Day 16 of my 2nd quit.

[Doofus]

Poof

[Leonidas]

'butt hurt'

Toolbox...

Oh,oh,oh....
I'm good at this, Alex.
What is something guys with manicures don't own?

[BubbaM]

'butt hurt'

Toolbox...

[pab1964]

'butt hurt'

[BubbaM]

Not really the way I wanted my intro to end. But at the same time I believe it may be a good thing. I am done posting in my intro. This is the last post I will make. If I need to vent I will text or vent in my home month.

Steak - to be honest you never really helped me. In my opinion you help people who fit your bill of quit. I am not that person. The drill Sgt. type of mentality does not work with me. I am assuming its because I am an educator and I truly understand that everyone learns and feels things differently. Call me a pansy or a puss, whatever you want. I remember you texting me in my early days and you just kind of stopped because my attitude didn't change. NEWS FLASH, the attitude hasn't changed the whole time. But I am functioning daily now. I only have bad days and most of my days are not a total disaster.

Leo - your just an odd guy. You talk about addict talk a lot and I feel you actually have some knowledge with it. But your policing can be a turn off. Not saying you haven't helped because you have at times. Once again just remember that everyone is different. Your different from me. And I am different from you.

Pab - no idea where you come from most times. you basically just like to throw your 2 cents into things. I guess thanks.

Anyhow, I guess where I was coming from with my post yesterday was that I was just venting. I literally say anything that is on my mind. Some of you have a hard time with this. But a real man does not cover up his feelings and does not hide behind anything. I let it all out. Then it is off my mind. Also, when I was saying I was looking back at different years. It seems A LOT of people stop posting on KTC. A LOT of older groups only have about 2, 3, 4 people from the original group who are actually still posting. The other people go in the group who have day counts that don't match up. This is depressing to me and one reason why 2, 3, 4 years down the road I may stop posting.

I am also going to start posting and ghosting because looking at KTC all day does nothing for me but make me think about dip.

When I get bored I may post in my into just to make some of you mad. Because a lot of you just troll people and look for any little speck of weakness and then try and exploit it. Like you just did with me yesterday. So I may entertain the fact that you do this and throw you some fake bait once in awhile. Just to see you squeal! But that would not be very christian of me so we will see.

I did want to hit on the fact that yes, I have a negative attitude and perspective on this. It is slowly changing. I do not know what my hang up is but I have a hang up that I am trying to get over. Usually posting helps and then I move on. And I am never saying it is right to go back to nicotine. When I say I understand I am saying that some people just cannot handle stress or adversity. People who never go back are very very strong people who I feel are very mentally tough. Other people are not mentally tough at all.

Anyways. If I have anything else I will just edit this post. I know all of you will see this because all you do is surf KTC and comment on anything and everything. Anyways, Goodbye intro. It was a good negative piece of writing that I put together.

[pab1964]

You're welcome bro!
I'm stoked 'cause I thought you might take our support wrong and have a hissy fit.
Good on you brother.
Call me any time!!

ODAAT! Take what you need and leave the rest. Maybe you should try writing positive shit, it actually helps the brain think positive. Around here rainbows and unicorns donÂ’t win. Put your big boy drawers on, take it as support because thatÂ’s what it was. The reason it came down like it did was because all of the ass patting donÂ’t do shit for anyone! Take what you need, leave the rest. Some day, when you get over your little mad spell you may want to thank these guys. Because what I read their trying to prevent a possible cave. Quit on!

Pab

[Leonidas]

You're welcome bro!
I'm stoked 'cause I thought you might take our support wrong and have a hissy fit.
Good on you brother.
Call me any time!!

[BubbaM]

It just never stops with most of you guys. I share my feelings. That is what I do. It immediately goes to PRE-CAVE thoughts? Once again not everyone's quit is rainbows and unicorns.

Maybe I need to actually get shit off of my chest and say whats on my mind. I guess where I am coming from with thinking 2 or 3 years down the road is that searching other quit groups. That are older, Most groups are dead. Participation is dead and most people leave. Where they go I don't know?

I'm done posting in my intro because we have some trolls here that want you to quit with pooping skittles and you cant say whats on your actual mind. I am almost getting fed up with this stuff. Thanks Steak and Leo for the support! Man it has really helped me out along my way. Next time I will just text somebody that gives an actual shit.

I have to stop posting in my intro because it is not positive enough for Steak and Leo.

The End of BubbaM's introduction.

[Leonidas]

I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.

I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?

I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.

Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.

Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.

I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.

I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.

"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC

You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.

Read this again Bubba.
He is spot on.
And telling him not to click on your intro is really goofy.
This is a support group. That's what we do here.
If you don't want people responding to your posts, well maybe you shouldn't be posting your pre-cave thoughts on an open forum.

[Clint31]

HeÂ’s not saying he doesnÂ’t want to remain quit. HeÂ’s merely putting his thoughts down and trying to get a grasp of the slippery rocks in life. I can relate. He is mentally tough dude and heÂ’s gonna stay quit and all that. We have to just talk through life with folks sometimes on here rather than immediately assuming that a rough patch someone has hit means they relapse. He is solid and this is not about him returning to a can... far as I know. And I do feel I know him well.

I can relate to some of the things he is saying.

Let people journal as they need, and offer support on those things. ItÂ’s not all related to the can, especially in this case

[worktowin]

I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.

I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?

I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.

Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.

Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.

I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.

I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.

"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC

You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.

Bubba - Steakbomb was the first person I met in person from KTC. He called me on his HOF day and we talked for a bit about what a huge win that day was. We met in Mystic CT one morning several months later for breakfast and talked about our journey, our quit, and our families and life in general. Steakbomb is a very good friend of mine. When my wife and mother have been through some life threatening medical conditions - steakbomb walked me through what was happening. We know each other's family, jobs, fuck we know when we buy new cars, mow the grass, or grill some killer ribs on the bbq.

The thought of cutting off my friendship with steakbomb is unfathomable. It isn't in the cards. Our friendship is built on KTC. The thought of relaying to him that quitting quitting is ok is NOT okay. We are a team, and you don't do that to a team. When you start fantasizing about quitting a team, you change your mindset. I hate to

Andy (steakbomb) knows how to quit. He knows how to lead. And he knows how to win. You need to listen to him. Carefully.

IÂ’m just going to leave this one alone. Only guy that had a negative comment all day. Posted in my group and got some pretty positive comments. IÂ’m going to move on from the comments here. If you donÂ’t like my thoughts donÂ’t click on my intro.

I've been, and still am, one of your biggest supporters. But we call bullshit when we see it, Bubba. And talking about quitting KTC isn't how this place works. And I'll type that wherever the fuck I wanna type that on KTC.

We quit as a team. We win together. We don't romanticize nicotine. We don't endorse or make excuses for people caving. People DIE from this shit (Traumagnet Julyt 2013), and they don't cave on the way to their eternal home. I've had friends on KTC lose jobs (KC_Guy from August 2013), go home to find their wife packed up her shit and took their special needs daughter out of the blue away from him (ERussell August 2013), friends who were literally freaking out with anxiety (Mike from AB, November 2013) and none of them caved... or talked about caving. They leaned on their brothers, and we all grew stronger.

[quitNWinay]

I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.

I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?

I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.

Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.

Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.

I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.

I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.

"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC

You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.

Bubba - Steakbomb was the first person I met in person from KTC. He called me on his HOF day and we talked for a bit about what a huge win that day was. We met in Mystic CT one morning several months later for breakfast and talked about our journey, our quit, and our families and life in general. Steakbomb is a very good friend of mine. When my wife and mother have been through some life threatening medical conditions - steakbomb walked me through what was happening. We know each other's family, jobs, fuck we know when we buy new cars, mow the grass, or grill some killer ribs on the bbq.

The thought of cutting off my friendship with steakbomb is unfathomable. It isn't in the cards. Our friendship is built on KTC. The thought of relaying to him that quitting quitting is ok is NOT okay. We are a team, and you don't do that to a team. When you start fantasizing about quitting a team, you change your mindset. I hate to

Andy (steakbomb) knows how to quit. He knows how to lead. And he knows how to win. You need to listen to him. Carefully.

IÂ’m just going to leave this one alone. Only guy that had a negative comment all day. Posted in my group and got some pretty positive comments. IÂ’m going to move on from the comments here. If you donÂ’t like my thoughts donÂ’t click on my intro.

Brother, these people care for you! I think they have a point here. Being veterans, I am sure they can spot a cave from far away. You are a nice guy and you have helped a lot of people with their quits. I personally have found strength by reading how you fight severe symptoms. I am sure you would never want to go through that shit again! Let's not talk about ever stopping being nic-busters and stay quit forever.

[BubbaM]

I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.

I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?

I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.

Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.

Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.

I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.

I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.

"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC

You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.

Bubba - Steakbomb was the first person I met in person from KTC. He called me on his HOF day and we talked for a bit about what a huge win that day was. We met in Mystic CT one morning several months later for breakfast and talked about our journey, our quit, and our families and life in general. Steakbomb is a very good friend of mine. When my wife and mother have been through some life threatening medical conditions - steakbomb walked me through what was happening. We know each other's family, jobs, fuck we know when we buy new cars, mow the grass, or grill some killer ribs on the bbq.

The thought of cutting off my friendship with steakbomb is unfathomable. It isn't in the cards. Our friendship is built on KTC. The thought of relaying to him that quitting quitting is ok is NOT okay. We are a team, and you don't do that to a team. When you start fantasizing about quitting a team, you change your mindset. I hate to

Andy (steakbomb) knows how to quit. He knows how to lead. And he knows how to win. You need to listen to him. Carefully.

IÂ’m just going to leave this one alone. Only guy that had a negative comment all day. Posted in my group and got some pretty positive comments. IÂ’m going to move on from the comments here. If you donÂ’t like my thoughts donÂ’t click on my intro.

[worktowin]

I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.

I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?

I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.

Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.

Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.

I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.

I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.

"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC

You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.

Bubba - Steakbomb was the first person I met in person from KTC. He called me on his HOF day and we talked for a bit about what a huge win that day was. We met in Mystic CT one morning several months later for breakfast and talked about our journey, our quit, and our families and life in general. Steakbomb is a very good friend of mine. When my wife and mother have been through some life threatening medical conditions - steakbomb walked me through what was happening. We know each other's family, jobs, fuck we know when we buy new cars, mow the grass, or grill some killer ribs on the bbq.

The thought of cutting off my friendship with steakbomb is unfathomable. It isn't in the cards. Our friendship is built on KTC. The thought of relaying to him that quitting quitting is ok is NOT okay. We are a team, and you don't do that to a team. When you start fantasizing about quitting a team, you change your mindset. I hate to

Andy (steakbomb) knows how to quit. He knows how to lead. And he knows how to win. You need to listen to him. Carefully.

[Steakbomb18]

I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.

I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?

I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.

Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.

Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.

I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.

I can't listen (or read) this spew any longer. This is the worst case of pre-cave talk I have ever read.

"Understanding" why someone would go back to the can?
When "stress or adversity hits, anyone could go back?"
Fear of stress - "Will I be able to make it"
"I don't care what anyone says, If I go back to the can or I don't" ..."Nicotine or not"
Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC
Would it be letting them down, NO
"Remembering" guys who helped me out
Dip or no dip
KTC or no KTC

You are destined to fail with this attitude. For any newbie, this is not quitting. Quitting is taking the bull by its horns, punching it in the face, and owning your quit one day at a time. You build friendships and bonds ...not just "remembrances" of helpers. You hate nicotine with every cell in your body and promise yourself with ever ounce of power to never use it again. And you give a damn. You care about yourself and you care about your quit brothers. This is accountability. This is brotherhood. Not this pre-cave shit.