Day 20... Head on a swivel today! Back home after a 4 day work trip away from home w/o dip. A little bit of a good wave, so I am paying close attention to this quit today. I got to. The last 20 have been a battle won, but this a lifetime war. Need to remain vigilant. Learned a couple things over the last 4 days.
(1) Don't really enjoy spitting in a cup. Had some fake chew for the road and noticed that when I used it I was not getting what I used to get from Copenhagen. I used to get a relief from a nic withdrawal as I was keeping my poison levels up. Without that poison injection, sitting around with black crap in my lip and spitting into a cup was not all that great. In fact, almost zero pleasure gained. I don't want that poison in me ever again damnit.
(2) On day 2 away, Mrs. Derk asked me how my quit was going. Sort of shocked me, I shot back I was at Day 18 and she was pumped about that. She has quit using Diet Coke for her addiction and we were comparing days. She was on day 8 and I congratulated her. Another person to be accountable to in this quit along with KTC. Feeling a different vibe from her. A good vibe and I think my quit has much to do with it. Still a lot of trust to earn back there, but with todays +1 it will be better. Thanks for ya'll pushing me to tell her asap. Early here, but for me that was an absolute necessity for this quit. Need to lay it all on the table and move forward with the quit. No more lies or BS.
(3) Last night was stuck in an airport and noticed that the addicted folks really stand out to me now. I noticed a guy in the Nascar Cafe sitting at his table with a fatty in and spitting into a styrofoam cup, another guy walking by and lobbing a tobacco enhanced spit bomb into the trash can as he passed by, and another guy entering the plane with a 1/2 full coke bottle he was using to conceal his spitting. Those are just a few, but I'm pretty fucking glad that is not me anymore. I am quit today.
(4) Still have urges daily and I am thinking about the quit constantly, but the plan is holding tight. I need to keep thinking about this quit everyday in order stay quit. One day focus is key to this quit. Still roll into a store and my first look is to the tobacco section to see if they have copenhagen snuff. That is fine, but my focus remains on my quit.
(5) Feel like I built up some credibility the past 20 days. This credibility is mainly with myself. I am beating out some demons and I know I'm heading down the right path.
So, I am quit and I will stay quit today. Head on swivel since I know I am in her sights. She is waiting to pounce on me, but will be ready today. Quit on!
Dude, you are well on your way. From here out, it is mind-games for you. And your mind is in the right place.
Here is a story I shared with a few guys on here. A couple of weeks back, wife and I were on plane to Denver. She likes aisle. I like window. Since we were in the back of the plane, that meant there was a seat between us. Well, this nice young guy gets on and sits between us. Probably 25. Clean cut, a bit overweight, glasses, nice clothes, iPad, iPhone. I'm thinking... hmmm... this guy could be me if I were not 42! We chat for a little bit. Turn off the electronic devices, and then - as discreetly as he could, he reaches down into a bag and gets something out and puts it in his mouth.
Now, most people wouldn't have noticed. Or they wouldn't have cared. I'm not most people.
It was a pouch of tobacco! And it didn't slip by me. I've done it a thousand times on planes. Always scared someone would notice or I'd get caught, but I always made sure I had my cans in my carry-on. If United lost my underwear - who cares? But if my cans were lost and I was going international.... HOLY HELL! How screwed up were my priorities?
Well, I couldn't let that this chance to tell my 25 year old former self what I thought. Here was my chance!
So we take off. And I start talking. "What do you do?" "Law student." "Where are you from?" Build up the rapport. Jake Frawley probably does this before he goes in for the kill on the credit life insurance, right?
Pretty soon, I move on... "so I notice you dip, I did that for 25 years." "Uh, well, uh." "I quit 178 days ago, best thing I ever did." "Uh, that's great." "It is so nice to not have to worry about that white patch on my lip being cancer every day - you have that white patch I bet, right?" "Uh, yeah, I uh..." "I can't belive I spit out a Lexus over 25 years. 25 years I was a slave. How long have you been using?" "Uh, I uh, I started when I was 16."
And every time I took a breath - the lovely Mrs. would take my place. "Yeah, he used to hide it from me. Can you believe that. It is such a filthy addiction. Gross. Women find it to be a big turn-off. You have a girlfriend? I bet you hide it from her."
You get the idea. Let me tell you something, Derk... You've never seen a fat young legal eagle get an ass off of a 727 faster in your life than when we landed in Denver.
Welcome home. One day at a time. And you won't ever have to worry about sitting next to me on a flight. Or my wife.
