Oldschool introduction

[oldschool]

... I will not go back to day one.  I will not sacrifice all the work I have put in while suffering through Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms.  I cannot, will not, go back.
...

.... No whining, no complaining, just pure unadulterated skull dragging of nicotine. ...

Aumegrad 759

I learned from the best - that's how you do it

[Aumegrad]

... I will not go back to day one.  I will not sacrifice all the work I have put in while suffering through Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms.  I cannot, will not, go back.
...

Beautifully said Rich.  Bottom line, quitting isn’t easy and will be accompanied by varying affects of varying degrees.  It is what it is.  But regardless of this, your attitude above is where the secret lies to defeating this addiction. No whining, no complaining, just pure unadulterated skull dragging of nicotine. WOOOOOOOOO dude that fires me up and strengthens my quit today.  I thank you brother.

Aumegrad 759

[oldschool]

681 days nicotine free!

It has been 69 days ( ) since my last blog post. An unusual quit/recovery symptom has decided to surface:  I started to get hives when I feel anxiety or stressful situations.  The wild part about the hives is they are usually around my face/eyes.  I have been trying to control my anxiety, and I have been getting pretty good at it.  A year ago I would have debilitating bouts that would last for days - nothing I could do would stop the anxiety and I basically could not leave the house without being attacked to my core.  Now when I feel stressed and the symptoms of anxiety pop up, I am able to channel what I am feeling and get the anxiety to subside.  As soon as I became good at minimizing anxiety's effect, the hives stated to appear.  When I looked in the mirror and saw the hives, my brain was sarcastically telling me that i am not getting better.  I have been studying the occurrence, and it's like clockwork; I feel the stress and within an hour i start to get hives.  Well, for me, it looks like the road to recovery may be a long one...

Also, just recently, I have been getting some strong craves.  Today I had 2 craves that lasted an hour each.  It has been pretty much smooth sailing (except for the anxiety) for the last month, and then bam! I have a crave day like I used to back in the 2nd floor.  Weird thing is I don't mind.  I am kind of glad that I am not on auto pilot, because that is when the potential cave can happen.  I have been on full alert for almost 2 years.  I will not go back to day one.  I will not sacrifice all the work I have put in while suffering through Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms.  I cannot, will not, go back.

oldschool
Quit and Free

[oldschool]

Hey @oldschool I just wanted to say thanks. I have been having a real struggle myself and following your blog has really helped. I also am a 30 year addict and I agree this will take a however long it takes to clean up. I never in my life thought that my addiction would make such a change to my body and my life. I tell everybody that it is by the grace of God that I have been given another chance once again to make this right. So with the good Lords help I will win this battle but man there is no book other then the one here on KTC that can help you thru your quit. I have battled the anxiety/depression, craves that still drive me bonkers, of course the triggers and all the other wonderful symptoms that we get. I guess the worst is the silent reflux pain due to pepsin damage and delayed doctors visit and thats been going on over 100 days. So I constantly wonder if I am the only clown that is this way and how long will this last. Well I am not the only clown and I better get some new suspenders as this ride might take a long time. One thing that I have found is that having a quit buddy really can make your life easier. Just that morning text of support and the chats during the day along with a phone call when your really down has powered me thru alot of this garbage. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps people without you even knowing. When you do know please take that as a compliment. Keep it strong and keep blogging, God bless you brother.

@Thefranks5 Thank You for the gracious compliment!  I started this blog to chronicle my journey and to (maybe) help someone else.  You are 100% correct that without those quitters who came before us we might not have received the tools to quit nicotine.  I truly appreciate you taking the time to reach out and let me know that my blog helped you in your quit journey.  The timing was quite interesting as I was thinking that his might be a good time to stop blogging as i wasn't sure a new quitter would find any relevance to someone slogging it through 6th floor...

Proud to quit with you today,
oldschool

[Thefranks5]

Hey @oldschool I just wanted to say thanks. I have been having a real struggle myself and following your blog has really helped. I also am a 30 year addict and I agree this will take a however long it takes to clean up. I never in my life thought that my addiction would make such a change to my body and my life. I tell everybody that it is by the grace of God that I have been given another chance once again to make this right. So with the good Lords help I will win this battle but man there is no book other then the one here on KTC that can help you thru your quit. I have battled the anxiety/depression, craves that still drive me bonkers, of course the triggers and all the other wonderful symptoms that we get. I guess the worst is the silent reflux pain due to pepsin damage and delayed doctors visit and thats been going on over 100 days. So I constantly wonder if I am the only clown that is this way and how long will this last. Well I am not the only clown and I better get some new suspenders as this ride might take a long time. One thing that I have found is that having a quit buddy really can make your life easier. Just that morning text of support and the chats during the day along with a phone call when your really down has powered me thru alot of this garbage. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps people without you even knowing. When you do know please take that as a compliment. Keep it strong and keep blogging, God bless you brother.

[oldschool]

... I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created...

You're a rich man Oldschool. Rich and wise. So very pleased that you've added FREE to that.

Yes, Athan, I am a lucky man,and you are very correct that being FREE makes all the rest of the quit worth it.

[Athan]

... I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created...

You're a rich man Oldschool. Rich and wise. So very pleased that you've added FREE to that.

[Sand44]

612 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been 60 days since my last blog post.  60 days have gone by quick, too quick, but thankfully so.  Sounds contradictory both in my head as I say it and as I read it back, but quitting one day at a time puts a lot into perspective.  6th floor has been good so far; the daily struggles are not much of a struggle anymore, and the days go by both slow and fast at the same time.  I have fell into a routine with no set boundaries as I almost float from working from home and at the plant.  My family life has improved and my wife even comments that she now misses me more than ever on the days that I do go to work.  Due to the virus all of my kids are now living back home, so it has been fun seeing the house so alive.

The kids each brought back their pets.  We now have 2 dogs, 2 turtles, 1 cat and 3 fish tanks.  Thankfully my kids did come home and bring their companions as my family lost our loyal and loving 14 year old Labrador a couple of weeks back.  One day she was fine, and the next...not.  It was a powerful day as the family tried to cope with the loss.  We each mourned in our own way, and banded together as we comforted each other.  Even though I was very sad, I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created.  There was one thing that was missing throughout all of this:  I did not once think about nicotine.  Not one urge.  Not one single thought that nicotine would help me get through the pain and sorrow.

I think that has been the lesson this last 60 days.  I know I will never be cured.  I know my brain is still not done re-wiring itself.  I will have craves and anxiety that come and go.  I do not need nicotine for any of it.  Not when things are good and relaxed.  Not when things are stressed and painful.    Just live one day at a time and it will get better.  So much better.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.

Well said brother. Thanks for sharing.

Well spoken Rich. Damn proud to be quit with you TODAY.

600+ is deaaddlly. Fuck nicotine.

Sorry to hear about the pooch.

Take care brother!

[MN_Engineer]

612 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been 60 days since my last blog post.  60 days have gone by quick, too quick, but thankfully so.  Sounds contradictory both in my head as I say it and as I read it back, but quitting one day at a time puts a lot into perspective.  6th floor has been good so far; the daily struggles are not much of a struggle anymore, and the days go by both slow and fast at the same time.  I have fell into a routine with no set boundaries as I almost float from working from home and at the plant.  My family life has improved and my wife even comments that she now misses me more than ever on the days that I do go to work.  Due to the virus all of my kids are now living back home, so it has been fun seeing the house so alive.

The kids each brought back their pets.  We now have 2 dogs, 2 turtles, 1 cat and 3 fish tanks.  Thankfully my kids did come home and bring their companions as my family lost our loyal and loving 14 year old Labrador a couple of weeks back.  One day she was fine, and the next...not.  It was a powerful day as the family tried to cope with the loss.  We each mourned in our own way, and banded together as we comforted each other.  Even though I was very sad, I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created.  There was one thing that was missing throughout all of this:  I did not once think about nicotine.  Not one urge.  Not one single thought that nicotine would help me get through the pain and sorrow.

I think that has been the lesson this last 60 days.  I know I will never be cured.  I know my brain is still not done re-wiring itself.  I will have craves and anxiety that come and go.  I do not need nicotine for any of it.  Not when things are good and relaxed.  Not when things are stressed and painful.    Just live one day at a time and it will get better.  So much better.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.

Well said brother. Thanks for sharing.

Well spoken Rich. Damn proud to be quit with you TODAY.

[Keith0617]

612 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been 60 days since my last blog post.  60 days have gone by quick, too quick, but thankfully so.  Sounds contradictory both in my head as I say it and as I read it back, but quitting one day at a time puts a lot into perspective.  6th floor has been good so far; the daily struggles are not much of a struggle anymore, and the days go by both slow and fast at the same time.  I have fell into a routine with no set boundaries as I almost float from working from home and at the plant.  My family life has improved and my wife even comments that she now misses me more than ever on the days that I do go to work.  Due to the virus all of my kids are now living back home, so it has been fun seeing the house so alive.

The kids each brought back their pets.  We now have 2 dogs, 2 turtles, 1 cat and 3 fish tanks.  Thankfully my kids did come home and bring their companions as my family lost our loyal and loving 14 year old Labrador a couple of weeks back.  One day she was fine, and the next...not.  It was a powerful day as the family tried to cope with the loss.  We each mourned in our own way, and banded together as we comforted each other.  Even though I was very sad, I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created.  There was one thing that was missing throughout all of this:  I did not once think about nicotine.  Not one urge.  Not one single thought that nicotine would help me get through the pain and sorrow.

I think that has been the lesson this last 60 days.  I know I will never be cured.  I know my brain is still not done re-wiring itself.  I will have craves and anxiety that come and go.  I do not need nicotine for any of it.  Not when things are good and relaxed.  Not when things are stressed and painful.    Just live one day at a time and it will get better.  So much better.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.

Well said brother. Thanks for sharing.

[oldschool]

612 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been 60 days since my last blog post.  60 days have gone by quick, too quick, but thankfully so.  Sounds contradictory both in my head as I say it and as I read it back, but quitting one day at a time puts a lot into perspective.  6th floor has been good so far; the daily struggles are not much of a struggle anymore, and the days go by both slow and fast at the same time.  I have fell into a routine with no set boundaries as I almost float from working from home and at the plant.  My family life has improved and my wife even comments that she now misses me more than ever on the days that I do go to work.  Due to the virus all of my kids are now living back home, so it has been fun seeing the house so alive.

The kids each brought back their pets.  We now have 2 dogs, 2 turtles, 1 cat and 3 fish tanks.  Thankfully my kids did come home and bring their companions as my family lost our loyal and loving 14 year old Labrador a couple of weeks back.  One day she was fine, and the next...not.  It was a powerful day as the family tried to cope with the loss.  We each mourned in our own way, and banded together as we comforted each other.  Even though I was very sad, I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created.  There was one thing that was missing throughout all of this:  I did not once think about nicotine.  Not one urge.  Not one single thought that nicotine would help me get through the pain and sorrow.

I think that has been the lesson this last 60 days.  I know I will never be cured.  I know my brain is still not done re-wiring itself.  I will have craves and anxiety that come and go.  I do not need nicotine for any of it.  Not when things are good and relaxed.  Not when things are stressed and painful.    Just live one day at a time and it will get better.  So much better.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.

[oldschool]

552 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been a rough bit of time for me lately.  Much Like in December, where waves of anxiety have almost crippled me.  Why?  Interestingly, the same circumstances have befallen me... the trials and tribulations of leadership become too powerful for my feeble brain to comprehend.   I accept this.  I have tried to overcome this, but to no avail, this is my new normal.  It is a small price to pay.  Hours, days, weeks of fighting to be normal, for months of freedom without tribulation.  I cannot complain.... 30+ years of addiction... it will not abide because I will it.... 30+ years of addiction might not ever be forgotten...30+ years of addiction has a price to pay.

Stay strong.  It is the only thing that has gotten me this far. 

Stay positive.  It is all that we have to keep moving forward.

Stay vigilant.  Complacency is what kills most quits.

[Keith0617]

517 Days Nicotine Free!

Dropping like flies.... Quite a few quitters leaving KTC recently.  I, too, have pondered that question:  When do I stop posting my daily promise?

What pisses me off, quite frankly, are the quitters who "forget" to post roll. The quitters who post roll late.  The quitters who post and ghost and don't help with accountability.  The quitters who just care about themselves.  The quitters who get mad when they get called out.  The quitters who signed up to be apart of this community yet do everything possible to not take part in what makes this quitting process work.  It is demoralizing to me.  If you don't want to be in KTC, why are you here screwing with other people's quit?  Why can't you just post your promise as early in the day possible so other quitters don't have to waste there time tracking you down?

My wife and I had a date night last night.  Conversation turned to how well I have been managing my withdrawal symptoms.  We talked about how this site has helped me, and how I have tried (in my small way) to pay it forward.  We even talked about when will I not need to do this anymore.  The answer to that question, for me, is I do not know when I will stop posting.  I can't think that far into the future.  I can't let my addict mind try to convince me that I am cured.  Even though I feel so much better and don't think about nicotine all that much anymore, I know that I still do think about it - especially when i don't expect it.  I know that even though my withdrawal symptoms are not as intense they are still there, lurking, in the shadows.  I think that is the problem for me; I know how easy it would be for me to start using again.  Yes, I hate nicotine to my core.  Yes, I hate the process of dipping - the spit, the mess, the stink, the everything.  Despite all of the hate, I know there is a chance that I could be weak enough, stupid enough, or desperate enough to use nicotine again.

So, I posted my promise today as soon as I woke up.  The plan is to post tomorrow.  I haven't really thought much farther than that.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.

Hell yeah..... you get it brother, proud to be free with you today!

Well said Rich. Couldn’t have said it better.

[Zeus]

Rhetorical question, I know, but here we go: Why stop doing something that has been so beneficial to you?
If you're overweight and out of shape and go from a life-threatening 350 lbs to a strapping, healthy 160 lbs because you worked your ass off and practiced good food discipline, would you say it's time to stop counting calories and quit working out? No, you gotta keep at it or you end up where you were.

You may have simply reached a temporary comfortable plateau. One thing l learned while quitting is that nothing lasts forever. Quitting dip requires us to always be growing, or we end up back to where we were. So keep at it and keep growing and enjoy the privilege of being able to post another quit day. Good or bad, today is all we really have.

[Skolvikings]

517 Days Nicotine Free!

Dropping like flies.... Quite a few quitters leaving KTC recently.  I, too, have pondered that question:  When do I stop posting my daily promise?

What pisses me off, quite frankly, are the quitters who "forget" to post roll. The quitters who post roll late.  The quitters who post and ghost and don't help with accountability.  The quitters who just care about themselves.  The quitters who get mad when they get called out.  The quitters who signed up to be apart of this community yet do everything possible to not take part in what makes this quitting process work.  It is demoralizing to me.  If you don't want to be in KTC, why are you here screwing with other people's quit?  Why can't you just post your promise as early in the day possible so other quitters don't have to waste there time tracking you down?

My wife and I had a date night last night.  Conversation turned to how well I have been managing my withdrawal symptoms.  We talked about how this site has helped me, and how I have tried (in my small way) to pay it forward.  We even talked about when will I not need to do this anymore.  The answer to that question, for me, is I do not know when I will stop posting.  I can't think that far into the future.  I can't let my addict mind try to convince me that I am cured.  Even though I feel so much better and don't think about nicotine all that much anymore, I know that I still do think about it - especially when i don't expect it.  I know that even though my withdrawal symptoms are not as intense they are still there, lurking, in the shadows.  I think that is the problem for me; I know how easy it would be for me to start using again.  Yes, I hate nicotine to my core.  Yes, I hate the process of dipping - the spit, the mess, the stink, the everything.  Despite all of the hate, I know there is a chance that I could be weak enough, stupid enough, or desperate enough to use nicotine again.

So, I posted my promise today as soon as I woke up.  The plan is to post tomorrow.  I haven't really thought much farther than that.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.

Hell yeah..... you get it brother, proud to be free with you today!