ItÂ’s been a while since I logged some thoughts in this journal that havenÂ’t been the result of passing another milestone. Unfortunately, my cause for making this entry is not for joyous reasons but rather due to a troubling trend I have been observing in my quit group over the past month; and today it came to a head. I share this with you because I think it reinforces something that we can never forget.
The March Iron men, studs that we are, are only 450 to 475 days quit as of this writing. That may seem like a big number to some of you, but to me itÂ’s still a drop in the bucket. Like all of you, we are battling 10 to 30+ year addictions and our 15-16 month quits just scratch the surface of a life long battle; that being, the preservation of our freedom. Anyhow, when we first started there were 100 would be quitters in our group. Small compared to other months, and about 40% made it to day 100, and an elite group of 15 or so made it a full year. It seems like that once that 1 year mark was hit, weÂ’ve seen a drop off in roll posting. Today, about 10 or 11 are posting roll, with 8-9 religious about posting every day. I wonÂ’t mention names, except my own and to toot my own horn, IÂ’m at day 456 and have never missed a day. I am proud to be quitting with these remaining few brothers, but sad to see others fall by the wayside. Sure, this isnÂ’t a new discussion. The topic of veteran roll posting has been raised as well as the question if there comes a point where one is simply ready to move on without posting roll. But IÂ’ll say thisÂ…every cave IÂ’ve seen for someone over 100 days had one common theme. Every one. They all stopped posting roll.
The tipping point today, however, was when my brother reached out to one of the stragglers. This guy was/is a solid quitter. Just played a fantasy football season with us. Popular guy who you would commonly see his name in our roll post next to one of our supporters. When said brother questioned him about why he has not been on roll, his response was “I’m too busy and have other priorities.” That was a punch in the nuts to me, my buddy who texted him, and our entire quit group. It felt like he just gave us all a big “Fuck you, I’m out.” Obviously there is a litany of reactions we have to such a bullshit statement, but like I said earlier, there’s something we cannot forget. We’re addicts. We have all tried to quit this drug and take on this disease countless times before and failed every freaking time until we came here. I can’t imagine letting myself run the slightest risk of slipping by not doing the one simple deed that keeps me vigilant and tells my quit brothers that I’m with them.
Posting roll, for me, has become more than a simple promise, itÂ’s a creed and a gracious act. It tells my fellow brethren that:
1) I promise to be quit today
2) I care about you being quit today
3) Thank you for saving my life
I may always be an addict, but today I am not addicted. Post roll.
