2d Time Quitter

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Note to self -- okay, made it through the supposed physical withdrawal. Spending a good deal of time on KTC pages helped. Learned a lot about nicotine and how nasty evil it is. Thought a little too much about Copenhagen (nic demons still alive and well mentally, little bastards take a good while to die off) but know that "just one" is a bald-faced lie. This time is QFL, not quit for 14 months and start all over again. Four decades is a long time to look like a goober with a fat bottom lip. Too long. Long road ahead daily, but I'm going to do this. Going to win. Honor, Integrity, and Accountability so much more than words!

You've go a great quit started. Keep reading, keep posting, keep the focus, and keep the quit. Quitting is as important as breathing.

[CavMan83]

Note to self -- okay, made it through the supposed physical withdrawal. Spending a good deal of time on KTC pages helped. Learned a lot about nicotine and how nasty evil it is. Thought a little too much about Copenhagen (nic demons still alive and well mentally, little bastards take a good while to die off) but know that "just one" is a bald-faced lie. This time is QFL, not quit for 14 months and start all over again. Four decades is a long time to look like a goober with a fat bottom lip. Too long. Long road ahead daily, but I'm going to do this. Going to win. Honor, Integrity, and Accountability so much more than words!

[DaveKnight]

This is kind of a journal for me, but what the hell....you guys are family so I don't mind sharing ;~)

0200 -- three day's running. What the hell am I waking up at two o'clock in the friggin' morning for? At least this morning I wasn't soaked with sweat (small victories). Going to try and describe what the feeling is like (and I think I remember reading this somewhere a long long time ago)...it's like the receptors my brain had created (or altered) to accept the constant uptake of nicotine are now being starved and are behaving like crazed beasts, wreaking havoc inside my brain, which in turn creates those feelings of serious agitation throughout my whole body and puts those thoughts of HAVING to have a Dip front and center into consciousness.

I know how to make it stop, INSTANTLY....but I also know that's exactly what the nicotine bitch wants me to do....so that's exactly what I WILL NOT DO.

I'm going to starve her and all her little crazed beasts to DEATH. Once she's dead, (and I'm praying that comes within the next day or so at about the 3-4 day mark), I'm going to make sure she STAYS dead. I will never, EVER put a nicotine product, tobacco or otherwise, in my body again.

Kinda like LOOT said....want to make sure I remember what a monumental SUCK these past couple days have been and sear it into my conscience so that I never go back. Still kicking myself for the "just one" mistake on Logan Martin that spring day 20 damn years ago. There will be no more of that in my future life.

Oh, yeah, and for those of you that have never priced life insurance....the difference in preferred select and tobacco user policy pricing will make your blood run cold....same policy, same term period, damn near FOUR TIMES... ($231 vs $914)...and that is a MONTH, ladies and gentlemen....I'm sorry, but there's no way in hell I'm going to go back to a product that I paid more than $150 a month for that's going to cause me to have to spend more than ten grand a year on life insurance...

I am just now beginning to understand why so many veterans actually HATE tobacco..... I can remember when I thought UST was my friend. HA; the only thing they wanted from me was continued patronage, and didn't give a rat's ass whether I got cancer or not. Then I read just the other day where they actually manipulate the pH of Cope to make the nicotine absorption that much HIGHER....bastards.

I'm damn near nicotine free (completely)...it has been almost 60 hours since I spit out my last dip....my brain is re-learning how to be 'me' without a drug that ml for ml is more deadly than strychnine or arsenic and that I was putting enough of into my body to actually kill a small rodent -- all day, EVERY day for the vast majority of my life.

There's no way I'm going back this time...."just one" be damned.....

At least I did manage to get back to sleep following the 0200 wakeups. (again, small victories).

Great post Cav,

I'm still a young buck, so I didn't know about life ins. That is a steep difference in price. All the more incentive to kick the nicotine bitch to the curb. Looks like you have been doing your research. Small victories win wars (unless of course your government has a weak ass foreign policy and the president is a yellow-belly). Lesson, don't be a yellow belly or have a weak ass foreign policy. Quit like Fuck!

[CavMan83]

This is kind of a journal for me, but what the hell....you guys are family so I don't mind sharing ;~)

0200 -- three day's running. What the hell am I waking up at two o'clock in the friggin' morning for? At least this morning I wasn't soaked with sweat (small victories). Going to try and describe what the feeling is like (and I think I remember reading this somewhere a long long time ago)...it's like the receptors my brain had created (or altered) to accept the constant uptake of nicotine are now being starved and are behaving like crazed beasts, wreaking havoc inside my brain, which in turn creates those feelings of serious agitation throughout my whole body and puts those thoughts of HAVING to have a Dip front and center into consciousness.

I know how to make it stop, INSTANTLY....but I also know that's exactly what the nicotine bitch wants me to do....so that's exactly what I WILL NOT DO.

I'm going to starve her and all her little crazed beasts to DEATH. Once she's dead, (and I'm praying that comes within the next day or so at about the 3-4 day mark), I'm going to make sure she STAYS dead. I will never, EVER put a nicotine product, tobacco or otherwise, in my body again.

Kinda like LOOT said....want to make sure I remember what a monumental SUCK these past couple days have been and sear it into my conscience so that I never go back. Still kicking myself for the "just one" mistake on Logan Martin that spring day 20 damn years ago. There will be no more of that in my future life.

Oh, yeah, and for those of you that have never priced life insurance....the difference in preferred select and tobacco user policy pricing will make your blood run cold....same policy, same term period, damn near FOUR TIMES... ($231 vs $914)...and that is a MONTH, ladies and gentlemen....I'm sorry, but there's no way in hell I'm going to go back to a product that I paid more than $150 a month for that's going to cause me to have to spend more than ten grand a year on life insurance...

I am just now beginning to understand why so many veterans actually HATE tobacco..... I can remember when I thought UST was my friend. HA; the only thing they wanted from me was continued patronage, and didn't give a rat's ass whether I got cancer or not. Then I read just the other day where they actually manipulate the pH of Cope to make the nicotine absorption that much HIGHER....bastards.

I'm damn near nicotine free (completely)...it has been almost 60 hours since I spit out my last dip....my brain is re-learning how to be 'me' without a drug that ml for ml is more deadly than strychnine or arsenic and that I was putting enough of into my body to actually kill a small rodent -- all day, EVERY day for the vast majority of my life.

There's no way I'm going back this time...."just one" be damned.....

At least I did manage to get back to sleep following the 0200 wakeups. (again, small victories).

[DaveKnight]

....sitting here chewing furiously on a piece of big red.

Cav,

That entire statement sounds like what I am going through. Big Red happens to be my weapon of choice against the Nic Bitch. I also have to get up and walk around when the cravings strike. I have a pedometer on my phone, so I have seen a large increase in my steps since my quit. We are almost out of the fog now bro. Stay Strong! Stay QLF!

[CavMan83]

To my KTC brothers and sisters,

Sitting here watching the news and the agitation inside still roiling and saw a Terminix commercial "Not here, Not now, Not in my house".

All due respect to Terminix (have no idea whether that's copyrighted, which it may be) but for me right at the present moment in time and space, I have altered it....

NOT HERE, NOT NOW, NOT IN MY LIP......

I am forever grateful for the words of wisdom on this site....and for the KTC Community

LOOT, I confess I did not PM the FNGs my cell number but I did offer that if they needed it to PM me. Lesson learned, as I already have about 10 numbers and never know when I will need to reach out to someone. As soon as I hit send here, will PM them both. I sure as heck don't want to be a stumbling block for any BAQ.

[brettlees]

Just get through it for right now, you're doing what you should- post and power through, keeping your word, learning, and making friends here. Symptoms will come and go- when you feel good use that to power you through the next low spot. You got this!

[CavMan83]

Brett,

Friggin head hurts for whatever reason....sticking to my word. Just PM'd DaveKnight how it is wierd that posting to a group of folks you've never met that you won't use today has such a strong accountability effect, but I'm glad it does. Gym was good for me tho. 8:00 tonight is close of day 2....biding time patiently waiting for the agitation inside to slack off a bit....kind of like your whole innards are going through a shredder and you just want it to stop....but hanging in there. Have had about 6 pinches of Bacc-Off, can't really say that's helping.

Thanks much for asking. This site, and these folks, are truly awesome.

[brettlees]

hey how's it going today Cav? I see you made roll- that's the secret. Check in when you can, give updates. Since you don't text much, I highly recommend using your intro thread a lot here -- tell folks how it's going, and create a journal that will remind you what you never want to go through another time-- the whole process of cleaning up and rewiring. A little something extra to ensure that this is your true quit, courtesy of the KTC method.

Quit with you today.

[Steakbomb18]

Just read this intro...what I love about it: 1) adds resolve to my quit; another textbook example of how the addict can't have just one. As quitters, we need to be reminded of these traps every day. No matter the number of your day, 5 or 5000, we're all one $5 bad decision away from Day 1. 2) Newbie comes in and sucks it all in. Reading, learning, and becoming active right out of the gates. This is how you quit and it's people like this who inspire. Don't stop; accelerate and advance that quit by continuing to be active on the site and in your quit group. Glad to see you here, looking forward to seeing you on roll tomorrow.

[CavMan83]

EC's Dad,

"I can't help but not like that Cav is in your name though!! Every time I look at it I read cave!!"

Sorry, didn't even think about that...As I said to UH60Crewchief, it's from the Cavalry...I'm an old Armored Cavalry dude from way back in the day. CAV (short "a')....not CAVE (long "a"). This site is friggin' awesome....wish it had been around years ago. Honesty, Integrity, Accountability.....more than words.....tools to help an addict.

[E&C's Dad]

You're getting good advice, from guys i consider top-notch! keep it up and reach out if you need anything!

looks like you are doing all the right things and have some bad ass quitters here to help you. I can't help but not like that Cav is in your name though!! Every time I look at it I read cave!!

[brettlees]

You're getting good advice, from guys i consider top-notch! keep it up and reach out if you need anything!

[slinger]

Congrats on the quit, and good job posting roll. Make sure you do it every day, without fail. Make it a priority. Many quitters have decided that it wasn't that important to post every day. Most of them eventually had to come back and post day 1 again. Don't be that guy. Get in here and post everyday. Welcome.

[CavMan83]

AppleJack,

Thanks. Having this site is HUGE.....just thought if it was around in 1994 hell, I may have stayed quit then...craving for Copenhagen strong as all get out....but I gave a whole bunch of complete strangers my word that I wouldn't dip today....damned if I'm going to be labled a liar.