Living with PAWs - day 128
Mood swings
Anxiety
Irritability
Tiredness
Variable energy
Low enthusiasm
Variable concentration
Disturbed sleep
Mrs. Irish and I started off on our daily walk with the dogs this morning. I had set two sprinklers out in the yard last evening, and ran them for a couple of hours because our grass is getting dry. The sod is less than a year old, and we are concerned that it may die if it gets too dry.
Mrs. Irish asked if the sprinklers had covered the entire yard, and I blew up. Our morning routine consists of a series of rituals that result in me leaving for work between 7:05 and 7:10. There is no room to add any tasks. Now I'm faced with repositioning the sprinklers and turning them on. I respond in an angry manner and, Mrs. Irish being who she is, took me to task.
She pointed out several occasions over the past couple of weeks where I have reacted in anger to normal life events. I hit my head on a lamp frame and let loose a long string of f-bombs, far too many than the event warranted, for example. Some of the things she told me about, I don't recall. I began to think maybe I'm losing my mind. I thought about NewTexican, and his enrollment in anger management classes.
Is this all due to quitting nicotine? Should I go back to nicotine to return to a normal life? (See how sneaky the nic bitch can be? I even had a dip dream last night.) I was totally freaked out. Then I remembered PAWs. Hell, it's in my signature. I click the link and there are the symptoms, plain as day. Anxious, irritable, tired, low enthusiasm, variable concentration, yes, that's how I feel. Damn. So, what do I do about it?
I click on the link that leads me to
the PAWs web page.. Here, I find the beginning of my answer. I say beginning because these are general guidelines, and I have to figure out how to apply them to me, here and now. This is what I find:
"Give yourself lots of little breaks over the next two years. Tell yourself "what I am doing is enough." Be good to yourself. That is what most addicts can't do, and that's what you must learn in recovery. Recovery is the opposite of addiction.
Sometimes you'll have little energy or enthusiasm for anything. Understand this and don't over book your life. Give yourself permission to focus on your recovery."
And:
"Being able to relax will help you through post-acute withdrawal. When you're tense you tend to dwell on your symptoms and make them worse. When you're relaxed it's easier to not get caught up in them. You aren't as triggered by your symptoms which means you're less likely to relapse."
What I am doing is enough. Don't over-book myself. Learn to relax.
That's my plan.
