Day 5

[sensei]

Day 153

I returned from July 4th weekend where I went camping in the mountains with the family. This was the first time I have been camping without dip in over 22 years.
I realized a few things.

1. I can set up a campsite without a dip
2. I can build a raging campfire without a dip
3. I can cook on charcoal without a dip
4. Camping was just as fun without a dip

Looking back I understand that life is so much better without dip. I did not once have to worry if I brought enough cans to make it through the weekend. I didn't stress if I forgot my can when I went on a hike or when I left the campsite.

I think I will stay quit, I like my life better this way.

[Ready]

Day 102 – Reflecting

I woke up this morning and I realized that I had a dip dream last night. It felt like a dream of a dream. I could remember that I was dipping in the dream, but I couldnÂ’t remember the dream itself. When trying to recall the dream it felt like a vague distant memory.

Saturday morning I hit the hall of fame, 100 days quit. I have not been nicotine free since I was 11 or 12 years old when I decided it would be cool to smoke cigarettes. By the time I got to high school, smoking wasnÂ’t cool and if I wanted to get laid then I was going to have to pick a different habit. Enter dip, the master nicotine delivery system. I could pack a small bit of dip in the back of my vestibule and nobody would know. Now I could dip while in class all day and the chicks would never know. It worked, I got laid all the time in high school and except for my close friends nobody knew I dipped. This pattern continued through college, grad school, and the first 8 years of my career.

I consider myself very lucky, I still have all of my teeth, my health, a fantastic career, a beautiful wife, and a brand new baby girl who is quite possibly the cutest baby ever created in the history of the human race.

When I reflect back on the amount of tobacco that I used, the money wasted, and the amount of lies to my family, I realize how lucky I really am. Not only am I lucky to have my teeth, career, wife and baby. I am lucky to be alive. Quitting in and of itself, has nothing to do with luck, it takes and solid DECISION and continued daily DEDICATION to that decision.

What does all this have to do with a dip dream? Well this weekend I had the strongest craving for dip since the first few days of my quit. I was thinking about it constantly all weekend, I was constantly agitated by the desire for it and actually had the thought of driving to the store for a can. I just laughed it off, but it reminded me of how TENACIOUS this addiction is. This addiction is sneaky, powerful, and should NEVER be taken lightly. The reason I can laugh at the thought of driving to the store for a can is because I NEVER let my guard down. I am prepared 24/7 with a quit plan and my personal army of quitters here at KTC.

So it was no surprise that I had a dip dream last night, in fact, I expected it. On day 46 I described this addiction as a relationship, and last night was an example of The Mistress whispering in my ear, she was crying, begging me to return to her, to give her another chance. I just laughed; my decision has already been made and she has no chance because IÂ’ve moved on.

I like it. :ph43r:

[sensei]

Day 102 – Reflecting

I woke up this morning and I realized that I had a dip dream last night. It felt like a dream of a dream. I could remember that I was dipping in the dream, but I couldnÂ’t remember the dream itself. When trying to recall the dream it felt like a vague distant memory.

Saturday morning I hit the hall of fame, 100 days quit. I have not been nicotine free since I was 11 or 12 years old when I decided it would be cool to smoke cigarettes. By the time I got to high school, smoking wasnÂ’t cool and if I wanted to get laid then I was going to have to pick a different habit. Enter dip, the master nicotine delivery system. I could pack a small bit of dip in the back of my vestibule and nobody would know. Now I could dip while in class all day and the chicks would never know. It worked, I got laid all the time in high school and except for my close friends nobody knew I dipped. This pattern continued through college, grad school, and the first 8 years of my career.

I consider myself very lucky, I still have all of my teeth, my health, a fantastic career, a beautiful wife, and a brand new baby girl who is quite possibly the cutest baby ever created in the history of the human race.

When I reflect back on the amount of tobacco that I used, the money wasted, and the amount of lies to my family, I realize how lucky I really am. Not only am I lucky to have my teeth, career, wife and baby. I am lucky to be alive. Quitting in and of itself, has nothing to do with luck, it takes and solid DECISION and continued daily DEDICATION to that decision.

What does all this have to do with a dip dream? Well this weekend I had the strongest craving for dip since the first few days of my quit. I was thinking about it constantly all weekend, I was constantly agitated by the desire for it and actually had the thought of driving to the store for a can. I just laughed it off, but it reminded me of how TENACIOUS this addiction is. This addiction is sneaky, powerful, and should NEVER be taken lightly. The reason I can laugh at the thought of driving to the store for a can is because I NEVER let my guard down. I am prepared 24/7 with a quit plan and my personal army of quitters here at KTC.

So it was no surprise that I had a dip dream last night, in fact, I expected it. On day 46 I described this addiction as a relationship, and last night was an example of The Mistress whispering in my ear, she was crying, begging me to return to her, to give her another chance. I just laughed; my decision has already been made and she has no chance because IÂ’ve moved on.

[mitch]

sensei, I'm honored to be in your quit group, brother. You are an insightful commentator into the human condition...specifically the "quit" humans! Thank you for documenting your reflections for posterity.

[superjet701]

Day 63 - Strength

There were not one but 2 cavers in July 2010 yesterday. It has me a little fired up and inspired to write my experiences. I aim to learn from each and every caver so that I can strengthen my quit. I notice that these caver put up NO FIGHT what so ever, they act like their cave just happened magically. Maybe this is a way of avoiding responsibility for ultimately being weak. All cavers are missing one thing.

When I am at the gym it is easy to recognize the difference in strength between people. Typically you can see the difference by the size of the personÂ’s muscles. But because I do Crossfit, I see something different. It is not uncommon the see smaller athletes with amazing strength. A lot of this is physical strength but much MORE of it is MENTAL strength. Some people are willing to endure more discomfort for their results and goals than others. As a result they have BETTER OUTCOMES than the athletes with less mental strength. Lance Armstrong is a great example of this. When asked what made him so dominant in the Tour de France he said that he could endure more pain and suffering than any other rider in the tour. He attributed that ability to his fight with cancer. He said, since I beat cancer, I can beat ANYTHING.

I am realizing that this is a metaphor for what I am experiencing here at KTC. Every few days or so I see someone cave, or someone return to the site that caved months or years ago and finally decided to return and take their lumps. I have seen people in their first few days and people who had 1000Â’s of days. I do my best to learn from each one of them.

I am very new here and new at quitting but have noticed some similarities to people’s caves. 1. All of them DECIDED to cave. During a moment of perceived weakness they made a decision to put dip in their mouth. 2. All of them apologize and say it will NEVER happen again, if only we will trust them. 3. All of them have an EXCUSE and that excuse sounded perfect to them at the time…. “I’ll only have one”.

The one thing every one of these cavers lack is STRENGTH. Just like Lance or what I see in the gym, there are some people who are willing to remain uncomfortable and endure pain to reach their desired outcome. Their GOAL is more important than the pain they feel and they will endure it at all costs to protect the goal. Then there are the other people who avoid work, avoid discomfort, avoid pain, but they still want the results. Well guess what, it aint gonna happen, not now, not ever.

Without consistently developing the strength to withstand the cravings, you are doomed to fail again and again and again. STRENGTH is most important when you don’t expect to need it. It doesn’t really matter that you can dead lift 500lbs in the gym until you need to lift a fallen tree off your injured friend in the woods. It doesn’t matter that you can post roll every day for hundreds of days until you are on an airplane sitting next to a “friend” who offers you a dip. Do you have the strength to overcome? Do you develop that strength daily?

Every day I post roll not only do I PROMISE not to use nicotine, I PROMISE to continue developing my MENTAL STRENGTH. Today I PROMISE that I will be stronger than this addiction. I will endure ANY discomfort or ANY pain that comes today because my GOAL is more important than any pain that this addiction can throw at me.

Loving it, well said. I wish I could express myself as easily as you. Thatta boy.

[Martin]

What we need is "The Book of Quit" by Sensei.

Love reading your words buddy. You are an awesome quit brother!!

He is definitely an awesome quitter! Not only that....He helped me get pictures of my giant awesome fish on the outdoors section! Thanks Sensei! Martin takes an honor filled bow!!

[teamgreen]

Day 96 - Decisions

Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make a decision? I have for sure, but over the years I realized that the times I could not make a decision was because I was not clear of my own personal values. Now there is a difference between not WANTING to make a decision and not ABLE to make a decision. When I know my own personal values, then making decisions becomes very easy.

Here is an example. If I know my own personal values are to BE happy, healthy, loving, honest, and trustworthy. Then when I am faced with a decision all I do is match that decision with my values. If they support or bring me closer to my values then I agree. If they do not support my values then I disagree.

When it came to the decision to quit chewing tobacco, the process I use was consistently derailed. I knew that chewing went against every one of my personal values. It did not make me happy, healthy, loving, honest, or trustworthy. In fact it did exactly the opposite, but I allowed the addiction to keep control over me for a long time. Make no mistake, addiction is POWERFUL.

Looking back now, I can see that I wasnÂ’t truly ready to make the decision to quit because I did not have the proper support group in place, I did not know about KTC. Had I made the decision any earlier, I would have been doomed to failure because I would not have had any consistent support structure.

If youÂ’re reading this, you have found the support necessary to quit, now you just need to compare your personal values with your addiction to nicotine. If they match up, youÂ’re in the wrong place. If packing your lip is NOT consistent with your personal values then the decision should be easy, welcome home.

Excellent post words of wisdom never spoken better!!
I have thought the same before.

Agreed,

Very nicely said

*bows*

[Steelers]

Day 96 - Decisions

Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make a decision? I have for sure, but over the years I realized that the times I could not make a decision was because I was not clear of my own personal values. Now there is a difference between not WANTING to make a decision and not ABLE to make a decision. When I know my own personal values, then making decisions becomes very easy.

Here is an example. If I know my own personal values are to BE happy, healthy, loving, honest, and trustworthy. Then when I am faced with a decision all I do is match that decision with my values. If they support or bring me closer to my values then I agree. If they do not support my values then I disagree.

When it came to the decision to quit chewing tobacco, the process I use was consistently derailed. I knew that chewing went against every one of my personal values. It did not make me happy, healthy, loving, honest, or trustworthy. In fact it did exactly the opposite, but I allowed the addiction to keep control over me for a long time. Make no mistake, addiction is POWERFUL.

Looking back now, I can see that I wasnÂ’t truly ready to make the decision to quit because I did not have the proper support group in place, I did not know about KTC. Had I made the decision any earlier, I would have been doomed to failure because I would not have had any consistent support structure.

If youÂ’re reading this, you have found the support necessary to quit, now you just need to compare your personal values with your addiction to nicotine. If they match up, youÂ’re in the wrong place. If packing your lip is NOT consistent with your personal values then the decision should be easy, welcome home.

Excellent post words of wisdom never spoken better!!
I have thought the same before.

Agreed,

Very nicely said

[markr]

Day 96 - Decisions

Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make a decision? I have for sure, but over the years I realized that the times I could not make a decision was because I was not clear of my own personal values. Now there is a difference between not WANTING to make a decision and not ABLE to make a decision. When I know my own personal values, then making decisions becomes very easy.

Here is an example. If I know my own personal values are to BE happy, healthy, loving, honest, and trustworthy. Then when I am faced with a decision all I do is match that decision with my values. If they support or bring me closer to my values then I agree. If they do not support my values then I disagree.

When it came to the decision to quit chewing tobacco, the process I use was consistently derailed. I knew that chewing went against every one of my personal values. It did not make me happy, healthy, loving, honest, or trustworthy. In fact it did exactly the opposite, but I allowed the addiction to keep control over me for a long time. Make no mistake, addiction is POWERFUL.

Looking back now, I can see that I wasnÂ’t truly ready to make the decision to quit because I did not have the proper support group in place, I did not know about KTC. Had I made the decision any earlier, I would have been doomed to failure because I would not have had any consistent support structure.

If youÂ’re reading this, you have found the support necessary to quit, now you just need to compare your personal values with your addiction to nicotine. If they match up, youÂ’re in the wrong place. If packing your lip is NOT consistent with your personal values then the decision should be easy, welcome home.

Excellent post words of wisdom never spoken better!!
I have thought the same before.

[sensei]

Day 96 - Decisions

Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make a decision? I have for sure, but over the years I realized that the times I could not make a decision was because I was not clear of my own personal values. Now there is a difference between not WANTING to make a decision and not ABLE to make a decision. When I know my own personal values, then making decisions becomes very easy.

Here is an example. If I know my own personal values are to BE happy, healthy, loving, honest, and trustworthy. Then when I am faced with a decision all I do is match that decision with my values. If they support or bring me closer to my values then I agree. If they do not support my values then I disagree.

When it came to the decision to quit chewing tobacco, the process I use was consistently derailed. I knew that chewing went against every one of my personal values. It did not make me happy, healthy, loving, honest, or trustworthy. In fact it did exactly the opposite, but I allowed the addiction to keep control over me for a long time. Make no mistake, addiction is POWERFUL.

Looking back now, I can see that I wasnÂ’t truly ready to make the decision to quit because I did not have the proper support group in place, I did not know about KTC. Had I made the decision any earlier, I would have been doomed to failure because I would not have had any consistent support structure.

If youÂ’re reading this, you have found the support necessary to quit, now you just need to compare your personal values with your addiction to nicotine. If they match up, youÂ’re in the wrong place. If packing your lip is NOT consistent with your personal values then the decision should be easy, welcome home.

[Greg5280]

Great Post !! With that attitude you can bet the NIC bitch does not stand a snowballs chance in hell !!

'clap'

[sensei]

Day 89 – My Personal Army

I realized today that I still constantly think about dipping. Pretty much from the time I wake up in the morning until I go to bed IÂ’m on and off thinking about dipping. Here is the strange thing thoughÂ… I donÂ’t want to dip at all, in fact I really only crave it maybe once a day. So I find myself asking, why am I thinking about something I donÂ’t want or desire? The only answer that comes is the fact that dipping was so ingrained in my day to day habit that my brain is still tripping out that IÂ’m not doing it.

One of the great things about KTC is the accumulated quit knowledge here. I read a lot of stories but I always look at it from my point of view asking what I can learn from this, how can I take their story and make my quit stronger? I learn as much or more from newbieÂ’s than I do from the vets.

As a result of doing that I find myself looking at my quit more objectively, itÂ’s almost like IÂ’m viewing it from the outside. So when a strong crave hits, I remember what happened to Kain22. When I start making excuses to myself I remember what happened to Chugg. When I start being a pussy and thinking that quitting is too hard, I think of WIP. When I think that I have this addiction beat, I think of Jack Sparrow. So 89 days into my nicotine free life I feel stronger, more resolved than ever.

I am absolutely certain that I will never dip again. DonÂ’t get me wrong, I am not naive enough to think that this addiction is beaten, solved, or cured. I what I AM saying is that I have chosen to never even consider dipping ever again. I have also chosen to make a long term commitment to posting roll here at KTC. In the short time I have been around I have noticed that the folks who stay engaged and post roll daily, keep their quit. The folks that donÂ’t will eventually fail.

Addiction is a very cleaver opponent, never can it be underestimated, never can it be overlooked, and never can it be taken lightly. With my personal quit army the size of KTC, this opponent doesnÂ’t stand a snowballÂ’s chance in hell of defeating me. I am freeÂ….forever.

[MikeA]

What we need is "The Book of Quit" by Sensei.

Love reading your words buddy. You are an awesome quit brother!!

[sensei]

Day 64 - Why quit?

My Top 10 reasons NOT to Dip Today

1. My daughter
2. Nothing in life is better with a dip
3. I own my freedom
4. I don't lie to my family
5. I function better without it
6. I keep my promises
7. I am better without dip
8. I feel amazingly healthy
9. I am stronger than this addiction
10. I choose not to

[sensei]

Day 63 - Strength

There were not one but 2 cavers in July 2010 yesterday. It has me a little fired up and inspired to write my experiences. I aim to learn from each and every caver so that I can strengthen my quit. I notice that these caver put up NO FIGHT what so ever, they act like their cave just happened magically. Maybe this is a way of avoiding responsibility for ultimately being weak. All cavers are missing one thing.

When I am at the gym it is easy to recognize the difference in strength between people. Typically you can see the difference by the size of the personÂ’s muscles. But because I do Crossfit, I see something different. It is not uncommon the see smaller athletes with amazing strength. A lot of this is physical strength but much MORE of it is MENTAL strength. Some people are willing to endure more discomfort for their results and goals than others. As a result they have BETTER OUTCOMES than the athletes with less mental strength. Lance Armstrong is a great example of this. When asked what made him so dominant in the Tour de France he said that he could endure more pain and suffering than any other rider in the tour. He attributed that ability to his fight with cancer. He said, since I beat cancer, I can beat ANYTHING.

I am realizing that this is a metaphor for what I am experiencing here at KTC. Every few days or so I see someone cave, or someone return to the site that caved months or years ago and finally decided to return and take their lumps. I have seen people in their first few days and people who had 1000Â’s of days. I do my best to learn from each one of them.

I am very new here and new at quitting but have noticed some similarities to people’s caves. 1. All of them DECIDED to cave. During a moment of perceived weakness they made a decision to put dip in their mouth. 2. All of them apologize and say it will NEVER happen again, if only we will trust them. 3. All of them have an EXCUSE and that excuse sounded perfect to them at the time…. “I’ll only have one”.

The one thing every one of these cavers lack is STRENGTH. Just like Lance or what I see in the gym, there are some people who are willing to remain uncomfortable and endure pain to reach their desired outcome. Their GOAL is more important than the pain they feel and they will endure it at all costs to protect the goal. Then there are the other people who avoid work, avoid discomfort, avoid pain, but they still want the results. Well guess what, it aint gonna happen, not now, not ever.

Without consistently developing the strength to withstand the cravings, you are doomed to fail again and again and again. STRENGTH is most important when you don’t expect to need it. It doesn’t really matter that you can dead lift 500lbs in the gym until you need to lift a fallen tree off your injured friend in the woods. It doesn’t matter that you can post roll every day for hundreds of days until you are on an airplane sitting next to a “friend” who offers you a dip. Do you have the strength to overcome? Do you develop that strength daily?

Every day I post roll not only do I PROMISE not to use nicotine, I PROMISE to continue developing my MENTAL STRENGTH. Today I PROMISE that I will be stronger than this addiction. I will endure ANY discomfort or ANY pain that comes today because my GOAL is more important than any pain that this addiction can throw at me.