Back in shame

[11X4]

Last activity April 9th. I guess we were just another passing fancy for ole Boom.

[Crosshair]

Boom,
Can't really tell you what to do about the wife situation, but I can tell you that due to obviously defective DNA I attempt to lie to my wife every other month or so.....and I always get caught......and it's always worse than if I just came clean in the first place. Don't let falling off the horse stop you, get right back on. It took me 4 SERIOUS attempts and many ridiculous ones over 15 years to quit. It is definitely worth the pain to be free.

[Turkey]

I tried to quit numerous times and I faild. Why? Becuase all I did was try. Sure I can try to climb Everest, I can try to swim across the Atlantic, I can try to run a marathon. I know it won't happen but I can try. You can try to quit but you know it won't happen. I think I read in your post that you are getting ready for a marathon and your really health conscience right now and you may be too busy to post. WELL WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!! Your not going to try to run this marathon, you are going to run it. Your preparing yourself now for that 26 mile run. Your not just going to show up on the day of. I HOPE YOUR FOLLOWING. Do you want to quit? Really? For what reason? Is it something to do? Afraid the wife will find out? No time to dip because your too busy running? Whats your motivation? What motivates you to run? Quitting this shit is the same has running a marathon, you need to prepare, you need to get there mentally, and physically. If you don't and just show up you fall flat on your face and look like a pansy. I am sorry you've tripped over your shoe laces in the past, but now is the time to lace up grow a sack of nuts and quit this shit. If your for real this time.

[Remshot]

Since I have continued dipping without her knowing, now I have to quit without her knowing.  So no support from her this time.

Hey man - I actually disagree totally with this position. 100 days ago my life was very much like yours. I was a ninja dipper - wife didn't know, or so I thought. I would dip on the throne at night, dip in the shower, to and from work, cutting the grass or working the in yard, etc. I dipped and lied, lied and dipped. You know the story. Let me tell you a couple things: first - the wife always knows, whether you think so or not. Mine knew what I was doing. MAybe she didn't know the extent of the addiction, but she knew I wasn't clean. Given my experience, I'd be very surprised if your wife was not on to you.

Second, and as perhaps you remember from your last quit, the beginning sucks. It sucks so bad words can't be found to describe it. For me, the aftermath of the suck sometimes was being an irrational dickhead at home, and the wife bore the brunt of some of that. If your wife really doesn't know what you're up to with quitting, you had better hold on to your ass at home - for me, had the wife not given me some substantial leeway in the beginning of the nic withdrawal suckfest (because she knew what was going on) she surely would have kicked my ass out of the house (and been justified in doing so).

We all say around here to take out the suck on the board and not at home. Let's be honest though - it's not always possible. Some of that shit is going to spill out at home whether you want it to or not. So, in my opinion, it behooves you to come clean to your better half.

If you're serious about your quit, and want your quit to succeed, you won't start such a laudable undertaking with another lie. You need all the support you can get, and support from the person to whom you've pledged for better or worse, till death, etc. strikes me as the most important support there is - don't ruin the opportunity to have something to celebrate together (success) by keeping your struggle to yourself. Yeah, when you go tell her that you're hooked on the nic bitch and you've lied about it, she's going to be pretty fucking pissed. I've been there, and I've had to repair the damage my lies caused. But the end result for me has been excellent support for my quit, leeway and understanding when I needed it, and ultimately, a better marriage - there now is nothing to hide, and we're better off for it.

Give it some thought.

Bravo! 'clap' 'clap' 'clap'

I whole heartedly agree.She will become your best ally in this battle. Pay the price, face the music. You're going to be in a fog and feeling like shit anyway. Might as well get it all over at once.

[brajd]

Thanks for the advice dude....

I'll have to think about it for sure. You could be right, she may be on to me, but I seriously doubt it. Knowing how bad she hates dip, I think I'd know if she knew about it.

I'm terrified about quitting, but I piss my pants when I think about telling her.

My "perfect world" shows me quitting, and her never knowing. But I know, it's not a perfect world...


Thanks again for the advice, and I'll be thinking about it more(I've always thought about it)

By the way, I assume you've been quit for at least 100 days now, congratulations....very impressive

My wife figured it out because no matter how good I thought I was at cleaning up after a dip, I just missed things every once in awhile. Grains of tobacco around the bathroom sink; old cans in my car on days she had to borrow it; didn't get everything out of my teeth before coming home from work; shitty breath. The list goes on. I thought I was one of the best at hiding it, thought I was very slick. Eventually, however, you'll get caught. And if you've been dipping on the sly for 2 years, chances are you've been caught and don't know it. Of course, I didn't know all this until I finally came clean about dipping on my quit day - then she told me all these things she knew. Ultimately though, the thing that upset her the most was not that I was dipping, it was the lying, the hiding, the feeling of having to keep something secret. It's really a good way to fuck up a relationship. And for what? For a little can and a little fix. Because I was too much of a pussy to take the pain of withdrawal. Just look at what you're willing to risk for the can - your personal health, your marriage, your money . . .

Like I said, give it some thought. You obviously know your wife best. But you also know best how hard it is to stay clean. And if you've got the weight of addiction on you, as well as the weight of maintaining previously lies, you're putting yourself at a terrible disadvantage from the start.

[boomhauer]

Since I have continued dipping without her knowing, now I have to quit without her knowing.  So no support from her this time.

Hey man - I actually disagree totally with this position. 100 days ago my life was very much like yours. I was a ninja dipper - wife didn't know, or so I thought. I would dip on the throne at night, dip in the shower, to and from work, cutting the grass or working the in yard, etc. I dipped and lied, lied and dipped. You know the story. Let me tell you a couple things: first - the wife always knows, whether you think so or not. Mine knew what I was doing. MAybe she didn't know the extent of the addiction, but she knew I wasn't clean. Given my experience, I'd be very surprised if your wife was not on to you.

Second, and as perhaps you remember from your last quit, the beginning sucks. It sucks so bad words can't be found to describe it. For me, the aftermath of the suck sometimes was being an irrational dickhead at home, and the wife bore the brunt of some of that. If your wife really doesn't know what you're up to with quitting, you had better hold on to your ass at home - for me, had the wife not given me some substantial leeway in the beginning of the nic withdrawal suckfest (because she knew what was going on) she surely would have kicked my ass out of the house (and been justified in doing so).

We all say around here to take out the suck on the board and not at home. Let's be honest though - it's not always possible. Some of that shit is going to spill out at home whether you want it to or not. So, in my opinion, it behooves you to come clean to your better half.

If you're serious about your quit, and want your quit to succeed, you won't start such a laudable undertaking with another lie. You need all the support you can get, and support from the person to whom you've pledged for better or worse, till death, etc. strikes me as the most important support there is - don't ruin the opportunity to have something to celebrate together (success) by keeping your struggle to yourself. Yeah, when you go tell her that you're hooked on the nic bitch and you've lied about it, she's going to be pretty fucking pissed. I've been there, and I've had to repair the damage my lies caused. But the end result for me has been excellent support for my quit, leeway and understanding when I needed it, and ultimately, a better marriage - there now is nothing to hide, and we're better off for it.

Give it some thought.

Thanks for the advice dude....

I'll have to think about it for sure. You could be right, she may be on to me, but I seriously doubt it. Knowing how bad she hates dip, I think I'd know if she knew about it.

I'm terrified about quitting, but I piss my pants when I think about telling her.

My "perfect world" shows me quitting, and her never knowing. But I know, it's not a perfect world...


Thanks again for the advice, and I'll be thinking about it more(I've always thought about it)

By the way, I assume you've been quit for at least 100 days now, congratulations....very impressive

[Cook]

i agree with brajd on this point man....man up and fess up that you were weak. that's the real man thing to do. yes it is scary and hard to do but it is what you need. you need support from someone that you are living with.

[brajd]

Since I have continued dipping without her knowing, now I have to quit without her knowing. So no support from her this time.

Hey man - I actually disagree totally with this position. 100 days ago my life was very much like yours. I was a ninja dipper - wife didn't know, or so I thought. I would dip on the throne at night, dip in the shower, to and from work, cutting the grass or working the in yard, etc. I dipped and lied, lied and dipped. You know the story. Let me tell you a couple things: first - the wife always knows, whether you think so or not. Mine knew what I was doing. MAybe she didn't know the extent of the addiction, but she knew I wasn't clean. Given my experience, I'd be very surprised if your wife was not on to you.

Second, and as perhaps you remember from your last quit, the beginning sucks. It sucks so bad words can't be found to describe it. For me, the aftermath of the suck sometimes was being an irrational dickhead at home, and the wife bore the brunt of some of that. If your wife really doesn't know what you're up to with quitting, you had better hold on to your ass at home - for me, had the wife not given me some substantial leeway in the beginning of the nic withdrawal suckfest (because she knew what was going on) she surely would have kicked my ass out of the house (and been justified in doing so).

We all say around here to take out the suck on the board and not at home. Let's be honest though - it's not always possible. Some of that shit is going to spill out at home whether you want it to or not. So, in my opinion, it behooves you to come clean to your better half.

If you're serious about your quit, and want your quit to succeed, you won't start such a laudable undertaking with another lie. You need all the support you can get, and support from the person to whom you've pledged for better or worse, till death, etc. strikes me as the most important support there is - don't ruin the opportunity to have something to celebrate together (success) by keeping your struggle to yourself. Yeah, when you go tell her that you're hooked on the nic bitch and you've lied about it, she's going to be pretty fucking pissed. I've been there, and I've had to repair the damage my lies caused. But the end result for me has been excellent support for my quit, leeway and understanding when I needed it, and ultimately, a better marriage - there now is nothing to hide, and we're better off for it.

Give it some thought.

[boomhauer]

One day at a time....today is day 1 (again), and I'm lucky that crap hasn't killed me since my last attempt.

yes, you are lucky.

first off, there is no shame in manning up and quitting again.

the shame would be hanging your head to your wife and telling her that you have cancer cause you DIDN'T quit something you told her you did years ago.

that being said, make this quit about you. if you do that, you'll succeed and SHE'LL benefit -- but don't make it about her.

chewie

Yeah, the thought of having to tell my wife I have the big C, and her thinking I quit long ago, is terrifying.

From reading other stories, etc, I've gathered that you have to just keep at it, even after you fail. Well, I've failed countless times, and I'm going to keep at the quit. I have to......

But I'll be the first to admit, I'm terrified. I feel fine now, but just anticipating next week when I'm out of the country, without a can, scares the shit out of me.

In the past attempts, the anticipation of being without is what scared me, and but actually being without wasn't as bad as the anticipation. But for some reason, I always reverted back to the same old crap. Not this time. And I know those who remember me don't believe me when I say that, and you shouldn't, I haven't really given you a reason to. But this time I'm going through with it.

I plan to keep myself busy, which is easy to do with my job. But I'm also training for a marathon. When I'm in "marathon mode", I'm a health nut who could care less about dipping. It's the other times, driving, boredom, etc that has got me in the past. Now I just have to suck it up.

[chewie]

One day at a time....today is day 1 (again), and I'm lucky that crap hasn't killed me since my last attempt.

yes, you are lucky.

first off, there is no shame in manning up and quitting again.

the shame would be hanging your head to your wife and telling her that you have cancer cause you DIDN'T quit something you told her you did years ago.

that being said, make this quit about you. if you do that, you'll succeed and SHE'LL benefit -- but don't make it about her.

chewie

[boomhauer]

Hey Boom, I remember you. I remember that you caved twice while in Oct 07 and had lame ass excuses after the first one. I remember trying to offer some support before your camping trip where you "couldn't cave because the wife was going to be around". Only to wait for your roll call that wouldn't be posted.

And now you are back using words like "hope" "luck" and "try". I will give all the credit in the world for realizing that this board works and being willing to man up about the past. But until you are ready to use phrases like "I will" and "I can" this board can't make a difference for you.

Yep, that was me.

It's hard to argue with anything you said....

One day at a time....today is day 1 (again), and I'm lucky that crap hasn't killed me since my last attempt.

[11X4]

Hey Boom, I remember you. I remember that you caved twice while in Oct 07 and had lame ass excuses after the first one. I remember trying to offer some support before your camping trip where you "couldn't cave because the wife was going to be around". Only to wait for your roll call that wouldn't be posted.

And now you are back using words like "hope" "luck" and "try". I will give all the credit in the world for realizing that this board works and being willing to man up about the past. But until you are ready to use phrases like "I will" and "I can" this board can't make a difference for you.

[Franpro]

Your only hope - is to take Hope and Luck out of the way you talk and think!

Do it or don't do it - it is 100% up to you. No one ever put a dip in my mouth but me!

If you get serious about your quit, then we have you back. If you are just taking another vacation - we don't have time for you here. If thats the case, go to the other site and get a hug from them.

It's up to you......

[Remshot]

Hope and luck have nothing to do with a successful quit.

You have to get your mind around it!

You will quit.
You are quit.

Period.

[boomhauer]

Most probably don't remember me, but I joined the site last year, talked all this crap about quitting, and quit my quit.

I'm back for round 2 now, and I'm totally open to any and all ridicule I expect and deserve due to my pathetic caving.

I've tried quitting several times since my last login date here, obviously not successful. So I'm trying this again.

Story hasn't changed, dipped for about 10 years now. My wife thinks I quit 2 years ago, but since I'm a total liar I've been a closet dipper since then. I think I went 5 weeks dip free at the time I was supposedly quitting.

Anyway, all that's history now. Since I have continued dipping without her knowing, now I have to quit without her knowing. So no support from her this time. I'll post roll as much as I can, some days I won't be able to due to travel etc, and I don't expect to be able to post on weekends.

Hopefully I stay quit this time....wish me luck