All,
Decided to drop my pride and get back here. I caved and I need to take my lashes. I avoided coming back out of embarrassment, but realize its time to get passed that and get life back on track.
What Happened
I thought everything was going well. I was 50 or so days into the program, and I thought I had beaten her. I went back to Texas for something with work and was feeling good. I missed posting a few days and didn't have the right mindset. Next think I know, I'm getting gas and I just walked on inside and got a can.
Why Did I Let It Happen
I think I let it happen because I wanted it to happen. I wanted to dip again. I wanted that sweet burning sensation followed by the dizzy endorphin like release. I didn't have numbers, so I didn't call anyone. I didn't get back online. I basically didn't even try to stop.
What Will I Do To Keep It From Happening Again
I need to exchange numbers. I didn't do that last time, and when I disappeared, I could disappear. Noone had any way of contacting me unless I let them. I wasn't plugged in well, because I came back to the site, I had two messages asking where I had been. Perhaps I set myself up for failure in that I didn't take advantage of getting interlocked with people to yell at me when I got close to caving. I'm not saying the site failed, I'm saying I failed to get involved right so that the program could work in a time of need. I also need to keep the fervor high on my quit. I got lazy before my cave. My first 40 days or so on here, I fought hard and I was involved with roll and the chat room. When I caved, I wasn't doing anything.
I'm starting over today. I'm posting day 1 again, and its awful.