I believe that I should introduce myself to the group. Many of the things about me, will relate to your own personal experience, some I am sure will not. I am an addict in the true sense of the word. However, my addiction and how I began that journey may in some ways vary from your own. I grew up in a military household in which my father died in front of me at a very young age. He was 45, and I was 7. My mother pretty much lost it, and I had three older brothers who blazed a trail with what I thought was a normal way of life. My earliest memory of flirting with nicotine was when me and the bankerÂ’s son, we were only nine or ten, went into the local Safeway store and stole a pile of different types of cigarettes. It was summer and we took them over to the middle school. The school was half way between the store and home. We hid out and smoked a bunch of them. Needless to say I went home sick, throwing up, and in general; high as I could be. This started the process of many highs well into the future. By the time I was twelve, I had started smoking weed daily, by the time I was fifteen I had used about every drug a person could imagine. I took after my older brothers, who were not shy about sharing their multiple stashes or connections. We were a well to do family, money, political prestige, and could get away with about anything. My best friendÂ’s uncle owned the biggest gun store in six states. I did not have to work, all I had to do was worry about my next high. Time passed, relationships passed, money was lost/pissed away, multiple friends were dead and buried. I had a Gorilla riding on my shoulder with an insatiable appetite. Again, I was not constrained by work or finances; marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamines, prescription drugs, alcohol, non-filter Camels/Kools, and fast cars were my daily companions. Many law enforcement entities had their eye on us, you donÂ’t walk in and out of six building full of guns and ammo doing the things we were doing without attracting attention. Multiple relationships, heart breaks, self-created chaos, dreams of prison, and misery were soon to follow. Let me cut this short, I screwed up and lost what I perceived as a love of a lifetime. About two weeks before my twenty-fifth birthday, my best friend and I left the exÂ’s house in his grandmas dodge acclaim. On the way home, we took O highway which we treated as our own personal race track. We were hammered drunk. Needless to say, we came off a sweeping 90* at 105, launched in the air, took one foot off the top of the first hedge post, snapped the second in half, took the third off even with the ground, and wrapped the car around the fourth. My knees took out the dash, and I picked glass out of my hair for a year. I got out telling my buddy what a pussy he was for not keeping the car on the corner. The next day, what a fuck-up I am. This has got to end, I am almost twenty-five, no prospects, no future; fucking dumb ass. The quit; tried not to drink, had a smoke and drank, tried not to smoke, had a drink and then a smoke. Determination and twenty-fifth birthday resolution: I am not nor will I drink, I cannot manage myself; I cannot smoke, I will have to have a drink. It is almost twenty five years later, I have the best wife I could ever imagine, deserve, or could have hoped for, I have worked multiple career paths and am now in a cutting edge position and one step under a psychologist, I try to volunteer and give back to others on a daily basis. Other than my immediate family, I am pretty much alone. I have been pulling from this site for over a year to help others quit with their addiction to nicotine. Myself, I signed up at the prodding of Cmark after I caught myself eyeing the left overs in a bottle of Jack Daniels my wife has sitting in the freezer in the garage. I think joining a great line of successful quitters is one of the best things that I can do for myself and my family. I will not turn back, I know my Gorilla all to well. I quit all things with you today, and every day. This is my word and I will stand by it.
