A Time to Kill (the can)

[Jeff W]

Okay - I have time and a keyboard, so I want to get one thought down on Day 33 (Rolling Rock Day!).

I read on some else's intro (a caver who is now a pretty die hard vet) that they reason he caved after around 80 days (I think) was....BOREDOM.

The funny thing for me is that this observation REALLY RESONATES. I remember that feeling from at least one of my own (pre-KTC) failed quits. I also remember that it was not early in the quit, but that it came after a month or two.

I am not sure if this sounds crazy to others or if y'all have had similar feelings? As I type this now, it sounds soooo f*cking stupid. However, it is a reminder that the nic b*tch is not done messing with my head, and I absolutely must stay vigilant and close to KTC. As a 36 year addict, I would be an absolute idiot if I allowed myself to become complacent with my quit or if I stopped investing regularly in my quit.

Boredom....or feeling like ah what the h*ll having a dip will spice things up in my otherwise dull world and I like what dip says about me, that I am cool and adventurous...and without that dip I am just that much more of a boring dude and everything in life is boring so why not have a dip....I think this all goes together and I think it led me to some major caves. May sound stupid now...and maybe I don't have the whole thing adequately captured, but this is a warning to myself....DO NOT GET COMPLACENT!

I went through exactly that...boredom/complacency post HOF....it wasn't as hard as the first couple weeks, but it was definitely tough. Getting active with new quitters and new groups is how I fought it. Good job writing this down! You're kicking ass brother!

[4TheWin]

Okay - I have time and a keyboard, so I want to get one thought down on Day 33 (Rolling Rock Day!).

I read on some else's intro (a caver who is now a pretty die hard vet) that they reason he caved after around 80 days (I think) was....BOREDOM.

The funny thing for me is that this observation REALLY RESONATES. I remember that feeling from at least one of my own (pre-KTC) failed quits. I also remember that it was not early in the quit, but that it came after a month or two.

I am not sure if this sounds crazy to others or if y'all have had similar feelings? As I type this now, it sounds soooo f*cking stupid. However, it is a reminder that the nic b*tch is not done messing with my head, and I absolutely must stay vigilant and close to KTC. As a 36 year addict, I would be an absolute idiot if I allowed myself to become complacent with my quit or if I stopped investing regularly in my quit.

Boredom....or feeling like ah what the h*ll having a dip will spice things up in my otherwise dull world and I like what dip says about me, that I am cool and adventurous...and without that dip I am just that much more of a boring dude and everything in life is boring so why not have a dip....I think this all goes together and I think it led me to some major caves. May sound stupid now...and maybe I don't have the whole thing adequately captured, but this is a warning to myself....DO NOT GET COMPLACENT!

[DonkeyMN]

Okay, so peace out for now....and trust me when I say that if I get a chance to write anything here in the intro I will!!

I have been reading so much at KTC I have tons of thoughts I really want to get down before they run out of my mind....plus I want to talk about the state of my friggin quit after 30 days....plus I feel like I should maybe talk a little bit more about who I am and what I stand for (just cause I want to)

To anyone reading this...thanks! I consider all of you my friends. And if any of you need my help, I will drop what I am doing no matter where I am and do my level best to help....so call / text / pm or whatever if you feel the need.

Proud to quit with you! 4TW 'oh yeah'

Quit with you brother.

Ditto, this dude gets it. Keep it up 4thewin, if you need anything it goes both ways.

[worktowin]

Okay, so peace out for now....and trust me when I say that if I get a chance to write anything here in the intro I will!!

I have been reading so much at KTC I have tons of thoughts I really want to get down before they run out of my mind....plus I want to talk about the state of my friggin quit after 30 days....plus I feel like I should maybe talk a little bit more about who I am and what I stand for (just cause I want to)

To anyone reading this...thanks! I consider all of you my friends. And if any of you need my help, I will drop what I am doing no matter where I am and do my level best to help....so call / text / pm or whatever if you feel the need.

Proud to quit with you! 4TW 'oh yeah'

Quit with you brother.

[4TheWin]

Okay, so peace out for now....and trust me when I say that if I get a chance to write anything here in the intro I will!!

I have been reading so much at KTC I have tons of thoughts I really want to get down before they run out of my mind....plus I want to talk about the state of my friggin quit after 30 days....plus I feel like I should maybe talk a little bit more about who I am and what I stand for (just cause I want to)

To anyone reading this...thanks! I consider all of you my friends. And if any of you need my help, I will drop what I am doing no matter where I am and do my level best to help....so call / text / pm or whatever if you feel the need.

Proud to quit with you! 4TW 'oh yeah'

[4TheWin]

To anyone nice enough to read the sh*t I write here...I posted the following on the Dec 2017 page earlier today

Hey everyone - I really and truly appreciate all the support I have received. My quit is going strong, but I am taking NOTHING for granted. I remain 100% committed to what you all have taught me.

I have been a little less active on the site for the past few days due to some serious work and travel related sh*t. This will likely continue for a couple of weeks. I think I have read every page, but I just do not have the time or the keyboard available to type replies, offer comments and lend support as much as I would like. I promise to post role every day, read every page and keep up with as much of what goes on here as possible.

Also, I just want you all to know that, as I have been reading each night on my phone, I have laughed out loud more than once and been amazed/inspired by too many of you to count. What you are doing here has made a huge difference in my life, and you all are awesome!

Quit on, be excellent and I will be happier when I have a little more time to "hang out" here with you BAQs and trade insults, stories, bust balls, etc.

Best, 4TheWin

[4TheWin]

Thanks FLLIP! I am in this thing to win it....and although I will always be an addict, there is no way I am letting nic control my life, ever again!!

[FLLipOut]

Where there is a will, there is most certainly a way! Keep posting your +1s, and you will find a way to get on the boards.

It is guys like you, 4TW, who help invigorate older quits, like mine! So thanks and keep up the amazing quit!

You have my digits if you need anything!

[4TheWin]

Hey Work to Win and FLLIP and anyone else who reads this!

I am hanging in there just fine. In fact 4 weeks today!! Feeling pretty good about it too...and that probably means I need to be extra careful and keep on top of things ODAAT!!!

I have been super, crazy busy at work, and that is likely to continue for a few weeks. Will not interfere with WUPP responsibilities, but will probably cut down on my overall participation on the site. I actually really miss the time I spent "hangning" out on KTC, writing stuff in my intro, exchanging messages with y'all and stiring up stuff with the Decemberists. I will get back to spending more time on the site I am sure.

Oh, one other note of interest and annoyance....the IT system at work now has KTC flagged as a blocked website (at least the on-line community part where the quit groups and this page are kept). This means I cannot hide out at work and hang on KTC....I view this as a mixed blessing. First, it does make it a little trickier to post every day, so I guess I am going to have to get good at using my stupid phone to post roll. Second, it will probably make me get back to work, which is needed. Third, it forced me to figure out the PC that the rest of the family uses at home to type out longer messages like this one.

As the head of my company I could certainly go to my IT director and tell him to unblock the site...but how would that look for an ol' ninja dipper like me!! I don't know which would be worse, being outed as a Nic fiend or being outed as someone who spends time hanging out on a non-work related on-line community!?!

Anyway, trust me that I will get back to KTC right away and any time I need the support, plus I have plenty of digits now and am not afraid to use them, plus (as I said) I ABSOLUTELY WILL be making my pledge every day!

Quit on y'all and be excellent!!!!

[FLLipOut]

How's life in the 20's treating you???

He's crushing it, W2W!

[worktowin]

How's life in the 20's treating you???

[4TheWin]

Wow...Candoit, Jeff, Bulldog and Worktowin...what can I say...once again, you guys come through! Your comments are immensely helpful. Great mix of humor, reassurance and motivation. Knowing that I have you all on my side makes a huge f*cking difference.

I am having a better day today, but it is strictly ODAAT for this addict. I am proud to quit with you all today and many thanks!

[worktowin]

All of these responses are spot on. Where you are is a tough spot on the calendar. YouÂ’ve been fighting a battle that takes a lot of energy. You are tired. The reward (freedom) isnÂ’t yet apparent. Dude, one day at a time... one day at a time... one day at a time.

The fog is straight up bullshit. But it will pass. It is a sign, and a reminder, of what you let nicotine do to you for years. It is a sign that you are healing. Your brain is rewiring. Do not ever forget what these days feel like. Part of the reason I post every day is to remind myself that I donÂ’t ever want to relive what you are feeling right now. Have faith. One foot in front of the other. Post roll and keep your word. Greatness is ahead.

[Bulldog0311]

You got this man. Day 19 is fucking awesome! To or tow is day 20! Badass!
Think about how long you chewed this shit for. I can't remember who said it but the gist of it was...why do you think this addiction is going to be over in three days? If you take a boat straight out for 8 hours...it's gonna be an 8 hour ride back. That always hit me. I chewed for 23 years. I've only been clean for 4. That's not even 25% of the way back in.

Stay strong buddy. You got this.

[Jeff W]

Day 19 Update: Okay so I guess I am hanging in there. I still have long spells where my brain feels really foggy and I cannot get focused. The cravings are not too bad, but I am not sleeping well and I "miss" the f*cking nic, which is a sorry thing to have to say. I have been super busy at work too, which does not help. What was it someone said...when you quit the rest of the world does not quit with you. There were a number of days this past week where I wanted nothing more than to come on line and type about how I am feeling, etc....but I just have not had the time. Too bad, as I think some more time here would have helped my mood.

So, I have also been having some difficulties playing nice with others (namely my wife). I am trying really hard to stay on an even keel with people at work. I don't need to blow anyone up because I am fighting with the nic bitch. My wife, on the other hand, seems fair game. And in my current mental state it seems that I cannot tell if she deserves the cold treatment or if I am over-reacting because I am having a bad quit day. As I mentioned she has been pretty supportive in general. I guess I should apologize and try to be nice...it is just that she pissed me off about a few things, that's all.

Sooooo...I also had my required annual physical yesterday. Doc was very happy I have quit. Unfortunately, I also seem to have some issues with my heart. At age 51, that is not good news. Will have to modify a few things in terms of lifestyle. Looks like I picked the wrong time to give up (A) coffee and (B) any food worth eating and (C) drinking.....Aw well, perhaps it is time for me to fully clean up my act. Now in the old days I might have used the excuse of a health scare to say f*ck it and start dipping again....but that was before KTC. I have done lots of really reprehensible things in life, but I have always tried to be a man of my word. That is why the concept of this site is so f*cking brilliant. WUPP....accountability...daily ODAAT. It is really powerful and I feel no desire to quit my quit. At least the doc did not see any signs of mouth or throat cancer.

Stay strong and quit on and thank God for KTC!

I know you are sick of hearing this but hang in there. You're about to pull out of the fog in due time. You've done a very good job getting to the boards and talking it out. DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR WIFE! Text me and bitch / vent / rage if you can't get on KTC. Being an executive I'm pretty sure you have your cell phone glued to your hand use it! I hear FF will send d*ck pics if you ask! 'facepalm'' . We've all been shitty in our lives but quitting is about cleaning that mess up ODAAT! QLF w/you Today!