St. Claire shores eh? I am from the south end of the river. Them dozers don't get the gas milage i like to see to bring one on up 75 that far. Pulled some real nice musky out of the lake last year by you tho.
This weekend kicked ass everyone. todayÂ… and I am not looking for an at a boy or anythingÂ… I assembled an piece of IKEA furniture without chew. Oh there were bad word, But there was no dip to be had. afterwards my old man and ma came over to visit the boy( real cool, i never see my folks but now that they have their first grandson i get to see them a lot). I had me a good little drunk going. looked over at the Mrs. and said "man I want a dip, but i don't need one" and smiled. wife said "cuz you quit like fuck now hun". haha. it was a good feeling, sure the bitch was there telling me i needed a chew. I just smiled and said fuck off mate. the craves still come at me one after another but they are so much less intense. I am really hopping this is the new normal for a while and i don't have any steps backwards. If it happens, ill deal with it then. but today I am quit and it feels damn good.
The boy Is my new reason to wake up. Man he is so awesome. hate to go to work and can't wait to get home to be with my new family. Life has, and continues to change drastically for me recently. I think, as you all have said, that is a good thing for my quit. I feel like nothing of value has been left behind. I am so grateful for my family, for my quit, for all of you, for my bills that are for the most part payed, for the food in the fridge and shirt on my back. my whole outlook on life is changing. Could be father hood, could be a free man, truth be told i don't much care which it is, but i feel happy about the path Im heading. wife pointed out today how much i have changed and i really hadn't realized it. I used to get home, start slamming beers and sit my ass on the couch and chew and surf the interweb all night. now my ass is barley sitting. I am so much more motivated. Doing all kinds of projects, and yard work and cleaning. seems my life was lived just to sit and absorb nicotine for so long, i forgot there was so much important stuff to do and good life to be living.
Tomorrow is my long awaited for doctor apt. I am sure that will feel good to. Anxiety has been very mild last few days. I am still going to asks for something to take to stop a panic attack if they flare back up tho. And I have been nervous about this swallow/choking thing for about a year now. it will be nice to get a Doc to straighten me out. still need to make a dentist apt. and on that noteÂ… holy shit my gums are pink. crazy shit to look in the mirror and see such a physical change. 10 years of dark nasty gums I forgot what they were supposed to look like.
