Introduction

[pky1520]

500 Days. I don't have time for a huge update, but I'm pretty proud of this milestone.

I want to speak to the folks who cruise these Intros and think about quitting. Freedom is achievable and it is worth it. Quitting seems like this big, scary thing, something that you can't succeed at because you're somehow different or your circumstances make it tougher for you. You aren't. Every single one of us thought we couldn't do it at some point. I had basically accepted that dipping would just be the thing that kills me someday - everyone has to die from something right?

From my view on the fifth floor, I can see that all that addict bullshit we tell ourselves is one big lie. Freedom is achievable and it is worth it. Whatever "It" is for you, I can tell you that being a person who doesn't dip anymore is totally, unequivocally worth every minute of It. It's worth the fog, the craves, the lost sleep, the gained weight, the aches, the pains and the "loss." It's worth it because I can enjoy my life not being anchored to some plastic can of carcinogens. It's worth it because I don't always have to keep tabs on the cans hidden around the house. It's worth it because my brain no longer needs some extra substance to enjoy the things I should be able to enjoy on my own. My mood is no longer controlled by my access to a chemical. My health and integrity is no longer the price I have to pay to feel "normal." It's worth it.

It's also achievable. 500 days is stupid to a using addict. There's no frame of reference for what that is. It might as well be 50 years. I'm quit as fuck, but I'm also still very aware that the only reason I made it 500 days is because I actively quit on every single one of them. I know that if I want to be quit for 501 days, I need to stay actively quit. At this point it requires less vigilance and less work, but it still requires vigilance and work. Making that promise every day and keeping it. That keeps me quit today and it will keep me quit tomorrow. There's nothing special about me. I did it because I dug into the system here and made it work for me. The only difference between me and the people who come here and fail is that I picked up and used the tools available here and they chose not to. It's a simple choice. Get with the program and Quit, or don't get with the program and good luck on your own.

Thank you to all of the folks who have been a supportive force. There's always a focus on the negativity that can happen here, but the fact is, 99% of the interactions I've had here have been positive or at least constructive. This is a community of hard ass, quit as fuck, SOBs - that will drop everything to pick you up. If you put in, you will get back tenfold. Thank you all for helping to take me this far. Keep on quitting, stay focused and move forward.

[ChickDip]

500!!!

Congrats on your half dangle, pky!!!

'party2' 'party2' 'party2' 'party2'

Congrats pky on that half dangle!

[FLLipOut]

500!!!

Congrats on your half dangle, pky!!!

'party2' 'party2' 'party2' 'party2'

[pky1520]

Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.

Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.

Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.

My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.

I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.

The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.

So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.

We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!

Hey man It is now September and I thought Id check in.

Im in the booze biz in a big way. People getting drunk and falling down is what pays my electric bill. Im fortunate to be able to have a drink and stop. Many are not, and it sounds like you are one of them. Im glad you have recognized this and made adjustments. Out of control alcohol will destroy your life. That's right, a guy who pays his bills on booze is encouraging you to take part of his paycheck away. Ponder that for a minute.

Thanks for checking in - I appreciate the thoughts. It's been a good month. I'm sitting here in a pair of pants that I couldn't fit into when I made that post, along with a clear head.

I've kept the booze under control. I haven't given it up entirely, but I went the month of August (and the beginning of September) without waking up with a hangover. I've been up front with the people close to me about what's going on and they are helping to keep me honest. I've also used the groups here as an invaluable resource.

The trick will be maintaining the momentum. While most of the time I have no problem drinking responsibly, I also recognize that it's in me to lose control and to give in to destructive tendencies. Just like with nicotine, it's just going to require the will to win every single day.

Again, thanks for checking in.

[worktowin]

Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.

Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.

Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.

My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.

I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.

The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.

So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.

We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!

Hey man It is now September and I thought Id check in.

Im in the booze biz in a big way. People getting drunk and falling down is what pays my electric bill. Im fortunate to be able to have a drink and stop. Many are not, and it sounds like you are one of them. Im glad you have recognized this and made adjustments. Out of control alcohol will destroy your life. That's right, a guy who pays his bills on booze is encouraging you to take part of his paycheck away. Ponder that for a minute.

[PhuctUp]

Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.

Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.

Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.

My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.

I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.

The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.

So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.

We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!

[FLLipOut]

I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change

Okay, okay, fine...but you still plan to kick Fish's butt to the curb in the weight loss competition, right? Don't let us down! 'Popcorn'

[pky1520]

Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.

Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.

Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.

My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.

I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.

The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.

So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.

[Steakbomb18]

I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.

That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.

When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.

Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.

This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.

Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.

What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.

My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.

I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.

For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.

Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.

Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.

Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.

Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.

With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.

you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.

Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.

There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:

https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test

Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!

If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.

You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.

I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.

Phuct - thank you for taking the time and for such a thoughtful response. The outpouring of support from this community over the past 24 hours has been unbelievable.

I took the test you provided, as well as a few others. The results on all have come back as "At Risk" or "Marginal." I think that's about where I am. I have been headed down a dangerous path, but haven't yet stepped over the edge. I think the fact that I'm even at this point is concerning enough. Like I'm right now at the point with Alcohol that I was when I started dipping a lot. I can turn around now before it develops into a serious issue.

So my plan is to try the month of August without any alcohol and then take it from there. I've got a few family events where it could get awkward, but I'm going to explain my tee-totaling as a month long detox to assist in my weight loss. If it becomes more permanent, then I will have to have a deeper conversation with my family, but for now, this seems like the right approach.

This thing is ODAAT anyway, so I'm not really ready to think in terms of "forever." For the time being, I'm staying 100% sober and I'll tackle tomorrow when it gets here.

Thank you again for the support and I will be sure to update on my situation periodically.

As nicotine addicts, one of the many chains she wraps around us is the "self-medicating" chain. This is a tough chain to break free from. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - and many addicts self medicate with her. Over time, this becomes a state of the norm and without her our "anxiety" increases, and hence we again self-medicate. Now, I'm not jumping to any conclusions here, but it sounds like alcohol is serving as a substitute for nicotine. In essence, you're self medicating with it to cope with something. At the end of the day, it too is not a healthy behavior and the short of it is, you need to make sure a new chain doesn't wrap itself around you.

Lastly, you mentioned that coming back to the intro pages was a first step for you because it helped get you to where you are on the nicotine front. Well, maybe you should post up a Day 1 on this page: topic/1003099/3922/

Be strong brother.

[pky1520]

I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.

That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.

When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.

Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.

This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.

Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.

What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.

My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.

I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.

For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.

Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.

Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.

Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.

Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.

With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.

you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.

Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.

There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:

https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test

Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!

If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.

You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.

I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.

Phuct - thank you for taking the time and for such a thoughtful response. The outpouring of support from this community over the past 24 hours has been unbelievable.

I took the test you provided, as well as a few others. The results on all have come back as "At Risk" or "Marginal." I think that's about where I am. I have been headed down a dangerous path, but haven't yet stepped over the edge. I think the fact that I'm even at this point is concerning enough. Like I'm right now at the point with Alcohol that I was when I started dipping a lot. I can turn around now before it develops into a serious issue.

So my plan is to try the month of August without any alcohol and then take it from there. I've got a few family events where it could get awkward, but I'm going to explain my tee-totaling as a month long detox to assist in my weight loss. If it becomes more permanent, then I will have to have a deeper conversation with my family, but for now, this seems like the right approach.

This thing is ODAAT anyway, so I'm not really ready to think in terms of "forever." For the time being, I'm staying 100% sober and I'll tackle tomorrow when it gets here.

Thank you again for the support and I will be sure to update on my situation periodically.

[PhuctUp]

I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.

That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.

When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.

Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.

This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.

Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.

What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.

My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.

I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.

For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.

Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.

Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.

Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.

Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.

With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.

you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.

Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.

There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:

https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test

Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!

If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.

You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.

I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.

[SirDerek]

I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.

That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.

When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.

Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.

This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.

Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.

What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.

My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.

I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.

For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.

Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.

Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.

Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.

Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.

With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.

you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.

[pky1520]

I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.

That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.

When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.

Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.

This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.

Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.

What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.

My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.

I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.

For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.

Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.

[Nolaq]

Another day quit, another floor.
Congrats on 400 days quit P!

Nice job brother!

[ChickDip]

Another day quit, another floor.
Congrats on 400 days quit P!