It was requested that I provide information to my January quit group which I let down and betrayed. Below is information regarding my cave from 2 messages I posted in my new group of July 14.'
I have no b.s. excuses, I am an adult and expect to be held accountable for my actions.
To answer - Leading up to the cave, there was nothing new to cause it. I betrayed myself, friends, family and everyone I quit with on KTC in my Jan group. I spent so much time fighting my fucking addiction the first time around. Buying the can was like going back to that first week of quitting in October and spitting right in my past-self's face.
I was not posting regularly, nor was I in contact with my quit brothers. I thought after the 100 days I was in the clear, so I was just phoning it. I always need to stay on top of my game, because quitting for just a small period of time is not quitting, because I am still addicted.
I wouldn't have been able to go 150 days without this site, and I lost sight of that. I won't going forward if I can earn another chance. And I would be happy to answer further, as needed.
Best lesson for the people just starting out, is exactly what was posted above. Post roll every. single. day. DO NOT half-ass it. Don't let your guard down. The rhetoric on here is extreme and tough for a reason. This effects your health, your relationships and your mental well being. I am reprinting my pledge to have in my wallet and keep on my board at home - because I would rather not sit by myself with a disgusting bottle, but be with those I care about.
If you feel a moment of weakness make sure you have contacts to call for support. Something I'll obviously need to do. Again, no lame ass excuses.
Since I was not dedicated to being active on this site, staying in contact with my quit group and just assuming I had myself covered - I don't think it would have mattered what rationale I used. I need to stay on top of my game at all times, because you are correct - otherwise you are just a "stopper" not a quitter.
In another reply asking why I caved -
Same reasoning every other excuse maker would give; I had a long day, whoa is poor me - my life is so hard, so now I'll buy a can. I would rather not try to give myself an easy way out by trying to give a cheap justification for of why I caved.
This site, staying active and the contacts I need to add are what will keep me from failing going forward. CBird is the first p# I added, which I should have been doing before this. Making sure I plan ahead and not setting myself up to fail will also be key in an enhanced quit plan going forward.
Starting by reading and rereading the excellent literature that is available on this site- which helps create a great framework. The contract to give up is a prime example, which I have already put a new one in my wallet.
Good example of what happens when you don't keep posting daily, lose contact and fade away. What are you going to do differently this time?
Good question about what I will do differently.
I am adding contacts to my phone this time around, and making sure I am staying in better contact than before with people in this community.
Making sure I am not just a ninja poster, and making sure I stay active, read materials and reaching out to more people.
The new contract is in my wallet, and for now it is another day at a time.
Sorry I let myself down, and my January quitters. It won't happen again. I will be posting updates on my intro - something I did not do last time. I quit with all of you on this site now.
