Cochise- After 339 days, I caved on 12-18-14. I regret it and can't explain why. Thank You for your support in the past 339 days. Today 12-21-14, I will be on Day 1. I never thought this would happen to me. I am beating myself enough as it is. Thank You again Resolute Bastards.
1. What Happened ? I work the night shift and went to a gas station to buy a cup of coffee. While at the counter there was a huge rack of dip on the counter right in my face. I was upset at the time over some major major issues and told the cashier to give me a can of long cut cope. I had no intentions of using it but to just keep on me for a crutch. (I know this sounds crazy but this is what my ADDICT mind was doing at the time)
2. Why did it happen ? I guess it happened because I never reached out to anyone when I felt vulnerable. It is hard finding a fellow NIC addict at 3am. I guess by me not posting roll on daily basis contributed. Also contributing to my cave is forgetting why I need to stay quit, which is to LIVE. I obviously have a lot to learn.
3. What are you going to do differently this time? Post roll daily, I will also try to find another KTC member who works at night so we can communicate when feeling vulnerable to the nic bitch. Most importantly, I have learned that the nic bitch whispers in all our ears because we are addicts and she got me. My goal is to learn some skills to not fall prey to the Nic Bitch the next time I am undergoing major problems. This time I will learn to BE QUIT and not SAY YOU ARE QUIT. There is a difference I recently learned. BE QUIT is a strong foundation. Saying you are quit is weak. Remember that Roll Callers. I hope my negative experience can help a new comer. I always believe there is a silver lining to every situation. I caved at 339 days while with the Resolute Bastards who was my family and who I miss so much!! My punishment is letting the Resolute Bastards down, who was my family for 339 days. This will always haunt me. I feel so horrible and I apologize to the Resolute Bastards and to the rest of everyone at KTC. Please learn from me to strengthen your quit!!! To those who will bash me and ridicule me, you are absolutely right. I am a failure and a weak idiot. You are right!! All I can do is get back on my horse. But know if you ever fail, I will be the first one their to pick you up. I will never shun you or leave you behind. All I ask is that new comers, please get phone numbers and reach out constantly to everyone and know you are an ADDICT and always remember the goal of staying quit is simply to LIVE. If you ever need anything please text or call me 24/7.