A Quitters Wife

[SOS]

I can't say how much I appreciate all the support that you all are throwing our way. It means more than I can say............

I read the letter-it took me a good 30 minutes to stop crying, cause I just want this demon gone and am praying that the effects aren't long lasting. I come from a family that lost her father at an early age, watched my mom struggle thru her grief, and us kids struggle thru ours-I don't want that for this family.

I will be pointing him here tonight, even if all he does is read and know that is is one of many-it's all I am asking of him. Then, we'll chuck that damn can in the trash and I'll take it to the dumpster.

Again, thank you all very much for this type of support-I am hopeful that my husband will be man enough to take it.........

Jenn

I am sure your husband is man enough to do this, he just has to take off the rose colored glasses that the demon has over his eyes so he can see the light 'winker'


anyway, without getting too philosophical, please let us know what he has either way.

[qutters wife]

I can't say how much I appreciate all the support that you all are throwing our way. It means more than I can say............

I read the letter-it took me a good 30 minutes to stop crying, cause I just want this demon gone and am praying that the effects aren't long lasting. I come from a family that lost her father at an early age, watched my mom struggle thru her grief, and us kids struggle thru ours-I don't want that for this family.

I will be pointing him here tonight, even if all he does is read and know that is is one of many-it's all I am asking of him. Then, we'll chuck that damn can in the trash and I'll take it to the dumpster.

Again, thank you all very much for this type of support-I am hopeful that my husband will be man enough to take it.........

Jenn

[Skoaldaddy]

Wow- you guys are fast!!!
A little background- He has tried to quit many times-always cutting down, etc. I know how hard quitting is-after smoking for about 15 years, I quit, and it sure as hell wasn't easy, and took me about 20 tries before I got it.

Anyhow, I don't expect him to quit for me, or for our kids. However, I think that sticking around to be here for his family would be a good reason. I plan to show him this site this evening, and encourage him to just listen. I think that he could go cold turkey, as I believe it would be best for him, and probably "easiest", but will support whatever he decides.

Thanks for the great support!!!
BTW- didn't even notice my sign on name was F*cked up!!!

I've only been quit for a few months. If he would like to talk to someone who's fairly new to the quit I will email him my phone number and we can chat. Just an open invitation if he's interested.

Ditto for me, I am MORE than willing to talk to him on the phone about quitting!!!! Make sure he knows that any idiot can put a dip in his mouth and suck on it, but it takes a REAL man to quit, I have never done anything in my life that I feel more proud and accomplished about!!!

[Flows]

Wow- you guys are fast!!!
A little background- He has tried to quit many times-always cutting down, etc. I know how hard quitting is-after smoking for about 15 years, I quit, and it sure as hell wasn't easy, and took me about 20 tries before I got it.

Anyhow, I don't expect him to quit for me, or for our kids. However, I think that sticking around to be here for his family would be a good reason. I plan to show him this site this evening, and encourage him to just listen. I think that he could go cold turkey, as I believe it would be best for him, and probably "easiest", but will support whatever he decides.

Thanks for the great support!!!
BTW- didn't even notice my sign on name was F*cked up!!!

I've only been quit for a few months. If he would like to talk to someone who's fairly new to the quit I will email him my phone number and we can chat. Just an open invitation if he's interested.

[Skoaldaddy]

Wow!!  That's the firsy time I have seen that letter and it just brought me to tears!!  I am normally not one for tears, but DAMN!  I had thought all along too that there would be no way that cancer would get me, that's only old wive's tales that people use to keep their kids from doing stupid things, guess I was wrong, Huh??

You've never seen it?

Hmmm. How many others haven't seen it.

It is a must read.

yeah, it IS a must read, if that isn't enough to keep someone quit, then they are fucking morons!!!!! Please post this in all of the new groups!!!!!!!!!!!

[Remshot]

Wow!! That's the firsy time I have seen that letter and it just brought me to tears!! I am normally not one for tears, but DAMN! I had thought all along too that there would be no way that cancer would get me, that's only old wive's tales that people use to keep their kids from doing stupid things, guess I was wrong, Huh??

You've never seen it?

Hmmm. How many others haven't seen it.

It is a must read.

[Skoaldaddy]

Wow!! That's the firsy time I have seen that letter and it just brought me to tears!! I am normally not one for tears, but DAMN! I had thought all along too that there would be no way that cancer would get me, that's only old wive's tales that people use to keep their kids from doing stupid things, guess I was wrong, Huh??

[Remshot]

someone point her to the Jenny Kern story

Great idea looT

From: Jennifer Kern
To: Quit Smokeless Organization
Sent: Friday, July 15, 2005 11:54 AM
Subject: Re: Benefit Fund


Dear Matt,

I realize it has been almost one year since you sent me this e-mail, but I saved it because I knew some day I wanted to respond. It looks like today is that day.

Before I began writing this, I decided to check out your website. I wasn't sure how or if I could write on it. So I thought if I e-mailed you, you could decide if it should be on the website. As I read some of the entries in the Hall of Fame, I saw so many stories like ours.

Tom started chewing just as many of these men did. He was about 13 when he was helping out on his grandpa's farm, and someone gave him a chew. He continued chewing through high school in his varies sports (mainly baseball). Tom and I meet his sophomore year in college. I continually told him I didn't like his chewing, and he continually ignored me. Being in his dorm room was disgusting. I never put my pop can down while I was in there - you know why! Many cans were accidentally kicked over, so the carpet smelled horrible and was brown from all the stains. When he asked me to marry him, I said, "Yes, if you quit chewing." You know how long that lasted. He would just sneak it. As many of the writer's said, he would wait until I left. Or he would chew to and from work, at softball games, Boundary Waters trips, hunting and fishing trips. Anytime I wasn't there, I'm sure a dip was. Finally, I caught him. We had arguments about it. I am a teacher, and one year I received a video to show my fifth graders about a teenage boy who died from chewing tobacco related cancer. I took it home and showed Tom. He was unfazed. He thought he was a big strong football player. It wasn't going to happen to him. After our daughter was born, he said he would quit. After our next daughter was born, and our son, and our last daughter. After many debates, I told him I didn't want it around me, the kids, the house. I didn't want to see it, hear about it, or know about it. I didn't want that STUFF to be an example for our kids. They all looked up to their dad, and I didn't want them to think it was cool!

In October of 2003, Tom had a sore on the inside of his cheek that wasn't going away. He thought he had bitten his cheek, and it was infected. The doctor put him on antibiotics for 10 days. After that didn't work, he went to an ENT. This doctor looked at it and said, "I think it's cancer." One week later, we received the bad news - squamous cell carcinoma. Five days later, we saw the surgeon. He said it was Stage 1, it looked very small, and he thought surgery would be the end of it. We were so relieved that there wouldn't be any radiation or chemo. One week later (Nov. 28, 2003) Tom had surgery. I looked at some of the pictures on the website, and you could easily add Tom's picture to it. He was cut from the middle of his bottom lip, down his neck, over to the right, and up behind his right ear. He had a trachea because the tumor was in his jaw so he could only open his mouth about an inch, and they were afraid he might aspirate. When he came home 5 days later, our eight year old daughter cried because he looked so scary. This made Tom (my 235 pound football player) cry! (Tom DOESN'T cry!)

We thought we were done. However, the pathologist report on the lymph nodes was that one out of fourteen had come back with some cancer cells in it. The surgeon said it was Tom's choice, but he would recommend radiation. He started radiation on Jan. 5, 2004. It was not a normal treatment of radiation. It was a newer type that would do less damage to surrounding tissue, but instead of being radiated for a couple of minutes, it would take 30 minutes. Monday though Friday for 6 1/2 weeks. He got very sick, couldn't eat (he said food tasted like shards of glass), and dropped down to 175 pounds. After the treatments were over, he would feel lousy for a couple more weeks, then he would gradually start feeling better. This happened, until April. He started feeling bad again. He was very depressed and went on anti-depression medication.

May 1, 2004 was the beginning of the end. Our 15 year old daughter was going to prom, and we went to take pictures. Tom got out of the car and began throwing up. His vision was also being affected. What was going on! This began day after day of doctor's appointments and tests. Finally, at the end of May, we got our answer - the cancer was back with a vengeance. Chemo would give him a year or two. But I thought a year or two would give us time to look around at all our options, and medical science was always coming up with something new. At this point, Tom had a food tube put in because he couldn't get much down. Between the pre-op physical and surgery (3 days) he lost 30 pounds! The cancer was eating him alive. He was scheduled to go to the Mayo Clinic on June 7 (his 42nd birthday).

On June 3 he spiked a fever, and I took him to the hospital. They ambulanced him to Minneapolis. They found lesions in most of his internal organs. After 5 days of testing, they found that it was all squamous cell carcinoma. We brought our children to the hospital on June 10 to tell them that their dad was going to die. That has been one of the most painful times of my life. To see my children (ages 16, 12, 9, 7) touch their once robust, jolly father who lay lifeless in his hospital bed and know he was dying just killed me. Two days later, we were all around him as he took his last breath. Our oldest child threw herself on his legs and cried, "Don't go, Dad!"

Stage 1 cancer, 1.3 centimeters in size - and he was dead in less than seven months from the day he was diagnosed. He never thought it would happen to him. Someone once asked me what the chances of getting cancer from chewing tobacco was, and I replied that it didn't matter what the chances are if you are the one who gets it. You never know if it will be you.

As I continued to read some of the entries, the tears began to fall as I saw Tom's name. Some of the writer's said that Tom's story helped them to continue on their journey of being tobacco free. This would have meant so much to Tom, and means so much to me. Tom spoke to our 16 year old's health class right after he was done with radiation. He told them that he thought he was only hurting himself, but he realized that this addiction hurt anyone who has ever cared about him. He was a very selfless person, and it hurt him to know that he was putting all of us through hell. He wasn't thinking about himself, and all the pain and suffering he was going through. That was the kind of man he was.

Our eight year old daughter comes to me often at night crying. She asks why companies make things that kill people, and why did Dad have to chew. I don't have any answers for her. Tom felt so guilty about his choice to continue chewing. He couldn't believe the power of his addiction. Two weeks after his surgery he said, "You're not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!"

One year later, we are surviving, but not really loving life. Maybe someday we will get there, but for now I want to put my head on his barrel chest and have him wrap his arms around me and just hold me tight. I want to hear him tell the stories I heard him tell a hundred times, but still laughed until I cried every time I heard them. He was so full of life, until chewing tobacco took his life.

I am glad that so many people have been helped by this website. I only wish Tom had been aware of it. I want to thank you for letting me tell Tom's story, for e-mails I've received, for entries on Tom's caring bridge website, for financial support, and for your prayers. I wish you all success in staying tobacco free. God bless you.

Jenny Kern

[loot]

someone point her to the Jenny Kern story

[SOS]

Wow- you guys are fast!!!
A little background- He has tried to quit many times-always cutting down, etc. I know how hard quitting is-after smoking for about 15 years, I quit, and it sure as hell wasn't easy, and took me about 20 tries before I got it.

Anyhow, I don't expect him to quit for me, or for our kids. However, I think that sticking around to be here for his family would be a good reason. I plan to show him this site this evening, and encourage him to just listen. I think that he could go cold turkey, as I believe it would be best for him, and probably "easiest", but will support whatever he decides.

Thanks for the great support!!!
BTW- didn't even notice my sign on name was F*cked up!!!

You are absolutely correct, family and life are awesome reasons to quit. Please don't take what I said in the previous post the wrong way, I am just saying it makes the quit easier to stick to if he is doing it for him and those reasons. It sounds as if he has all the support he could ask for at home and that is a huge part of the battle. For with you knowing what it is like to quit, you already know the mood swings and dip rage that can come along with it. I commend you on finding this site for him, and I hope that he sees it for what it is, you caring enough to take action to help him. Good luck and we hope to see him soon.

[qutters wife]

Wow- you guys are fast!!!
A little background- He has tried to quit many times-always cutting down, etc. I know how hard quitting is-after smoking for about 15 years, I quit, and it sure as hell wasn't easy, and took me about 20 tries before I got it.

Anyhow, I don't expect him to quit for me, or for our kids. However, I think that sticking around to be here for his family would be a good reason. I plan to show him this site this evening, and encourage him to just listen. I think that he could go cold turkey, as I believe it would be best for him, and probably "easiest", but will support whatever he decides.

Thanks for the great support!!!
BTW- didn't even notice my sign on name was F*cked up!!!

[SOS]

I am hoping that this will enable my husband to be a success with kicking this habit. I found this site today, and am so happy that I did.
My name is Jenn-my husband is Brian, and he's been using Skoal for longer than even he knows-atleast 20 years now. After having some serious issues in our marriage, he admited to me that the chew is killing him. This happened lastnight. I called and made him an appt with the dentist first thing, and he's on the ASAP list there. We're praying hard that it's not bad, but will deal with whatever it is.
Getting him off this shit is the number one priority.
What I would like to know from you guys, is what has worked for you? He's considering trying the nicotine patch, which worked for me when I quit smoking. He is desperate here guys, and can use any advice that you can give!!!!!

Thanks in advance-Jenn

He needs to get on here EVERY day. WE will help him quit. Don't let him tell you he is not good with computers or any other excuse. We have thought / heard them all. The fact of the matter is, is that we have all succeeded due to the support, and advise of those on this board. Ask your husband if his word is worth anything and send him to us.

And please, for the good of you and your husband, make sure that he is quitting for him first and foremost. If he comes here only to appease you and make you happy, he will turn that around and use it as an excuse to fail. He has to want it for himself just as much as you want it for him. But first thing is first, send him here and let us talk to him and see where he is at. This site can do amazing things and it has for many of us. I am going on 2 years at the end of the year and I owe it all to these guys and this site. In my opinion, he has to quit cold turkey with the help of this site. As many on here will tell you, using patches is simply prolonging things and keeping what we refer to as "the demon" in his system. No one said it is easy, but we will all tell you, it is WORTH it. I hope to see him soon

[Remshot]

Great advice WhoDey.....May I add, beware the "Oh! It's not cancer, I can still dip" knee jerk reaction....

And Quitters Wife, please note your sign on name. It appears the "I" was left out. We can fix that for you, I believe, or just leave it but be sure you remember what it is when you sign back in.

[redsoxfanatic]

I am hoping that this will enable my husband to be a success with kicking this habit. I found this site today, and am so happy that I did.
My name is Jenn-my husband is Brian, and he's been using Skoal for longer than even he knows-atleast 20 years now. After having some serious issues in our marriage, he admited to me that the chew is killing him. This happened lastnight. I called and made him an appt with the dentist first thing, and he's on the ASAP list there. We're praying hard that it's not bad, but will deal with whatever it is.
Getting him off this shit is the number one priority.
What I would like to know from you guys, is what has worked for you? He's considering trying the nicotine patch, which worked for me when I quit smoking. He is desperate here guys, and can use any advice that you can give!!!!!

Thanks in advance-Jenn

The dentist trip was the final push for me...and the scare of the big C. I found the patch was just another crutch...had to fight through those first three REALLY BAD days to get the nic outta the system. Not saying it is easy now, on day 122, but better. I created a list of reasons to quit v. reasons to continue and that helped. All of the reasons to continue were full of BS...reasons to quit were endless. I still look at the list every time I get the craves. All of this AND my post every morning promising the guys/gals in here that I won't dip for the day! Show this site to your husband and have him post roll in the February 08 group...the support is here if he wants it!

All the best for your husband tomorrow.

J

[Whodey]

Have hubby read all these to see what we are about
http://z11.invisionfree.com/QS_Xtreme/i ... owforum=13

Then have him read this:
http://z11.invisionfree.com/QS_Xtreme/i ... wtopic=439

Then finally send him here for final instructions
http://z11.invisionfree.com/QS_Xtreme/i ... wtopic=677