Derk40

[RAZD611]

7 days in... Saturday and mind games running me ragged. Urges still bad, but batting them the F back. Been a ninja dipper for so long and having the wife not understand my addiction has now put me in a position where I am now hiding my quit. I don't want to hide it, but I think part of me does. She has heard the promises over the years and will likely think i am full of shit again or wonder what else am I hiding. Part of me wants her in on it now, but the other part doesn't want to deal with the hassle. Sounds bad when I read that, but i don't know what her reaction will be and I am kind of worried about dealing with it. But I find myself sneaking online to read and chat. Same shit I did all these years only dipping. WTF. This ain't gonna work like this ,I don't think. Feeling like a major asshole. Any advice?

Stop sneaking around... Let her in on the fact you are a week quit. It will explain some of your behavior lately. But most of all it will add an extra layer of accountability. Be proud of the fact you have been quit for 7 days. that is badass, but the battle has just begun. There are more rough spots and ups and downs yet to come in your quit. The mind games have just begun and you need all the ammo in your corner you can get right now. If you work it right you might even get some 'do it' . It is great to feel proud of what you are accomplishing, but it is even better for your other half to be proud of you.

[Derk40]

7 days in... Saturday and mind games running me ragged. Urges still bad, but batting them the F back. Been a ninja dipper for so long and having the wife not understand my addiction has now put me in a position where I am now hiding my quit. I don't want to hide it, but I think part of me does. She has heard the promises over the years and will likely think i am full of shit again or wonder what else am I hiding. Part of me wants her in on it now, but the other part doesn't want to deal with the hassle. Sounds bad when I read that, but i don't know what her reaction will be and I am kind of worried about dealing with it. But I find myself sneaking online to read and chat. Same shit I did all these years only dipping. WTF. This ain't gonna work like this ,I don't think. Feeling like a major asshole. Any advice?

[srans]

Good deal derk. This will be the first of many poison free weekends. Take it one day at a time. You don't need the poison never did. Quit with you.

[Derk40]

sM,
Thanks for that post.  It means a lot.  Before 6 days ago I thought I knew one thing... I would do anything for my family.  I was fucking lying to myself... I was full of crap.  I was a weak ass poser.  How do I know that -- I continued to throw dangerous shit in my lip with no regard for me.  I can't do anything for my family if I am not here.  The mental aspect of this has been whipping my a$$ the first 6 days.  I read your post last night and wanted to respond immediately.  But I got to thinkin and I waited.  I read your entire Intro and was up until 230am.  I am not sleeping anyhow, so I mind as well learn.  Good stuff in there, bros.  The Kern girls letters to their father brought me to tears and made me sick at the same time.  For me there is no other option than to quit and I don't know why it took me 20 some odd years to figure that out.  I am an addict but I am quit.  As I have ready from many these first 6 days... This is going to suck until it doesnt, then it won't.  I'm ready, willing and able for this fight.

I pulled something off your intro cuz it made me think about my priorities for today.  I am quit with you and the rest of the KTC brotha/sista hood today and it feels damn good! Thanks for shedding some light on the road! 

---------------------------------------------------------
QUOTE (Skoal Monster @ Oct 30, 2012, 12:57 pm)
Spongebob Mantra

There is only one thing that I must accomplish today, and that is to not chew.
If I get other things done today, great.
But everything else has second priority for now.
Soon I'll be able to focus on those other things too.
But for right now, for today, this is the only thing that matters.
I won't demand more of myself, and I won't get down on myself for not doing anything else if I don't get to it.
This is damn damn damn hard work, and it's the most important work that I have right now.
I'll be truly and sincerely proud if I meet no goals today other than keeping that crap out of my mouth

Now your sounding like a quitter bro. Quitting comes from deep. As you read stuff like what sm wrote and start uncovering all the lies of the poison your quit will become stronger and stronger. Read my hof speech when you get time. Its in my signature line. It will also help you I believe.

One thing I always recommend is research nicotine. Learn your enemy. Learning your enemy can be half the battle. There is enough information on this sight that you will learn why and what you will go through. I quit with you today. Use those numbers you got if you need to. I'm quit with you all day.

First full work week logged quit. Closing shop and headin home. Today was my first productive day at work all week. Thanks to Spongbob... I had one priority today at work... not chewing. Did not worry about anything else and did not care. Funny thing is... I was actually able to get a few things done... it just flowed and it felt damn good. I think the website, texts, lifesavers, fireballs and water had a bunch to do with it. Getting ready to head home and focus on my first weekend quit. It will happen. I will never put that shit in my mouth again. Glad to be quittin witcha. Rock on!

[JRizzle]

Hey derk, welcome,

Read this, I think it will help you with the mental aspect of your quit

What Price to Save Ourselves?

by Spongebob

For over 2 decades, my best quit efforts lasted maybe 10 or so days. Finally, asking myself the right question changed my attitude and made it possible to quit. This quit is not easy, but it is finally in MY CONTROL and (I firmly believe) FINAL.

Previously, I always asked "how can I find the strength to break this addiction? In particular, how can I get through the crushing brain fog that always leads to my demise. I can't stay quit or start quitting right now because I get too brain-stupid to get any work done." THAT QUESTION ALWAYS LED ME TO FAIL because (a) it gave me the choice to fail, and (B) it said I had other priorities that I would allow to interfere with quitting.

This time, I asked myself a different question. "IS THERE ANYTHING I WILL NOT DO IN ORDER TO QUIT? IS ANY COST TOO HIGH?" Since nobody was asking me to give up my family, I decided the answer was "NO." I therefore decided that I WILL INCUR ANY COST WHATSOEVER TO QUIT. If I must, I will use up all my vacation time to get away from the office until the fog lifts. If I have no vacation time left, I'll call in sick (and I consider addiction withdrawal to be honestly sick). If I run out of vacation/sick time, I'll ask for unpaid leave until my head clears up and while I practice handling fewer stresses without opening a tin. If I can't get unpaid leave, I'll let that job go (and go find a new job AFTER I SAVED MY LIFE). If I can't afford being on unpaid leave or unemployment, I will swallow my pride and ask for help from family  friends, and I will sell my stupid car/house/stereo while I SAVE MY LIFE.

WOW, once I decided that NO COST WAS TOO HIGH TO SAVE MY LIFE, and that I would GLADLY INCUR THOSE COSTS, my whole mental attitude changed. No longer were there any impediments to quitting. Once that was my attitude, quitting was easier than I had experienced in prior efforts. I did have to cut back on my office time (and incur some temporary pay reduction), but nothing drastic. And in the long run, who gives a damn?

See, the real barrier wasn't quitting tobacco -- the real barrier had been what I had not CONSIDERED doing, or had not been WILLING to do, in order to make quitting the absolute #1 priority.

Another example: does quitting make being around the house unbearable? Negotiate leaving for 2 weeks!!! "Honey, I need these 2 weeks in order to give you the rest of my life. This isn't a vacation, this is the old 'stick with me in sickness and in health thing.' It's unfair to leave you with the kids, but I will make it up to you, and you will like the new me much better, and I won't go and get cancer on you.")

I came to this "At What Price" attitude after my wife died. She had been given a terminal diagnosis from hell with no hope whatsoever (Lou Gehrig's Disease). We had wished there was something/anything we could do, but there was not. And she had done nothing to deserve it (no smokes, barely drank, exercised regularly, young).

Now here I was, 14 months after she passed away, giving myself my own terminal sentence. But this was a sentence I had the power to stop. My wife had been denied any such power. So, every time I CHOSE to fill my lip, I insulted the memory of my wife. My wife and I would have paid ANY PRICE to save her: sacrificing job, house, friends, etc.

Once I asked "What Price" to save myself, the answers became rather obvious and easy. This quit is not easy, but now it is only a question of time. The fog still lingers some, but now I just ride it out rather than fight it or let it scare me back to the can.

Hey guys, don't fill the boards with condolences. It's been 15 months and I've come to terms with my loss. But I wanted to share this story to prompt you to ask yourselves, "Is Any Price Too High?" Are you putting artificial barriers (like the job, or conserving vacation days and sick leave, or keeping secrets from your wife) in the way of accomplishing THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL in your life right now?

Would you quit your job, sell your house and move to a desolate place where you have no friends, all in order to save the life of your child, wife, or father? Of course you would. Now, do whatever you have to do, at whatever cost, to save your own life.

Omg. So powerful.

Thank you for sharing sM.

This place is full of posts like that. I used to read until I found something to hold onto for the day. I saved a lot of them in my intro if you need something to keep you busy

Someone needs to put this in Words Of Wisdom. This will be on my mind all day now, and thank you for that. This really is something we all need to think about? What cost is too high for life?

Darn, and to think i was coming to this intro to put something that would help derk for the day. I'll save mine for another day. If that don't keep you quit, well then, I got nothing for you.

That is absolutely amazing. Good to be quit with all of you today

[srans]

sM,
Thanks for that post.  It means a lot.  Before 6 days ago I thought I knew one thing... I would do anything for my family.  I was fucking lying to myself... I was full of crap.  I was a weak ass poser.  How do I know that -- I continued to throw dangerous shit in my lip with no regard for me.  I can't do anything for my family if I am not here.  The mental aspect of this has been whipping my a$$ the first 6 days.  I read your post last night and wanted to respond immediately.  But I got to thinkin and I waited.  I read your entire Intro and was up until 230am.  I am not sleeping anyhow, so I mind as well learn.  Good stuff in there, bros.  The Kern girls letters to their father brought me to tears and made me sick at the same time.  For me there is no other option than to quit and I don't know why it took me 20 some odd years to figure that out.  I am an addict but I am quit.  As I have ready from many these first 6 days... This is going to suck until it doesnt, then it won't.  I'm ready, willing and able for this fight.

I pulled something off your intro cuz it made me think about my priorities for today.  I am quit with you and the rest of the KTC brotha/sista hood today and it feels damn good! Thanks for shedding some light on the road! 

---------------------------------------------------------
QUOTE (Skoal Monster @ Oct 30, 2012, 12:57 pm)
Spongebob Mantra

There is only one thing that I must accomplish today, and that is to not chew.
If I get other things done today, great.
But everything else has second priority for now.
Soon I'll be able to focus on those other things too.
But for right now, for today, this is the only thing that matters.
I won't demand more of myself, and I won't get down on myself for not doing anything else if I don't get to it.
This is damn damn damn hard work, and it's the most important work that I have right now.
I'll be truly and sincerely proud if I meet no goals today other than keeping that crap out of my mouth

Now your sounding like a quitter bro. Quitting comes from deep. As you read stuff like what sm wrote and start uncovering all the lies of the poison your quit will become stronger and stronger. Read my hof speech when you get time. Its in my signature line. It will also help you I believe.

One thing I always recommend is research nicotine. Learn your enemy. Learning your enemy can be half the battle. There is enough information on this sight that you will learn why and what you will go through. I quit with you today. Use those numbers you got if you need to. I'm quit with you all day.

[traumagnet]

sM,
Thanks for that post. It means a lot. Before 6 days ago I thought I knew one thing... I would do anything for my family. I was fucking lying to myself... I was full of crap. I was a weak ass poser. How do I know that -- I continued to throw dangerous shit in my lip with no regard for me. I can't do anything for my family if I am not here. The mental aspect of this has been whipping my a$$ the first 6 days. I read your post last night and wanted to respond immediately. But I got to thinkin and I waited. I read your entire Intro and was up until 230am. I am not sleeping anyhow, so I mind as well learn. Good stuff in there, bros. The Kern girls letters to their father brought me to tears and made me sick at the same time. For me there is no other option than to quit and I don't know why it took me 20 some odd years to figure that out. I am an addict but I am quit. As I have ready from many these first 6 days... This is going to suck until it doesnt, then it won't. I'm ready, willing and able for this fight.

I pulled something off your intro cuz it made me think about my priorities for today. I am quit with you and the rest of the KTC brotha/sista hood today and it feels damn good! Thanks for shedding some light on the road!

---------------------------------------------------------
QUOTE (Skoal Monster @ Oct 30, 2012, 12:57 pm)
Spongebob Mantra

There is only one thing that I must accomplish today, and that is to not chew.
If I get other things done today, great.
But everything else has second priority for now.
Soon I'll be able to focus on those other things too.
But for right now, for today, this is the only thing that matters.
I won't demand more of myself, and I won't get down on myself for not doing anything else if I don't get to it.
This is damn damn damn hard work, and it's the most important work that I have right now.
I'll be truly and sincerely proud if I meet no goals today other than keeping that crap out of my mouth

I am getting some quit wood here!!! keep it up man begin to hate tobacco and nicotine...its a slave ship.

[Derk40]

sM,
Thanks for that post. It means a lot. Before 6 days ago I thought I knew one thing... I would do anything for my family. I was fucking lying to myself... I was full of crap. I was a weak ass poser. How do I know that -- I continued to throw dangerous shit in my lip with no regard for me. I can't do anything for my family if I am not here. The mental aspect of this has been whipping my a$$ the first 6 days. I read your post last night and wanted to respond immediately. But I got to thinkin and I waited. I read your entire Intro and was up until 230am. I am not sleeping anyhow, so I mind as well learn. Good stuff in there, bros. The Kern girls letters to their father brought me to tears and made me sick at the same time. For me there is no other option than to quit and I don't know why it took me 20 some odd years to figure that out. I am an addict but I am quit. As I have ready from many these first 6 days... This is going to suck until it doesnt, then it won't. I'm ready, willing and able for this fight.

I pulled something off your intro cuz it made me think about my priorities for today. I am quit with you and the rest of the KTC brotha/sista hood today and it feels damn good! Thanks for shedding some light on the road!

---------------------------------------------------------
QUOTE (Skoal Monster @ Oct 30, 2012, 12:57 pm)
Spongebob Mantra

There is only one thing that I must accomplish today, and that is to not chew.
If I get other things done today, great.
But everything else has second priority for now.
Soon I'll be able to focus on those other things too.
But for right now, for today, this is the only thing that matters.
I won't demand more of myself, and I won't get down on myself for not doing anything else if I don't get to it.
This is damn damn damn hard work, and it's the most important work that I have right now.
I'll be truly and sincerely proud if I meet no goals today other than keeping that crap out of my mouth

[srans]

Hey derk, welcome,

Read this, I think it will help you with the mental aspect of your quit

What Price to Save Ourselves?

by Spongebob

For over 2 decades, my best quit efforts lasted maybe 10 or so days. Finally, asking myself the right question changed my attitude and made it possible to quit. This quit is not easy, but it is finally in MY CONTROL and (I firmly believe) FINAL.

Previously, I always asked "how can I find the strength to break this addiction? In particular, how can I get through the crushing brain fog that always leads to my demise. I can't stay quit or start quitting right now because I get too brain-stupid to get any work done." THAT QUESTION ALWAYS LED ME TO FAIL because (a) it gave me the choice to fail, and (B) it said I had other priorities that I would allow to interfere with quitting.

This time, I asked myself a different question. "IS THERE ANYTHING I WILL NOT DO IN ORDER TO QUIT? IS ANY COST TOO HIGH?" Since nobody was asking me to give up my family, I decided the answer was "NO." I therefore decided that I WILL INCUR ANY COST WHATSOEVER TO QUIT. If I must, I will use up all my vacation time to get away from the office until the fog lifts. If I have no vacation time left, I'll call in sick (and I consider addiction withdrawal to be honestly sick). If I run out of vacation/sick time, I'll ask for unpaid leave until my head clears up and while I practice handling fewer stresses without opening a tin. If I can't get unpaid leave, I'll let that job go (and go find a new job AFTER I SAVED MY LIFE). If I can't afford being on unpaid leave or unemployment, I will swallow my pride and ask for help from family  friends, and I will sell my stupid car/house/stereo while I SAVE MY LIFE.

WOW, once I decided that NO COST WAS TOO HIGH TO SAVE MY LIFE, and that I would GLADLY INCUR THOSE COSTS, my whole mental attitude changed. No longer were there any impediments to quitting. Once that was my attitude, quitting was easier than I had experienced in prior efforts. I did have to cut back on my office time (and incur some temporary pay reduction), but nothing drastic. And in the long run, who gives a damn?

See, the real barrier wasn't quitting tobacco -- the real barrier had been what I had not CONSIDERED doing, or had not been WILLING to do, in order to make quitting the absolute #1 priority.

Another example: does quitting make being around the house unbearable? Negotiate leaving for 2 weeks!!! "Honey, I need these 2 weeks in order to give you the rest of my life. This isn't a vacation, this is the old 'stick with me in sickness and in health thing.' It's unfair to leave you with the kids, but I will make it up to you, and you will like the new me much better, and I won't go and get cancer on you.")

I came to this "At What Price" attitude after my wife died. She had been given a terminal diagnosis from hell with no hope whatsoever (Lou Gehrig's Disease). We had wished there was something/anything we could do, but there was not. And she had done nothing to deserve it (no smokes, barely drank, exercised regularly, young).

Now here I was, 14 months after she passed away, giving myself my own terminal sentence. But this was a sentence I had the power to stop. My wife had been denied any such power. So, every time I CHOSE to fill my lip, I insulted the memory of my wife. My wife and I would have paid ANY PRICE to save her: sacrificing job, house, friends, etc.

Once I asked "What Price" to save myself, the answers became rather obvious and easy. This quit is not easy, but now it is only a question of time. The fog still lingers some, but now I just ride it out rather than fight it or let it scare me back to the can.

Hey guys, don't fill the boards with condolences. It's been 15 months and I've come to terms with my loss. But I wanted to share this story to prompt you to ask yourselves, "Is Any Price Too High?" Are you putting artificial barriers (like the job, or conserving vacation days and sick leave, or keeping secrets from your wife) in the way of accomplishing THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL in your life right now?

Would you quit your job, sell your house and move to a desolate place where you have no friends, all in order to save the life of your child, wife, or father? Of course you would. Now, do whatever you have to do, at whatever cost, to save your own life.

Omg. So powerful.

Thank you for sharing sM.

This place is full of posts like that. I used to read until I found something to hold onto for the day. I saved a lot of them in my intro if you need something to keep you busy

Someone needs to put this in Words Of Wisdom. This will be on my mind all day now, and thank you for that. This really is something we all need to think about? What cost is too high for life?

Darn, and to think i was coming to this intro to put something that would help derk for the day. I'll save mine for another day. If that don't keep you quit, well then, I got nothing for you.

[jake frawley]

Hey derk, welcome,

Read this, I think it will help you with the mental aspect of your quit

What Price to Save Ourselves?

by Spongebob

For over 2 decades, my best quit efforts lasted maybe 10 or so days. Finally, asking myself the right question changed my attitude and made it possible to quit. This quit is not easy, but it is finally in MY CONTROL and (I firmly believe) FINAL.

Previously, I always asked "how can I find the strength to break this addiction? In particular, how can I get through the crushing brain fog that always leads to my demise. I can't stay quit or start quitting right now because I get too brain-stupid to get any work done." THAT QUESTION ALWAYS LED ME TO FAIL because (a) it gave me the choice to fail, and (B) it said I had other priorities that I would allow to interfere with quitting.

This time, I asked myself a different question. "IS THERE ANYTHING I WILL NOT DO IN ORDER TO QUIT? IS ANY COST TOO HIGH?" Since nobody was asking me to give up my family, I decided the answer was "NO." I therefore decided that I WILL INCUR ANY COST WHATSOEVER TO QUIT. If I must, I will use up all my vacation time to get away from the office until the fog lifts. If I have no vacation time left, I'll call in sick (and I consider addiction withdrawal to be honestly sick). If I run out of vacation/sick time, I'll ask for unpaid leave until my head clears up and while I practice handling fewer stresses without opening a tin. If I can't get unpaid leave, I'll let that job go (and go find a new job AFTER I SAVED MY LIFE). If I can't afford being on unpaid leave or unemployment, I will swallow my pride and ask for help from family  friends, and I will sell my stupid car/house/stereo while I SAVE MY LIFE.

WOW, once I decided that NO COST WAS TOO HIGH TO SAVE MY LIFE, and that I would GLADLY INCUR THOSE COSTS, my whole mental attitude changed. No longer were there any impediments to quitting. Once that was my attitude, quitting was easier than I had experienced in prior efforts. I did have to cut back on my office time (and incur some temporary pay reduction), but nothing drastic. And in the long run, who gives a damn?

See, the real barrier wasn't quitting tobacco -- the real barrier had been what I had not CONSIDERED doing, or had not been WILLING to do, in order to make quitting the absolute #1 priority.

Another example: does quitting make being around the house unbearable? Negotiate leaving for 2 weeks!!! "Honey, I need these 2 weeks in order to give you the rest of my life. This isn't a vacation, this is the old 'stick with me in sickness and in health thing.' It's unfair to leave you with the kids, but I will make it up to you, and you will like the new me much better, and I won't go and get cancer on you.")

I came to this "At What Price" attitude after my wife died. She had been given a terminal diagnosis from hell with no hope whatsoever (Lou Gehrig's Disease). We had wished there was something/anything we could do, but there was not. And she had done nothing to deserve it (no smokes, barely drank, exercised regularly, young).

Now here I was, 14 months after she passed away, giving myself my own terminal sentence. But this was a sentence I had the power to stop. My wife had been denied any such power. So, every time I CHOSE to fill my lip, I insulted the memory of my wife. My wife and I would have paid ANY PRICE to save her: sacrificing job, house, friends, etc.

Once I asked "What Price" to save myself, the answers became rather obvious and easy. This quit is not easy, but now it is only a question of time. The fog still lingers some, but now I just ride it out rather than fight it or let it scare me back to the can.

Hey guys, don't fill the boards with condolences. It's been 15 months and I've come to terms with my loss. But I wanted to share this story to prompt you to ask yourselves, "Is Any Price Too High?" Are you putting artificial barriers (like the job, or conserving vacation days and sick leave, or keeping secrets from your wife) in the way of accomplishing THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL in your life right now?

Would you quit your job, sell your house and move to a desolate place where you have no friends, all in order to save the life of your child, wife, or father? Of course you would. Now, do whatever you have to do, at whatever cost, to save your own life.

Omg. So powerful.

Thank you for sharing sM.

This place is full of posts like that. I used to read until I found something to hold onto for the day. I saved a lot of them in my intro if you need something to keep you busy

Someone needs to put this in Words Of Wisdom. This will be on my mind all day now, and thank you for that. This really is something we all need to think about? What cost is too high for life?

[Skoal Monster]

Hey derk, welcome,

Read this, I think it will help you with the mental aspect of your quit

What Price to Save Ourselves?

by Spongebob

For over 2 decades, my best quit efforts lasted maybe 10 or so days. Finally, asking myself the right question changed my attitude and made it possible to quit. This quit is not easy, but it is finally in MY CONTROL and (I firmly believe) FINAL.

Previously, I always asked "how can I find the strength to break this addiction? In particular, how can I get through the crushing brain fog that always leads to my demise. I can't stay quit or start quitting right now because I get too brain-stupid to get any work done." THAT QUESTION ALWAYS LED ME TO FAIL because (a) it gave me the choice to fail, and (B) it said I had other priorities that I would allow to interfere with quitting.

This time, I asked myself a different question. "IS THERE ANYTHING I WILL NOT DO IN ORDER TO QUIT? IS ANY COST TOO HIGH?" Since nobody was asking me to give up my family, I decided the answer was "NO." I therefore decided that I WILL INCUR ANY COST WHATSOEVER TO QUIT. If I must, I will use up all my vacation time to get away from the office until the fog lifts. If I have no vacation time left, I'll call in sick (and I consider addiction withdrawal to be honestly sick). If I run out of vacation/sick time, I'll ask for unpaid leave until my head clears up and while I practice handling fewer stresses without opening a tin. If I can't get unpaid leave, I'll let that job go (and go find a new job AFTER I SAVED MY LIFE). If I can't afford being on unpaid leave or unemployment, I will swallow my pride and ask for help from family  friends, and I will sell my stupid car/house/stereo while I SAVE MY LIFE.

WOW, once I decided that NO COST WAS TOO HIGH TO SAVE MY LIFE, and that I would GLADLY INCUR THOSE COSTS, my whole mental attitude changed. No longer were there any impediments to quitting. Once that was my attitude, quitting was easier than I had experienced in prior efforts. I did have to cut back on my office time (and incur some temporary pay reduction), but nothing drastic. And in the long run, who gives a damn?

See, the real barrier wasn't quitting tobacco -- the real barrier had been what I had not CONSIDERED doing, or had not been WILLING to do, in order to make quitting the absolute #1 priority.

Another example: does quitting make being around the house unbearable? Negotiate leaving for 2 weeks!!! "Honey, I need these 2 weeks in order to give you the rest of my life. This isn't a vacation, this is the old 'stick with me in sickness and in health thing.' It's unfair to leave you with the kids, but I will make it up to you, and you will like the new me much better, and I won't go and get cancer on you.")

I came to this "At What Price" attitude after my wife died. She had been given a terminal diagnosis from hell with no hope whatsoever (Lou Gehrig's Disease). We had wished there was something/anything we could do, but there was not. And she had done nothing to deserve it (no smokes, barely drank, exercised regularly, young).

Now here I was, 14 months after she passed away, giving myself my own terminal sentence. But this was a sentence I had the power to stop. My wife had been denied any such power. So, every time I CHOSE to fill my lip, I insulted the memory of my wife. My wife and I would have paid ANY PRICE to save her: sacrificing job, house, friends, etc.

Once I asked "What Price" to save myself, the answers became rather obvious and easy. This quit is not easy, but now it is only a question of time. The fog still lingers some, but now I just ride it out rather than fight it or let it scare me back to the can.

Hey guys, don't fill the boards with condolences. It's been 15 months and I've come to terms with my loss. But I wanted to share this story to prompt you to ask yourselves, "Is Any Price Too High?" Are you putting artificial barriers (like the job, or conserving vacation days and sick leave, or keeping secrets from your wife) in the way of accomplishing THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL in your life right now?

Would you quit your job, sell your house and move to a desolate place where you have no friends, all in order to save the life of your child, wife, or father? Of course you would. Now, do whatever you have to do, at whatever cost, to save your own life.

Omg. So powerful.

Thank you for sharing sM.

This place is full of posts like that. I used to read until I found something to hold onto for the day. I saved a lot of them in my intro if you need something to keep you busy

[LionHeartedGirl]

Hey derk, welcome,

Read this, I think it will help you with the mental aspect of your quit

What Price to Save Ourselves?

by Spongebob

For over 2 decades, my best quit efforts lasted maybe 10 or so days. Finally, asking myself the right question changed my attitude and made it possible to quit. This quit is not easy, but it is finally in MY CONTROL and (I firmly believe) FINAL.

Previously, I always asked "how can I find the strength to break this addiction? In particular, how can I get through the crushing brain fog that always leads to my demise. I can't stay quit or start quitting right now because I get too brain-stupid to get any work done." THAT QUESTION ALWAYS LED ME TO FAIL because (a) it gave me the choice to fail, and (B) it said I had other priorities that I would allow to interfere with quitting.

This time, I asked myself a different question. "IS THERE ANYTHING I WILL NOT DO IN ORDER TO QUIT? IS ANY COST TOO HIGH?" Since nobody was asking me to give up my family, I decided the answer was "NO." I therefore decided that I WILL INCUR ANY COST WHATSOEVER TO QUIT. If I must, I will use up all my vacation time to get away from the office until the fog lifts. If I have no vacation time left, I'll call in sick (and I consider addiction withdrawal to be honestly sick). If I run out of vacation/sick time, I'll ask for unpaid leave until my head clears up and while I practice handling fewer stresses without opening a tin. If I can't get unpaid leave, I'll let that job go (and go find a new job AFTER I SAVED MY LIFE). If I can't afford being on unpaid leave or unemployment, I will swallow my pride and ask for help from family  friends, and I will sell my stupid car/house/stereo while I SAVE MY LIFE.

WOW, once I decided that NO COST WAS TOO HIGH TO SAVE MY LIFE, and that I would GLADLY INCUR THOSE COSTS, my whole mental attitude changed. No longer were there any impediments to quitting. Once that was my attitude, quitting was easier than I had experienced in prior efforts. I did have to cut back on my office time (and incur some temporary pay reduction), but nothing drastic. And in the long run, who gives a damn?

See, the real barrier wasn't quitting tobacco -- the real barrier had been what I had not CONSIDERED doing, or had not been WILLING to do, in order to make quitting the absolute #1 priority.

Another example: does quitting make being around the house unbearable? Negotiate leaving for 2 weeks!!! "Honey, I need these 2 weeks in order to give you the rest of my life. This isn't a vacation, this is the old 'stick with me in sickness and in health thing.' It's unfair to leave you with the kids, but I will make it up to you, and you will like the new me much better, and I won't go and get cancer on you.")

I came to this "At What Price" attitude after my wife died. She had been given a terminal diagnosis from hell with no hope whatsoever (Lou Gehrig's Disease). We had wished there was something/anything we could do, but there was not. And she had done nothing to deserve it (no smokes, barely drank, exercised regularly, young).

Now here I was, 14 months after she passed away, giving myself my own terminal sentence. But this was a sentence I had the power to stop. My wife had been denied any such power. So, every time I CHOSE to fill my lip, I insulted the memory of my wife. My wife and I would have paid ANY PRICE to save her: sacrificing job, house, friends, etc.

Once I asked "What Price" to save myself, the answers became rather obvious and easy. This quit is not easy, but now it is only a question of time. The fog still lingers some, but now I just ride it out rather than fight it or let it scare me back to the can.

Hey guys, don't fill the boards with condolences. It's been 15 months and I've come to terms with my loss. But I wanted to share this story to prompt you to ask yourselves, "Is Any Price Too High?" Are you putting artificial barriers (like the job, or conserving vacation days and sick leave, or keeping secrets from your wife) in the way of accomplishing THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL in your life right now?

Would you quit your job, sell your house and move to a desolate place where you have no friends, all in order to save the life of your child, wife, or father? Of course you would. Now, do whatever you have to do, at whatever cost, to save your own life.

Omg. So powerful.

Thank you for sharing sM.

[Skoal Monster]

Hey derk, welcome,

Read this, I think it will help you with the mental aspect of your quit

What Price to Save Ourselves?

by Spongebob

For over 2 decades, my best quit efforts lasted maybe 10 or so days. Finally, asking myself the right question changed my attitude and made it possible to quit. This quit is not easy, but it is finally in MY CONTROL and (I firmly believe) FINAL.

Previously, I always asked "how can I find the strength to break this addiction? In particular, how can I get through the crushing brain fog that always leads to my demise. I can't stay quit or start quitting right now because I get too brain-stupid to get any work done." THAT QUESTION ALWAYS LED ME TO FAIL because (a) it gave me the choice to fail, and (B) it said I had other priorities that I would allow to interfere with quitting.

This time, I asked myself a different question. "IS THERE ANYTHING I WILL NOT DO IN ORDER TO QUIT? IS ANY COST TOO HIGH?" Since nobody was asking me to give up my family, I decided the answer was "NO." I therefore decided that I WILL INCUR ANY COST WHATSOEVER TO QUIT. If I must, I will use up all my vacation time to get away from the office until the fog lifts. If I have no vacation time left, I'll call in sick (and I consider addiction withdrawal to be honestly sick). If I run out of vacation/sick time, I'll ask for unpaid leave until my head clears up and while I practice handling fewer stresses without opening a tin. If I can't get unpaid leave, I'll let that job go (and go find a new job AFTER I SAVED MY LIFE). If I can't afford being on unpaid leave or unemployment, I will swallow my pride and ask for help from family  friends, and I will sell my stupid car/house/stereo while I SAVE MY LIFE.

WOW, once I decided that NO COST WAS TOO HIGH TO SAVE MY LIFE, and that I would GLADLY INCUR THOSE COSTS, my whole mental attitude changed. No longer were there any impediments to quitting. Once that was my attitude, quitting was easier than I had experienced in prior efforts. I did have to cut back on my office time (and incur some temporary pay reduction), but nothing drastic. And in the long run, who gives a damn?

See, the real barrier wasn't quitting tobacco -- the real barrier had been what I had not CONSIDERED doing, or had not been WILLING to do, in order to make quitting the absolute #1 priority.

Another example: does quitting make being around the house unbearable? Negotiate leaving for 2 weeks!!! "Honey, I need these 2 weeks in order to give you the rest of my life. This isn't a vacation, this is the old 'stick with me in sickness and in health thing.' It's unfair to leave you with the kids, but I will make it up to you, and you will like the new me much better, and I won't go and get cancer on you.")

I came to this "At What Price" attitude after my wife died. She had been given a terminal diagnosis from hell with no hope whatsoever (Lou Gehrig's Disease). We had wished there was something/anything we could do, but there was not. And she had done nothing to deserve it (no smokes, barely drank, exercised regularly, young).

Now here I was, 14 months after she passed away, giving myself my own terminal sentence. But this was a sentence I had the power to stop. My wife had been denied any such power. So, every time I CHOSE to fill my lip, I insulted the memory of my wife. My wife and I would have paid ANY PRICE to save her: sacrificing job, house, friends, etc.

Once I asked "What Price" to save myself, the answers became rather obvious and easy. This quit is not easy, but now it is only a question of time. The fog still lingers some, but now I just ride it out rather than fight it or let it scare me back to the can.

Hey guys, don't fill the boards with condolences. It's been 15 months and I've come to terms with my loss. But I wanted to share this story to prompt you to ask yourselves, "Is Any Price Too High?" Are you putting artificial barriers (like the job, or conserving vacation days and sick leave, or keeping secrets from your wife) in the way of accomplishing THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL in your life right now?

Would you quit your job, sell your house and move to a desolate place where you have no friends, all in order to save the life of your child, wife, or father? Of course you would. Now, do whatever you have to do, at whatever cost, to save your own life.

[Derk40]

Meeting over.  Lucky I am just a paper pusher these days and no ones life is in danger, ship aint getting ready to run aground, etc... since I was not paying attention to anything anyone was telling me.  I am literally shaking and ready to start throwing haymakers... JRIZZ, KKLJINC and SIRDerek... thanks for the guidance and comment.  So basically what ur telling me is that I am at the point right now where it is either put up or shut up.  It is time to find out what I am I made of!  Either all in or get out.  Lay down like a bitch or f-in fight for this quit. 

Here is where I am.  I am major addict and I got to get out from the grips of this evil m-f-er.  Part of me wants to think - whoa is me... how did I get to this point?  That is weakness speaking cuz it don't matter - I am in the fight now.  Who gives a crap how I got here.  This is not a pause or a temp shut down for ME.  I have done that for too many years and it was not this hard cuz I was just putting my toe in the pool.  I am all in here.  I got to fight this nic B today like I have never fought for anything before.  My life is on the F-in line.  I am not going down here!  I am gonna fight the fight!  This is mine for the taking and I will have my life back!  I am quit!  I will stay quit!  Not laying down!

Now you are getting it you keep swinging for the fences one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You are getting through the suck its the physical addiction that you are fighting right now. YOu can do this you are not alone we are all here. Keep fight Derk for you are in the fight of your life...it is for your life. Your days of playing a slow game of Russion roulette are over.

What helped me early in my quit other than this site and everything it brings, is playing in my heard over and over in my head NEVER AGAIN FOR ANY REASON!!!!
Remember what it you feel like the 2x4 cracking through your skull embrace it...keep quit and no more 2x4s crashing through your skull...no more sweats...then after that comes the head games...

You dont have to work through the head games alone...start filling your tool bag to help you combat the Nic WHore well at least hold her off til we get there to help you.

By now you should have numbers in your phone and you should be reaching for that way before you reach for that contract. I am not bull shitting you that contract is not to be used first. your tools first then that.

PM me if you need anything.

Trauma, thanks for the advice. Need a few numbers for reach out, so I will work on that. Did not have a lifeline this am so went straight to guns.. That contract. It worked because everything on there is totally fucked. Who the hell would sign that fuckin contract? I ain't gonna sign it. She was working on me this morning and thought she had me going her way... but i hate her. Cant stand her. I hate dip and what it has done for me which is not a damn thing. I am working day by day here to build back my rep. It is gonna be a roller coaster for a while, but I'm ready to hold the ground I've taken. Retreat is not an option...as Patton said..."don't like paying for the same real estate twice." This is gonna be the last first 5 days for Derk. I quit with y'all today! Feels pretty damn good.

some fucks have signed it I texted you my number use it...proud of you in the thick of it all you were using tools to save your ass. now you have a number get more just about anyone here will pm you a number in a heart beat if they don't you don't need them there are plenty more.
keep the fite going

Thanks Trauma. Quit on!

[traumagnet]

Meeting over.  Lucky I am just a paper pusher these days and no ones life is in danger, ship aint getting ready to run aground, etc... since I was not paying attention to anything anyone was telling me.  I am literally shaking and ready to start throwing haymakers... JRIZZ, KKLJINC and SIRDerek... thanks for the guidance and comment.  So basically what ur telling me is that I am at the point right now where it is either put up or shut up.  It is time to find out what I am I made of!  Either all in or get out.  Lay down like a bitch or f-in fight for this quit. 

Here is where I am.  I am major addict and I got to get out from the grips of this evil m-f-er.  Part of me wants to think - whoa is me... how did I get to this point?  That is weakness speaking cuz it don't matter - I am in the fight now.  Who gives a crap how I got here.  This is not a pause or a temp shut down for ME.  I have done that for too many years and it was not this hard cuz I was just putting my toe in the pool.  I am all in here.  I got to fight this nic B today like I have never fought for anything before.  My life is on the F-in line.  I am not going down here!  I am gonna fight the fight!  This is mine for the taking and I will have my life back!  I am quit!  I will stay quit!  Not laying down!

Now you are getting it you keep swinging for the fences one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You are getting through the suck its the physical addiction that you are fighting right now. YOu can do this you are not alone we are all here. Keep fight Derk for you are in the fight of your life...it is for your life. Your days of playing a slow game of Russion roulette are over.

What helped me early in my quit other than this site and everything it brings, is playing in my heard over and over in my head NEVER AGAIN FOR ANY REASON!!!!
Remember what it you feel like the 2x4 cracking through your skull embrace it...keep quit and no more 2x4s crashing through your skull...no more sweats...then after that comes the head games...

You dont have to work through the head games alone...start filling your tool bag to help you combat the Nic WHore well at least hold her off til we get there to help you.

By now you should have numbers in your phone and you should be reaching for that way before you reach for that contract. I am not bull shitting you that contract is not to be used first. your tools first then that.

PM me if you need anything.

Trauma, thanks for the advice. Need a few numbers for reach out, so I will work on that. Did not have a lifeline this am so went straight to guns.. That contract. It worked because everything on there is totally fucked. Who the hell would sign that fuckin contract? I ain't gonna sign it. She was working on me this morning and thought she had me going her way... but i hate her. Cant stand her. I hate dip and what it has done for me which is not a damn thing. I am working day by day here to build back my rep. It is gonna be a roller coaster for a while, but I'm ready to hold the ground I've taken. Retreat is not an option...as Patton said..."don't like paying for the same real estate twice." This is gonna be the last first 5 days for Derk. I quit with y'all today! Feels pretty damn good.

some fucks have signed it I texted you my number use it...proud of you in the thick of it all you were using tools to save your ass. now you have a number get more just about anyone here will pm you a number in a heart beat if they don't you don't need them there are plenty more.
keep the fite going