GLORIOUS!!!

[AppleJack]

I am just starting day 14, and I'm finally starting to figure this thing out somewhat. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I'm anywhere close to having it all figured out. When I decided to quit it was easy. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My desire to quit was louder than my desire to continue. Every time you think you have control and life is easier you tend to let your guard down. Just when you think you are past a certain stage you realize you haven't even begun to fight. Nic is a tricky beast. It preys upon your weakness. It is different for everyone. It will never let go. I'm realizing that, because every win on my journey is met with a crushing blow.

Rocky said it best, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”

Today and everyday is a win. No matter how many times I've been knocked down or how hard I've been hit, I have and will continue to move forward. I am still trying to figure out who it is that I am. I am not who I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be who I am now. In my weakness, I grow stronger. In my strength, I grow weaker. I admit I am weak. I allowed a plant to control me for 20 years. I was literally at it's command. When you have to step away from life to "enjoy the fix", then the fix keeps you from "enjoying life". I gained control back the moment I quit. My pride in myself grew for a week and a half. My strength was growing and I knew I had this. Until finally my strength ran out. I realized I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been in control in 20 years. What do I do when I don't have to run from my problems, but am not sure how to face them? What do I do when I no longer seek to numb the pains, but don't know how to treat them properly? Well, I've had to realize at the core who I am, and who I want to be. I am not satisfied with mere existence. I don't want to permanently stay upon my knees. I don't want to wallow in the pity of self. It was finally time. I pulled myself up. I realized life is life no matter what you use to escape or numb it. If you think that Nic or any other substance for that matter will help, you are sadly mistaken. It only adds to the problems, money spent, time lost, health decline, etc. Quitting doesn't make life any easier, but it sure as hell makes it less complicated. What seemed as life piling on, was merely things already existing. I had been blinded by my escape and numbing. Now that I faced them and felt like I couldn't do it alone, but would not allow Nic to help, I am beginning to realize that's life. I'm sure life isn't done kicking my ass, but guess what I'm not done getting up. I choose life. I choose me. I choose to quit.... and that my friends is how winning is done. Let's beat this shit together, today. Forget yesterday, and leave tomorrow where it is. Today, YOU keep moving forward.

Most. Excellent!

Even if nobody knows, or cares, that you quit... you do.

Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and see freedom is beyond words. Freedom will keep defining itself the more days you add up. At almost 1,300.days it means something far different to me than it did at 50, 100, 500, and so on.

Rock on, brother!

[DBrown]

I am just starting day 14, and I'm finally starting to figure this thing out somewhat. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I'm anywhere close to having it all figured out. When I decided to quit it was easy. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My desire to quit was louder than my desire to continue. Every time you think you have control and life is easier you tend to let your guard down. Just when you think you are past a certain stage you realize you haven't even begun to fight. Nic is a tricky beast. It preys upon your weakness. It is different for everyone. It will never let go. I'm realizing that, because every win on my journey is met with a crushing blow.

Rocky said it best, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”

Today and everyday is a win. No matter how many times I've been knocked down or how hard I've been hit, I have and will continue to move forward. I am still trying to figure out who it is that I am. I am not who I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be who I am now. In my weakness, I grow stronger. In my strength, I grow weaker. I admit I am weak. I allowed a plant to control me for 20 years. I was literally at it's command. When you have to step away from life to "enjoy the fix", then the fix keeps you from "enjoying life". I gained control back the moment I quit. My pride in myself grew for a week and a half. My strength was growing and I knew I had this. Until finally my strength ran out. I realized I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been in control in 20 years. What do I do when I don't have to run from my problems, but am not sure how to face them? What do I do when I no longer seek to numb the pains, but don't know how to treat them properly? Well, I've had to realize at the core who I am, and who I want to be. I am not satisfied with mere existence. I don't want to permanently stay upon my knees. I don't want to wallow in the pity of self. It was finally time. I pulled myself up. I realized life is life no matter what you use to escape or numb it. If you think that Nic or any other substance for that matter will help, you are sadly mistaken. It only adds to the problems, money spent, time lost, health decline, etc. Quitting doesn't make life any easier, but it sure as hell makes it less complicated. What seemed as life piling on, was merely things already existing. I had been blinded by my escape and numbing. Now that I faced them and felt like I couldn't do it alone, but would not allow Nic to help, I am beginning to realize that's life. I'm sure life isn't done kicking my ass, but guess what I'm not done getting up. I choose life. I choose me. I choose to quit.... and that my friends is how winning is done. Let's beat this shit together, today. Forget yesterday, and leave tomorrow where it is. Today, YOU keep moving forward.

[brettlees]

Keep those wins stacking up! Fog clear yet? I had it for a L O N G time. Seriously thought my brain was damages from all the nicotine bath i gave it for years. Each challenge you face is a desparate attempt by nicotine to lure or force you back. You've got the right approach... keep getting through them one by win, stacking up the daily count!

[DBrown]

Day 9 - Sleep, shower, work, MF'n FAAAAAAWWWWGGGG!!!! I don't even know what to type. I'm so gone right now. Yet quit on, I must. 'Finger' this 'flush' . I just want to go to bed. Man what a whiny post. Day 10 - I will win again!!!

[DBrown]

AJ, thank you for the encouragement. It helps a lot to hold myself accountable to a daily roll, and a daily post. I can't imagine having to add the words "I caved" to my post. I quit today.

pab, they did me a favor this week by losing. I no longer have to stress over games, since they have technically removed themselves from the playoff. The only way it changes is if they beat Bama and then Bama beat the Aggies the next week. The odds aren't in our favor, Katniss. However, the East is still in reach. I will take it.

[pab1964]

Day 8 - Sleep, and then a million little annoyances. Wishing I never dipped. If I didn't use it then I would never think to use it as a go to. So, I wake up a bit late. This started me off on the wrong foot to begin with. I rush through shower and fall on my ass while getting out. Pack lunch and out the door. Getting into the car I pour my 30oz water all over me and my lunch. No problem. I stop to get my energy drink, and no wallet. I finally get to work and suffer through the final quarter and two overtimes of the Tennessee game, lol. Listening to that game on the radio all I could think was man, I wish I had a dip. Thankfully, they lost so I no longer have to feel so anxious, lol. They should have lost many times this year. Anyway, so now that everything is sort of settled down I am mega sleepy. I'd give my right arm... no I wouldn't, but I'd like to have an energy drink. Through these and other mini bumps today I have made it yet another day QUIT. Time for day 9! Today I will shine!

This is gold...

It's life, bro.

And the problem we all had/have is that we numbed dealing with all of it with a pacifier of nicotine. Everything got skewed and our coping mechanism got waaaaaaaay fooked up. The whole process of rewiring ourselves as we quit is pathetic/painful/beautiful.

And humbling.

Even at almost 1,300 days... every now and then I have to deal with a bump in the road. Anymore it's absolutely no problem. None. I owned my quit, and what quitting would require, from day 1. I'm bigger than my addiction. Hell... we all are. Power through like you're doing my man. It's the right way to crush this. Put it in perspective and put it in the rear view mirror as fast as you can. You're putting distance between yourself and your addiction at a rapid pace...

Do NOT slow down!

Rock. On!

Like AJ says bumps are always gonna be there with or without dip. Would your problems be any better without dip? Absolutely not. This is your quit, own it, be the boss! Just remember next week when we're spanking that tail, there's nothing that will help but to turn it off and walk away! Lol! Quit on my friend and remember, being quit is golden and it don't get any better than quit!

[AppleJack]

Day 8 - Sleep, and then a million little annoyances. Wishing I never dipped. If I didn't use it then I would never think to use it as a go to. So, I wake up a bit late. This started me off on the wrong foot to begin with. I rush through shower and fall on my ass while getting out. Pack lunch and out the door. Getting into the car I pour my 30oz water all over me and my lunch. No problem. I stop to get my energy drink, and no wallet. I finally get to work and suffer through the final quarter and two overtimes of the Tennessee game, lol. Listening to that game on the radio all I could think was man, I wish I had a dip. Thankfully, they lost so I no longer have to feel so anxious, lol. They should have lost many times this year. Anyway, so now that everything is sort of settled down I am mega sleepy. I'd give my right arm... no I wouldn't, but I'd like to have an energy drink. Through these and other mini bumps today I have made it yet another day QUIT. Time for day 9! Today I will shine!

This is gold...

It's life, bro.

And the problem we all had/have is that we numbed dealing with all of it with a pacifier of nicotine. Everything got skewed and our coping mechanism got waaaaaaaay fooked up. The whole process of rewiring ourselves as we quit is pathetic/painful/beautiful.

And humbling.

Even at almost 1,300 days... every now and then I have to deal with a bump in the road. Anymore it's absolutely no problem. None. I owned my quit, and what quitting would require, from day 1. I'm bigger than my addiction. Hell... we all are. Power through like you're doing my man. It's the right way to crush this. Put it in perspective and put it in the rear view mirror as fast as you can. You're putting distance between yourself and your addiction at a rapid pace...

Do NOT slow down!

Rock. On!

[DBrown]

Day 8 - Sleep, and then a million little annoyances. Wishing I never dipped. If I didn't use it then I would never think to use it as a go to. So, I wake up a bit late. This started me off on the wrong foot to begin with. I rush through shower and fall on my ass while getting out. Pack lunch and out the door. Getting into the car I pour my 30oz water all over me and my lunch. No problem. I stop to get my energy drink, and no wallet. I finally get to work and suffer through the final quarter and two overtimes of the Tennessee game, lol. Listening to that game on the radio all I could think was man, I wish I had a dip. Thankfully, they lost so I no longer have to feel so anxious, lol. They should have lost many times this year. Anyway, so now that everything is sort of settled down I am mega sleepy. I'd give my right arm... no I wouldn't, but I'd like to have an energy drink. Through these and other mini bumps today I have made it yet another day QUIT. Time for day 9! Today I will shine!

[DBrown]

Day 7 - Well other than a new "Gotham" addiction, and a spider bite to the 'arse' , not a bad day at all. I got home from work and couldn't sleep so I started watching Gotham. I finally went to bed at 2 and back up at 6. Went to Smokey Bones with the family. Came home and was slightly irritable, but I think it was mostly due to lack of sleep. Family went to bed, I got ready for work, and sometime on my drive to work a freakin spider bit my 'arse' . No crave today, but as yesterday proves, who knows what tomorrow holds.

I'm working on day 8
and it will feel so great.
When this day gets late
and I add another date.
I will rid this plate
of the venom I hate.
So, if you are on the gate
don't be fooled by bait.
There is no time to wait,
because there is no rate.
I may not know your state
but you must obligate.
Today choose your fate!

Not much of poet, but if you read that you know it. 'Crazy'
Seriously, if you read this. Find a way, EWE KIN DUE HIT!!!!!!

[brettlees]

Day 6 - Today was rather uneventful. Not much feels either way. I started watching Gotham on Netflix. I got lost in the show and before I knew it 9 episodes later when I took a potty break, it was time to sleep for work tonight. I woke up when my wife and son came home with seafood. Ate some fish, played with my son, got ready for work when they went to bed. On my way here I stopped to get an energy drink (another addiction for another day). On my way to the checkout counter, I saw it, in all it's glory... The tobacco saying "love me"!!! Amazingly, as soon as that thought popped into my head another almost instantly appeared...

http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... rns-story/

QUOTE - "Two weeks after his surgery he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!”

As a tear came to my eye and a lump in my throat, I turned around, grabbed some sunflower seeds, purchased the drinks and seeds, went to my car, and cried like a baby. Why after as many times as I've read story after story, felt the way I have, and have an awesome day such as yesterday, would I possibly even consider for the millisecond I did, to purchase such vile? It will never leave me, although I've left it. SCREW YOU tobacco! I am an 'addict', and I quit today.

Addict shouldn't be in quotes. Everyone here is addicted to nicotine. That's the cold truth. You won't find a cure here, but you will find a path to quitting and some great support. If you need digits please send me a PM.

It's only in quotes, because I finally accept it. It's in reference to an earlier comment made by me that I didn't think it mattered. Day 3 or so I said I didn't see a difference in terminology. In my earliest stage of quit it honestly felt more of a habit than an addiction. Not everyone is the same. It took me a few days to realize I was addicted. I don't think you realize the depths of the addiction until your first clean moment of weakness. Nothing traumatic happened to make me want to get it. There was no trigger I can point to. I went from not thinking anything about it, to it overwhelming me in an instant. So apologies if the quotations offend, but I'm leaving them in my journal, because this is the day and point I came to realize it isn't just habit it's addiction.

^^^ good stuff, man, keep learning, recording things, and getting through the curves the addiction throws. Each one you beat is a true victory- you are reprogramming your neural pathways in your brain. It's twisted, but the more discomfort you get through, the more you win!

[DBrown]

Day 6 - Today was rather uneventful. Not much feels either way. I started watching Gotham on Netflix. I got lost in the show and before I knew it 9 episodes later when I took a potty break, it was time to sleep for work tonight. I woke up when my wife and son came home with seafood. Ate some fish, played with my son, got ready for work when they went to bed. On my way here I stopped to get an energy drink (another addiction for another day). On my way to the checkout counter, I saw it, in all it's glory... The tobacco saying "love me"!!! Amazingly, as soon as that thought popped into my head another almost instantly appeared...

http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... rns-story/

QUOTE - "Two weeks after his surgery he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!”

As a tear came to my eye and a lump in my throat, I turned around, grabbed some sunflower seeds, purchased the drinks and seeds, went to my car, and cried like a baby. Why after as many times as I've read story after story, felt the way I have, and have an awesome day such as yesterday, would I possibly even consider for the millisecond I did, to purchase such vile? It will never leave me, although I've left it. SCREW YOU tobacco! I am an 'addict', and I quit today.

Addict shouldn't be in quotes. Everyone here is addicted to nicotine. That's the cold truth. You won't find a cure here, but you will find a path to quitting and some great support. If you need digits please send me a PM.

It's only in quotes, because I finally accept it. It's in reference to an earlier comment made by me that I didn't think it mattered. Day 3 or so I said I didn't see a difference in terminology. In my earliest stage of quit it honestly felt more of a habit than an addiction. Not everyone is the same. It took me a few days to realize I was addicted. I don't think you realize the depths of the addiction until your first clean moment of weakness. Nothing traumatic happened to make me want to get it. There was no trigger I can point to. I went from not thinking anything about it, to it overwhelming me in an instant. So apologies if the quotations offend, but I'm leaving them in my journal, because this is the day and point I came to realize it isn't just habit it's addiction.

[Stranger999]

Day 6 - Today was rather uneventful. Not much feels either way. I started watching Gotham on Netflix. I got lost in the show and before I knew it 9 episodes later when I took a potty break, it was time to sleep for work tonight. I woke up when my wife and son came home with seafood. Ate some fish, played with my son, got ready for work when they went to bed. On my way here I stopped to get an energy drink (another addiction for another day). On my way to the checkout counter, I saw it, in all it's glory... The tobacco saying "love me"!!! Amazingly, as soon as that thought popped into my head another almost instantly appeared...

http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... rns-story/

QUOTE - "Two weeks after his surgery he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!”

As a tear came to my eye and a lump in my throat, I turned around, grabbed some sunflower seeds, purchased the drinks and seeds, went to my car, and cried like a baby. Why after as many times as I've read story after story, felt the way I have, and have an awesome day such as yesterday, would I possibly even consider for the millisecond I did, to purchase such vile? It will never leave me, although I've left it. SCREW YOU tobacco! I am an 'addict', and I quit today.

Addict shouldn't be in quotes. Everyone here is addicted to nicotine. That's the cold truth. You won't find a cure here, but you will find a path to quitting and some great support. If you need digits please send me a PM.

[DBrown]

Day 6 - Today was rather uneventful. Not much feels either way. I started watching Gotham on Netflix. I got lost in the show and before I knew it 9 episodes later when I took a potty break, it was time to sleep for work tonight. I woke up when my wife and son came home with seafood. Ate some fish, played with my son, got ready for work when they went to bed. On my way here I stopped to get an energy drink (another addiction for another day). On my way to the checkout counter, I saw it, in all it's glory... The tobacco saying "love me"!!! Amazingly, as soon as that thought popped into my head another almost instantly appeared...

http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... rns-story/

QUOTE - "Two weeks after his surgery he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!”

As a tear came to my eye and a lump in my throat, I turned around, grabbed some sunflower seeds, purchased the drinks and seeds, went to my car, and cried like a baby. Why after as many times as I've read story after story, felt the way I have, and have an awesome day such as yesterday, would I possibly even consider for the millisecond I did, to purchase such vile? It will never leave me, although I've left it. SCREW YOU tobacco! I am an 'addict', and I quit today.

[LMM]

So, I didn't realize I was doing it, but I posted my daily recap as part of another post. Anyway, here is the end of day 4. Looking forward to a better day. Ironically, the stronger I find the urge, the angrier I get, and thus the stronger my resolve. You no longer run this vessel. I've chosen a more natural fuel.

Day 4 ended on a frustrating note. Misunderstanding at home and on here add to the lies within. I could go buy a can, pack it real nice, and pack my lip, but what will I solve? My wife will not understand my need to spend my time on here reading success and failure stories. If anything, I would have proven her point by getting angry, going to the store, and giving up. Her doubts in me would be proven right. If I choose to give in, your doubts in me would be proven right. Mostly, if I choose to give in, my belief in me would prove to be wrong. I am more than what is seen. I know who I am. I am a quitter! I quit today! 4 days clean and 5 will be seen.

Also, I have found the Popsicles with the jokes to be surprisingly efficient. It's like being a child again. Grape, Cherry, and Orange. May need an intervention there in the future. 'Crazy'

Your wife might (understandably) have no clue why you need to be tied down and glued to this site. I don't know how your relationship works or how much she knows about your addiction, but you both might benefit from getting her on here. Let her read the spousal support page. Get her reading intro threads and HOF speeches. I think she could glean a lot from doing that, and it might drive her to empower your quit instead of question it.

I quit with you today.

[DBrown]

Day 5 - Woke up today headache free for the first time. I still have a couple of irritating sores in my mouth. Amazing how those show up after I quit. I have spent all day out. I went to church and drove the van to pick up kids. They are usually pretty wild so I was nervous about how irritable I have been. However, even with extra kids tonight, they didn't bother me. Spent nearly three hours with a group of 3rd grade - pre K. Afterword I went and took a meal to a couple unable to get out. Had a good time talking and laughing. Just got home. I actually forgot about it for awhile. 1st thing when I woke up, I thought how would I make it through the day. Once I got moving it was absolutely gone. Then I get home and think about it as I sit to post. I choose to see it in a beautiful light. I woke up defeated with worry. I end day 5 and begin day 6 with hope. Hope and proof that life can be lived and to a fuller extent without the lies of a demon filled lip. Here's to days and moments of beauty. Today I quit, because today I wish to be free. Hang in there! Everyone's different, yet we are all the same. Quit for better or worse.