I'm done with this Sh#%

[wastepanel]

I thought I could log in this morning and post roll like I have for the last 13 days and carry on like I was still quit, still fighting tooth and nail with my addiction to nicotine and alcohol to stay clean....But the truth is I'm nothing but a fraud. A pathetic Caver. I'm not the man I thought I was, the fighter I thought I was. Just a weak ass slave to the addiction. I've read, I've exchanged digits (which I never used), I posted roll everyday, congratulated fellow quit brothers on some milestones, but it wasn't enough for me. I planed this quit for over a week before I felt like I was strong enough to make a daily commitment to a thousand people I never met, to my wife and kids, and most importantly myself. I would apologize to every single one of you in person if I could, but I know you wouldn't give a shit, but my deepest apologies anyway. Yes, you have wasted your time with an addict. Will I be back? Will I beg you all for another chance? No. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of who I am. I've talked a lot of shit pumping myself up for this quit. I joined a gym and worked out everyday. I bought all the recommended vitamins. I consumed over a gallon of water everyday. For the past week I've read the Curt Shilling story, Tony Gwenn story, the kern story over and over again and thought "Wow I can't believe I was doing that to myself and my family", but yet, here I am. I've read the three questions we ask over and over to cavers and now that I'm in their shoes I know deep inside, that I can't answer those questions. I just don't know, don't have a single answer. Why did I cave? I'm an addict who gave in. Did I think I could just have one? NO, but I posted roll anyway hoping someway, somehow a greater power would take over and put me back on track. But you know as well as I do that I have a big fatty in right now as I sit here writing this. Am I looking for sympathy? Fuck no. In fact, I know by informing you of my cave, there will nothing but negativity thrown my way and what a piece of shit I am. My intention was to just log off and never show my face in here again. BUT, I want to help just that one person. I hope this intro will help that one guy, who's thinking about caving, think twice. Don't be a pussy like me. Don't let the addiction control your life. Fight, scrap, claw your way out. My 12 1/2 days were tough, but awesome at the same time. I wish I had more fight in me, but we all know I'm done. I said I'd be done if I caved and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. If there is just one guy out there willing to pray for me I ask to do so. God is my only hope now. Again, I apologize and wish you all nothing but the best in your quit.

We're all embarrassed and ashamed dude. You fucked up, learn from it, answer the three questions to your group with sincerity and honesty and post day 1 with your new group. Get back on the fucking horse. If you don't then you REALLY have something to be ashamed of

God is my only hope now. Again, I apologize and wish you all nothing but the best in your quit.

That's bullshit and you know it. God didn't make you come here, and God didn't make you put that poison in your lip this morning.
Pull your head out of your ass, and get into December, take your medicine, and start being a man.

Waa

Waa

Waa

Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Grow a pair.

Feel free to put your faith in God, but God gives us free will. He expects you to use that. He doesn't accept that you "are weak". You are in control of your actions, and we all know that. You know what we can learn from this so far?

We can learn that it's real easy to brandish the tools learned here. It's real easy to talk a big game. But what I learned the most is that you don't have a fucking clue how to use those tools when needed. Did you call? Did you text? Did you post in the emergency thread? Did you go to chat? Did you even have a plan?

Nope. You caved.

Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Grow a pair.

[wastepanel]

poof

[Lipizzaner]

I thought I could log in this morning and post roll like I have for the last 13 days and carry on like I was still quit, still fighting tooth and nail with my addiction to nicotine and alcohol to stay clean....But the truth is I'm nothing but a fraud. A pathetic Caver. I'm not the man I thought I was, the fighter I thought I was. Just a weak ass slave to the addiction. I've read, I've exchanged digits (which I never used), I posted roll everyday, congratulated fellow quit brothers on some milestones, but it wasn't enough for me. I planed this quit for over a week before I felt like I was strong enough to make a daily commitment to a thousand people I never met, to my wife and kids, and most importantly myself. I would apologize to every single one of you in person if I could, but I know you wouldn't give a shit, but my deepest apologies anyway. Yes, you have wasted your time with an addict. Will I be back? Will I beg you all for another chance? No. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of who I am. I've talked a lot of shit pumping myself up for this quit. I joined a gym and worked out everyday. I bought all the recommended vitamins. I consumed over a gallon of water everyday. For the past week I've read the Curt Shilling story, Tony Gwenn story, the kern story over and over again and thought "Wow I can't believe I was doing that to myself and my family", but yet, here I am. I've read the three questions we ask over and over to cavers and now that I'm in their shoes I know deep inside, that I can't answer those questions. I just don't know, don't have a single answer. Why did I cave? I'm an addict who gave in. Did I think I could just have one? NO, but I posted roll anyway hoping someway, somehow a greater power would take over and put me back on track. But you know as well as I do that I have a big fatty in right now as I sit here writing this. Am I looking for sympathy? Fuck no. In fact, I know by informing you of my cave, there will nothing but negativity thrown my way and what a piece of shit I am. My intention was to just log off and never show my face in here again. BUT, I want to help just that one person. I hope this intro will help that one guy, who's thinking about caving, think twice. Don't be a pussy like me. Don't let the addiction control your life. Fight, scrap, claw your way out. My 12 1/2 days were tough, but awesome at the same time. I wish I had more fight in me, but we all know I'm done. I said I'd be done if I caved and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. If there is just one guy out there willing to pray for me I ask to do so. God is my only hope now. Again, I apologize and wish you all nothing but the best in your quit.

We're all embarrassed and ashamed dude. You fucked up, learn from it, answer the three questions to your group with sincerity and honesty and post day 1 with your new group. Get back on the fucking horse. If you don't then you REALLY have something to be ashamed of

God is my only hope now. Again, I apologize and wish you all nothing but the best in your quit.

That's bullshit and you know it. God didn't make you come here, and God didn't make you put that poison in your lip this morning.
Pull your head out of your ass, and get into December, take your medicine, and start being a man.

[thewolfe]

I thought I could log in this morning and post roll like I have for the last 13 days and carry on like I was still quit, still fighting tooth and nail with my addiction to nicotine and alcohol to stay clean....But the truth is I'm nothing but a fraud. A pathetic Caver. I'm not the man I thought I was, the fighter I thought I was. Just a weak ass slave to the addiction. I've read, I've exchanged digits (which I never used), I posted roll everyday, congratulated fellow quit brothers on some milestones, but it wasn't enough for me. I planed this quit for over a week before I felt like I was strong enough to make a daily commitment to a thousand people I never met, to my wife and kids, and most importantly myself. I would apologize to every single one of you in person if I could, but I know you wouldn't give a shit, but my deepest apologies anyway. Yes, you have wasted your time with an addict. Will I be back? Will I beg you all for another chance? No. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of who I am. I've talked a lot of shit pumping myself up for this quit. I joined a gym and worked out everyday. I bought all the recommended vitamins. I consumed over a gallon of water everyday. For the past week I've read the Curt Shilling story, Tony Gwenn story, the kern story over and over again and thought "Wow I can't believe I was doing that to myself and my family", but yet, here I am. I've read the three questions we ask over and over to cavers and now that I'm in their shoes I know deep inside, that I can't answer those questions. I just don't know, don't have a single answer. Why did I cave? I'm an addict who gave in. Did I think I could just have one? NO, but I posted roll anyway hoping someway, somehow a greater power would take over and put me back on track. But you know as well as I do that I have a big fatty in right now as I sit here writing this. Am I looking for sympathy? Fuck no. In fact, I know by informing you of my cave, there will nothing but negativity thrown my way and what a piece of shit I am. My intention was to just log off and never show my face in here again. BUT, I want to help just that one person. I hope this intro will help that one guy, who's thinking about caving, think twice. Don't be a pussy like me. Don't let the addiction control your life. Fight, scrap, claw your way out. My 12 1/2 days were tough, but awesome at the same time. I wish I had more fight in me, but we all know I'm done. I said I'd be done if I caved and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. If there is just one guy out there willing to pray for me I ask to do so. God is my only hope now. Again, I apologize and wish you all nothing but the best in your quit.

We're all embarrassed and ashamed dude. You fucked up, learn from it, answer the three questions to your group with sincerity and honesty and post day 1 with your new group. Get back on the fucking horse. If you don't then you REALLY have something to be ashamed of

[schaef418]

Takes balls to post this. It is pretty shitty that you are typing this with the cancer dirt in your mouth. I thought you were doing well...disappointed.

Answer the 3 questions...this is a start. Think about your answers. Come back address November/December, and fight for your life.

Read this

single/?p=8509617t=10447702

It ain't gonna be easy to face the group and supporters you have let down, but you will come out the other side stronger.

[Heisenberg]

I thought I could log in this morning and post roll like I have for the last 13 days and carry on like I was still quit, still fighting tooth and nail with my addiction to nicotine and alcohol to stay clean....But the truth is I'm nothing but a fraud. A pathetic Caver. I'm not the man I thought I was, the fighter I thought I was. Just a weak ass slave to the addiction. I've read, I've exchanged digits (which I never used), I posted roll everyday, congratulated fellow quit brothers on some milestones, but it wasn't enough for me. I planed this quit for over a week before I felt like I was strong enough to make a daily commitment to a thousand people I never met, to my wife and kids, and most importantly myself. I would apologize to every single one of you in person if I could, but I know you wouldn't give a shit, but my deepest apologies anyway. Yes, you have wasted your time with an addict. Will I be back? Will I beg you all for another chance? No. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of who I am. I've talked a lot of shit pumping myself up for this quit. I joined a gym and worked out everyday. I bought all the recommended vitamins. I consumed over a gallon of water everyday. For the past week I've read the Curt Shilling story, Tony Gwenn story, the kern story over and over again and thought "Wow I can't believe I was doing that to myself and my family", but yet, here I am. I've read the three questions we ask over and over to cavers and now that I'm in their shoes I know deep inside, that I can't answer those questions. I just don't know, don't have a single answer. Why did I cave? I'm an addict who gave in. Did I think I could just have one? NO, but I posted roll anyway hoping someway, somehow a greater power would take over and put me back on track. But you know as well as I do that I have a big fatty in right now as I sit here writing this. Am I looking for sympathy? Fuck no. In fact, I know by informing you of my cave, there will nothing but negativity thrown my way and what a piece of shit I am. My intention was to just log off and never show my face in here again. BUT, I want to help just that one person. I hope this intro will help that one guy, who's thinking about caving, think twice. Don't be a pussy like me. Don't let the addiction control your life. Fight, scrap, claw your way out. My 12 1/2 days were tough, but awesome at the same time. I wish I had more fight in me, but we all know I'm done. I said I'd be done if I caved and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. If there is just one guy out there willing to pray for me I ask to do so. God is my only hope now. Again, I apologize and wish you all nothing but the best in your quit.

[Heisenberg]

I learn something new everyday. Thanks for the advice and the tools to help me win this fight.

[bigreddude44]

The second I start thinking about a future hunt coming up, a trip, an event ect. My mind starts playing tricks on me..."How are you going to have a good time without a dip" "How you gonna prepare for that without some nicotine"

I just got back from my first hunting trip without crap in my mouth. Beforehand I had the same thoughts about not being able to enjoy hunting without a dip until a really simple thought popped into my head that changed everything. "I love to hunt, why do I need poison in my mouth to enjoy it?" I know its a not a mind blowing, earth shattering revelation but its the truth and it worked. I also planned ahead and took plenty of fake dip and let several quit brothers know where I was going to be and stayed in contact with them while I was there. I know the mantra here is ODAAT and I wholeheartedly agree with it but I think there are times that planning ahead is good idea especially when it comes to activities that have been strongly associated with dipping in the past.

hang in there bro! you got a quit going on that Walter White would be proud of!

[Heisenberg]

More times than not it's a post from an addict who has caved. As troubling as it is to hear, you can learn a lot about yourself and your quit from a caver, no doubt about it.

Badass, Heisenberg. That's it right there. Fighting nicotine addiction doesn't happen in a vacuum and it isn't a singular event. A huge part of waging this battle every day comes from learning from your own past mistakes as well as the past, present, and ongoing mistakes of others.

You know what brought me here to this site? A cave nearly 9 years ago after I had stopped smoking for 4.5 years prior to that. We're addicts, plain and simple. For us, there is no "out of the woods."

Nice intro. Nice note to self post that I could hear Walter White saying as I was reading. You're past the toughest days and you should feel top of the mountain proud of getting nic out of your system. From here on it's head games.

1. I do not regret for a second the pain of quitting. The pain tells me I am winning. Daily.

2. It pissed me off to no end early on when vets would say it gets better. I wanted to reach through my computer screen and get them in a strangle hold and knock their teeth out. They were not lying. It's happening slower than I would like but I remain quit ODAAT because I know it will continue to get better. I will not lose this fight.

3. Your brother is a prick. Buy a bottle of vagina cleansing douche and leave in on his car. Maybe a summer jasmine scent.

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. I should of posted this earlier but I forgot...My brother was not the culprit of the can of Copenhagen on the hood of my truck. A good friend of mine was bumming dips off me a few weeks before I quit and he was just giving me a new can as a thank you. He didn't realize that I quit. I told him I used it to fertilize the grapefruit tree.

[Done4Me]

More times than not it's a post from an addict who has caved. As troubling as it is to hear, you can learn a lot about yourself and your quit from a caver, no doubt about it.

Badass, Heisenberg. That's it right there. Fighting nicotine addiction doesn't happen in a vacuum and it isn't a singular event. A huge part of waging this battle every day comes from learning from your own past mistakes as well as the past, present, and ongoing mistakes of others.

You know what brought me here to this site? A cave nearly 9 years ago after I had stopped smoking for 4.5 years prior to that. We're addicts, plain and simple. For us, there is no "out of the woods."

Nice intro. Nice note to self post that I could hear Walter White saying as I was reading. You're past the toughest days and you should feel top of the mountain proud of getting nic out of your system. From here on it's head games.

1. I do not regret for a second the pain of quitting. The pain tells me I am winning. Daily.

2. It pissed me off to no end early on when vets would say it gets better. I wanted to reach through my computer screen and get them in a strangle hold and knock their teeth out. They were not lying. It's happening slower than I would like but I remain quit ODAAT because I know it will continue to get better. I will not lose this fight.

3. Your brother is a prick. Buy a bottle of vagina cleansing douche and leave in on his car. Maybe a summer jasmine scent.

[Tuco]

More times than not it's a post from an addict who has caved. As troubling as it is to hear, you can learn a lot about yourself and your quit from a caver, no doubt about it.

Badass, Heisenberg. That's it right there. Fighting nicotine addiction doesn't happen in a vacuum and it isn't a singular event. A huge part of waging this battle every day comes from learning from your own past mistakes as well as the past, present, and ongoing mistakes of others.

You know what brought me here to this site? A cave nearly 9 years ago after I had stopped smoking for 4.5 years prior to that. We're addicts, plain and simple. For us, there is no "out of the woods."

[Thumblewort]

Day 7.

I would be lying if I didn't say that the first 6 days felt like six weeks. Minutes can feel like hours and hours like days. But in the midst of this battle I can say without a doubt that I'm feeling a little better everyday. Three things have got me to day 7 and these three things alone. 1). One day at a time. The second I start thinking about a future hunt coming up, a trip, an event ect. My mind starts playing tricks on me..."How are you going to have a good time without a dip" "How you gonna prepare for that without some nicotine". As I begin to regress I just have to stop immediately, remind myself that I'm quitting for today, and carry on with my quit. Don't worry about tomorrow, worry about today. 2). Be alert and ready for the craving to hit you like a ton of bricks. As soon as I start thinking to myself "hey I'm feeling pretty damn good, I can't believe it's taking me so long to quit the shit", out of nowhere and I mean nowhere, a fucking craving bites me like a snake. And if I hadn't read as much as I have preparing for this quit, I can honestly say I would have caved at least six times by now. I knew it would come and I knew I'd have to do battle if I wanted to stay clean another day. 3) KTC. You've saved my life (Newbies and Vets alike). Everyday I find at least one post that has given me the inspiration to carry me through another day. More times than not it's a post from an addict who has caved. As troubling as it is to hear, you can learn a lot about yourself and your quit from a caver, no doubt about it.

I learn as much from you, the one and done caver, or a Comma'ed vet everyday. The fact that we can talk to someone else who is, or has been through a quit is awesome.

Learn from everyone here. We lost a HoF'er in July on Monday. What did I learn? That he did not buy in to the KTC even after 140 days, and that the other July quitters just got a jolt, and for that we are tighter. I also learned I never want to be the guy that disaapears, and leaves 30+ brother hanging out there wondering WTF happened. It sucks, but we learned from it.

Day 7 is bad ass, and I quit with you Mr. White.

[jimthins]

Day 7.

I would be lying if I didn't say that the first 6 days felt like six weeks. Minutes can feel like hours and hours like days. But in the midst of this battle I can say without a doubt that I'm feeling a little better everyday. Three things have got me to day 7 and these three things alone. 1). One day at a time. The second I start thinking about a future hunt coming up, a trip, an event ect. My mind starts playing tricks on me..."How are you going to have a good time without a dip" "How you gonna prepare for that without some nicotine". As I begin to regress I just have to stop immediately, remind myself that I'm quitting for today, and carry on with my quit. Don't worry about tomorrow, worry about today. 2). Be alert and ready for the craving to hit you like a ton of bricks. As soon as I start thinking to myself "hey I'm feeling pretty damn good, I can't believe it's taking me so long to quit the shit", out of nowhere and I mean nowhere, a fucking craving bites me like a snake. And if I hadn't read as much as I have preparing for this quit, I can honestly say I would have caved at least six times by now. I knew it would come and I knew I'd have to do battle if I wanted to stay clean another day. 3) KTC. You've saved my life (Newbies and Vets alike). Everyday I find at least one post that has given me the inspiration to carry me through another day. More times than not it's a post from an addict who has caved. As troubling as it is to hear, you can learn a lot about yourself and your quit from a caver, no doubt about it.

Great to hear Heisenberg! And congratulations on making it one week. I'm sure you're well aware, but it's just a small drop in the bucket. Still, a great accomplishment and I'm very happy for you! Keep going strong and quit on!!

And I will also add #1 is definitely helpful. I have found myself wondering the same things. Or worried about what will happen at this/that event. I've learned to not worry and take this quit "one day at a time"
I'll cross the bridge when it gets here. Great point!

[jimthins]

Day 7.

I would be lying if I didn't say that the first 6 days felt like six weeks. Minutes can feel like hours and hours like days. But in the midst of this battle I can say without a doubt that I'm feeling a little better everyday. Three things have got me to day 7 and these three things alone. 1). One day at a time. The second I start thinking about a future hunt coming up, a trip, an event ect. My mind starts playing tricks on me..."How are you going to have a good time without a dip" "How you gonna prepare for that without some nicotine". As I begin to regress I just have to stop immediately, remind myself that I'm quitting for today, and carry on with my quit. Don't worry about tomorrow, worry about today. 2). Be alert and ready for the craving to hit you like a ton of bricks. As soon as I start thinking to myself "hey I'm feeling pretty damn good, I can't believe it's taking me so long to quit the shit", out of nowhere and I mean nowhere, a fucking craving bites me like a snake. And if I hadn't read as much as I have preparing for this quit, I can honestly say I would have caved at least six times by now. I knew it would come and I knew I'd have to do battle if I wanted to stay clean another day. 3) KTC. You've saved my life (Newbies and Vets alike). Everyday I find at least one post that has given me the inspiration to carry me through another day. More times than not it's a post from an addict who has caved. As troubling as it is to hear, you can learn a lot about yourself and your quit from a caver, no doubt about it.

Great to hear Heisenberg! And congratulations on making it one week. I'm sure you're well aware, but it's just a small drop in the bucket. Still, a great accomplishment and I'm very happy for you! Keep going strong and quit on!!

[Heisenberg]

Day 7.

I would be lying if I didn't say that the first 6 days felt like six weeks. Minutes can feel like hours and hours like days. But in the midst of this battle I can say without a doubt that I'm feeling a little better everyday. Three things have got me to day 7 and these three things alone. 1). One day at a time. The second I start thinking about a future hunt coming up, a trip, an event ect. My mind starts playing tricks on me..."How are you going to have a good time without a dip" "How you gonna prepare for that without some nicotine". As I begin to regress I just have to stop immediately, remind myself that I'm quitting for today, and carry on with my quit. Don't worry about tomorrow, worry about today. 2). Be alert and ready for the craving to hit you like a ton of bricks. As soon as I start thinking to myself "hey I'm feeling pretty damn good, I can't believe it's taking me so long to quit the shit", out of nowhere and I mean nowhere, a fucking craving bites me like a snake. And if I hadn't read as much as I have preparing for this quit, I can honestly say I would have caved at least six times by now. I knew it would come and I knew I'd have to do battle if I wanted to stay clean another day. 3) KTC. You've saved my life (Newbies and Vets alike). Everyday I find at least one post that has given me the inspiration to carry me through another day. More times than not it's a post from an addict who has caved. As troubling as it is to hear, you can learn a lot about yourself and your quit from a caver, no doubt about it.