A Time to Kill (the can)

[4TheWin]

Wow...some nice feedback from ScottyL, Bulldog and my quit sis Falcon. Thanks...means a lot from BAQs like you all!!

Okay, so I am on Day 10 now....

Pretty excited to be in double digits, but not getting cocky at all. I have a lot I want to write down now, but precious little time. I hope I can come back later today and type out some more of the thoughts that are running around in my head....it is very therapeutic for me absolutely.

Okay so work is going to be extremely stressful over the next 10 days. I am already behind on a bunch of stuff AND I have a board meeting next week to prep for...AND I am staying home the next three work days....my wife is heading out of town, so I will be playing the roll of house dad...fun but stressful in its own right...and when added to the work piling up, it will be a lot. I am trying to focus 100% on my quit, but life does keep rolling. Usually when my wife is gone I dip like f*cking crazy...but I am ready for this one. I have a sh*tload of fake and sun seeds piled up...and I have digits if my addict brain and that nic bitch start playing tricks...and I will spend as much time on KTC as I can (but probably less than the last 9 days)...so I really think I am set.

As an addict I can NEVER let my guard down, but I really do feel a lot better about myself now that I am quit. I am so grateful for this tool and community...it is really, really different than other times I stopped. I see no way I would be able to cave now...but let's take it ODAAT. See you on roll first thing tomorrow morning...BEFORE I drive my son to school!

'oh yeah'

[Bulldog0311]

This is what kicking the Nic Bitch's ass looks like you damn dirty quitters.

[scottludwig]

Day 8

Still at work...it is going to be a busy couple of weeks for me work-wise...which will undoubtedly challenge my quit. But I believe I am ready and motivated to deal with it. Plus as long as I WUPP every day and check in as often as I can with KTC, I will stay quit NO F*CKING DOUBT.

Had probably my strongest crave yet today when I went to pull together a report I need for my board meeting next week. I always had a big lip full of the cat sh*t every time I worked on that report....I realize now....and I started to crave so bad I got kinda dizzy....

So I took some advice and did about 20 pushups and then walked at a really fast pace a few laps around the building...felt better...and since I was no where near a can or store I did not even feel the need to text anyone or send out a message...

Also, although the fog is MUCH better, I still feel like I am less sharp than normal. I hope that will not be the case the next few days at work. I am pretty fully vesting in this quit now, and there is now way I am going back on my word or betraying the trust and time so many here have invested in me or turning my back on the love and support my wife has offered. Not when there is a simple solution. Just follow the KTC way....(1) make your daily promise not use Nic first thing in the morning (2) honor your promise (3) repeat

stoked for this guy^^^^^ you're off to a great start

[4TheWin]

Day 8

Still at work...it is going to be a busy couple of weeks for me work-wise...which will undoubtedly challenge my quit. But I believe I am ready and motivated to deal with it. Plus as long as I WUPP every day and check in as often as I can with KTC, I will stay quit NO F*CKING DOUBT.

Had probably my strongest crave yet today when I went to pull together a report I need for my board meeting next week. I always had a big lip full of the cat sh*t every time I worked on that report....I realize now....and I started to crave so bad I got kinda dizzy....

So I took some advice and did about 20 pushups and then walked at a really fast pace a few laps around the building...felt better...and since I was no where near a can or store I did not even feel the need to text anyone or send out a message...

Also, although the fog is MUCH better, I still feel like I am less sharp than normal. I hope that will not be the case the next few days at work. I am pretty fully vesting in this quit now, and there is now way I am going back on my word or betraying the trust and time so many here have invested in me or turning my back on the love and support my wife has offered. Not when there is a simple solution. Just follow the KTC way....(1) make your daily promise not use Nic first thing in the morning (2) honor your promise (3) repeat

[4TheWin]

Thanks Falc!

Yeah the fakes are helping me out big time as well. And I just bought some seltzer water (or some kind of sparkling water stuff) on your suggestion...I think it may help with the oral distraction.

Only hard part is that my gums/inner mouth seem even more torn up from all the sun seeds I have been pounding.

But I agree with what you said, using fakes to deal with the muscle memory and habits that went along with this horrible addiction is definitely helping me isolate the nic bitch and ODAAT keep her at bay.

Proud to have you as my quit Sister and keep it up. You are doing an awesome friggin job!!

[Falcon67]

Day 7

So a good day, and nice to have a full week under my belt. But there is no getting cocky here at all. I am a 36 year addict with multiple failed non-KTC attempts in my past. I know that the nic bitch is always there and will always be whispering in my ear. I am an addict and there is no f*cking cure. Just ODAAT.

My head is less foggy and I was actually able to get some work done, so that is a positive. So most of the hard withdrawal symptoms are probably in the rear view mirror. But to honest with you, I have always been more worried about the mind games than I was about getting by the suck.

Like most everyone here knows, I spent a huge f*cking amount of time and energy planning my next dip. Example, every time my lovely wife leaves the house to run an errand, in my mind I am saying..."Oh goody, now I can sneak a dip without her seeing me....now where did I hide that can?" So, of course, today when she left I had exactly the same thoughts...of course there is no can around and of course I made my pledge for the day so I really was not in any caver danger. But still, it just goes to show how deep the addict brain in embedded into my psyche at this point.

I am definitely afraid of being out with casual friends or guys I want to impress and having one of them crack out a can or toss me a can...especially after a beer or two...pathetic I know, but there it is. My close friends will know that I quit and hardly any of them abuse nic anyway so that is not the problem. It is that moment when I still want to "look cool or tough" and be "accepted" (and it does not make you look cool or tough and you would think that at my age peer pressure would be a thing of the past), but there you go. I know I have some tools already to address this, and staying away from alcohol for a long while is also key. So maybe it is not even this specific scenario I worry about but something like it that may just pop into my life at a time where I am particularly weak or stupid.

Anyway, fear is probably healthy at this point. And I do hate and fear that evil nic bitch. I am going to stay close to this site that is for f*cking sure.

Wow you posted things that have been going through my head s well. Triggers, hiding places and all of the situations that Snus was a major part of.

Glad to see you are staying strong my December Brother!

I have had to get through a few major trigger scenarios the past few weeks. Personally I kept the alcohol down (drank lots of seltzer with lime) and used the fake stuff to solve the old physical behaviors. The feel of the tin in my pocket, popping the pouch and running my tongue over it and just the physical act of placing one in my upper lip. For me these fakes really really helped. I will say a lot of these scenarios are so linked to muscle memory that these fakes have helped that part of the crave. With these triggers at bay I can better deal with the nic bitch and muscle through it.

Thanks for sharing - stay strong - look for your Roll post in our group tomorrow.

[4TheWin]

Day 7

So a good day, and nice to have a full week under my belt. But there is no getting cocky here at all. I am a 36 year addict with multiple failed non-KTC attempts in my past. I know that the nic bitch is always there and will always be whispering in my ear. I am an addict and there is no f*cking cure. Just ODAAT.

My head is less foggy and I was actually able to get some work done, so that is a positive. So most of the hard withdrawal symptoms are probably in the rear view mirror. But to honest with you, I have always been more worried about the mind games than I was about getting by the suck.

Like most everyone here knows, I spent a huge f*cking amount of time and energy planning my next dip. Example, every time my lovely wife leaves the house to run an errand, in my mind I am saying..."Oh goody, now I can sneak a dip without her seeing me....now where did I hide that can?" So, of course, today when she left I had exactly the same thoughts...of course there is no can around and of course I made my pledge for the day so I really was not in any caver danger. But still, it just goes to show how deep the addict brain in embedded into my psyche at this point.

I am definitely afraid of being out with casual friends or guys I want to impress and having one of them crack out a can or toss me a can...especially after a beer or two...pathetic I know, but there it is. My close friends will know that I quit and hardly any of them abuse nic anyway so that is not the problem. It is that moment when I still want to "look cool or tough" and be "accepted" (and it does not make you look cool or tough and you would think that at my age peer pressure would be a thing of the past), but there you go. I know I have some tools already to address this, and staying away from alcohol for a long while is also key. So maybe it is not even this specific scenario I worry about but something like it that may just pop into my life at a time where I am particularly weak or stupid.

Anyway, fear is probably healthy at this point. And I do hate and fear that evil nic bitch. I am going to stay close to this site that is for f*cking sure.

[worktowin]

Here are two small anecdotes from Day 6

1) On my way home from a meeting (yes I have meetings on Sat...when you run the business most weekends involve work) I noticed I was getting low on gas....I also had to pee...so I thought I'd swing into the gas station, fill up and pee....and then I thought....Sh*t I don't even want to walk past those f*cking cans of poison, as I do not need some kind of major brain fart / moment of insanity to f*ck up my quit...so I decided to hold it....drive home...take a leak...and buy some f*cking gas tomorrow. Better safe than sorry when you are as weak ass as I am!

2) When I went golfing, I had a momentary panic that i had a hidden can of Skoal in my bag....I did not, but I was relieved when that was confirmed. (I still played like sh*t but that is golf, right?!) Before I took the plunge and posted Day 1 I did go through all of my normal dip hiding spots (Christ there must have been at least 10 of them)...and made sure that they were all empty...but I am pretty f*cking sure I will find an old, half full time somewhere, sometime in the next five months....hopefully (A) it will be old, old dried out sh*t that even an addict would reject and (B) it won't occur at a weak moment...anyway, just stuff of interest to me...

However, even if I find some old poison, I can't take it...because I will not go back on my word AND I have promised several KTC members that I would call/text them before I ever do it again!

I didn't go in a gas station for almost 3 years. Seriously. I was terrified that I would stand there and stare at the cans. You know... if you aren't a tobacco user there is little need to go in there.

Hiding places... yep. I found a can on I think day 500 shoved in a dress shoe. That was one of my hiding spots. Undoubtedly you'll run across one or two. You'll laugh it off and move on. I'm just glad you didn't piss your pants while you were losing at golf....

[4TheWin]

Here are two small anecdotes from Day 6

1) On my way home from a meeting (yes I have meetings on Sat...when you run the business most weekends involve work) I noticed I was getting low on gas....I also had to pee...so I thought I'd swing into the gas station, fill up and pee....and then I thought....Sh*t I don't even want to walk past those f*cking cans of poison, as I do not need some kind of major brain fart / moment of insanity to f*ck up my quit...so I decided to hold it....drive home...take a leak...and buy some f*cking gas tomorrow. Better safe than sorry when you are as weak ass as I am!

2) When I went golfing, I had a momentary panic that i had a hidden can of Skoal in my bag....I did not, but I was relieved when that was confirmed. (I still played like sh*t but that is golf, right?!) Before I took the plunge and posted Day 1 I did go through all of my normal dip hiding spots (Christ there must have been at least 10 of them)...and made sure that they were all empty...but I am pretty f*cking sure I will find an old, half full time somewhere, sometime in the next five months....hopefully (A) it will be old, old dried out sh*t that even an addict would reject and (B) it won't occur at a weak moment...anyway, just stuff of interest to me...

However, even if I find some old poison, I can't take it...because I will not go back on my word AND I have promised several KTC members that I would call/text them before I ever do it again!

[4TheWin]

Wow - Thanks Worktowin....you put the alcohol thing in perspective...

So Day 6 was a good day...definitely feeling less severe withdrawal symptoms...which is good, but it also means that the mind games will be more intense now I suspect. I never doubt that I can stop for a few days and fight through the withdrawal...it is the real quit that has beaten me in the past...this time it will be different, I know it. One day at a time and WUPP and all the support I have here...I am absolutely going to win this f*cking quit.

Speaking of support...had a nice chat with my lovely bride about KTC. She thinks it is great, and she has been VERY supportive of me. As someone else said in their intro (I think it was Soccer Jack)...I don't think my wife had any idea how bad my addiction really was and how big a problem I really had/have. It is hard to come clean, but also good...being a lying sack of sh*t to my wife about my addiction has always really bothered me.

[worktowin]

Okay....probably sounds pathetic, but I REALLY like it when quitters send me PMs, or comment on my Intro or give me love in a roll post or whatever...gives me positive energy and helps for sure...

So if you are reading this THANK YOU...

Day 5: so far so good....and I know it is ODAAT around here....but I want to spend a few minutes thinking about what can get me in trouble and what has gone wrong when I stopped in the past...there is a f*cking TON of good advice on these topics that I have already seen, but I am kindof on KTC overload and did not make a note of this kind of advice as of yet...

So probably the #1 things are (A) WUPPEDD and (B) stay close and involved here....if I am doing these things I have help there even if I have not worked out my plans and worries about staying quit over the longer term.

It is also absolutely obvious that drinking is going to be a problem for me. I mean after even one drink my resolve to EAT healthy goes out the f*cking window AND I crave a dip...so I already know that this is a huge f*cking risk. Soooo, I already talked to my lovely wife about it...and I am going to stay clear of the drink for a while...but definitely not forever...so what else can I say about drinking and staying clean...well since I have pitched every f*cking tin I hid everywhere there should be NO temptation in the house....and I cannot walk to the quik-e-mart....so as long as I do not f*cking drive I should be fine...and since drinking and driving already don't go well together you would think this is a no brainer....but like everything with Nic Bitch it just ain't that simple....there are many times when I go out with my wife (dinner, party, whatever) and I have 1 or 2 drinks and I am driving home...and I need gas...and maybe she pissed me off about something...and boom...that is going to be some hard sh*t right there...I mean I think that this exact scenario has blown me up before...so I am going to stay clear of this for now...but will need a specific plan for this scenario before too long...

The other big trigger I am worried about is long car trips alone (usually for work and sometimes at night). I have caved in the past because "I need a dip to stay safe behind the wheel"...I know PATHETIC, UNACCEPTABLE (here -thank God) and not even true....but I need to be ready for this when it comes up...and it will come up many times over the next 2 months...I am lucky to be hiding out and staying home this week while I am getting my feet on the ground....

That is enough for now....feeling actually pretty good today...maybe a bit less foggy and a little better rested...

I plan on staying very close to KTC all weekend (since this is my first)...but I think I am in a good place and I know that I am good for today because I already did WUPP...and it is just that simple (and just that hard)...


Quit On Brothers and Sisters!

Hey December Brother -- I hear you on both triggers and share them.

Personally I have stopped the drinking for now to keep that trigger at bay. Bought cases of seltzer in cans to drink down for now -- so far so good.

I also do A LOT of driving for work and that was always another big SNUS time for me. Have not done any major trips in my 25 days but there will be some coming up soon. For me the non-nicotine replacements are REALLY helping out. The Oregon Mint and Smokey Mountain pouches are SPOT ON / GREAT substitutes for Snus. Provides me the mouth feel of the snus and even keeps my tongue happy when I brush up on it under my front lip -- old Snus habit. That has really been helping me.

Stay Strong Brother -- keep yourself busy this weekend. That helped me my first weekend.

Your December Sister

Drinking... I stopped for the first 100 days. Im a senior exec for a large alcohol company. My team buys $300 million worth of booze a year. If I can give it up for 100 days, you can too. There is no excuse to drink in the first 100 days if you really want to quit.

As far as long drives, or the first deer hunt, or business trips... Like so many things in life... The anticipation and anxiety building up to the event is almost always worse than the event itself. Nicotine doesn't make you a better driver (if it did I would encourage my wife to smoke...),it won't make you more likely to kill Bambi, and it will keep you from seeing some of the sights of a new city instead of being locked up in a Marriott ninja chewing.

You can do this. One day at a time. Better days are ahead.

[Falcon67]

Okay....probably sounds pathetic, but I REALLY like it when quitters send me PMs, or comment on my Intro or give me love in a roll post or whatever...gives me positive energy and helps for sure...

So if you are reading this THANK YOU...

Day 5: so far so good....and I know it is ODAAT around here....but I want to spend a few minutes thinking about what can get me in trouble and what has gone wrong when I stopped in the past...there is a f*cking TON of good advice on these topics that I have already seen, but I am kindof on KTC overload and did not make a note of this kind of advice as of yet...

So probably the #1 things are (A) WUPPEDD and (B) stay close and involved here....if I am doing these things I have help there even if I have not worked out my plans and worries about staying quit over the longer term.

It is also absolutely obvious that drinking is going to be a problem for me. I mean after even one drink my resolve to EAT healthy goes out the f*cking window AND I crave a dip...so I already know that this is a huge f*cking risk. Soooo, I already talked to my lovely wife about it...and I am going to stay clear of the drink for a while...but definitely not forever...so what else can I say about drinking and staying clean...well since I have pitched every f*cking tin I hid everywhere there should be NO temptation in the house....and I cannot walk to the quik-e-mart....so as long as I do not f*cking drive I should be fine...and since drinking and driving already don't go well together you would think this is a no brainer....but like everything with Nic Bitch it just ain't that simple....there are many times when I go out with my wife (dinner, party, whatever) and I have 1 or 2 drinks and I am driving home...and I need gas...and maybe she pissed me off about something...and boom...that is going to be some hard sh*t right there...I mean I think that this exact scenario has blown me up before...so I am going to stay clear of this for now...but will need a specific plan for this scenario before too long...

The other big trigger I am worried about is long car trips alone (usually for work and sometimes at night). I have caved in the past because "I need a dip to stay safe behind the wheel"...I know PATHETIC, UNACCEPTABLE (here -thank God) and not even true....but I need to be ready for this when it comes up...and it will come up many times over the next 2 months...I am lucky to be hiding out and staying home this week while I am getting my feet on the ground....

That is enough for now....feeling actually pretty good today...maybe a bit less foggy and a little better rested...

I plan on staying very close to KTC all weekend (since this is my first)...but I think I am in a good place and I know that I am good for today because I already did WUPP...and it is just that simple (and just that hard)...


Quit On Brothers and Sisters!

Hey December Brother -- I hear you on both triggers and share them.

Personally I have stopped the drinking for now to keep that trigger at bay. Bought cases of seltzer in cans to drink down for now -- so far so good.

I also do A LOT of driving for work and that was always another big SNUS time for me. Have not done any major trips in my 25 days but there will be some coming up soon. For me the non-nicotine replacements are REALLY helping out. The Oregon Mint and Smokey Mountain pouches are SPOT ON / GREAT substitutes for Snus. Provides me the mouth feel of the snus and even keeps my tongue happy when I brush up on it under my front lip -- old Snus habit. That has really been helping me.

Stay Strong Brother -- keep yourself busy this weekend. That helped me my first weekend.

Your December Sister

[4TheWin]

Okay....probably sounds pathetic, but I REALLY like it when quitters send me PMs, or comment on my Intro or give me love in a roll post or whatever...gives me positive energy and helps for sure...

So if you are reading this THANK YOU...

Day 5: so far so good....and I know it is ODAAT around here....but I want to spend a few minutes thinking about what can get me in trouble and what has gone wrong when I stopped in the past...there is a f*cking TON of good advice on these topics that I have already seen, but I am kindof on KTC overload and did not make a note of this kind of advice as of yet...

So probably the #1 things are (A) WUPPEDD and (B) stay close and involved here....if I am doing these things I have help there even if I have not worked out my plans and worries about staying quit over the longer term.

It is also absolutely obvious that drinking is going to be a problem for me. I mean after even one drink my resolve to EAT healthy goes out the f*cking window AND I crave a dip...so I already know that this is a huge f*cking risk. Soooo, I already talked to my lovely wife about it...and I am going to stay clear of the drink for a while...but definitely not forever...so what else can I say about drinking and staying clean...well since I have pitched every f*cking tin I hid everywhere there should be NO temptation in the house....and I cannot walk to the quik-e-mart....so as long as I do not f*cking drive I should be fine...and since drinking and driving already don't go well together you would think this is a no brainer....but like everything with Nic Bitch it just ain't that simple....there are many times when I go out with my wife (dinner, party, whatever) and I have 1 or 2 drinks and I am driving home...and I need gas...and maybe she pissed me off about something...and boom...that is going to be some hard sh*t right there...I mean I think that this exact scenario has blown me up before...so I am going to stay clear of this for now...but will need a specific plan for this scenario before too long...

The other big trigger I am worried about is long car trips alone (usually for work and sometimes at night). I have caved in the past because "I need a dip to stay safe behind the wheel"...I know PATHETIC, UNACCEPTABLE (here -thank God) and not even true....but I need to be ready for this when it comes up...and it will come up many times over the next 2 months...I am lucky to be hiding out and staying home this week while I am getting my feet on the ground....

That is enough for now....feeling actually pretty good today...maybe a bit less foggy and a little better rested...

I plan on staying very close to KTC all weekend (since this is my first)...but I think I am in a good place and I know that I am good for today because I already did WUPP...and it is just that simple (and just that hard)...


Quit On Brothers and Sisters!

[FLLipOut]

that nic bitch is a sneaky nasty bitch....

If you only knew how true that totally is.....

do NOT let your guard down, not for a nanosecond! Quit with you today!

Listen to this guy ^^^ He knows his stuff.

4thewin, loving your spirit. Read everything about this addiction...everything...see it clinically...hate it for everything it has stolen from you...hate it for making you its slave. You don't need it. You are a quit god now.

Make us a promise every morning to not use nicotine and then keep your word that day. How simple is that? You can do it - no doubt about it.

PM in your inbox.

Crush this thing.

[CavMan83]

that nic bitch is a sneaky nasty bitch....

If you only knew how true that totally is.....

do NOT let your guard down, not for a nanosecond! Quit with you today!