom, top, middle of both sides.  I never want to look at my mouth because then it would make me quit, if that makes sense.   

Now I might really have screwed this up.  I have a 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant, due in August.  What in the WORLD AM I DOING USING TOBACCO???  So stupid.  I feel like an idiot, when just 2 weeks ago I would pop in a chew with no thought whatsoever. 

I don't have any life insurance and my wife stays home with the kids. I have a good job, but how am I going to work and provide for my family if I am going through some kind of brutal cancer treatment.  Am I going to really die?  Am I really going to go and get diagnosed with some type of horrible lymphoma?

Also, I am the process of getting a new job.  Have another interview next week hopefully and what am I supposed to do?  Do I tell my new job that I have freaking cancer?  What a disaster. 

So I am a 33 year old dipper with very little savings, looking for a new job, with 2 kids and a baby and I just wrecked it all?  Is this really happening? 

Regardless,  I somehow managed to still dip during this emotional crisis.  I have bot 6 cans and done one chew out of them before throwing them away, once again convinced I have cancer.  I quit again yesterday at 8am and and now 28 hours in.  Using Smokey Mountain to curb the itch, but I have already caught myself saying,"  well  I already have cancer, who gives a shit. "

Any thoughts welcome.  I will post roll as well once I figure out how to do it.

Ok. You are scared to death and are dealing with a lot.

Lets make this easy.
1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems.

Lets focus on what you can control, nicotine. Hit the welcome center link: index.php?showforum=13

and read it. Read it again. Then execute. Focus on today only. No matter if you are sick or not, stop the stupidity today. This site has the tools to make it happen. The choice is yours.

BearTrapper,
You have come to the right place you have people already on the way to help you. We do things one day at a time here or ODAAT like SCO just said lets focus on what we can do here and that is get you to stop using tobacco. I know you have a full plate right now so sit back and just breath right now. ODAAT bro

PM if you need my number.
T

[iizphilister]

Well, here I am. Clearly should have done this a long time ago. I am afraid I am too late. I noticed some wierd swelling in my neck under my ear on the mastoid bone and it hurt a tad. Then other lymph nodes swelled up and I figured I had a cold. Buts its summer time..... but I kept on dipping. Then I had troulbe swallowing. It felt like I had something in my throat all the time. Then yesterday I am having jaw pain and my teeth feel loose. Basically every symptom that you can have for throat or oral cancer. This has been going on for over 2 weeks now.

So I made an appt with oral surgeon but I feel so stupid. I have "quit" before and usually it only last a couple days or hours even, with the "just one more" mentality. I have been scared about my health before, but as soon as the worrisome signs went away, I went right back to dipping.

Now I am screwed. I have looked at every symptom on the Interenet possible for swelling of the mastoid, jaw soreness, trouble swallowing and the only thing it could be a is a cancer of some type . I am so stupid. I feel like crying and I can't tell my wife or parents or anyone so I am just floating through the day here until Friday appointment day.

Background on myself here. I am 33 and started dipping when I was 17 or 18. Dipped in college and started smoking as well, and was more of a smoker than dipper during that time but really did both. Then I quit smoking in 2007 and just occasiaonly smoke when I drink or on fishing trips. I dip quit a bit though, usually a can every 1 1/2 days. My mouth gets tore up so I move it around, bottom, top, middle of both sides. I never want to look at my mouth because then it would make me quit, if that makes sense.

Now I might really have screwed this up. I have a 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant, due in August. What in the WORLD AM I DOING USING TOBACCO??? So stupid. I feel like an idiot, when just 2 weeks ago I would pop in a chew with no thought whatsoever.

I don't have any life insurance and my wife stays home with the kids. I have a good job, but how am I going to work and provide for my family if I am going through some kind of brutal cancer treatment. Am I going to really die? Am I really going to go and get diagnosed with some type of horrible lymphoma?

Also, I am the process of getting a new job. Have another interview next week hopefully and what am I supposed to do? Do I tell my new job that I have freaking cancer? What a disaster.

So I am a 33 year old dipper with very little savings, looking for a new job, with 2 kids and a baby and I just wrecked it all? Is this really happening?

Regardless, I somehow managed to still dip during this emotional crisis. I have bot 6 cans and done one chew out of them before throwing them away, once again convinced I have cancer. I quit again yesterday at 8am and and now 28 hours in. Using Smokey Mountain to curb the itch, but I have already caught myself saying," well I already have cancer, who gives a shit. "

Any thoughts welcome. I will post roll as well once I figure out how to do it.

You are in the right place. I am going to PM you my number, call me or txt me and I will walk you through Posting.

This place is a life-saver. But YOU have to put the work in and submit yourself to REAL accountability. That's what we are all about.

My name is Phil, and I quit with you today!

[Scowick65]

Well, here I am. Clearly should have done this a long time ago. I am afraid I am too late. I noticed some wierd swelling in my neck under my ear on the mastoid bone and it hurt a tad. Then other lymph nodes swelled up and I figured I had a cold. Buts its summer time..... but I kept on dipping. Then I had troulbe swallowing. It felt like I had something in my throat all the time. Then yesterday I am having jaw pain and my teeth feel loose. Basically every symptom that you can have for throat or oral cancer. This has been going on for over 2 weeks now.

So I made an appt with oral surgeon but I feel so stupid. I have "quit" before and usually it only last a couple days or hours even, with the "just one more" mentality. I have been scared about my health before, but as soon as the worrisome signs went away, I went right back to dipping.

Now I am screwed. I have looked at every symptom on the Interenet possible for swelling of the mastoid, jaw soreness, trouble swallowing and the only thing it could be a is a cancer of some type . I am so stupid. I feel like crying and I can't tell my wife or parents or anyone so I am just floating through the day here until Friday appointment day.

Background on myself here. I am 33 and started dipping when I was 17 or 18. Dipped in college and started smoking as well, and was more of a smoker than dipper during that time but really did both. Then I quit smoking in 2007 and just occasiaonly smoke when I drink or on fishing trips. I dip quit a bit though, usually a can every 1 1/2 days. My mouth gets tore up so I move it around, bottom, top, middle of both sides. I never want to look at my mouth because then it would make me quit, if that makes sense.

Now I might really have screwed this up. I have a 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant, due in August. What in the WORLD AM I DOING USING TOBACCO??? So stupid. I feel like an idiot, when just 2 weeks ago I would pop in a chew with no thought whatsoever.

I don't have any life insurance and my wife stays home with the kids. I have a good job, but how am I going to work and provide for my family if I am going through some kind of brutal cancer treatment. Am I going to really die? Am I really going to go and get diagnosed with some type of horrible lymphoma?

Also, I am the process of getting a new job. Have another interview next week hopefully and what am I supposed to do? Do I tell my new job that I have freaking cancer? What a disaster.

So I am a 33 year old dipper with very little savings, looking for a new job, with 2 kids and a baby and I just wrecked it all? Is this really happening?

Regardless, I somehow managed to still dip during this emotional crisis. I have bot 6 cans and done one chew out of them before throwing them away, once again convinced I have cancer. I quit again yesterday at 8am and and now 28 hours in. Using Smokey Mountain to curb the itch, but I have already caught myself saying," well I already have cancer, who gives a shit. "

Any thoughts welcome. I will post roll as well once I figure out how to do it.

Ok. You are scared to death and are dealing with a lot.

Lets make this easy.
1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems.

Lets focus on what you can control, nicotine. Hit the welcome center link: index.php?showforum=13

and read it. Read it again. Then execute. Focus on today only. No matter if you are sick or not, stop the stupidity today. This site has the tools to make it happen. The choice is yours.

[beartrapper]

Well, here I am. Clearly should have done this a long time ago. I am afraid I am too late. I noticed some wierd swelling in my neck under my ear on the mastoid bone and it hurt a tad. Then other lymph nodes swelled up and I figured I had a cold. Buts its summer time..... but I kept on dipping. Then I had troulbe swallowing. It felt like I had something in my throat all the time. Then yesterday I am having jaw pain and my teeth feel loose. Basically every symptom that you can have for throat or oral cancer. This has been going on for over 2 weeks now.

So I made an appt with oral surgeon but I feel so stupid. I have "quit" before and usually it only last a couple days or hours even, with the "just one more" mentality. I have been scared about my health before, but as soon as the worrisome signs went away, I went right back to dipping.

Now I am screwed. I have looked at every symptom on the Interenet possible for swelling of the mastoid, jaw soreness, trouble swallowing and the only thing it could be a is a cancer of some type . I am so stupid. I feel like crying and I can't tell my wife or parents or anyone so I am just floating through the day here until Friday appointment day.

Background on myself here. I am 33 and started dipping when I was 17 or 18. Dipped in college and started smoking as well, and was more of a smoker than dipper during that time but really did both. Then I quit smoking in 2007 and just occasiaonly smoke when I drink or on fishing trips. I dip quit a bit though, usually a can every 1 1/2 days. My mouth gets tore up so I move it around, bottom, top, middle of both sides. I never want to look at my mouth because then it would make me quit, if that makes sense.

Now I might really have screwed this up. I have a 4 year old girl, a 2 1/2 year old son and my wife is 6 months pregnant, due in August. What in the WORLD AM I DOING USING TOBACCO??? So stupid. I feel like an idiot, when just 2 weeks ago I would pop in a chew with no thought whatsoever.

I don't have any life insurance and my wife stays home with the kids. I have a good job, but how am I going to work and provide for my family if I am going through some kind of brutal cancer treatment. Am I going to really die? Am I really going to go and get diagnosed with some type of horrible lymphoma?

Also, I am the process of getting a new job. Have another interview next week hopefully and what am I supposed to do? Do I tell my new job that I have freaking cancer? What a disaster.

So I am a 33 year old dipper with very little savings, looking for a new job, with 2 kids and a baby and I just wrecked it all? Is this really happening?

Regardless, I somehow managed to still dip during this emotional crisis. I have bot 6 cans and done one chew out of them before throwing them away, once again convinced I have cancer. I quit again yesterday at 8am and and now 28 hours in. Using Smokey Mountain to curb the itch, but I have already caught myself saying," well I already have cancer, who gives a shit. "

Any thoughts welcome. I will post roll as well once I figure out how to do it.