So, I've been pissed off about Terry's return all afternoon. Honestly, I don't know why I can't just let this shit go. Will staying out of August 09 from this point forward help me separate myself from Terry's betrayal or will it just make me stew on the situation even more because I'm letting it control my support? Or am I just being a little bitch about this whole thing and I should let bygones be bygones? Welcome back kid?
Allow me to rant for a moment since it's weighing heavy on my mind and I really don't feel like talking to anyone about this. The whole situation is so fucking pointless I'd rather just leave it here on the interweb for strangers to read.
Yes, Terry betrayed his quit brothers in April '09. OK, if they're over it, then I'm over it. I can't put any faith in his word ever again, but I'm over it. He could be a VERY patient internet troll for all I know, but I'm over it. Whatever.
After his admitted false posting, he stayed away from the site. He posted his success with me via e-mail for a few days. I was trying so hard to suppress my anger and give him a third chance. Every time I read one of his e-mails, I got pissed off. I wanted to chew. I saw him report another successful day quit and I got to thinking - hey, if this dipshit can jump right back on the quitwagon, so can I. For the first time in hundreds of days, I actually was thinking that maybe I could just go back for a while and start fresh with my quit.
Then I saw him post on Friday in August '09 saying that he wasn't seeking attention. OK. I saw on Saturday that he failed to post roll. I saw on Sunday that he failed to post roll. I saw on Monday that he failed to post roll. Well, maybe he posted roll Monday night, but whatever. I seem to remember people getting a lot of shit for just disappearing over the weekend without giving word that they'd be away from the internet. I guess he couldn't really text his roll call to someone, for obvious reasons. Anyways, I see that Terry's back and dedicated and then he goes three days without posting. He knows people (like me and his April brothers) are watching. He knows that he has played a big role in our own success. Is he just fucking with us? Is he just completely thoughtless or is he an internet troll trying to fuck with people?
I don't know. I guess I'll have to forgive at some point. Looks like all of April has already forgiven his treachery. Me, not so much. He needs to learn that he can't involve himself in other people's lives and completely disrespect them. People will not always welcome him back with open arms.
You know what? What the fuck am I talking about? Here's the only thing that matters. I am quit. Terry is just a hairy internet avatar with zero place in my life. The only power he has over me is the power that I give him. And that should go the other way too. Like hydro pointed out - he needs to quit for himself, not for any aspect of KTC. It needs to be about him and his life. Smokeyg only has the power that Terry gives him. If he's quitting for himself, that's the most important thing.
Fuck, I was hoping that writing all this out would help me feel better. But now I'm as pissed off as ever. What the fuck!!!!????? I guess, I'm sick of feeling betrayed. I betrayed myself and people close to me so many times in the past when it came to tobacco. I've made a huge improvement in my life. I just need to get away from the betrayal. Fuck. It sucks to be on the other side. I was such a dick to my wife for years. No more. I'm quit.
There, now I feel a little better. I'm going to go buy her flowers. God, I still take her for granted. Time to turn that around. I've been taking my students for granted. Time to turn that around. Time to focus more on the physical people in my life. The bullshit on this site has been a crutch for my own selfishness and escapism long enough.
See you in August '08.
