SRains918

[SRains918]

7/25/18 @ 09:04

I just want to take a minute and thank you all. Holy shit. 300. It's hard to believe, and at the same time it's not.

I'm grateful to all of my January brothers and sisters, whether they're still posting with us or not. I'm proud as FUCK to be making this journey with you all, and you've all helped me in one form or another over the course of the last 300 days. THANK YOU!!!

I'm incredibly thankful for all of the "crusty old vets" that have helped me (and put up with my bullshit) along the way. Every single one of you is an example of what's possible for those of us that are following you, as long as we follow that simple formula. WUPPEDD. It works. I see that every day with you all that are still posting at 500, 1000, 2000, and more. My 300 is but a drop in the bucket...

You "newbies" - I want to thank you too. Part of the reason I've made it this far is watching you struggling early in YOUR quits. It helps remind me where I've been, what I don't want to go through again, and how hard this truly is. If you're reading this and thinking about quitting - do it. Now. It's going to SUCK, but once you get through it's incredible!

Thank you all for being a part of my own personal quit journey. There is no f'n way I could do this on my own!!!

On to 400, ODAAFT!!!

[SRains918]

7/16/18 @ 13:51

291 Days

Dear Intro,

I've had a few weird days from time to time over the last couple of weeks. Not craves per se, more like "You can have just one, it'll help you with..." and then I quickly come to my senses. I know there isn't ANYTHING that dip can do to "help" with anything. I've jumped off that bridge before (as I've mentioned here and there throughout the site) and learned my lesson... No chance of a cave during that time, it was just a bit odd so I threw it in here because I know it's not just me...

Quite honestly, things are fan-fucking-tastic beyond that. Craves are few and far between. I'm not as much of an asshole, or at least not as committed to being one, as I was for the first couple hundred. I still have my moments I suppose... Overall, things are GREAT!

Hard to believe third floor is right around the corner... Then a year... Wow...

Finally ran out and bought a scale over the weekend. This fat guy gained another 45 pounds (that I didn't need) over the last 291 days or so quitting dip. Totally my fault, and I think a fair amount of that can also be attributed to not coaching soccer any more as well (I'm walking about a mile and a half to two miles less per day). So, Patty and I ran out and did what many other empty nesters before us have done - we started buying stuff to turn a spare room into a simple home gym. We spent about $75 on Offer-up for an inclining treadmill and an elliptical with a bike attachment. We got rid of my larger desk and filing cabinet and downsized to something that fits a little better at no cost. We got the stereo set up, as well as a TV, to keep ourselves entertained and picked up a ceiling fan that will eventually find it's way into our grandsons room (for now though, it can help keep US cooler). I also cancelled my gym membership that I haven't been using, so the room will pay for itself in a couple of months. That may seem counterproductive (cancelling the gym), but it just pissed me off to see it debited from my account every month and not get used. It's too hot to walk at any point really right now, so I think this will work out perfectly... I'm going to track my food, start meal prepping, and work out at home daily. That's the plan anyway, and I'll post progress here to keep myself accountable.

No time to get cocky or complacent. I know better. I stopped a year and a half on my own before I fell off. That's not gonna happen this time. I won't let it, ODAAT.

[SRains918]

7/10/18 @ 08:55

Everything I've done up to this
point in my life has led me to
where I am today; and I'm pretty
fucking happy about it. All of my
decisions, both good and bad, got
me here. I regret nothing.

Author Unknown

[SRains918]

7/5/18 @ 10:33


Sent this message to someone and posted in a couple of the newer groups, but wanted to preserve it here in my intro as well.


**********************************************************************************************

Name Withheld,

I haven't mentioned this to anyone and I won't. I did read it back when you wrote it, but was on my phone and didn't want to reply from there (it's a little tougher when you have a lot you want to say). By the time I did log on to my laptop (I tried to stay off my PC while I was on vacation), I decided to let it stew a little more so I could put some real thought into it and NOT react or reply emotionally. I am going to post this (with anything that might identify you removed first) in some of the newer groups though because now that I've started replying I think it can potentially help some of the newer quitters.

I knew why you left. You didn't have to say it. You can't say "It wasn't the addict mind" and "The nicotine isn't what keeps me going back" without at least acknowledging that these things both come from the dreaded "Addict-speak" we hear so much about and come to hate. You wanted to dip. You planned to cave. You left. End of story.

The fact of the matter is that nicotine is every bit as addictive and difficult to quit as heroin. Let that sink in for just a minute... All of the health risks associated with use aside, this shit is every bit as hard to quit as FUCKING HEROIN!!! They'll strap your ass down and give you other drugs for quitting that addiction cold turkey when you try to quit though. Nicotine is freaking legal, so quitting is up to you and you're pretty much on your own.

That's one of the reasons we're all such assholes as we quit, and the root of why we all go through the same things at approximately the same times in our quits. The chemicals in tobacco, much much worse and more concentrated in dip and delivered directly into your bloodstream through your mouth, quickly wire your brain in such a way that you associate pretty much everything positive with that nicotine fix and most things negative with the absence of that fix. It takes weeks or months to form these connections initially, they grow stronger the longer you dip (or smoke), and then it literally takes YEARS to overcome this and re-wire yourself when you quit.

I know quite a few people that have quit smoking. I don't know a single person that has successfully quit dip, outside the people that I know through KTC. Their stories. The things the people before me have gone through. The struggles. The wins. The things that work (for them). The things that don't. Seeing people posting daily with over 1K days quit. These are the things that have helped me so far. These are the things (in some cases) that have scared the shit out of me and kept me posting daily. I'm not a kid. My kids are grown. The time (31 years or so) I spent playing Russian Roulette with tobacco will be in the back of my mind for the rest of my life. Did I wait too long? I can't and won't ever know the answer to that unless something obvious happens in the near future. What I do know is that the best thing to do is to never, ever, EVER fucking start. The next best thing? Quit as early as possible, suffer through the withdrawal, and minimize the amount of time you spend poisoning your heart (or lungs, or mouth, or throat, or stomach, or colon). Today is the newest best day to quit.

I know you believe that "I know myself and I know this isn't a nicotine addiction talking", but that's exactly what that nic bitch wants you to believe. You will not be able to quit until you realize and understand that. When you're ready, truly ready to quit and be quit please let me know. I will be here to support you every step of the way, but you're going to have to answer those dreaded questions first and make a real commitment to quit... YOU can do this. You can quit. KTC can help if you'll drink the kool-aid and do all the right things...

Best of luck!

Steve

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[SRains918]

I posted this in a couple of the groups, but wanted it preserved here too...


Here I am at 279. Tomorrow is 40 weeks. I could have gotten pregnant the day I quit and the baby would be due tomorrow, and how's THAT for a beautiful mental image... The point is, it's been a while since I quit.

I was off Monday and my GF had some running around to do. My first thought was "Great, I'll have time to myself so I can..." and then I stopped myself. 279 days in and one of my first thoughts about having a little "alone" time was that I could throw a dip in and have peace and quiet while I watched the soccer game. I wasn't craving. I don't have and won't buy dip and no one in the house consumes nicotine in any form. I'm not (currently) in any danger of caving. It's just that the nic bitch has been so embedded into my every day life that those thoughts STILL pop up on their own from time to time because that's what my life used to revolve around.

Crazy...

Those little reminders of you winning should be savored. They ensure that you won’t forget the path you traveled to get to where you are. Freedom.

Happy Independence Day bro. ??????

[SRains918]

7/4/18 @ 11:04

I posted this in a couple of the groups, but wanted it preserved here too...


Here I am at 279. Tomorrow is 40 weeks. I could have gotten pregnant the day I quit and the baby would be due tomorrow, and how's THAT for a beautiful mental image... The point is, it's been a while since I quit.

I was off Monday and my GF had some running around to do. My first thought was "Great, I'll have time to myself so I can..." and then I stopped myself. 279 days in and one of my first thoughts about having a little "alone" time was that I could throw a dip in and have peace and quiet while I watched the soccer game. I wasn't craving. I don't have and won't buy dip and no one in the house consumes nicotine in any form. I'm not (currently) in any danger of caving. It's just that the nic bitch has been so embedded into my every day life that those thoughts STILL pop up on their own from time to time because that's what my life used to revolve around.

Crazy...

[SRains918]

Saving this space...

Trying to get one vortex out of my intro and this is where is belongs...

[SRains918]

Ya know, you just never know who's watching.  There are seeds we plant whose fruit we will never know.  Know that you watered my tree.  Because of that I've been able to go on and tend to others.  Thank-you for being a presence of stability and consistency

I can't second this enough brother. You've kept my quit strong, we don't talk enough but thats also cause I'm shit at texting. But you have helped me in my quit and I hope that I can one day return the favor and you can't leave this site, there's gonna be another newbie in the future you're gonna need to talk back from that ledge. You can't help everyone. I've washed my hands of a lot of people on here as sad as that is. But every minute I spend chasing down someone who isn't going to appreciate or use the help is a minute I'm not spending helping someone that actually needs the help and will actually listen to me.

Wow...

Thank you gentlemen. I mean that sincerely.

I am ok. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. That post was simply my thoughts on a period over the course of the last week or so that were difficult for me personally. It was a reflection on the fact that I contemplated doing something that I ultimately realized (and knew all along) would be a mistake.

You're all stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere.

[SRains918]

Ya know, you just never know who's watching.  There are seeds we plant whose fruit we will never know.  Know that you watered my tree.  Because of that I've been able to go on and tend to others.  Thank-you for being a presence of stability and consistency

I can't second this enough brother. You've kept my quit strong, we don't talk enough but thats also cause I'm shit at texting. But you have helped me in my quit and I hope that I can one day return the favor and you can't leave this site, there's gonna be another newbie in the future you're gonna need to talk back from that ledge. You can't help everyone. I've washed my hands of a lot of people on here as sad as that is. But every minute I spend chasing down someone who isn't going to appreciate or use the help is a minute I'm not spending helping someone that actually needs the help and will actually listen to me.

[SRains918]

Ya know, you just never know who's watching.  There are seeds we plant whose fruit we will never know.  Know that you watered my tree.  Because of that I've been able to go on and tend to others.  Thank-you for being a presence of stability and consistency

[SRains918]

5/16/18 @ 10:09

230 Days - Damn...

I think I mentioned a while back that I wasn't using this thread like I expected to. My initial plan was to document the crap out of my quit journey so I didn't forget anything. A funny thing happened on the way to doing that though - I realized it wasn't as important to me as I thought.

My quit journey has been interesting to say the least. My quit group was a shit show for a long time. It's funny I didn't recognize it as much when I was in the middle of it, but watching May '18 go through so damn much of the same things we did it really hit home for me. Don't get me wrong, I miss the fuck out of Dan, Jim, and Billy. I feel awful that I lost contact with them after they were banned. A lot of that had to do with the time required for me to conduct. A lot of it had to do with my being in the middle of making a playoff push for my final HS soccer season as a coach. Neither of those things are acceptable excuses. I miss the fuck out of my brothers and understand why some of those guys in May don't want to let go.

So, I've spent a lot of time thinking about trying to reconnect with those guys. Someone started a GroupMe and I jumped right in because I wanted to catch up. That turned into a fucking nightmare though. Too many of the wrong people there and it basically turned into an ambush on those guys. Maybe it was exactly what it was supposed to be but I was too naive to realize it going in (I don't believe that, but have to admit it's possible). Either way, I'm pretty sure that killed off any remaining hope I had to talk to them. I can't reach out now... Crap, one of the posts I saw before I bailed on the group was "Why the fuck would we want to reconnect?". That hurt, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it was said.

This didn't come close to hurting my quit. I feel like that's strong enough to withstand quite a bit at this point. I almost walked away from KTC though. I was going through a schedule change at work anyway, so I kinda thought "why the fuck not?". I wouldn't say that I was pissed about the group fiasco, but it was definitely discouraging. Many of those people are the same people I post with on here, and I just couldn't justify being a part of that any longer. I haven't done much other than P&G for a week. For several days I only posted roll in Jan '18 and March '18 instead of the 17-18 groups I try to hit. I've started getting all the 2018 groups again. I did today at least. And Oct '11. I feel like I owe a lot of my quit to Scott, especially in times like these when I am thinking of walking away. His words always have a way of bringing me back.

I'm sharing this here for those that think everything becomes all roses at some point. Life still happens. At 230 days I still get discouraged about things here (or offline) and think about walking away. The important thing is that I still know, even on my toughest days, that would be a mistake.

[SRains918]

Fishflorida-694- quit with Srains in his intro because it seems like the cool thing to do...

Congrats on 200 Amigo.

[SRains918]

Congrats on that 200 days quit !!

[SRains918]

2/12/18 @ 08:40

Day 137 - QLF ODAAT

Had a great meetup with Gottadoit and Skol on Friday night. Skol and I had been talking about a get together. Skol and Gottadoit had been talking about getting together. Then we all figured out we live 10-15 minutes apart. Didn't take much in the way of planning to meet Friday night over a few beers.

Still interested in putting together something for the local quitters (already posted in the meetup section). I know there's at least one more in Mesa, Jesse up in Flag, and John down in the Tucson area.

Meeting other quitters has been another nail in the nic bitches coffin for me. With that kind of accountability how can I possibly fail???

[SRains918]

Day 113

Whelp, I'm a dumbass.

No, I didn't cave...

I ignored myself. I ignored one of the things I constantly say and try to remind people. I forgot something I wrote in my fucking HOF speech (posted above so I can find it easily) a week or so ago.

One thing I learned early in my quit is that I'm not special, and neither are you. I spent a LOT of time that first week (and since) pouring through the info here on KTC, particularly the what to expect stuff found here and here. Anyone that says they don't go through those things at roughly the same times is full of crap. The DEGREE to which you experience it may vary, but you will go through it.

Welcome to my post-HOF funk!!! It's real folks...

The last few days I've wondered to varying degrees why the hell I'm still here and posting like I do.

Roll? Yeah, I'm going to keep doing that. I know it's important.
Support? Yeah, I'll keep posting below the line in the 2018 groups. I know that's important too.
Beyond that? No thanks. I'm done. Done with the drama. Done with watching everyone fog and rage and post ridiculous crap and fight over stupid shit. DONE!!!

Bullshit. That's what that is. It's the nic bitch picking at a small chink in my quit armor. It's that post-HOF fog that everyone (else???) goes through (but surely not ME)!!! Fuck that. That's bullshit.

I'm not through it yet. I'm still in the middle of it. I don't want to forget it though, so here I am in my intro posting about it. I recognize it so that must be good, right?

I WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOO!!!

Recognizing you are in a funk is huge... gives you strength to battle and awareness that you CAN win.
Mental health rest is a courageous effort to heal.
IQWYT