Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
