I am 44 years old. Started dipping at around age 18. My history may be a little different than the majority. I remember dipping a couple times per week with a friend when we played video games (for about an hour a couple times per week) and never bought it until around age 20. Started off with redman and then to skoal long cut. Gradually using with greater frequency, getting up to about 1-2 tins per week. Always told myself that I would quit after I finished college and grad school and ... but it didn't happen. Then I swore off dipping when my son was born in 2005 and I stopped cold turkey, for approximately 3 years. I really don't recall the exact date, probably wanting to block out this failure. When I began using again around 2008 it started very slow and gradual. I bought skoal pouches and would use 1-2 per week. I would buy the tin of pouches use 1-2 and throw the rest of the can out and buy another 4-7 days later. This literally went on until around 2015, when I gradually started using more and more. For the past couple years I was using about a can of pouches per week. I did go through a few stretches where I would stop for 7-10 days and in one stretch I stopped for about a month or more. Most of the time I did not stop for more than 10 days. The one exception was when I joined this site last year, read a lot, but never posted. I stopped using for about 30 days. Since I started using again in 2008, I lied to everyone. My wife knew I dipped before I stopped in 2005 but I lied to everyone after that, including dentist, doctor etc. Always used alone in my car
I continually told myself that I quit multiple times and that I was better than just about everybody else, I had stronger will power and I can have one and would throw out the can. I have no idea how many cans I threw out, too many to remember.
I attribute my downfall to two things. The first, my attitude. The better than others attitude. Without getting into specifics, I have had a tremendous amount of success in my profession and my family life is solid. My reputation is I am a tireless worker who will go to great lengths for those I serve. I can be tough and stubborn which has served me well in my profession. This all fed my ego that I could overcome a little obstacle of having to quit again. You can't have just one, but I can. I am better. The insanity is that I stopped and resumed using on over a hundred occasions. The word that best describes what I was doing is complete stupidity devoid of any sense that I was being manipulated and tortured by this substance for years and years. The second, is if I look back at my entire history, I would accurately summarize that I have on various occasions abused alcohol. I was never a daily drinker but there were periods that that I would drink as much as 4-6 beers 3 times per week. In addition, I would drink entirely too much a couple times per year. Drinking is a trigger for me to dip.
In sum, the alcohol and the ego have been my downfall. This time has to be different. In the months leading up to my quit on 11/30/17, I dramatically cut down on my alcohol consumption. I drink no more than 2x per month and consume no more than 2. Limiting alcohol and even abstaining is 100 times easier for me than it is for me to quit dipping. I no longer look at this addiction with stupid glasses on, thinking I am better than other addicts. Nope I am the same or even dumber/weaker as I probably exceed most in how many times I have failed. I finally realize how completely ridiculous and serious this addiction is. It is not time to do the same thing again and again. I now am a participating member of KTC, because I need it. Nothing more, nothing less. Tomorrow is day 50.
