Less standard:
(1) What happened?
I decided to have 'one cigar', followed by 'just one dip', then 'just one can', then 'just one (and so forth)'
(2) Why did it happen?
Because I was weak. I lost the accountability to myself because I had stopped being accountable to you guys. I allowed myself to forget what those first 20 days felt like, and then the next 80. Worst of all, I forgot how GOOD day 100 felt.
I sort of wish I could say I was drinking, or otherwise intoxicated, but I was stone cold sober when I made the conscious decision to dip. In retrospect I could have easily gotten over that craving. They were so much easier to get rid of at that point. No pacing across the floor or desperately seeking seeds or another form of spit material, just had to think them away. I just gave in because I felt like I didn't have to answer to anyone if I dipped 'just this once' cause it was no big deal. Wrong.
(3) What are you doing differently this time?
Remembering every step of this journey in grave detail. Yesterday was day 3 and I had to drive quite a distance and it was pretty terrible trying to concentrate on where I was going. Also remember the drain that dipping this past year has been on my life, such as when I had to take an entrance exam and after hour two of a 5 hour test all I could think about was dip. Needless to say, I performed less than exceptionally.
Also, refusing to lose accountability, both to the site and to myself.
