Day 16 of my 2nd quit.

[BubbaM]

I have a lot to talk about. I donÂ’t know if I will get to all of it today. The weekend was very good. Spent some good time with my daughters. The only thing that sucked was my best friend who started quitting in July already went back to the can. I actually
Understand whatÂ’s up with him. He is recently divorced and taking care of his 4 kids. I donÂ’t know if I would be able to take that stress. I wish he would just reach out and talk about his shit. He typically stays to himself. I realized after that. This nicotine shit is hard. ItÂ’s harder then most of us imagine. Right when stress or adversity hits anyone could go back. DoesnÂ’t matter if your 1 day quit or 1,000.

I also feel itÂ’s harder for younger quitters. Most of you have hit the can for 25, 30, 40 years so yes you have been a slave. My fear is that IÂ’m still on my 30Â’s and IÂ’m still trying to just figure life out. Make it by paying bills. Raising my girls. ThereÂ’s a lot of stress in everything. This all scares me. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to handle my stress and enjoy life?

I donÂ’t care what anyone says. If I go back to the can or if I donÂ’t. The best thing that came out of this part of my life is that I am building my relationship with God. Nicotine or not. I again have a relationship with him. You can say God wonÂ’t save me from cancer...but he saves me in the end with his Grace.

Eventually I believe I will need to leave KTC. I fee I need to see if I am truly here for myself. Or if I am just posting because I feel obligated to do so. That time is not now. It could be a year or 2 or 3 down the road. Then you will say...you donÂ’t want to let your brothers down... My answer to that is most of these guys have helped me through a shit time in my life. Would it be letting them down...NO...I will always remember the guys who have helped me out. Dip or no dip. KTC or no KTC.

Biggest thing with all this is that now we know we can quit ODAAT. And in actuality this is dangerous knowledge. Because now I know lifeÂ’s goes on with out the drug of choice.

I still have work to do. IÂ’m not going anywhere now. Just journaling and giving you my thoughts.

[worktowin]

I donÂ’t post a lot for several reasons.

Just wanna day here that getting to know you and you being a friend to me has helped me tremendously. We are at tough stages. You are a good dude... hang in there . Thanks for being a blessing to me

You brothers are winners. Keep winning. It gets so much better.

[Clint31]

I donÂ’t post a lot for several reasons.

Just wanna day here that getting to know you and you being a friend to me has helped me tremendously. We are at tough stages. You are a good dude... hang in there . Thanks for being a blessing to me

[Doofus]

Read November 2017 motto today, "We will not lose an argument to a dead plant in a plastic can."

[BubbaM]

Seriously have a light depression that doesnÂ’t seem to go away. Will go away for a few hours. During the day itÂ’s around a lot. Have thought about giving in a lot the past few days. Just need to make my promise in the morning and try and live in the moment. Try and battle this storm! The light depression really could go away!

[Doofus]

Getting close to un chartered quit waters.....never been past 7 months in 30 years....222 qlf

[Doofus]

Just some thoughts, I have not journaled in awhile. I thought some of you would maybe want to chime in. Alright sleep is way better but I wake up some days and feel nervous. Like IÂ’m missing something or someone. I think I am grieving the can. Which is goofy because itÂ’s not a person. Also, I only poop once a day now and itÂ’s in the morning. And man they are bad bad bad. Anyone else got this problem? I still donÂ’t know if I get cravings. I think I was more chewing out of pure boredom. I was also an addict tho. Haha if that makes any sense. My anxiety is better. I feel I just get nervous at times. I try to stay busy when it is very bad. The depression comes and goes in waves. Last spot was 4-5 days. And way less crying then normal. Also, the last time it was that bad was back in May. Those 4-5 days were about a week ago.

I donÂ’t know if I will stay tobacco free for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I am a better father. I spend countless more hours with my kids. I donÂ’t know if my wife sees this yet but it is true. I also do more life giving activities. Spend more time at church. And help people out more. Right now I need to take all of this into consideration. Post roll daily, and see what my life becomes. ODAAT!

Hows your physical fitness, weight? I RECCOMEND another something positive in your life....do something that will release endorphins or give you a goal and mental boost....fitness goal or weight loss feels good.....just saying. Train and run a 5k? Do something new, challenge yourself.

I run every other morning. Run walk. I don’t know how far but I am pretty sweaty when I am done. I’m guessing I run walk about 1 1/2 Miles or 2. I used to weigh close to 200. I am 5’6”. I am guessing I have lost like 10-15 lbs. I feel better physically. It’s just the mental side that has anything with me. I have been running and walking now sense day like 65. It has helped.

I guess the other positive thing that I have added is that I am going to become catholic. But there is also a church 2 houses away that I am joining a menÂ’s bible study and going to be volunteering more. Like helping with the yard work and anything else they need. On my last 3-4 depressive days I take my kids up there and ride bikes. I walked in and asked the pastor if I can help out and do a bible study. He said yes, for some reason that church reminds me of my childhood growing up. I donÂ’t care what anybody says. I can become catholic and still help out in that church too. There is nothing wrong with that. The Catholic Church doesnÂ’t do grill outs or family events too much. So this is a good step for me. I am sure my wife doesnÂ’t care. A bit more church activities is not bad for anyone!

Agree, keep up the good work! It keeps getting better!

[BubbaM]

Just some thoughts, I have not journaled in awhile. I thought some of you would maybe want to chime in. Alright sleep is way better but I wake up some days and feel nervous. Like IÂ’m missing something or someone. I think I am grieving the can. Which is goofy because itÂ’s not a person. Also, I only poop once a day now and itÂ’s in the morning. And man they are bad bad bad. Anyone else got this problem? I still donÂ’t know if I get cravings. I think I was more chewing out of pure boredom. I was also an addict tho. Haha if that makes any sense. My anxiety is better. I feel I just get nervous at times. I try to stay busy when it is very bad. The depression comes and goes in waves. Last spot was 4-5 days. And way less crying then normal. Also, the last time it was that bad was back in May. Those 4-5 days were about a week ago.

I donÂ’t know if I will stay tobacco free for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I am a better father. I spend countless more hours with my kids. I donÂ’t know if my wife sees this yet but it is true. I also do more life giving activities. Spend more time at church. And help people out more. Right now I need to take all of this into consideration. Post roll daily, and see what my life becomes. ODAAT!

Hows your physical fitness, weight? I RECCOMEND another something positive in your life....do something that will release endorphins or give you a goal and mental boost....fitness goal or weight loss feels good.....just saying. Train and run a 5k? Do something new, challenge yourself.

I run every other morning. Run walk. I don’t know how far but I am pretty sweaty when I am done. I’m guessing I run walk about 1 1/2 Miles or 2. I used to weigh close to 200. I am 5’6”. I am guessing I have lost like 10-15 lbs. I feel better physically. It’s just the mental side that has anything with me. I have been running and walking now sense day like 65. It has helped.

I guess the other positive thing that I have added is that I am going to become catholic. But there is also a church 2 houses away that I am joining a menÂ’s bible study and going to be volunteering more. Like helping with the yard work and anything else they need. On my last 3-4 depressive days I take my kids up there and ride bikes. I walked in and asked the pastor if I can help out and do a bible study. He said yes, for some reason that church reminds me of my childhood growing up. I donÂ’t care what anybody says. I can become catholic and still help out in that church too. There is nothing wrong with that. The Catholic Church doesnÂ’t do grill outs or family events too much. So this is a good step for me. I am sure my wife doesnÂ’t care. A bit more church activities is not bad for anyone!

[Doofus]

Just some thoughts, I have not journaled in awhile. I thought some of you would maybe want to chime in. Alright sleep is way better but I wake up some days and feel nervous. Like IÂ’m missing something or someone. I think I am grieving the can. Which is goofy because itÂ’s not a person. Also, I only poop once a day now and itÂ’s in the morning. And man they are bad bad bad. Anyone else got this problem? I still donÂ’t know if I get cravings. I think I was more chewing out of pure boredom. I was also an addict tho. Haha if that makes any sense. My anxiety is better. I feel I just get nervous at times. I try to stay busy when it is very bad. The depression comes and goes in waves. Last spot was 4-5 days. And way less crying then normal. Also, the last time it was that bad was back in May. Those 4-5 days were about a week ago.

I donÂ’t know if I will stay tobacco free for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I am a better father. I spend countless more hours with my kids. I donÂ’t know if my wife sees this yet but it is true. I also do more life giving activities. Spend more time at church. And help people out more. Right now I need to take all of this into consideration. Post roll daily, and see what my life becomes. ODAAT!

Hows your physical fitness, weight? I RECCOMEND another something positive in your life....do something that will release endorphins or give you a goal and mental boost....fitness goal or weight loss feels good.....just saying. Train and run a 5k? Do something new, challenge yourself.

[Doofus]

Day 214, keep it up bro

[BubbaM]

Just some thoughts, I have not journaled in awhile. I thought some of you would maybe want to chime in. Alright sleep is way better but I wake up some days and feel nervous. Like IÂ’m missing something or someone. I think I am grieving the can. Which is goofy because itÂ’s not a person. Also, I only poop once a day now and itÂ’s in the morning. And man they are bad bad bad. Anyone else got this problem? I still donÂ’t know if I get cravings. I think I was more chewing out of pure boredom. I was also an addict tho. Haha if that makes any sense. My anxiety is better. I feel I just get nervous at times. I try to stay busy when it is very bad. The depression comes and goes in waves. Last spot was 4-5 days. And way less crying then normal. Also, the last time it was that bad was back in May. Those 4-5 days were about a week ago.

I donÂ’t know if I will stay tobacco free for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I am a better father. I spend countless more hours with my kids. I donÂ’t know if my wife sees this yet but it is true. I also do more life giving activities. Spend more time at church. And help people out more. Right now I need to take all of this into consideration. Post roll daily, and see what my life becomes. ODAAT!

[worktowin]

I wish I could help more! Lots of guys say things donÂ’t get better until after 200 days. You are so close. You are making your new normal and everything is going to level
Out. DonÂ’t rush it! No one is giving up on you! You have had LOTS of great days over the past 151 days. DonÂ’t focus on the negative. IÂ’ll quit with you tomorrow friend!

150 was where things started improving for me. You arenÂ’t alone. GoneCruisin has a very similar road. HeÂ’s cruising now. Bubba IÂ’m honored to quit with you.

[Capital70]

I wish I could help more! Lots of guys say things donÂ’t get better until after 200 days. You are so close. You are making your new normal and everything is going to level
Out. DonÂ’t rush it! No one is giving up on you! You have had LOTS of great days over the past 151 days. DonÂ’t focus on the negative. IÂ’ll quit with you tomorrow friend!

[BubbaM]

How many places do I have to go for help? This is a disaster...Better then days before but this shit doesnÂ’t go away...I have talked to my father at church...I have prayed...I have taken meds...I have started working out, eating better. One pop a day. Spending more time with loved ones. Done things I wouldnÂ’t have. Now I am searching for more bible study groups and thereÂ’s not anything out there. IÂ’m to the point where no one wants to help anymore. I just met with my therapist last week and he is gone for 2 weeks. Anybody I talk to on KTC thinks IÂ’m a psycho! Good thing I am mentally tough because I donÂ’t know how I havenÂ’t said fuck it and bought a can. The dentist even told me my gums are great. At 151 this shit needs to stop. I am posting and ghosting in the morning because KTC drives me fucking nuts. Nobody has struggled like this! Yes call me Special I am sick of it. Can you tell IÂ’m not handling stress very well?

[BubbaM]

I want my life to turn to some type of normal, I will keep praying...