Today I quit. Tomorrow, I'll quit again. (A journey through one man's recovery)

[Rawls]

A View From the 2nd Floor - day 201

I am now entering the adolescence of my quit. I am changed. I am quit. I am now getting to know the quit me. IÂ’ve gone through the worst of the withdrawal, and my PAWs symptoms have tapered from once per week to about once per month. They always begin with a feeling of depression, of feeling sorry for myself. When the feeling comes, I now know itÂ’s not me. ItÂ’s a part of me, but itÂ’s not me. I am quit.

Who is this quit me? I have a lot more patience than the user me. I have more perspective on what is important, and what is not. I still get anxious, but I take it head on. I donÂ’t run from my anxieties. IÂ’m more open with sharing my feelings. I care more about others. I stop what IÂ’m doing and listen when people talk. I am quit.

Mrs. Irish is dealing with the quit me. She had never met the quit me until about 200 days ago. Then the quit me stormed raging into our lives, and I donÂ’t think either one of us wanted to spend any time with him. As time went on my brain accepted my quitness, and things got better. I thiink Mrs. Irish now likes the quit me better than the user me. SheÂ’d better; IÂ’m here to stay. I am quit.

Back in the days before KTC, I longed for the time before I ever used nicotine. If only I could trick my brain into thinking I never used the stuff, I could stop using it. Only after coming here and realizing that IÂ’m an addict did I understand that we only have two choices: using or quit. I am quit.

You have to want your quit, as much as you want anything else in life. As soon as you lose (or lessen) the desire to be quit, you are susceptible to caving. ThatÂ’s not me. I am quit.

I am also Quit with you Irish... Well said sir.
Rawls 667

[wildirish317]

A View From the 2nd Floor - day 201

I am now entering the adolescence of my quit. I am changed. I am quit. I am now getting to know the quit me. IÂ’ve gone through the worst of the withdrawal, and my PAWs symptoms have tapered from once per week to about once per month. They always begin with a feeling of depression, of feeling sorry for myself. When the feeling comes, I now know itÂ’s not me. ItÂ’s a part of me, but itÂ’s not me. I am quit.

Who is this quit me? I have a lot more patience than the user me. I have more perspective on what is important, and what is not. I still get anxious, but I take it head on. I donÂ’t run from my anxieties. IÂ’m more open with sharing my feelings. I care more about others. I stop what IÂ’m doing and listen when people talk. I am quit.

Mrs. Irish is dealing with the quit me. She had never met the quit me until about 200 days ago. Then the quit me stormed raging into our lives, and I donÂ’t think either one of us wanted to spend any time with him. As time went on my brain accepted my quitness, and things got better. I thiink Mrs. Irish now likes the quit me better than the user me. SheÂ’d better; IÂ’m here to stay. I am quit.

Back in the days before KTC, I longed for the time before I ever used nicotine. If only I could trick my brain into thinking I never used the stuff, I could stop using it. Only after coming here and realizing that IÂ’m an addict did I understand that we only have two choices: using or quit. I am quit.

You have to want your quit, as much as you want anything else in life. As soon as you lose (or lessen) the desire to be quit, you are susceptible to caving. ThatÂ’s not me. I am quit.

[wildirish317]

Congratulations on making it to the 2nd floor, Irish!!!!

Don't listen to FLLIPOUT!, she's just kissin' ass to the conductors!!!
Congratulations to a BAQ and a hell of a supporter.

Irish, congrats on the 2nd floor!
Thanks for all you do here.

Congratulations Irish! Second floor badas!

Thank you all. I cannot do this without you.

[Max_Power]

Hi all. I'll be 56 years old in less than a month. I've been chewing tobacco products since I was 18. When in college, I learned not to spit so I could chew while in class. I've switched back and forth between loose leaf and the can throughout the years, depending on the cost of the product. At last count, I was going through 2 cans per week. That may not sound like a lot, but remember, I wasn't wasting any nicotine.

So, why do I want to quit at this stage of life? That's a good question, and it boils down to health in general and blood pressure in particular.

A year and a half ago, my wife, worried about muscular atrophy in people 50+ years old, got us involved in a strength training routine. I noticed myself getting slimmer and trimmer and stronger at the same time. Now, I'm about as healthy as I can be except for my blood pressure, which is not quite high enough to take medication. I don't take medication, except for the occasional infection, and I don't want to spend my final days taking pills every day.

Doing a little research, I found three things I consume that will raise a person's blood pressure: nicotine, caffeine, and alcohol. I'm addicted to all three. I'm not an alcoholic, but I drink more than I should on a daily basis.

I decided to take these addictions on one at a time. Nicotine is first. The mother of all addictive substances. I decided to give it up for Lent, figuring if I can make it 40 days, then I'm home free. I made it through Ash Wednesday and the following Thursday and Friday. I went through all of the shite we go through in the first three days and was really, extremely, irritable. I caved on Saturday, telling myself that I can wean myself off this stuff. I've been weaning myself since then, and it's not working.

So here I am. I quit today. I can make it through today. Tomorrow's another day, and I'll have to quit again. I know I can't do this alone. I need help. That's why I'm here.

[pab1964]

Congratulations on making it to the 2nd floor, Irish!!!!

Don't listen to FLLIPOUT!, she's just kissin' ass to the conductors!!!
Congratulations to a BAQ and a hell of a supporter.

Irish, congrats on the 2nd floor!
Thanks for all you do here.

Congratulations Irish! Second floor badas!

[ChickDip]

Congratulations on making it to the 2nd floor, Irish!!!!

Don't listen to FLLIPOUT!, she's just kissin' ass to the conductors!!!
Congratulations to a BAQ and a hell of a supporter.

Irish, congrats on the 2nd floor!
Thanks for all you do here.

[FISHFLORIDA]

Congratulations on making it to the 2nd floor, Irish!!!!

Don't listen to FLLIPOUT!, she's just kissin' ass to the conductors!!!
Congratulations to a BAQ and a hell of a supporter.

[FLLipOut]

Congratulations on making it to the 2nd floor, Irish!!!!

[wildirish317]

The Promise - The Difference

This past week, one of my co-workers had been quit for about a month. He came into my office Wednesday morning. He'd heard that I'd quit before, and we'd talked about it. I told him about KTC. I sent him a link via email. Told him that, if he had any problems, to check it out.

So, he comes in, sits down, and says "You'd be proud of me today." I'm like "Okay, why?" He says "I bought a can on my way into work today." I say "And You threw it away without opening it?" He says "No, I opened it, took a pinch, then spit it out. Gave the can to Shane (another coworker) and that was it."

My first reaction was to rip off his head and shit down his neck. "You fockin caved!!! WTF??!!?"

Then I realized, this was a win for him. He never made a promise to me, or anyone, that he wouldn't use nicotine today. I also realized that he is doomed to repeat this process forever. He has no accountability. Until he makes that promise to another addict, he is free to cave.

We are focked up. I'm glad I found KTC.

Update: This person is now back to dipping at the same rate as before he stopped. Time will tell.

Cold turkey and accountability. The only way

We all were till we found Ktc. Got in arguments with wife yesterday instead of the usual hell with this I'm going to go get a can she don't give a shit anyway. Instead it was I got all kinds of people who care and mostly I care about them! That's a huge difference. I would never be able to stay quit without this place. Give your coworker a card with Ktc and your number on it. Let him know that you care. Sometimes just knowing someone cares is all it takes. Quit on and Irish you're a badass quitter! Keep on keeping on!

Thanks guys. He's got my number, and I've sent him a link to KTC. I think he's checked us out. I'm just waiting for him to make the next move. He has to do this. I can't quit for him.

[pab1964]

The Promise - The Difference

This past week, one of my co-workers had been quit for about a month. He came into my office Wednesday morning. He'd heard that I'd quit before, and we'd talked about it. I told him about KTC. I sent him a link via email. Told him that, if he had any problems, to check it out.

So, he comes in, sits down, and says "You'd be proud of me today." I'm like "Okay, why?" He says "I bought a can on my way into work today." I say "And You threw it away without opening it?" He says "No, I opened it, took a pinch, then spit it out. Gave the can to Shane (another coworker) and that was it."

My first reaction was to rip off his head and shit down his neck. "You fockin caved!!! WTF??!!?"

Then I realized, this was a win for him. He never made a promise to me, or anyone, that he wouldn't use nicotine today. I also realized that he is doomed to repeat this process forever. He has no accountability. Until he makes that promise to another addict, he is free to cave.

We are focked up. I'm glad I found KTC.

Update: This person is now back to dipping at the same rate as before he stopped. Time will tell.

Cold turkey and accountability. The only way

We all were till we found Ktc. Got in arguments with wife yesterday instead of the usual hell with this I'm going to go get a can she don't give a shit anyway. Instead it was I got all kinds of people who care and mostly I care about them! That's a huge difference. I would never be able to stay quit without this place. Give your coworker a card with Ktc and your number on it. Let him know that you care. Sometimes just knowing someone cares is all it takes. Quit on and Irish you're a badass quitter! Keep on keeping on!

[JGlav]

The Promise - The Difference

This past week, one of my co-workers had been quit for about a month. He came into my office Wednesday morning. He'd heard that I'd quit before, and we'd talked about it. I told him about KTC. I sent him a link via email. Told him that, if he had any problems, to check it out.

So, he comes in, sits down, and says "You'd be proud of me today." I'm like "Okay, why?" He says "I bought a can on my way into work today." I say "And You threw it away without opening it?" He says "No, I opened it, took a pinch, then spit it out. Gave the can to Shane (another coworker) and that was it."

My first reaction was to rip off his head and shit down his neck. "You fockin caved!!! WTF??!!?"

Then I realized, this was a win for him. He never made a promise to me, or anyone, that he wouldn't use nicotine today. I also realized that he is doomed to repeat this process forever. He has no accountability. Until he makes that promise to another addict, he is free to cave.

We are focked up. I'm glad I found KTC.

Update: This person is now back to dipping at the same rate as before he stopped. Time will tell.

Cold turkey and accountability. The only way

[wildirish317]

The Promise - The Difference

This past week, one of my co-workers had been quit for about a month. He came into my office Wednesday morning. He'd heard that I'd quit before, and we'd talked about it. I told him about KTC. I sent him a link via email. Told him that, if he had any problems, to check it out.

So, he comes in, sits down, and says "You'd be proud of me today." I'm like "Okay, why?" He says "I bought a can on my way into work today." I say "And You threw it away without opening it?" He says "No, I opened it, took a pinch, then spit it out. Gave the can to Shane (another coworker) and that was it."

My first reaction was to rip off his head and shit down his neck. "You fockin caved!!! WTF??!!?"

Then I realized, this was a win for him. He never made a promise to me, or anyone, that he wouldn't use nicotine today. I also realized that he is doomed to repeat this process forever. He has no accountability. Until he makes that promise to another addict, he is free to cave.

We are focked up. I'm glad I found KTC.

Update: This person is now back to dipping at the same rate as before he stopped. Time will tell.

[wildirish317]

The Promise - The Difference

This past week, one of my co-workers had been quit for about a month. He came into my office Wednesday morning. He'd heard that I'd quit before, and we'd talked about it. I told him about KTC. I sent him a link via email. Told him that, if he had any problems, to check it out.

So, he comes in, sits down, and says "You'd be proud of me today." I'm like "Okay, why?" He says "I bought a can on my way into work today." I say "And You threw it away without opening it?" He says "No, I opened it, took a pinch, then spit it out. Gave the can to Shane (another coworker) and that was it."

My first reaction was to rip off his head and shit down his neck. "You fockin caved!!! WTF??!!?"

Then I realized, this was a win for him. He never made a promise to me, or anyone, that he wouldn't use nicotine today. I also realized that he is doomed to repeat this process forever. He has no accountability. Until he makes that promise to another addict, he is free to cave.

We are focked up. I'm glad I found KTC.

[wildirish317]

I am weak in the face of my addiction - day 146

The text conversation went something like this:
Bomber: "We stay quit.... While the weak cave...."
Me: "I think you pegged it. Strength in numbers."

I've seen some strong people on this site cave. I've seen a USMC veteran with over 1,000 days quit cave, twice.

I don't know of any addict that is strong enough to fight this addiction alone. The strongest addicts I know are an active part of KTC. We are strong enough to fight this addiction - together.

Don't let your ego make you think you can do this on your own. What do you have to gain by that?

[KingNothing]

No Excuse To Cave - NONE!

I don't know Todd, other than what I've read in his intro. His story is inspiring. His story made me cry.

If I ever feel life has given me an excuse to cave, I'm going to come here and read this, again.

Whew where to begin, well brothers and sisters today should be a joyous day 7th floor with 2 trips around the sun to follow and not to be overshadowed by too many other events right. Well, what I am about to follow up with is a warning my way to pay it forward a way for me to find something positive out of what I have found out. A way to reinforce to those that think they are cured and that they may be able to try a dance with their mistress/Reaper... This is a message to the vets as well as newbies it's not over. This isn't written for sympathy or pity I knew that this was a possibility when I thought I was a tough guy with my lip packed full of death.

Friday 3-13-15 a day I will never forget, I had a colonoscopy and yep you guessed it CANCER located close to where small and large intestines come together... I was a bad ass I didn't need a spitter I gutted it this pseudo-badge of courage is probably the culprit.

Funny what goes through your head when you get that kind of news first initial shock...followed up with panic, fear then sadness. It finally really hit me Sunday a.m. I broke down the thoughts that I may not get to see my wife again, smell her hair, see her smile, hear her laugh, miss her sarcasm...not getting to see my son play sports, graduate and see him go through life not getting to be a Grandpa...Yep all those moments be shared with others and not me. I took a walk down memory lane yesterdayÂ…have I put enough away for my family, what have I left for a legacy, have I given more than I have taken, will I be remembered or just another UST statistic... All that shit goes through your head...I am sure that are a lot more emotions to follow.

Today I am up and going I have shit to do before I go for surgery. I have to use all my tools that I have acquired from KTC and apply them moving forward. THIS DOES NOT GIVE ME THE RIGHT OR EXCUSE TO CHEW! This isn't going to be an I, it will be a WE, brothers and sisters from KTC, friends and family taking this head on one day at a time. I am absolutely impressed with the men and women of KTC who have already started pumping out support....THANK YOU.

So if any of you still have friends dippin tell them this if you dont have what it takes to quit nicotine you are gonna be TOO big of a pussy for chemo. Dying is easy its the living that is hard got to dig deep everyday and there would be no way in hell I could do this on my own. If it werent for the support of my wife and family, the support i get daily from the members this site and the people I have in my corner locally. I would have been consumed by this cancer shit. I have already lived through two you only have 6 months left.

Well it appears that it has been awhile since I have put in an update. I had double pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for a week...then home health for a week giving me very strong antibiotics. After a week of that the nausea and pain were enough I woke up on a Monday morning and fired everyone. I called the VA and asked to be put on hospice. Hospice has been working with me to get me under control as far as pain and nausea go. I have been puking and dry heaving for days so finally last night they hooked me up to a morphine drip and a Tordol drip subQ. they have also discovered that I have chemo induced thrush from my mouth to my stomach so another obstacle to overcome.

I also carry a BRAF mutation with in the cancer war is like trying fight fires with gasoline. So I am on the hospice pony and just trying to ride whatever time I have left in relative comfort. So just trying to take it easy.

Once again just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been on this ride with me, I also wanted to say if you text or email and I dont respond right away please dont take it personal there are days that just making it to tomorrow is the best I can do.
thanks
Trauma

Oh lord what a story. I never saw that here before. That is sad.

His story hits kind of home for me. I have been having major issues lately and can not afford to go to the dr with my insurance. But it is coming to a point now that I have no options left but to go.

Also like him, I was not a spitter. I was taught when i was a kid when I started chewing that If I was not man enough to swallow the spit, then I was not man enough to chew. Swallow it was. Spitting in front of any woman, especially my mother was never an option. I did that for a good long time. Combined time maybe 20 years. I never spit. I regret that choice now for sure.

Thanks for the share Irish. I really appreciate it. It gave me serious food for thought.

Is this brother still with us fighting the fight?

His last post on his intro was this morning. I'm not sure if he's posting roll, or where. He called in Hospice, so I doubt he will be here very long.

I also "gutted" it, but I never got above 2 cans per week, and my colonoscopy 5 years ago was clean. They told me to come back in 10 years.

Trauma is part of Junk Free July (July 13): topic/1009915/2040/#new