I am done with this habit

[T-Cell]

I used nicotine in some form for close to nine years on and off... that's more than 3,000 days... I would be foolish to think that 14 days would make me normal.

Good job Brink, you are doing it!
I do want to challenge your statement about normal. What is normal for an addict? I chewed my entire adult life, never was without nicotine. So my new normal was something totally foreign to me that I had never done before. And there is no "cure" at a certain date of quit. We are addicts for life. The difference is with 550 days of quit in the rearview mirror, I know I am in charge of my quit and I am not going to fail...

[brinkhoffs52]

Day 12 and 13....

I tried to sit down and write this yesterday afternoon, but couldn't get enough uninterrupted focus, so naturally I just waited to do it at work... haha.

All kidding aside, this weekend was a GIANT bagged of mixed emotions. A lot of "high" time. It was one of my good friends from college getting married so there were a TON of us back together from school. Fortunately, no one was a big tobacco user, but there were a fair share cigarettes around. I resisted temptation. We were having a great time dancing and drinking, and celebrating. It actually felt kind of nice not having to step away from the action. I would never dip here, but cigarettes are another story. Fortunately, I was able to stray strong. Sent a few texts out, and even got one hell of an awesome phone call from DaBean22, talk about a fucking bad ass quitter. That was definitely a humbling experience. It was a saturday night, and he felt compelled to take time and step away from his evening to give me a quick shout and make sure I was doing ok. Hell to the fucking yea!

There was also big chunks of low time. Most notably Sunday on the long drive home and Sunday afternoon/evening around the house. "Funky" doesn't even begin to describe it. This consistent agitation. There was a complete and total mental "fuck this all" mindset. I was able to keep my composure around my wife, but I just felt hollow inside, as if I was just going through the motions, and I wasn't even sure what those motions were. I was out running errands, and it would have been so simple to swing by a C Store and grab a tin of the shit. It would get me nowhere except into the grave faster. I'm not ok with that, but the little whisper in my mind tried to persuade me other wise. Maybe there is even some misplaced anger rolling around in there... Anger at myself for starting in the first place, anger at my roommate for offering me that first lip, anger at those other people along the way that offered me other "first lips", anger at myself for accepting.

I was reading some intros, and saw some good perspective on the quits.... I used nicotine in some form for close to nine years on and off... that's more than 3,000 days... I would be foolish to think that 14 days would make me normal. At least I know that I am moving in the right direction... I jsut gotta keep racking up those +1s. I will make it through today... I will be quit today...

[srans]

Day 10...
Two words... HOLY SHIT!!!!  So the day in general wasn't too bad, until I got to softball.  Several of the guys on my team dip... Fortunately I was prepared with my Smokey mountain, so I was able to pop one in and quell the desire.  The first part of the "holy shit" were the mind games that started in my head... "Who here cares, I can bum just one lip..." "No one on KTC would know" "My wife would be clueless"... This than extrapolated into the full blown idea of "I have these tins marked tobacco free, but I could easily swap shit and no one would be wiser."  The nic bitch was bringing down the full blow mind game hammer.  But once I popped the the SM in, gave myself a minute to breathe and to think, I realized the insanity of my thoughts.  The reality, and the most important part perhaps, is that I would know.  I would have to lie to myself again, and my wife, and my newly formed brotherhood.  I am better than that.

The second part of the "HOLY SHIT" was my dreams last night.  When I was buying ice for the beer for my softball game, I stopped in a 7-11.  Needless to say a rack of the lip shit was behind the cashier.  The thought crossed my mind for but a brief second, but quit was strong.  The odd part was they had these little E-cigs right next to the cashier.  I grabbed one, looked at it out of shear curiosity, and then put it back, paid and went on my way.  Last night I dreamt that I smoked about 20 of those little shits.  I woke up damned near panicked that I had given in.  Not a cool feeling. Even in my dream I knew it was wrong, but I kept at them one after the other....Talk about a subconscious mindfuck all night.

Other than that, it seems like I am on an upswing at the moment.  These days are good.  As someone on here said, I need to hid these like a squirrel with his nuts for the days that get low...  But just one savory taste of the "good life" is enough strengthen my quit and help with continued success.  I can't wait until the good feelings of today are the majority.  I know that day will come.  But until then, I take this ODAAT. 

Quit strong my brothers...

Brink way to be strong; she was trying to fuck you...remember when you were younger and chasing tail and would stop at almost nothing...that is what the Nic Bitch is trying to do. Way to keep on the QUIT chastity belt!

Day 10 is great brother. I know things are tough every day right now. Your in the worst part of the fight. My worst days of quitting were weeks 2, 3 and even 4. I couldn't get wanting a mouth full of poison out of my mind. When ever I would get around others that chewed it made it even more difficult, but I continued posting roll and keeping my word. I believed that better days were coming. I believed that what I was hearing from my ktc brothers was the truth. I just had to continue adding 1's and things would get better.

Believe me a day will come when your around other chewers you will feel sorry for them. You will not want to participate in their slavery trade for anything.

Hope for those better days, believe they are coming. Things will get better, thats my promise.

Another train of thought I took early on that made things easier was if things don't improve I don't care. I'm never putting that poison in my pie hole, no matter what, never ever again for any reason. No matter how bad things get I QLF.

Also, if you haven't start learning your enemy in every way you can, do so. The more facts you learn and put in your thinker the easier the battle is. Learning your enemy makes things a lot easier. I got nothing better to do so i'm going to continue quitting with you today.

[Pinched]

Day 10...
Two words... HOLY SHIT!!!! So the day in general wasn't too bad, until I got to softball. Several of the guys on my team dip... Fortunately I was prepared with my Smokey mountain, so I was able to pop one in and quell the desire. The first part of the "holy shit" were the mind games that started in my head... "Who here cares, I can bum just one lip..." "No one on KTC would know" "My wife would be clueless"... This than extrapolated into the full blown idea of "I have these tins marked tobacco free, but I could easily swap shit and no one would be wiser." The nic bitch was bringing down the full blow mind game hammer. But once I popped the the SM in, gave myself a minute to breathe and to think, I realized the insanity of my thoughts. The reality, and the most important part perhaps, is that I would know. I would have to lie to myself again, and my wife, and my newly formed brotherhood. I am better than that.

The second part of the "HOLY SHIT" was my dreams last night. When I was buying ice for the beer for my softball game, I stopped in a 7-11. Needless to say a rack of the lip shit was behind the cashier. The thought crossed my mind for but a brief second, but quit was strong. The odd part was they had these little E-cigs right next to the cashier. I grabbed one, looked at it out of shear curiosity, and then put it back, paid and went on my way. Last night I dreamt that I smoked about 20 of those little shits. I woke up damned near panicked that I had given in. Not a cool feeling. Even in my dream I knew it was wrong, but I kept at them one after the other....Talk about a subconscious mindfuck all night.

Other than that, it seems like I am on an upswing at the moment. These days are good. As someone on here said, I need to hid these like a squirrel with his nuts for the days that get low... But just one savory taste of the "good life" is enough strengthen my quit and help with continued success. I can't wait until the good feelings of today are the majority. I know that day will come. But until then, I take this ODAAT.

Quit strong my brothers...

Brink way to be strong; she was trying to fuck you...remember when you were younger and chasing tail and would stop at almost nothing...that is what the Nic Bitch is trying to do. Way to keep on the QUIT chastity belt!

[brinkhoffs52]

Day 10...
Two words... HOLY SHIT!!!! So the day in general wasn't too bad, until I got to softball. Several of the guys on my team dip... Fortunately I was prepared with my Smokey mountain, so I was able to pop one in and quell the desire. The first part of the "holy shit" were the mind games that started in my head... "Who here cares, I can bum just one lip..." "No one on KTC would know" "My wife would be clueless"... This than extrapolated into the full blown idea of "I have these tins marked tobacco free, but I could easily swap shit and no one would be wiser." The nic bitch was bringing down the full blow mind game hammer. But once I popped the the SM in, gave myself a minute to breathe and to think, I realized the insanity of my thoughts. The reality, and the most important part perhaps, is that I would know. I would have to lie to myself again, and my wife, and my newly formed brotherhood. I am better than that.

The second part of the "HOLY SHIT" was my dreams last night. When I was buying ice for the beer for my softball game, I stopped in a 7-11. Needless to say a rack of the lip shit was behind the cashier. The thought crossed my mind for but a brief second, but quit was strong. The odd part was they had these little E-cigs right next to the cashier. I grabbed one, looked at it out of shear curiosity, and then put it back, paid and went on my way. Last night I dreamt that I smoked about 20 of those little shits. I woke up damned near panicked that I had given in. Not a cool feeling. Even in my dream I knew it was wrong, but I kept at them one after the other....Talk about a subconscious mindfuck all night.

Other than that, it seems like I am on an upswing at the moment. These days are good. As someone on here said, I need to hid these like a squirrel with his nuts for the days that get low... But just one savory taste of the "good life" is enough strengthen my quit and help with continued success. I can't wait until the good feelings of today are the majority. I know that day will come. But until then, I take this ODAAT.

Quit strong my brothers...

[Pinched]

Day 9...
One day shy of the double digits... Spent some good time dicking around in the chat room. Another newbie dropped in starting day 1, and it felt good to give some positive words to a guy embarking on his mission of quit. The bigger picture is starting to clear up a little bit for me through the fog. Show up, post roll, honor your word is the bare minimum, but there is so much more beyond that if you just let yourself succumb to the QUIT, and embrace all facets. Pay it forward to those that are standing at the cliff looking over getting ready to plunge head long into the kool-aide ocean below. Pay it backward to the guys the laid the path so you can be free of the poison yourself.

I did have a humbling conversation with my wife last night. She is still amped up over the whole "you lied to my face" thing that came along with the discovery of the fact that I had only stopped for a short time the last time I said I would quit. I get it, believe me. I tried to explain the whole addiction side of it, and it was falling on deaf ears, but something interesting did come of the conversation. As I was trying to explain it, it made no sense even to me. "I was stressed, so I put poison in my mouth"; "I couldn't concentrate, so I added chemicals that I know cause cancer into my system"... I didn't phrase it like that to her but that was the translation in my own head. The stupidity of it all spilling forth for me to hear... It was an enlightening conversation.

I didn't quite feel foggy yesterday, but I wasn't crystal clear either... I sort of just "was"... Regardless of whatever I was... the important is that I AM QUIT.

Brink way to embrace your QUIT. I will quit with you every day brother.

[srans]

Day 9...
One day shy of the double digits... Spent some good time dicking around in the chat room. Another newbie dropped in starting day 1, and it felt good to give some positive words to a guy embarking on his mission of quit. The bigger picture is starting to clear up a little bit for me through the fog. Show up, post roll, honor your word is the bare minimum, but there is so much more beyond that if you just let yourself succumb to the QUIT, and embrace all facets. Pay it forward to those that are standing at the cliff looking over getting ready to plunge head long into the kool-aide ocean below. Pay it backward to the guys the laid the path so you can be free of the poison yourself.

I did have a humbling conversation with my wife last night. She is still amped up over the whole "you lied to my face" thing that came along with the discovery of the fact that I had only stopped for a short time the last time I said I would quit. I get it, believe me. I tried to explain the whole addiction side of it, and it was falling on deaf ears, but something interesting did come of the conversation. As I was trying to explain it, it made no sense even to me. "I was stressed, so I put poison in my mouth"; "I couldn't concentrate, so I added chemicals that I know cause cancer into my system"... I didn't phrase it like that to her but that was the translation in my own head. The stupidity of it all spilling forth for me to hear... It was an enlightening conversation.

I didn't quite feel foggy yesterday, but I wasn't crystal clear either... I sort of just "was"... Regardless of whatever I was... the important is that I AM QUIT.

Brother your doing great. 9 days is big. That's 9 days you haven't wasted you're hard earned money on a filthy disgusting habit that caused you to lie to the ones you love. You're wife does have good reason to not trust you.

In time she will see the new you and began trusting you again. Just keep pressing forward and stacking them days. Quit with you..

[Grizzly25]

Day 9...
One day shy of the double digits... Spent some good time dicking around in the chat room. Another newbie dropped in starting day 1, and it felt good to give some positive words to a guy embarking on his mission of quit. The bigger picture is starting to clear up a little bit for me through the fog. Show up, post roll, honor your word is the bare minimum, but there is so much more beyond that if you just let yourself succumb to the QUIT, and embrace all facets. Pay it forward to those that are standing at the cliff looking over getting ready to plunge head long into the kool-aide ocean below. Pay it backward to the guys the laid the path so you can be free of the poison yourself.

I did have a humbling conversation with my wife last night. She is still amped up over the whole "you lied to my face" thing that came along with the discovery of the fact that I had only stopped for a short time the last time I said I would quit. I get it, believe me. I tried to explain the whole addiction side of it, and it was falling on deaf ears, but something interesting did come of the conversation. As I was trying to explain it, it made no sense even to me. "I was stressed, so I put poison in my mouth"; "I couldn't concentrate, so I added chemicals that I know cause cancer into my system"... I didn't phrase it like that to her but that was the translation in my own head. The stupidity of it all spilling forth for me to hear... It was an enlightening conversation.

I didn't quite feel foggy yesterday, but I wasn't crystal clear either... I sort of just "was"... Regardless of whatever I was... the important is that I AM QUIT.

The best part and what sounds like the bigger learned part is your quit and have the right mind set to stay that way!

Your resolve, which is what you talked about last night is one of the best tools to be quit  stay quit! Continue to build your resolve  QUIT on Quiter!

[brinkhoffs52]

Day 9...
One day shy of the double digits... Spent some good time dicking around in the chat room. Another newbie dropped in starting day 1, and it felt good to give some positive words to a guy embarking on his mission of quit. The bigger picture is starting to clear up a little bit for me through the fog. Show up, post roll, honor your word is the bare minimum, but there is so much more beyond that if you just let yourself succumb to the QUIT, and embrace all facets. Pay it forward to those that are standing at the cliff looking over getting ready to plunge head long into the kool-aide ocean below. Pay it backward to the guys the laid the path so you can be free of the poison yourself.

I did have a humbling conversation with my wife last night. She is still amped up over the whole "you lied to my face" thing that came along with the discovery of the fact that I had only stopped for a short time the last time I said I would quit. I get it, believe me. I tried to explain the whole addiction side of it, and it was falling on deaf ears, but something interesting did come of the conversation. As I was trying to explain it, it made no sense even to me. "I was stressed, so I put poison in my mouth"; "I couldn't concentrate, so I added chemicals that I know cause cancer into my system"... I didn't phrase it like that to her but that was the translation in my own head. The stupidity of it all spilling forth for me to hear... It was an enlightening conversation.

I didn't quite feel foggy yesterday, but I wasn't crystal clear either... I sort of just "was"... Regardless of whatever I was... the important is that I AM QUIT.

[T-Cell]

Day 8...

What a cluster of a day...  At least I was able to play some hockey to help take the edge off.  I found myself day dreaming about all the ways I could go back to Ninja style and no one would know the difference.  Except I would.  I would have to look at my face in the mirror and not only try to deal with the lies, but realize the fact that parts of it would go missing.  Would I be ok missing part of my jaw, or would they just take the whole thing?  I refuse to to do that to myself, I refuse to do that to those who care about me.  The nic bitch is making her sweet serenades to draw me back, but I am stronger than her.  I am QUIT.

way to be strong. It is exactly that thought process that will serve you well.

and don't forget us here. When you get those 'itches' get on here, post it up. text it to us.

We are in this together. And together we can all win.

Great attitude Brink. Yes, she is going to keep coming at you. But you now are developing tools to help you chose to stay quit. You are understanding addiction, you get it is always a choice to feed the addiction or not. And as Sir Derek said, start taking a look at other tools. How many phone numbers of other quitters do you have? Do you have a plan? Do you continue to increase your accountability?
You are doing great, keep being a kick ass quitter!

[SirDerek]

Day 8...

What a cluster of a day... At least I was able to play some hockey to help take the edge off. I found myself day dreaming about all the ways I could go back to Ninja style and no one would know the difference. Except I would. I would have to look at my face in the mirror and not only try to deal with the lies, but realize the fact that parts of it would go missing. Would I be ok missing part of my jaw, or would they just take the whole thing? I refuse to to do that to myself, I refuse to do that to those who care about me. The nic bitch is making her sweet serenades to draw me back, but I am stronger than her. I am QUIT.

way to be strong. It is exactly that thought process that will serve you well.

and don't forget us here. When you get those 'itches' get on here, post it up. text it to us.

We are in this together. And together we can all win.

[brinkhoffs52]

Day 8...

What a cluster of a day... At least I was able to play some hockey to help take the edge off. I found myself day dreaming about all the ways I could go back to Ninja style and no one would know the difference. Except I would. I would have to look at my face in the mirror and not only try to deal with the lies, but realize the fact that parts of it would go missing. Would I be ok missing part of my jaw, or would they just take the whole thing? I refuse to to do that to myself, I refuse to do that to those who care about me. The nic bitch is making her sweet serenades to draw me back, but I am stronger than her. I am QUIT.

[Pinched]

Day 7 (again)

STOP!! No I did not cave.  I just realized that I write this in the AM, so they are really reflections on the previous day, hence the repeated day number. 

Yesterday was one of the least productive days at work.  Part of it was me using my time in the live chat and trolling the KTC forums to find more kool-aide and drink it in, so while not technically productive by work standards, it was productive for my life, so I can live with that.  The rest of the day was just this hazy fucking fog.  It was almost a total apathy.  I did get in 9 holes of golf after work, which is normally a massive trigger, but managed to play ok, and stayed off the shit.  Of course it helped I didn't have anything other than my smokey mtn, so I did slam through that.  THe fog lifted later in the day on the drive home, which was nice.  Im hoping that the fog will lessen, but I know it will be a mix of the good and the bad days.

My biggest fear is still to come.  I was off the shit for a few months, had one lip, stayed off for several more months, and then fell head long back into it.  Even if you look at my history, there have always been LONG gaps (months, even years) with no dip, but I always went back to the nic bitch.  I know that defeats the whole "one day at a time" motto, but I can;t help but face my own reality,

I stayed quit on Day 7.  I have posted and will remain quit on day 8.  I know I must remain prepared at all times... The battle rages on...

The past is gone, over, done. You never quit, you stropped for breaks. Difference is now you are quit. Start building a hate for what has kept you in bondage. Read my signature line.

Post roll every damn day and keep your promise. One day at a time. Never again for Any reason. Breath it, Smell it and live it.

You can keep your word for a day right??

Say it with Me. I hate the poison!!!

Your number 1 priority is staying quit. I don't think I did anything at work for the first 14 days... just enough to look like I was there  doing something I think. That is just the way it is... focusing your efforts on quitting now is too important. Don't over think what your not getting done at work - rather, over think how great u are doing staying away from the poison weed! U can power thru this. Stay quit brother!

Brinkhoffs,
Remember this time you are QUIT previously you stopped. Once we are both QUIT we will celebrate by taking in a Bears game or a Sox game together. Then we can wear our KTC roman collars and preach of the way of QUIT to all of those who are what we were.

I QUIT WITH YOU TODAY! KEEP UP THE QUIT!

[Derk40]

Day 7 (again)

STOP!! No I did not cave.  I just realized that I write this in the AM, so they are really reflections on the previous day, hence the repeated day number. 

Yesterday was one of the least productive days at work.  Part of it was me using my time in the live chat and trolling the KTC forums to find more kool-aide and drink it in, so while not technically productive by work standards, it was productive for my life, so I can live with that.  The rest of the day was just this hazy fucking fog.  It was almost a total apathy.  I did get in 9 holes of golf after work, which is normally a massive trigger, but managed to play ok, and stayed off the shit.  Of course it helped I didn't have anything other than my smokey mtn, so I did slam through that.  THe fog lifted later in the day on the drive home, which was nice.  Im hoping that the fog will lessen, but I know it will be a mix of the good and the bad days.

My biggest fear is still to come.  I was off the shit for a few months, had one lip, stayed off for several more months, and then fell head long back into it.  Even if you look at my history, there have always been LONG gaps (months, even years) with no dip, but I always went back to the nic bitch.  I know that defeats the whole "one day at a time" motto, but I can;t help but face my own reality,

I stayed quit on Day 7.  I have posted and will remain quit on day 8.  I know I must remain prepared at all times... The battle rages on...

The past is gone, over, done. You never quit, you stropped for breaks. Difference is now you are quit. Start building a hate for what has kept you in bondage. Read my signature line.

Post roll every damn day and keep your promise. One day at a time. Never again for Any reason. Breath it, Smell it and live it.

You can keep your word for a day right??

Say it with Me. I hate the poison!!!

Your number 1 priority is staying quit. I don't think I did anything at work for the first 14 days... just enough to look like I was there  doing something I think. That is just the way it is... focusing your efforts on quitting now is too important. Don't over think what your not getting done at work - rather, over think how great u are doing staying away from the poison weed! U can power thru this. Stay quit brother!

[srans]

Day 7 (again)

STOP!! No I did not cave. I just realized that I write this in the AM, so they are really reflections on the previous day, hence the repeated day number.

Yesterday was one of the least productive days at work. Part of it was me using my time in the live chat and trolling the KTC forums to find more kool-aide and drink it in, so while not technically productive by work standards, it was productive for my life, so I can live with that. The rest of the day was just this hazy fucking fog. It was almost a total apathy. I did get in 9 holes of golf after work, which is normally a massive trigger, but managed to play ok, and stayed off the shit. Of course it helped I didn't have anything other than my smokey mtn, so I did slam through that. THe fog lifted later in the day on the drive home, which was nice. Im hoping that the fog will lessen, but I know it will be a mix of the good and the bad days.

My biggest fear is still to come. I was off the shit for a few months, had one lip, stayed off for several more months, and then fell head long back into it. Even if you look at my history, there have always been LONG gaps (months, even years) with no dip, but I always went back to the nic bitch. I know that defeats the whole "one day at a time" motto, but I can;t help but face my own reality,

I stayed quit on Day 7. I have posted and will remain quit on day 8. I know I must remain prepared at all times... The battle rages on...

The past is gone, over, done. You never quit, you stropped for breaks. Difference is now you are quit. Start building a hate for what has kept you in bondage. Read my signature line.

Post roll every damn day and keep your promise. One day at a time. Never again for Any reason. Breath it, Smell it and live it.

You can keep your word for a day right??

Say it with Me. I hate the poison!!!