Day 75
I just found out today that my 50 year old brother's throat cancer has come back with a vengeance. He now has a trach. He has a tumor growing on his cardioid artery, which the doctors don't have any way to treat. A max of 5 years is what they give him. 5 years lived more like a sentence than a life....Indeed a sad day for me. He was a smoker for the last 36 years or so. He was still smoking in Feb when I saw him, despite going through chemo and radiation. Reminded me of watching my mother smoking and then strapping the oxygen to her nose. The oxygen that she needed because of emphysema. As loot said the other day Addiction is a motherfucker. And while we are all responsible for ourselves, and nobody forces us to use nicotine, the fact is there is a pusher out there. That pusher doesn't give a damn about the lives, the misery, the destroyed families. Doesn't care about widows, or orphans. Doesn't care about cancer. Doesn't care about someone who will never be able to talk again. Doesn't care that I lost my mother when she was 54. A slow death by asphyxiation. Or that I will probably loose my brother by the time he is 54. Doesn't care that he will have surgery after surgery. Doesn't care that my father has to watch his son in so much misery just like he watched his wife of 35 years. It's enough to break even the strongest of men - and it has.
That pusher only cares to keep you addicted. So the pusher can make money. I am ANGRY. I HATE THE PUSHER, There is no justice. There is no revenge to be had except this: The only thing I can do to get even is to stay quit. And help you do the same.
I'll be back here tomorrow. And my mission has more resolve than it ever has. God help big tobacco.
