I wish I could write better, y'know?
I'm 35 days away from being a year quit. I can barely comprehend that thought let alone put it into words!
Been thinking about time... And freedom. I have both now and they mean something completely different than they did 330 days ago. Freedom was a need to be rid of the weight of all the time my addiction took. I... Was an absolute junkie. Every part of every day was an exercise in, damn near constant, time management. Is my store open? How early do I have to leave so I can still get dip and be on time? Do I have time to hit the store before I'm late in picking up my daughter from school? It's midnight and I have to get up earlier than my store opens... Should I go now? How early should I load the SUV for vacation so I can hide my shit in a really clever spot (and pat myself on the back for my cleverness in dooshbaggery)? How long can I keep this one in before people are around? It wasn't that long... Should I recycle it for later? When can I take a 1 hr shower so I can shave and dip? Blahblahblahyadayadayada. I could go on and on.
See? Every. Waking. Moment.
I won't berate myself or bemoan the loss because it's past. I'm done. I'm quit.
So, today?... Freedom! It's not just the daily beat down of my addiction and being free of its unbearable weight... It's also the release of the burden to manage it. My time is spent living my life... instead of wasting it.
Posted in Words of Wisdom. Thanks for writing.
It seems that since you've been quit you've been able to manage your time a lot better! Forget the past brother though it is sort of fun looking back at all the stupid things we've done while being under the influence of the bitch. Did the three stooges dip?
Toolboxes
Random boxes
Shoes
Socks
Underwear
Behind stuff under the bathroom sink
Under the car seat
Under the armrest in the car
In couch cushions
Under the mattress
Thought I'd light up your memory with some of the dooooosh hiding places I used to employ. I don't worry about that shit any more. Congratulations on climbing up a steep mountain. The year is a big milestone. And, while there is sill a crave or a thought once in a while, still a damn dip dream once in a while.... Now I kind of enjoy them. Because they are wonderful reminders of the bullshit lives you and I were leading not that long ago.
Thanks for bringing me along on the AJ quit ride. It never gets old man... You should be really proud.
Shane, your a complete bad ass! You are a quit machine!
Before reading your post I was having very similar thoughts. I'm cruzing in on my quit day also, April 1. The freedom from being controlled by the addiction is so good to ponder on. As I read through your check list I was thinking of my list. I can't tell you how many times I miscalculated when I'd be going to town again and run out. I made the 150 mile round trip many times for nothing but my fix. I had the conversation earlier today with another quit hero of mine and said that I've been feelingof being happy with the direction my life is going. My quit is good, I've quit pop, I'm eating healthier and I'm loosing weight. I am beginning to find the peace of mind I've never known.
Looking over your lists makes me think. I used to always have a can in my back pocket at work. If the can I had in my pocket was running low, I'd open a new can before I went on another call. Plus, I'd always have at least one full can in my ballistic vest that I kept on the truck. Usually had one in my turn-out gear that I kept on the truck, too. So glad that I don't have to worry about that anymore.
Now my biggest worry is if I have a pack of gum with me. Luckily, when I forget mine, my partner has one!
