Day 16 of my 2nd quit.

[BubbaM]

DidnÂ’t work out this morning but that is ok because I cannot wake up for the life of me. This medication knocks me out. My wife is upset about it but understands there is nothing that I can do about it. ItÂ’s what the doctor wants me to do. I got 3 more days of this. I told my dad that he needs to come over and try to get me going in the morning. I am going to have to talk to my wife tonight because she wants to go out of town in the morning. Which is ok. But I am going to need her to be patient Incase I canÂ’t get going. My mood isnÂ’t down but isnÂ’t up. I just have questions circling in my head. How about this one...If I have just one will I get mind messed us like I am right now? Good lord, I just donÂ’t want to live in fear. I want to live peacefully!

[FLLipOut]

Sitting on the couch relaxing. Everyday, I just need to take one day at a time. My mornings have been rough and then my day will slowly get better. Obviously filled with irrational thoughts a lot. About dipping and other things. But today it was manageable. Tomorrow, one foot infront of the other. One day at a time! Minutes or hours if need be! Remember, God will give you enough strength to get you through. He will not break you. But he will get you through any situation and make you stronger!

My mornings always were worse, too. It was hard some days to get out of bed - but you have to fake it til you make it sometimes. Getting ample sleep is so key and will cure a lot that ails you.

Feel free to post in the anxiety and depression thread here. We would love to have you join us!

Proud of you, Bubba. ODAAT.

[BubbaM]

Sitting on the couch relaxing. Everyday, I just need to take one day at a time. My mornings have been rough and then my day will slowly get better. Obviously filled with irrational thoughts a lot. About dipping and other things. But today it was manageable. Tomorrow, one foot infront of the other. One day at a time! Minutes or hours if need be! Remember, God will give you enough strength to get you through. He will not break you. But he will get you through any situation and make you stronger!

[Mack213]

Reading your quit, helps my quit. Theres gonna be a day, mark my words, where you look back and say "I'm SO happy I stayed quit, because of this feeling"

And then there will be another feeling like that, and another, and another...its gonna snowball and the good days will start to smash the bad days. Staying quit with you Bub.

[Doofus]

Hang in there dude, you are doing awesome!

[BubbaM]

Psychiatrist told me I have to take the rest of the week off. He said that he wants me to take this med for 5 nights in order to help me sleep and rest my mind. I was pretty tired this morning as well and took awhile getting going. The med is seroquel. I am assuming from what he said this is going to be these 5 days and then as needed after that if I havenÂ’t been sleeping. I understand I need to get some good sleep. Which I did last night. I didnÂ’t wake up at all. Hopefully in 5 days I will start to be rested and have some more energy. I need to trust what my doctor says. He also gave me some anxiety medication I can use as an as needed. I have been running the last 3 days in the morning. For about 20-30 minutes and that could be kicking my butt too. Because I have to run walk. It takes it out of me.

As long as my meds are as needed I feel a lot better because then I can work through the anxiety and depression on my own. One foot in front of the other. Because my world is kinda upside down right now. And one day at a time.

[Doofus]

How u doing Bubs?

[Doofus]

Winning, keep it up bro

[Athan]

You're winning BubbaM! I quit with you today all day long!!

[BubbaM]

Day 69

Woke up, went for a walk run, swimdad has been telling me I need to get my heart rate up. So I did. After the run I was in a weird mood. Pretty depressed. DidnÂ’t want to get up. My dad came over to help me out. Because of all the shit I have been going through lately. Big Poppa Pump (Dad) got me going and we went to his house and had some breakfast with Mom. Then we went and mowed at the ballparks. I forgot how much I loved doing this! After that went to lunch with my parents and then I mowed my dads house for him. Then my house. Then picked up my oldest daughter and went with my family to take her to practice and out to eat. Today I had thoughts about chewing but they were not as overwhelming. I had a pretty sweet day! Love getting to spend time with my parents!

[worktowin]

Day 68

Well took a walk, was super depressed from when I woke up basically the whole day. I went to school. But I was having some pretty nasty thoughts. Listen guys, this is not like me. I am the typical rock for my family. I had to leave work, hit the therapist. Then my parents wouldnÂ’t let me be by myself. I got in touch with a psychiatrist from my therapist. He let me know I should kick the Prozac because it was obviously making me even more depressed and not thinking right. I am meeting with him Wednesday. I am sure they will want me to go on some other kind of medication. I am going to try and not be on anything. Or get something that I could take on an as need bases just so my parents and wife are at ease.

I was not in great spirits until about 6pm. Went to my little league game. We won 9-5. My family wonÂ’t let me work tomorrow. Because they are worried about me. So I am going to hang with my dad. I could use some Dad time. I am sure we will have a few projects to take care of. I need to stay positive and look at the positive things in my life. There are a lot of them!

There are a lot of them. They are all around you.

You are winning. Keep the faith.

Trust your doctors. And trust that this is not the new you. Because this is not the new you.

Fuck nicotine.

[BubbaM]

Day 68

Well took a walk, was super depressed from when I woke up basically the whole day. I went to school. But I was having some pretty nasty thoughts. Listen guys, this is not like me. I am the typical rock for my family. I had to leave work, hit the therapist. Then my parents wouldnÂ’t let me be by myself. I got in touch with a psychiatrist from my therapist. He let me know I should kick the Prozac because it was obviously making me even more depressed and not thinking right. I am meeting with him Wednesday. I am sure they will want me to go on some other kind of medication. I am going to try and not be on anything. Or get something that I could take on an as need bases just so my parents and wife are at ease.

I was not in great spirits until about 6pm. Went to my little league game. We won 9-5. My family wonÂ’t let me work tomorrow. Because they are worried about me. So I am going to hang with my dad. I could use some Dad time. I am sure we will have a few projects to take care of. I need to stay positive and look at the positive things in my life. There are a lot of them!

[FLLipOut]

Bubba, just read through your intro tonight. You have gotten great advice from some pretty great quitters already. Just know that you are NOT alone. So many people go through anxiety and depression on this journey (I certainly did!) And it sucks because the route to recovery is not a straight path - oh no, it takes us through many peaks and many valleys. And it does get emotionally exhausting at times. I vividly remember thinking in my 50s..."will I ever feel 'normal' again?" and "what if I permanently screwed up my brain and I will always have this awful feeling that life will never be "as good" again?" I am here to tell you that the journey will get easier - the funks will become further apart. It is a slow process, but it will go away. Day 662 and I still get massive craves out of left field - but they pass. They annoy me more than anything. But the emptiness that nicotine created in me - is gone.

We are just asking for you to trust us on this - and to keep pressing on.

Prayers going up for strength and stamina!

[Doofus]

Bubba, we all with you brother. Funny part, trying to help you helps me too....Athan and Worktowin are correct

[Athan]

A hyper focus on self isn't healthy. Worktowin is right about helping others. Is there a habitat for humanity in your community? Something, anything to turn your focus from yourself and wallowing in self pity.
I quit with you today.