10 days in, and just some thoughts of the journey so far:
:) Being quit is good. I know that I'm short in this, but all that's gone down as I'm working this shit out of my system feels cleansing in a masochistic kind of way.
:angry: I was pissed that I was having withdrawals; there was a voice in my head saying something along the lines of "wow, you never experienced this before for all your other quits." Seriously, I didn't understand why I was facing the withdrawals harder than ever before. Well, with one exception, I've never been off nic for more than @ 48 hours at a time over the last 20 years. That f-in addiction was messing with me, and I didn't even know it. The reality is that these withdrawals were 20 years in the making.
So, what have I faced so far? Typical stuff, but I'll share:
1. The fog. I think that it hit me heaviest on day 5. My boss kept asking if I was OK. My wife asked if I had a migraine coming on. What a fun ride that's been. Time got distorted, and seriously, could not put together cogent arguments or thoughts.
2. Sleep. I feel like I've been in a Slaughter video (up all night; sleep all day). When I should be sleeping, I'm awake; should be awake, sleepy. WTF's up with that? I'm getting some decent COD time in, though.
3. Backyard shenanigans. Never thought that nic was keeping me regular. Looks like I need to eat more apples or something. That's enough said about that.
4. Acid stomach. This makes no sense to me since I was a ninja non-spitter. I figured that my stomach would be celebrating the fact that I wasn't sending it on the cancer train...no dice, it's like an inferno down there.
5. Craves. Funny cycle for me (I'm sure I'm not alone). There would be a moment during the day where I would say something along the lines of "this is easy, I'm never hitting the can again." That would be followed with the heaviest f-in crave ever. Someone on here (sorry for not giving solid credit on this) has something like "crave is only one letter from cave," I reminded myself of that when I was jones-ing hard.
6. Mouth sores. That's bullshit, but I'll live.
7. There's other shit, but you get it.
Here's how I dealt with this shit:
1. Posting roll. It's easy (well, for most of us it is); and god damn it...it makes me honest. The first couple days there was a piece of me that wished I hadn't...I'm glad I did.
2. Riding on others' coattails. I know that the difference between someone who is quit 400 days and someone who is quit 1 day is really just 1 day. That's all it takes to make whatever the number is pointless. Looking at those who are in the hundreds, though (and the teens and tens for that matter), let's me know that it can be done.
3. Live chat. For me, it's a quick jump in; bitch about the crave; jump out. I need it.
4. Using my brother. I'm accountable to everyone here and myself and quite honestly, I might be able to pull off going ninja again and hate myself for it. But what the hell have I done. I told him I'm doing this, and I can't get away with being a non-integrity, shit. He was a ninja, too, and he knows all the f-in tricks, so damn.
Awesome ten days.
Thanks for all the support, and I am mother f-in quit.
