Getting my QUIT on!

[Krusty]

U MR.!!!! Are stabbing me in my gut. This is how u do it around here?? I know 12 year old Xbox mature kids who treat a stranger with more respect and divinity and honor and class u MR. Sluggish are a disrespect and embarrassment to man kind. You are a pathetic excuse of a non awesome dude. Not even a man. My dog would treat u with more humanity u sorry excuse of a man. I know your not the face of this web site u are wrong that is not how everyone rolls. You and a few others are the only cancer I noticed in the countless hours I have spent on this website. This is serious stuff and to think you piss on me before u even know me says evrything of what kind of Man U are. I'm happy if your quit but diss appointed u or anyone in your family or friends view u as a man. I never knew a stranger could make me want to slice my throat yesterday being a loser in life due to my disabilities to then come to get advice and give it u met me to destroy my soul. But I speak to my doctor and I thank Iam stronger then this I just thought this web site was so much more then non awesome people like u MR.

this is ridiculous..

30 told you to knock it off.. there's hardly a finer quitter here than Slug, you would do yourself a favor to read what he writes, and follow in the example that he leads..

You mr.are clueless. I read what he writes on my intro and other comments and writes. And u should read em too.

First. Sorry to Slug for posting this in your intro.

I read those comments. I think you're a dumb ass also.

So you got offended because of something he said and now you're still crying about it? Get over it. You plan on chasing down every person on the highway that flips you off and demand their respect and tell them to man the fuck up and apologize or fight you? Oh no. That's right you're just going to call them a cancer and a cum bubble.

Welcome to KTC. It's too bad it's a kinder and gentler place because 2 years ago you would have gotten shit on by multiple people for posting the kind of nonsense you've graced us with these past 2 days.

Posting here is a privilege not a right. No one here owes you anything. Nor me for that matter. Maybe I'll lose my privileges with this post but I'll still be +1 tomorrow with someone other than you.

Yep, I'd say p23 about nailed it. I'll stand shoulder to shoulder with him, MN_Ben, and Thumble all day long in Slug's intro.

Bobby Cum Bubbles, whoever he is, can pound sand. Otherwise shut the fuck up and start posting roll with some consistency to be taken seriously -- for someone who claims to have spent "countless hours" reading up on the site, different people's posts, reputations, etc., he seems more enchanted by the prospect of finding someone with whom to kill online zombies.

This pains me to no end, but the absurdity of the situation warrants that I pop my own cherry: 'zombie'

[p23]

U MR.!!!! Are stabbing me in my gut. This is how u do it around here?? I know 12 year old Xbox mature kids who treat a stranger with more respect and divinity and honor and class u MR. Sluggish are a disrespect and embarrassment to man kind. You are a pathetic excuse of a non awesome dude. Not even a man. My dog would treat u with more humanity u sorry excuse of a man. I know your not the face of this web site u are wrong that is not how everyone rolls. You and a few others are the only cancer I noticed in the countless hours I have spent on this website. This is serious stuff and to think you piss on me before u even know me says evrything of what kind of Man U are. I'm happy if your quit but diss appointed u or anyone in your family or friends view u as a man. I never knew a stranger could make me want to slice my throat yesterday being a loser in life due to my disabilities to then come to get advice and give it u met me to destroy my soul. But I speak to my doctor and I thank Iam stronger then this I just thought this web site was so much more then non awesome people like u MR.

this is ridiculous..

30 told you to knock it off.. there's hardly a finer quitter here than Slug, you would do yourself a favor to read what he writes, and follow in the example that he leads..

You mr.are clueless. I read what he writes on my intro and other comments and writes. And u should read em too.

First. Sorry to Slug for posting this in your intro.

I read those comments. I think you're a dumb ass also.

So you got offended because of something he said and now you're still crying about it? Get over it. You plan on chasing down every person on the highway that flips you off and demand their respect and tell them to man the fuck up and apologize or fight you? Oh no. That's right you're just going to call them a cancer and a cum bubble.

Welcome to KTC. It's too bad it's a kinder and gentler place because 2 years ago you would have gotten shit on by multiple people for posting the kind of nonsense you've graced us with these past 2 days.

Posting here is a privilege not a right. No one here owes you anything. Nor me for that matter. Maybe I'll lose my privileges with this post but I'll still be +1 tomorrow with someone other than you.

[Bob Copenhagen]

U MR.!!!! Are stabbing me in my gut. This is how u do it around here?? I know 12 year old Xbox mature kids who treat a stranger with more respect and divinity and honor and class u MR. Sluggish are a disrespect and embarrassment to man kind. You are a pathetic excuse of a non awesome dude. Not even a man. My dog would treat u with more humanity u sorry excuse of a man. I know your not the face of this web site u are wrong that is not how everyone rolls. You and a few others are the only cancer I noticed in the countless hours I have spent on this website. This is serious stuff and to think you piss on me before u even know me says evrything of what kind of Man U are. I'm happy if your quit but diss appointed u or anyone in your family or friends view u as a man. I never knew a stranger could make me want to slice my throat yesterday being a loser in life due to my disabilities to then come to get advice and give it u met me to destroy my soul. But I speak to my doctor and I thank Iam stronger then this I just thought this web site was so much more then non awesome people like u MR.

this is ridiculous..

30 told you to knock it off.. there's hardly a finer quitter here than Slug, you would do yourself a favor to read what he writes, and follow in the example that he leads..

You mr.are clueless. I read what he writes on my intro and other comments and writes. And u should read em too.

[Thumblewort]

I quit with sluggo EDD, all day long.

[p23]

+1 with sluggo. all day every day.

[MN_Ben]

U MR.!!!! Are stabbing me in my gut. This is how u do it around here?? I know 12 year old Xbox mature kids who treat a stranger with more respect and divinity and honor and class u MR. Sluggish are a disrespect and embarrassment to man kind. You are a pathetic excuse of a non awesome dude. Not even a man. My dog would treat u with more humanity u sorry excuse of a man. I know your not the face of this web site u are wrong that is not how everyone rolls. You and a few others are the only cancer I noticed in the countless hours I have spent on this website. This is serious stuff and to think you piss on me before u even know me says evrything of what kind of Man U are. I'm happy if your quit but diss appointed u or anyone in your family or friends view u as a man. I never knew a stranger could make me want to slice my throat yesterday being a loser in life due to my disabilities to then come to get advice and give it u met me to destroy my soul. But I speak to my doctor and I thank Iam stronger then this I just thought this web site was so much more then non awesome people like u MR.

this is ridiculous..

30 told you to knock it off.. there's hardly a finer quitter here than Slug, you would do yourself a favor to read what he writes, and follow in the example that he leads..

[Bob Copenhagen]

U MR.!!!! Are stabbing me in my gut. This is how u do it around here?? I know 12 year old Xbox mature kids who treat a stranger with more respect and divinity and honor and class u MR. Sluggish are a disrespect and embarrassment to man kind. You are a pathetic excuse of a non awesome dude. Not even a man. My dog would treat u with more humanity u sorry excuse of a man. I know your not the face of this web site u are wrong that is not how everyone rolls. You and a few others are the only cancer I noticed in the countless hours I have spent on this website. This is serious stuff and to think you piss on me before u even know me says evrything of what kind of Man U are. I'm happy if your quit but diss appointed u or anyone in your family or friends view u as a man. I never knew a stranger could make me want to slice my throat yesterday being a loser in life due to my disabilities to then come to get advice and give it u met me to destroy my soul. But I speak to my doctor and I thank Iam stronger then this I just thought this web site was so much more then non awesome people like u MR.

[30yraddict]

Time to sleep on this boys. No more threats, and no more accusations unless you have proof. If all else fails, go into your profile and hit "ignore user"

[Bob Copenhagen]

Ol slugo, there u are u sack of shit.. I don't appreciate u coming to my boxes and intro and shitting on me u terd.. U better apologize like a mature man dude. Ill be waiting u dude are not amazing your the cum bubble of cum bubbles u v
Cum bubble mother fucker

Bob

[rdad]

I was hanging out in chat the other night and heard some guys talking about Smokey Mountain. I have been using Hooch exclusively for the past couple of months. I started thinking about the spit quality of Smokey Mtn (much better than Hooch in my opinion). I had to go to Wal-Mart and get a can of that SM. I took a couple dips of it. The second of which was as I was walking onto the baseball field. It may be coincidence, but the gas pains started. I was able to squeak several low decibel air destroyers out as we approached home plate. My partner, clueless to my horrible fart session, stood behind the plate and I in front of it waiting for the coaches to come for the pregame conference. That is when I felt it. A gas bubble that took the whole left side of my stomach started to make a break for the exit. I had a suspicion that this ass-plosion was not going to be quiet or undetectable. As we concluded our conference and were exchanging hand shakes and "good lucks" (by the way, why the fuck do I need luck?? I"m the umpire. Everything that is about to happen will be judged by me and the end result will be what I say it was. There is no luck in that for me....yet I digress) the nasty fucking gas bubble made a mad dash for the exit. The toot started with an innocent, small squeaking sound. It escalated quickly. There might as well been a bull horn to my ass. There wasn't an ear that didn't hear it. The smell of rotting meat mixed with fermented eggs and 2 parts asshole immediately saturated the area around the plate. The coaches quickly made their exit. Usually, basking in my own scent isn't that bad, this was the exception. Since I was working the bases, I made a break for right field. I watched my partner pace back and forth during player introductions. He was trying to take a breath of air that wasn't tainted by my foulness and couldn't find any. As I was laughing my ass off in right field, I thought of your legendary fart story.

So, do you think SM is responsible for our putrid gas expulsions?

Damn, that's funny...just saw it today!

Break...

Just heard something apropos to all of us.

A bad habit is easy to form but hard to live with. A good habit is hard to form but easy to live with.

Apropos? Damon slug.go I had to look that up. After further research, I agree! Cool saying!

[slug.go]

I was hanging out in chat the other night and heard some guys talking about Smokey Mountain. I have been using Hooch exclusively for the past couple of months. I started thinking about the spit quality of Smokey Mtn (much better than Hooch in my opinion). I had to go to Wal-Mart and get a can of that SM. I took a couple dips of it. The second of which was as I was walking onto the baseball field. It may be coincidence, but the gas pains started. I was able to squeak several low decibel air destroyers out as we approached home plate. My partner, clueless to my horrible fart session, stood behind the plate and I in front of it waiting for the coaches to come for the pregame conference. That is when I felt it. A gas bubble that took the whole left side of my stomach started to make a break for the exit. I had a suspicion that this ass-plosion was not going to be quiet or undetectable. As we concluded our conference and were exchanging hand shakes and "good lucks" (by the way, why the fuck do I need luck?? I"m the umpire. Everything that is about to happen will be judged by me and the end result will be what I say it was. There is no luck in that for me....yet I digress) the nasty fucking gas bubble made a mad dash for the exit. The toot started with an innocent, small squeaking sound. It escalated quickly. There might as well been a bull horn to my ass. There wasn't an ear that didn't hear it. The smell of rotting meat mixed with fermented eggs and 2 parts asshole immediately saturated the area around the plate. The coaches quickly made their exit. Usually, basking in my own scent isn't that bad, this was the exception. Since I was working the bases, I made a break for right field. I watched my partner pace back and forth during player introductions. He was trying to take a breath of air that wasn't tainted by my foulness and couldn't find any. As I was laughing my ass off in right field, I thought of your legendary fart story.

So, do you think SM is responsible for our putrid gas expulsions?

Damn, that's funny...just saw it today!

Break...

Just heard something apropos to all of us.

A bad habit is easy to form but hard to live with. A good habit is hard to form but easy to live with.

[rtpope]

I was hanging out in chat the other night and heard some guys talking about Smokey Mountain. I have been using Hooch exclusively for the past couple of months. I started thinking about the spit quality of Smokey Mtn (much better than Hooch in my opinion). I had to go to Wal-Mart and get a can of that SM. I took a couple dips of it. The second of which was as I was walking onto the baseball field. It may be coincidence, but the gas pains started. I was able to squeak several low decibel air destroyers out as we approached home plate. My partner, clueless to my horrible fart session, stood behind the plate and I in front of it waiting for the coaches to come for the pregame conference. That is when I felt it. A gas bubble that took the whole left side of my stomach started to make a break for the exit. I had a suspicion that this ass-plosion was not going to be quiet or undetectable. As we concluded our conference and were exchanging hand shakes and "good lucks" (by the way, why the fuck do I need luck?? I"m the umpire. Everything that is about to happen will be judged by me and the end result will be what I say it was. There is no luck in that for me....yet I digress) the nasty fucking gas bubble made a mad dash for the exit. The toot started with an innocent, small squeaking sound. It escalated quickly. There might as well been a bull horn to my ass. There wasn't an ear that didn't hear it. The smell of rotting meat mixed with fermented eggs and 2 parts asshole immediately saturated the area around the plate. The coaches quickly made their exit. Usually, basking in my own scent isn't that bad, this was the exception. Since I was working the bases, I made a break for right field. I watched my partner pace back and forth during player introductions. He was trying to take a breath of air that wasn't tainted by my foulness and couldn't find any. As I was laughing my ass off in right field, I thought of your legendary fart story.

So, do you think SM is responsible for our putrid gas expulsions?

[rtpope]

James Gordon - Day 64 Feels like the first 2 weeks but I will make it!

James, you posted day 50 on 3/26 (your first day on roll), then come back two weeks later and post day 64?  Not how this works.  Either post roll EVERY DAMN DAY or be gone.  If damn near every one else in May can come in here on a daily basis, you sure as hell can, too.  Whoever is keeping the Spreadsheet this week, I recommend leaving Mr. Gordon on page 3 until he posts 5 straight days.
Get with us, James, we're pulling for you!

bump

back up there

Who the hell is James Gordon? Is this a May member? I'm confused.

JamesGordon is a showman. He is mysterious. He shows up when he wants to.
Gordo- if you really want to blow peoples minds, this time don't just take 2 weeks off, take about 5 weeks off. Then just show up on day 100! James FUCKING Gordon! Hall of Fame on three fucking posts! It will be incredible.
You can be like the Haley's Comet of Project Mayhem. Every 5 weeks you blow through the roll call, changing peoples lives, the life of the party. It will be fucking awesome.
Seriously bro- you need to post roll. Right now you are just stopped, and as soon as you have a lame excuse, you will hit the chongo again.
No one even knew you were a part of the group. I am all about self-accountability, but are you really even a member here?

Maybe he's actually Matt Damon.

back on top, Claude Rains!

need to keep this on top until we hear from our international man of mystery

Bumperooney

With a dude like el Gordo, we might have to keep this ball in the air for weeks until he finally sees it. But when he does, I am sure he will inspire and amaze us with his answers.

Maybe he's a time traveler!?! :ph43r: 'qt' 'winker'

This is liquid gold -- by the time Who-the-fuck-is-James-Gordon reads this, he'll have his own FB fan page (sorry Lipi), probably a theme song, and very likely be Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man in the World.

"I don't always post roll, but when I do, I prefer to do it JamesGordon style."

I think we just found a new motto -- and mascot -- for this page.

Here's to everyone on this page / site that gets it. Quit with all of you.

Flux capacitor maybe??? Delorian?

Needed to Post- Mayhem Style-- but putting this future cautionary tale on 'How not to Quit' back on Top

He's John Galt!

I'm actually named after Ayn Rand... My pops is an interesting dude _

Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life has gotten a little weird lately. I don't have a computer, or a phone......... Oh shit, wrong group. Sorry May!!!!

Don't take the lame asses. Protect your quits!!!! Post roll every damn day!!!!

He's actually in May 2124. No biggie. Just goes to show you shouldn't tinker with wormholes in the early/late stages of your quit.

bumpsky to the top

This is literally going to have to stay here for a month before he sees it. My apologies for continuing the massive quote vortex.

I was feeling a little low this morning, due to no appearances from JamesGordon. I clicked on his name, seeking inspiration.
Unfortunately, it looks as if he has been back to site since he was "discovered" by Project Mayhem. He undoubtedly saw the almost cult-like following he has acquired, but didn't comment on it, and didn't post roll.
Part of me is hoping he is going to follow my plan, and will come back in a blaze of glory on day 100. I think its more likely that he wasn't ready for the responsibilities and increased scrutiny that come with being a celebrity.
Gordo- vaya con dios, we hardly knew you.

He's almost a folk hero at this point. Shrouded in mystery and hailing from a different time. A time where quits were won with minimal involvement. Let's hope this doesn't end up being yet another cautionary tale.

To quote Sir Winston Churchill on James Gordon, 'I cannot forecast the actions of JamesGordon. He is a riddle, wrapped up in a mystery, inside an enigma.'

I was going to post support roll today but instead...how small can we get Slug's first post...

my god this shit is getting ridiculous

QLF, E14D w/JamesGordon

It's no fun until the first post is a single column of letters......

Bump to shrink the slug

That sounds dirty

2 cents

I'm quit like James Gordon
13eezee - qlf with jamesgordon!
Bumpfix

I can't begin to express how thrilled I am that Mayhem and its loyal supporters have rallied together behind the bold path charted by Jimmy Gordo, aka Fat Jimmy. His time is of such value that for our meager little page (and site) to even get two appearances by his Epic-ness is something we should embrace. Only a chosen few get the sacred invitation to join his elite band of posters. Maybe they're lingering, maybe they're not. Small minded folk such as ourselves will never know. They are the chosen ones. The Ghost Posters. The Ghosters?
- Krusty (sorry for the bump)

Do not let this vortex die!! JamesGordon, only your return will end this madness.

When this is all said and done, JamesGordon and May 14 shall be legendary within KTC. Drink it in brethren.

Though the quit is hard and the craves tough, I shall not despair for I hear the return of James Gordon on the horizon, yea, even knocking on the outer door as we speak. I will continue to wait for James Gordon.

Sending James Gordon into the abyss

I'm not sure if that last post means that we are supposed to stop talking about El Gordo, but this vortex made me spit fake chew on my computer and laugh several times.
"Fat Jimmy" is the greatest nickname that Gordon ever had.
I think Fat Jimmy is the most fun I have had on this site. The dude will be mentioned prominently in my HOF speech. Thanks for noticing him Slug.go. To think his subtle presence might have gone unnoticed without your vigilance.

I think people like this are toxic to our cause. So, if the outer door is properly tyled then no one shall enter except for those who are worthy of our cause. Which is to stay quit.

Like the Toxic Avenger, just not as cool or mutated. Actually that means he's nothing like Toxie. RIP

Let us not give up the cause, Mayhem, but keep fighting the good fight! Slug.go's OP is down to two words per line, let us push it to singles!

Sorry I've missed this guys been catching up on sleep and emails. Many pissed of people I'm dealing with, but this epicness has helped relieve some stress. Thank you James Gordon

We all owe Fat Jimmy so much, he has helped us all by showing us how a true quitter should act.

Fat Jimmy is like the Incredible Hulk/Mormon we all knew when we were children.

If you scroll up and down real quick on the post string it is kind of psychedelic. Reminds me of climbing Mt. Fuji with Zillah cowboy in my younger days. Going for one word per line for Slug!!!!

I love, love, love, that this quote vortex was the first thing I saw after the two days of downtime.

Maybe he's Flash Gordon, here and gone in a flash!
Back to the top.

QLJG, E14D!

Everyone needs to breathe a deep sigh of relief, despite the heart palpitations caused by Bizarro World May Roll Call. I checked once, twice, fee-tines-a-mady (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOLH9QF-NnI) and -- I'm not kidding, gents -- Fat Jimmy has not made an appearance since the new world order came into existence. By my rough math, he's on day 70 today (Tues the 15th). If we're men of our word, this quote vortex has at least 30 more days and potentially one more platform transfer before Fat Jimmy graces us with his third post as he saunters into the HOF. Fat Jimmy: like a boss.

...and the legend continues.

We mustn't give this up lest Fat Jimmy think we've stopped caring!

QLJG E14D

It brings a tear to my eye knowing how proud Fat Jimmy would be if he could see all the inspiration he has caused...

Have you ever been so far even as decided to use go want to look more like?

RickD... are you ok? Did you have a stroke when you wrote that comment?

I love the fact that most of slug's original post is now down to single words...

Yesterday would have been perfect. May 14 had 3 days of 100% posting followed by a week of double digit debauchery. Fat Jimminy G is crying in his cheerios.

My biggest fear is that Fat Jimmy posts roll, but this vortex is buried somewhere and he doesn't see it.
It's like a signal fire, we need to keep it burning at all times.

The new format may confuse him if he ever did come back.....but, back to the top any way :-)

I'm pretty sure that slug's OP is literally going to disappear haha. Fat Jimmy, one way or another we will make sure you see this.

Reading back through every single post in this vortex takes about 10 minutes.... well, at least once you're done hallucinating and your eyes stop bleeding, it does.

Hi guys, my name is James Gordon. I’m just an ordinary guy with some extraordinary gifts. I found KTC when I was Googling a place to get some decent fried chicken. Apparently I fat-fingered and missed the “F” in the middle. It’s too stinking close to the “T”. Anyhow, I was emotionally compelled by some of the stories of anguish, distress, and poor roll posting (or something like that)I found in the Mayhem Group. It resonated deeply within my soul. Even though I don’t dip, I wanted so badly to connect. Now I think I have found a home.
Like most of you, it has been a long, cold Winter here in Minneapolis. I guess it hasnÂ’t been that long, really, itÂ’s just that IÂ’ve never had the chance to play World of Warcraft in my parentsÂ’ basement between sessions of surfing barely-legal (maybe?) porn sites for eight months straight. By the way, if any of you know a schoolgirl that likes lollipops and ball gags, PM me. But thatÂ’s the only reason you should PM me.
I was born in 1974 to a middle-class family on the upper East side of the city. Dad works a respectable job at an automotive plant, mom is a den-mother for the girl scouts and bakes a lot. I like when she bakes and I get to see her all covered in flour, you know what I mean? Love you, mom!
Anyway, back to the whole “my extraordinary gifts” thing: I actually hold a couple of fancy degrees. First, I earned a B.S. in Math from Fraud University when I was just 17. I’m a proud FU alumni. There were some tough courses in that program, such as counting days. I figured out quickly that I wasn’t going to be an accountant. I also took one called “The Joke’s on you”, but I didn’t do so hot. So I changed majors again, switching to Physics. I actually figured out the secret to unlocking the whole space-time continuum thing. It’s cool because I can jack off while playing Call of Duty without having to pause the game. It also helps me pick out a brotherhood of “quitters” (you guys shouldn’t refer to yourselves in such a demeaning way) wherein I can post once every two weeks or so, while virtually fast-forwarding my quit just past the halfway point the HOF. I haven’t figured out what that acronym means exactly, but I’m pretty sure it stands for “Hegelonfinkelschneit”, which is German for “A secret brotherhood where we eventually get to build our own Angry Birds app using pictures of our naked, fat, pale selfies”. In any case, I’m in. I also majored in German, if you couldn’t tell.
So anyway, my parents have been on me since I was 22 to get my own place. I’m just not into it. I’m 40 and doing just fine on this couch. In fact, this couch has my morbidly obese frame perfectly imprinted on it with the corresponding outline of body grease. Or maybe it’s the baby lotion. Ah, it all runs together anyway. So when some of you guys say you’ve “fought the beast” for 18 years, I feel you on that. The beast to me is the overbearing father in my life that told me to get a job.
Another thing I’m pretty awesome at is dependability. That’s something I’ve long considered an attribute. Mom even let me guest-speak at the girl scout troop meeting once. Greatest day of my life (wink, wink). But I made them come downstairs. Mom was so annoying that day. She had like 80 yankee candles going. Not sure what that was about. So when people ask me if I’m the real thing, I’m just like, “Sure, I’m James Gordon”. And usually they don’t say much after that. But I know they know.
IÂ’m also good at following instructions and paying attention to detail. One of the dudes on your site, some Slug.go (OMG I hope thatÂ’s not his real name LOL) guy, told me something about roll. I shut my browser window real fast, which IÂ’m used to doing because mom spanks me when she catches me flogging the dolphin to lesbian scenes. Anyway, I went upstairs and asked mom to make me some rolls. We had the greatest flour fight ever. She doesnÂ’t know it, but I filed that memory in the spank tank for laterÂ…
So about the space-time continuum thing: It’s pretty cool that I’ve been a “quitter” (again, you guys shouldn’t be so hard on yourselves) for a couple of days. I’m putting this in my Intro because I’m not sure if some of the Veterans are keen enough to realize that my days are actually entire weeks for some of them. But I feel like maybe my time-warp skills are fading, because it feels like hours now between slap-the-ham sessions for me.
Some of you guys are talking about wives and kids and “quitting” for them. I’m not one to judge, but that may be a poor example for your offspring. I had a date once. Unfortunately, the cold Minnesota Winter locked up the internet connection and my Oovoo account froze up just like Lake Superior. Anyway, I’m not sure she was really a girl, but it doesn’t matter.
Whoever named me fat Jimmie sure hit the nail on the head. You guys are so smart (except that whole “quitting dip” thing). I personally won’t give up dip. You guys are missing out, IMHO. If you’ve never had a Ruffles potato chip delicately lathered in Ranch, you’re letting the best in life pass you by.
Anyway, I saw something about intros and decided I’d chime in. You guys may not hear from me until we cross the bridge into “Hegelonfinkelschneit” together, but that’s okay. It’s only one day in the life of James Gordon.
As for your website, I browsed it for a few minutes and figured out what KTC stands for. Kill the Can. I totally get it. Sometimes after a chicken and potato chip binge, I absolutely can do some of that action. Have any of you guys ever “roughed up the suspect” while sitting on the potty? You should try it!
So basically, thatÂ’s me. IÂ’m kind of like a fat Chuck Norris ninja-type with the ability to fast-forward time and not miss anything at all. And I was serious about that lollipop and ball-gag thing.
I can’t wait to Hegelonfinkelschneit with all of you. Especially Paul S. For being a serious “quitter” with such a sunny disposition, he seems like a decent enough guy for being from Kentucky. I’m pretty sure he’s probably like 6’3” and athletically built with a respectable job and a monster truck, but I’d kind of like him to hurl a nude Angry Bird Selfie at me.
Gotta run guys, momÂ’s making hot cross buns. They make a huge mess, and she gets on me for stomping when I want something because she says it messes up the dough. But it will get all over her, and she might even let me lick the spoon.

*Disclaimer: this is not intended to offend fried chicken fans, gamers, girl scouts, or residents of the Greater Twin Cities Metropolitan area.

Ladies and Gentleman- James Fucking Gordon.
Paul S, I'm a little pissed about this, because after Slug.go's suggestion of someone ghosting an intro for Fat Jim, I was envisioning a contest of sorts, with several people taking a shot at the Bio. I just don't see a lot of people being able to create this type of Gordon universe. This is why they usually put all of the good people at the end of the talent show.

2 words....fucking epic

First things first...that "intro" is hands down the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen on this website, it isn't even a competition. Second, if we can get that "intro" down to single words, we truly are immortal gods.

Funniest fucking Intro ever. I tip my hat to the author. Can't wait for the movie to come out.

Back to the top, some may have missed this. Wonder if we can get this to be a page long? Could take years...

I'm curious to see how many years it will take. Challenge accepted.

For all of you Gordo watchers. His two weeks appearance is due today. Keep your eyes peeled for him, and keep this string at the top (bottom). QLF E14D

I put the over under at 6.5 days for El Gordo to show up again? Whatcha got? I'm going to be optimistic and say UNDER

Now it's time to continue the challenge and see how long it takes for this fucker to be a full page. VORTEX CONTINUE!!

Since Gordo is in the room, wanted to make sure he saw how his legend began

Few ppl will ever have the ability to capture so much attention....back to the front if the room!

JG meta 1

Wow.. I guess I'm the talk of the quit group.. Sorry I haven't posted everyday.

I thought this was a support group not a place to bash the people that are going through the same issues that you are.

Maybe this site is not for me.. I didn't realize that you had to post everyday. Sorry I can't.

I have been busy and trying my best to forget about this crazy habit that I have had for WAY 2 long.

78 days.

'Popcorn'

A support group by it's very nature requires your presence in order to be supported.

Posting roll daily is pretty much the only bloody rule we have.

I don't really know where to go with that, except to say that if you think the way to get to where your going is by showing up once every two weeks then no this site is probably not for you. Good luck.

And then...poof....he's gone.

I am screaming with fucking laughter.
DWD and Sapp are right, there is now way that was really James Gordon.
That was even funnier than Paul S's intro thread.
He ends it with "78 Days". I am fucking pissing myself whether that was a mod playing a joke or whether it was really him. Either way, it is the highlight of my day!!!!!!!!!

Who knew that James Gordon had "622" after his name?
This whole time I thought he was just JamesGordon.
Was that really him? How will we know?
Hey Gordon- if that was really you, please go back and read the whole thread. You have to start two weeks ago.
I will keep bumping this message to the bottom of the list so that you can see it when you log back in in two weeks, so that you see my suggestion, but by then the OP will be 4 weeks old. You have a lot of reading ahead of you, and not a lot of time apparently.
In reality, I think it is just too big a coincidence that some of the vets just today started bitching about us talking too much about El Gordo, and also the day that the scriptures predicted his next return. Its just too neat.

JG meta 2

If it is a joke, it has had me fooled for a Gordon and a half.

I am now proceeding with the assumption that it was really a post by James Gordon, and not a joke.
If that is the case, it is a fascinating post.
How much of the James Gordon threads did he read before he posted that?
Did he do all the way back?
How did he not know you are supposed to post roll every day?
If he didn't know you were supposed to post roll, why does he post roll at all?
Did he really intend to come back every two weeks...er... I... mean every full Gordon?
What if we never started the Gordon threads, would he have just posted to the hall of fame?
Would we have let him?
Why does he pick Wednesdays? Is hump day usually his toughest day?
I could go on forever. And none of these questions will ever be answered.
Fat Jimmy is blowing my mind, again.
Thank you James Gordon.
I look forward to day 92 a full Gordon from now.

Man i don't give a damn what anybody says, newby, maybe, veteran, that is some funny shit right there.

Totally agree. My ghost bio pales in comparison to this hilarity. Prophetic.

Who knew that in the span of two international standard Gordon's this class would unite in solidarity behind the stalwart leadership of James mother fucking Gordon.

I'm proud to be quit on this Gordon and for every Gordon henceforward and hitherto.

No kidding bro, I was thinking the same thing. James Gordon united this class like nothing else had before. The official whipping boy of May 14, and we thank you.

James Gordon...May2014's Haley's comet. You can set your fucking watch to him.
JamesGordon622...6x2+2=14. QLF E14D. Holy shit, this is how crop circles are laid out, and Stonehenge. Time traveler (fix from slug.go)

Four Gordons and seven years ago...Gordo influenced Lincoln's Gettysburg address

Classic, now we are 'bump fixing' Gordon posts

They are all too precious. Can't afford to miss one.

Crop circles!!!! Just awesome!!!!

How does the spreadsheet get formatted to the Gordon scale?

I can do an extra column that converts your quit days into international standard Gordon's. I'll do it tonight.

Now THAT'S brotherhood!!!

Sapper, you've got too much time on your hands. I agree with you that it is a hoax. Read his last roll post before this. Day 64-feels like the first two weeks...I call hilarious bullshit.

Not really, and it doesn't take long anyway, but regardless, this is so epic, I'll make time to create a new unit of time measurement. My goal is to see it in widespread use in the future. Somebody needs to start a Wikipedia page about James Gordon and Gordon's as a unit of measurement.

So...7.14 Gordons gets one in the HOF?

Yes sir, your math is solid.

Actually, the true value of Gordons to HOF has 14 decimal places. Here I've calculated the exact value of the number of Gordon's to HOF. We'll refer to this value as HOG's (Hall of Gordon's).

7.14285714285714

I was really hoping for an indeterminate number, like Pi, but oh well.

JG meta 3

I really don't know what the fuck is the problem with alot of you..

Here I am trying by best to quit this fucking deadly habit that I have and trying to make it through just one day without thinking about quitting.

But I'm getting major shit about not being able to post every day.

Sorry that I don't have to time to sit and chat all day long on this site. I'm lucky to get on the computer once a week just to check my own email.

So NO I will not be able to post every day.

I'm glad most of you are getting a kick out of it.

To all the folks that have said positive things and have sent positive IM's I thank you.

This site has helped me a ton besides all the inmature posting that SOME of you have posted.

James- I found your post. Let me address your points one at a time.
1. We're addicts, that is one problem we all have in common.
2. You don't get the way quitting here works. The rest of us are not trying to make it through the day without thinking about quitting. That is not an effective strategy to quit. If there were kids setting your house on fire with a book of matches, would you close your eyes and plug your ears, and hope they would be gone when you opened them?
3. You don't have to chat, you just have to post roll. When you practice, I bet you can get it done in less than a minute. You don't have one fucking minute? What is your profession? You can only get on a computer once a week? Are you stuck in the gimp box the rest of the week?
4. If you can't post every day, you can reach out to someone via text to post for you. If you don't want to that, you can FUCK off.
5. You sound sarcastic, but yes, most of us are getting a kick out of it, thanks.
6. I'm happy that people said positive things to you in a PM, did you reply? Or were you out of time?
7. How has it helped you a ton? You obviously didn't read much on the site. You are not posting roll regularly. Do you have a secret core group of supporters that just remained silent the last few weeks?
If you think the site is helping you now, imagine how much it would help you if you were participating, instead of being (as far as I know) the most legendarily half-assed member in the history of the history of the site.
If you stop your whining, and think about how things are supposed to work around here, and then how you do them, maybe you will get your shit together. If you don't, why should we give a shit?

To the bottom. Lipi speaks the truth James.

Effing Lipi.... Love that shit!! 'Popcorn'

'Popcorn' is exactly right!!

JG meta 4

If anyone wants to compile the insane list of conspiracy theories, be my guest. I can only go so far down the rabbit hole before it start staring back at me...

Bump just because this monster is fucking hilarious.

The Gordon622 threads should have their own pinned topic on the site, and a dedicated moderator tasked with adding new content and tracking the appearances of JG.Does anyone have an explaination from Fat Jimmy yet as to why he only gets 2 minutes per week on the computer, or are we still going with "stuck in Gimp Box"?

My HOG date is 6/13/14. No longer interested in HOF.

I thought for a second I was having a stroke when I saw this.....

Gordon's Constant 7.14285714285714 'roflmao'

I just have to say, this has been an epic discussion...

I hope this epicness never dies.

Has he made an appearance lately. I mean has 1 IGU been completed yet? I'm jonesing.
edit: Paul S still has the best addition to this clusterfuck. Dat intro...

So he posted a full Gordon on day 78, next Gordo will be day 92. Biq question: does he break with Gordo cycle posting and post day 100...or wait until day 106? Vegas odds are 4:1 he posts day 100, then is never heard from again. Greatest trick the Gordo ever performed was making people think he didn't exist. Stay Gordo my friends.

I cannot wait to write his HOG speech...Epic, part deux. Stay Gordon indeed. I have a rough draft ready.

But to Lippi's point on the intro, a contest is probably in order. I'll write mine on HOG+1 non-ISG day. But here's a snippet:

"I'd like to thank mom and all my May brethren. Mostly mom, though. Mom, you have no idea how much help you've been. Thanks for always being there for me and resetting the wireless router everytime I stomp my feet and yell upstairs. For you May guys, thanks for being there every Gordon or so, and for using all those emoticons LOL. You guys really do crack me up. IMHO You should make one wearing an apron and flour-covered. Also, to my mom, thanks for washing those socks, even though you know they don't go on my feet. And thanks for using triple coupons on Brawny paper towels. I get backed up sometimes during marathon gaming sessions, and I hate when I take it out by Gordo-varnishing Grandma's old coffee table.

For all you guys that PM'ed me, I sort of appreciate it, but was expecting more of a schoolgirl/ball-gag hookup. Unless the goth thing was a joke, in which case I could make that work I guess. Same skirt, anyway. I know you guys advised me to post or to text you. I appreciate that. I'll definitely PM you back when I get to HOFx8 here in a few ISGs. The 622 isn't one to fly solo, as you all know by now.

To Ridiculous (sp?) I'm not sure what meta JG 1 means, but I think it's like that basketball player Meta World Peace, though I think he uses two "t's". You might have meant that and just spelled it wrong. It happens, man. Keep your chin up. I'll keep my chins up too. I've got like 5 LOL. Metta World Peace is a wierd name, but sounds bad-you-know-what (mom will yell at me if I type a$$). I think you all know what word I'm talking about."

Is there even a point in having the contest? Paul S, you are the ghost writer of Mayhem...just wouldn't seem right any other way...

622 bitches

Fuck the contest. Paul already won the contest. He truly understands the ways of Gordon.

Anyone remember this guy?

It's been so long.....where the fuck is JamesGordon????

It's only been like 2/3 of a Gordon. (rough math, obviously...Gordon's cannot be measured in fractions)

'Finger' 'Remshot' '40'

Fuck it, I'll take part in helping revive this beast.

He looks to have logged on Saturday, but no post.
He must be building anticipation. Or he caved during his 7th Gordon. I have heard that the 7th Gordon is especially tough on dudes attempting their fifth roll post.
Gordo's on day 97 today...Thursday will be watershed event of a magnitude never witnessed by mere mortals.

An Associated Press dispatch just announced that there will be a full vote of Congress on Thursday, May 15, 2014 to vote on a legislative act proclaiming that day a new national holiday. In one of the only instances of unified bipartisan support since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, both houses of Congress are expected to bypass floor debate and go straight to a vote, with no opposition expected. Although the specific wording has yet to be finalized, May 15th is expected to be forever known as either "Fat Jimmy Day" or "The Day that JamesGordon Roared". Proposed Spanish translations are varied, but Hispanic communities are coalescing around "El dia del hombre con huevos de oro" which, loosely translated, means "The Day of the Man with Golden Balls". The White House is enthusiastically supporting the new proposed federal holiday, but would like to see Congress go further, suggesting that it would welcome the idea of all Thursdays hereafter referred to as Gordays.

That's.hilarious Krusty! I'm on pins and needles waiting for Thursday!

Holy hell... I gotta get in this... This is hilarious.. I just busted up laughing during a "boring" meeting at this shit... Boss is probably pissed, but I don't have to see him until the Gorday after next.

El dia del hombre con huevos de oro --- F'ing genious! That is my new battle cry in quit!

I can't wait to see Fat Jimmy's HOG speech courtesy of Paul S. I've been looking forward to it for Gordon's on end.

I've been tracking Fat Jimmy, and he was on-line again this morning, still no post.
What is happening Fat Jimmy? Why are you just observing us? Are you just waiting for Gordon 7.14, or are you afraid to admit you caved?
My prediction for his post tommorow.

"Despite not getting any support from SOME people on this site, posting here has helped me a lot. I thank those who have sent me a PM. sorry I couldn't respond. Time constraints. To the people who reached out to me with your digits, it meant the world. I hope I will never have to use any of them. To those that asked for my digits, I will get you them as soon as my cell phone works out here. To my support network, and you know who you are, thank you for standing up for me while everyone turned me into a group joke.
I made it!
James Gordon- Day 100"

This thread is so cool. I have to hold down the page down key for like 2 minutes to get to the end and it goes off the right side of the page. Can't even read slug's original post.
I am personally holding out hope for a post tomorrow since it is the Gordon of May. What will we do if he doesn't appear...for the love of god!

JG Meta 4!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid the worst news we could all fear is upon us. Our idol, nay, our demigod, the source of Gordonian physics and Gordesian coordinates has deemed us no longer worthy of his comradarie, and has removed himself now and forevermore from the rolls of May 2014.

James Gordon, if one day in the future, thou deem it within your will to join us again, even if only for a brief interlude, we will welcome your return almost as excitedly as the expected return of the Almighty! Please don't forget us as you spread your awesome quit karma across the known Gordiverse.

Does this mean its time to rework the header and rename the quit train?
Has El Gordo finally jumped the shark?
If he doesn't show up for Day 100, he has no value to me.
Maybe he will brighten up the August 2014 Roll Call with some sporadic and bizarre posts, become a source of intrigue, then become a source of great amusement, then become a laughing stock, then become annoying.

A sad day indeed. I shed a tear like the indian looking at the trash dump.

I'm old, and this reference is older than me.

LOL! I'm old too- and i remember it- but i think it's from the days when my parents could only afford a black and white tv, because i see it in black n white. I think it's from hippy days!

I don't understand...why isn't he here anymore?? How did he formally leave?? Please tell me this isn't true!

Okay, I must clarify, this was my assumption based on the fact that he lurks online but doesn't post roll with us anymore. He hasn't officially denounced us, but does it matter, he's done so by his actions. He has foresaken us in the moment of our greatest need.

Damnit Sap!
I have been existing on the illusion of JamesGordon622 for weeks now. Don't burst my bubble.

so you're telling me there's a chance I could still see ole Gordo post a 100?!?!?!?!?! What a fucking emotional roller coaster this Thursday has become!!!

I'm betting he has been drafting his HOF speech!!!

This has all come way too far for no HOF speech. If jg622 won't write it, I believe our resident ghost writer laureate has something prepared...

Paul S? Care to chime in?

Now we have one anonymous lurker... Could it be the illusive Fat Jimmy?

I'm here.. I didn't want to disappoint all of you.

Yes 100 days.. Still not easy but still off the can.

Made it through 10 days and Disney with the family and the first couple weeks of Turkey season.

No 100 day speech for me. I will write my speech in 900 more days

HE LIVES!
There is a god!

Congrats on the 100 days Gordo... Glad you stopped by!

No worries, JG622. Your HOF speech arrives in T minus 1.5 hours...

JamesGordon- I am looking forward to your 1000 day Speech. At that time you should have accumulated approximately 100 total posts, which, if you were the garden variety half-assed poster, would be the number you should have today. But you are far from the garden variety half-assed poster, we all know that by now. You are a whole new breed.
As always, I am completely stunned whenever I read something by El Gordo.
I'm not ready to talk about this one yet, but might have some close analysis later.
Paul, looking forward to your speech.

Congrats, JG! Now, how about posting roll with us?

Well, gentleman, here we are. Today, Fat Jimmie hits Hegelonfinkelshcneit with all his May brethren. Not all of them, really, just the ones with 7.14285714285714+ Gordons. Some of you aren’t there yet, but I won’t judge. I realize it’s been roughly 1.489352414127 Gordons since my last post, but I’ve logged on every few hours to make sure this secret society’s internet domain was still intact. Based on my original interpretation of Hegelonfinkelschneit, I expected to see the “Naked, Pasty-White Selfie Angry Birds” app on the Android marketplace. Maybe it’s only for Apple. I hate apples. But I’ll keep looking. Maybe you all are waiting on the “quitters” who haven’t hit as many Gordons as I have before you launch it. I sure hope it’s free to download.

Before I get to my words of gratitude, I really need to fill you “quitters” (LOL) in on the goings-on in the world of the “Hombre con Huevos de Oro.” (OMG Krusty that made me lmao). I don’t know how you guys know so much about me, but you’re amazing. Holding a degree in German, I obviously had to google it word-by-word to be sure, but as it turns out, I really do like it when mom scrambles my eggs to a nice golden color. I’d take a warm, sloppy mouthful of anybody’s yummy huevos EDD!!! LOL your acronyms…I’m pretty sure it means either “every damn day” or “explosive diarrhea discharge”. Either one makes contextual sense here, so I’ll refrain from further differentiation.

In other happenings, the “Nick beast” (That’s dad’s name, you guys just spell it wrong) finally made me apply for a job, so I did. That day was bad from the start, and I had a nice can of dip (sour cream and onion) and a bag of Ruffles to calm my nerves. First, I had to shower, which is not on my list of favorite things. After a thorough scrubbing of the portions of my undercarriage which were reachable (I used mom’s loofa scrubbie, btw. It smelled SOOOO good so I sniffed it for like an hour), I rinsed off and realized that removing all that caked-up baby oil created a significant amount of dry skin. And I had to stand there for awhile because my Gordo-pubes were clogging the drain. What a crappy drain. Mom knew I was stressed, so she lathered me back up with lotion. All I can say is that slapping the ham to that episode was the closest thing to real violence I will likely ever experience. So on my way to the place I was applying, I got pulled over in mom’s Oldsmobile. Apparently it isn’t okay to drive 5.327143989519385 Gordons per hour in a 2.587238502932 zone. I told the guy it was only like a Gordon and a half over, but he made a big deal of it. What a jerk. It might have been that RickDiculous character that jumps on our site every now and then. My reflection in his Ray-Bans made my mom’s Oldsmobile look skinny. Weird!

So I finally got to the Tire  Lube place I was applying to (not real big on tires, but HUGE on lube) and went in to apply. They asked if I had any experience in automotive, and I proceeded to tell the manager on duty that I was a world-class bad-ass in Grand Theft Auto: Las Vegas. He thought it was funny, so I kept on with the jokes. After about 10 minutes, he totally quit laughing and called the police. Same jerk with the sunglasses showed up and told me to leave. I havenÂ’t yet heard back to see if I got the job, though IÂ’m optimistic. Must be a lot of interviews still to do—thatÂ’s my guess anyway. As you all are totally aware, IÂ’m normally really good at reading between the lines.

So on the way home, I just flat out Killed the Can. As it turns out, Ruffles don’t have Ridges post-colon. Write that one down. Fact. The problem was that I was still in Mom’s Oldsmobile. So I pulled into a K-Mart parking lot, took her license plate off and left the car where it sat. I was almost home, so it was no biggie. It’s been a cold Spring in “Minnie” so I was glad to have the extra warmth as I hoofed it for about a half-mile. Mom was soooo mad. But that’s okay. She spanked me pretty thoroughly, so I turned around and thoroughly spanked it again if you know what I mean.

So in retrospect, that partial-Gordon wasn’t so bad. I had two “Flog-the-dolphin” sessions before lunch. Check-mate.

And now for a few expressions of gratitude from “Fat Jimmie”. This site has empowered me to embrace my inner-Jimmie and even speak occasionally in third-person.
I'd like to thank mom and all my May brethren. Mostly mom, though. Mom, you have no idea how much help you've been. Thanks for always being there for me and resetting the wireless router everytime I stomp my feet and yell upstairs. For you MayHAM (yum) guys, thanks for being there every Gordon or so, and for using all those emoticons LOL. You guys really do crack me up. IMHO You should make one wearing an apron and flour-covered. Also, to my mom, thanks for washing those socks, even though you know they don't go on my feet. And thanks for using triple coupons on Brawny paper towels. I get backed up sometimes during marathon gaming sessions, and I hate when I take it out by Gordo-varnishing Grandma's old coffee table you let me keep down here in the basement. Mom, I also appreciate when you come downstairs and change the lightbulb. You know I like it dark down here, but seeing your midriff when you stand on that Little Giant and reach is automatic spank-tank material.

Thanks to those of you who PM’ed me and offered to post roll or something like that. Sounds like some B.S. administrative tasks meant to suppress the brotherhood of this site, so I don’t want us to get caught up in those kinds of details. I’m glad I didn’t have to go through this journey alone. I “Quit” with each and every one of you—within reason, of course; I’m not one to overcommit.

And thank you to RickDiculous and Pinched (before you changed it) for your Avatars. Dang. You guys must be total chick magnets.

I feel like my Intro speech was a little vague on a few points, so let me take a stab at clarifying them. A couple of you have asked me where the 622 suffix came from. I’m 40 now. That number actually has a triple-meaning in my life. First and foremost, it’s my weight in Gordo-grams. (1Kg = 2.6 Gg). I prefer to use the metric system as the baseline calculation because it allows me to feel a little better about my endowment in specific anatomical regions than do the measurements by standard units. Secondly, if you divide 622 by 1 Standard Gordon, you get roughly 87. That’s the number of non-Gordon days I went in a row once without eating a vegetable. Huge accomplishment followed closely thereafter by a huge bowel movement. Kill the Can, says I. 622 also happens to be the number of 1-on-1 Warcraft victories I had when I joined your site, which was about 3.5 Gordons or so ago now. I’ll never forget that day. Even as I made my first post, I remember wondering how anybody would keep up with my high level of commitment. It looks like only a dozen or so of you could. The rest of you guys aren’t even at this mark yet. Hang in there, though. Keep your chins up and keep on “quitting”. 622 is also my personal record for the number of times I “Dated Miss Michigan” in a single Standard Gordon. Thank GOD mom is a Mary Kay rep. Their replenishing cream works wonders on a guy that likes to “Shoot for the socks” with the frequency I do.

I’d continue writing for another 7/16ths of a Gordon, but I don’t want to cramp up my hands because I can hear the girl scout troop meeting upstairs and I know these palms will get a workout thinking about that later. I’ll continue to check in with you fine quitters every Gordon or so. Stay vigilant, my dear anonymous friends. Please do not fret if I make assertions about a 10-day trip to Disney (because people really do go to Disney for that amount of time…they’re called seasonal workers) or occasionally write in BOLD LETTERS or ALL CAPS. That’s just some pent-up frustrations because I can’t “badger the witness” when mom’s friends are over. My greasiest, pube-laden, mom-smelling Gordo-hugs to each of you.

In closing, I’d like to convey my emotions by mis-quoting King Leonidas’ Character in the Movie ‘300’. “Tonight, we dine in mom’s basement and Gordo-varnish a sock in honor of the Snowflakes. Especially Paul S…So Hot.”

Damn, that's funny...

"that's fucking hilarious. I damn near pissed myself" -slug.go

I'm in tears. I love Mayhem.

Doc Chewfree! I told you it was gordograms! Exclamation points!!!!

Here you go, Lipi.

Some sort of parallel Gortex happening in here......

The actual Gordon posts in here are the really amazing part. It's like shaking hands with David Koresh or Jim Jones.

Its amazing how 1 HAQS sufferer can strengthen 58 quitters' quits so much. Since you own post 1 of all things Gordantastic, I'm so glad you were able to capture it!!!!!

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

James Gordon - Day 64 Feels like the first 2 weeks but I will make it!

James, you posted day 50 on 3/26 (your first day on roll), then come back two weeks later and post day 64?  Not how this works.  Either post roll EVERY DAMN DAY or be gone.  If damn near every one else in May can come in here on a daily basis, you sure as hell can, too.  Whoever is keeping the Spreadsheet this week, I recommend leaving Mr. Gordon on page 3 until he posts 5 straight days.
Get with us, James, we're pulling for you!

bump

back up there

Who the hell is James Gordon? Is this a May member? I'm confused.

JamesGordon is a showman. He is mysterious. He shows up when he wants to.
Gordo- if you really want to blow peoples minds, this time don't just take 2 weeks off, take about 5 weeks off. Then just show up on day 100! James FUCKING Gordon! Hall of Fame on three fucking posts! It will be incredible.
You can be like the Haley's Comet of Project Mayhem. Every 5 weeks you blow through the roll call, changing peoples lives, the life of the party. It will be fucking awesome.
Seriously bro- you need to post roll. Right now you are just stopped, and as soon as you have a lame excuse, you will hit the chongo again.
No one even knew you were a part of the group. I am all about self-accountability, but are you really even a member here?

Maybe he's actually Matt Damon.

back on top, Claude Rains!

need to keep this on top until we hear from our international man of mystery

Bumperooney

With a dude like el Gordo, we might have to keep this ball in the air for weeks until he finally sees it. But when he does, I am sure he will inspire and amaze us with his answers.

Maybe he's a time traveler!?! :ph43r: 'qt' 'winker'

This is liquid gold -- by the time Who-the-fuck-is-James-Gordon reads this, he'll have his own FB fan page (sorry Lipi), probably a theme song, and very likely be Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man in the World.

"I don't always post roll, but when I do, I prefer to do it JamesGordon style."

I think we just found a new motto -- and mascot -- for this page.

Here's to everyone on this page / site that gets it. Quit with all of you.

Flux capacitor maybe??? Delorian?

Needed to Post- Mayhem Style-- but putting this future cautionary tale on 'How not to Quit' back on Top

He's John Galt!

I'm actually named after Ayn Rand... My pops is an interesting dude _

Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life has gotten a little weird lately. I don't have a computer, or a phone......... Oh shit, wrong group. Sorry May!!!!

Don't take the lame asses. Protect your quits!!!! Post roll every damn day!!!!

He's actually in May 2124. No biggie. Just goes to show you shouldn't tinker with wormholes in the early/late stages of your quit.

bumpsky to the top

This is literally going to have to stay here for a month before he sees it. My apologies for continuing the massive quote vortex.

I was feeling a little low this morning, due to no appearances from JamesGordon. I clicked on his name, seeking inspiration.
Unfortunately, it looks as if he has been back to site since he was "discovered" by Project Mayhem. He undoubtedly saw the almost cult-like following he has acquired, but didn't comment on it, and didn't post roll.
Part of me is hoping he is going to follow my plan, and will come back in a blaze of glory on day 100. I think its more likely that he wasn't ready for the responsibilities and increased scrutiny that come with being a celebrity.
Gordo- vaya con dios, we hardly knew you.

He's almost a folk hero at this point. Shrouded in mystery and hailing from a different time. A time where quits were won with minimal involvement. Let's hope this doesn't end up being yet another cautionary tale.

To quote Sir Winston Churchill on James Gordon, 'I cannot forecast the actions of JamesGordon. He is a riddle, wrapped up in a mystery, inside an enigma.'

I was going to post support roll today but instead...how small can we get Slug's first post...

my god this shit is getting ridiculous

QLF, E14D w/JamesGordon

It's no fun until the first post is a single column of letters......

Bump to shrink the slug

That sounds dirty

2 cents

I'm quit like James Gordon
13eezee - qlf with jamesgordon!
Bumpfix

I can't begin to express how thrilled I am that Mayhem and its loyal supporters have rallied together behind the bold path charted by Jimmy Gordo, aka Fat Jimmy. His time is of such value that for our meager little page (and site) to even get two appearances by his Epic-ness is something we should embrace. Only a chosen few get the sacred invitation to join his elite band of posters. Maybe they're lingering, maybe they're not. Small minded folk such as ourselves will never know. They are the chosen ones. The Ghost Posters. The Ghosters?
- Krusty (sorry for the bump)

Do not let this vortex die!! JamesGordon, only your return will end this madness.

When this is all said and done, JamesGordon and May 14 shall be legendary within KTC. Drink it in brethren.

Though the quit is hard and the craves tough, I shall not despair for I hear the return of James Gordon on the horizon, yea, even knocking on the outer door as we speak. I will continue to wait for James Gordon.

Sending James Gordon into the abyss

I'm not sure if that last post means that we are supposed to stop talking about El Gordo, but this vortex made me spit fake chew on my computer and laugh several times.
"Fat Jimmy" is the greatest nickname that Gordon ever had.
I think Fat Jimmy is the most fun I have had on this site. The dude will be mentioned prominently in my HOF speech. Thanks for noticing him Slug.go. To think his subtle presence might have gone unnoticed without your vigilance.

I think people like this are toxic to our cause. So, if the outer door is properly tyled then no one shall enter except for those who are worthy of our cause. Which is to stay quit.

Like the Toxic Avenger, just not as cool or mutated. Actually that means he's nothing like Toxie. RIP

Let us not give up the cause, Mayhem, but keep fighting the good fight! Slug.go's OP is down to two words per line, let us push it to singles!

Sorry I've missed this guys been catching up on sleep and emails. Many pissed of people I'm dealing with, but this epicness has helped relieve some stress. Thank you James Gordon

We all owe Fat Jimmy so much, he has helped us all by showing us how a true quitter should act.

Fat Jimmy is like the Incredible Hulk/Mormon we all knew when we were children.

If you scroll up and down real quick on the post string it is kind of psychedelic. Reminds me of climbing Mt. Fuji with Zillah cowboy in my younger days. Going for one word per line for Slug!!!!

I love, love, love, that this quote vortex was the first thing I saw after the two days of downtime.

Maybe he's Flash Gordon, here and gone in a flash!
Back to the top.

QLJG, E14D!

Everyone needs to breathe a deep sigh of relief, despite the heart palpitations caused by Bizarro World May Roll Call. I checked once, twice, fee-tines-a-mady (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOLH9QF-NnI) and -- I'm not kidding, gents -- Fat Jimmy has not made an appearance since the new world order came into existence. By my rough math, he's on day 70 today (Tues the 15th). If we're men of our word, this quote vortex has at least 30 more days and potentially one more platform transfer before Fat Jimmy graces us with his third post as he saunters into the HOF. Fat Jimmy: like a boss.

...and the legend continues.

We mustn't give this up lest Fat Jimmy think we've stopped caring!

QLJG E14D

It brings a tear to my eye knowing how proud Fat Jimmy would be if he could see all the inspiration he has caused...

Have you ever been so far even as decided to use go want to look more like?

RickD... are you ok? Did you have a stroke when you wrote that comment?

I love the fact that most of slug's original post is now down to single words...

Yesterday would have been perfect. May 14 had 3 days of 100% posting followed by a week of double digit debauchery. Fat Jimminy G is crying in his cheerios.

My biggest fear is that Fat Jimmy posts roll, but this vortex is buried somewhere and he doesn't see it.
It's like a signal fire, we need to keep it burning at all times.

The new format may confuse him if he ever did come back.....but, back to the top any way :-)

I'm pretty sure that slug's OP is literally going to disappear haha. Fat Jimmy, one way or another we will make sure you see this.

Reading back through every single post in this vortex takes about 10 minutes.... well, at least once you're done hallucinating and your eyes stop bleeding, it does.

Hi guys, my name is James Gordon. I’m just an ordinary guy with some extraordinary gifts. I found KTC when I was Googling a place to get some decent fried chicken. Apparently I fat-fingered and missed the “F” in the middle. It’s too stinking close to the “T”. Anyhow, I was emotionally compelled by some of the stories of anguish, distress, and poor roll posting (or something like that)I found in the Mayhem Group. It resonated deeply within my soul. Even though I don’t dip, I wanted so badly to connect. Now I think I have found a home.
Like most of you, it has been a long, cold Winter here in Minneapolis. I guess it hasnÂ’t been that long, really, itÂ’s just that IÂ’ve never had the chance to play World of Warcraft in my parentsÂ’ basement between sessions of surfing barely-legal (maybe?) porn sites for eight months straight. By the way, if any of you know a schoolgirl that likes lollipops and ball gags, PM me. But thatÂ’s the only reason you should PM me.
I was born in 1974 to a middle-class family on the upper East side of the city. Dad works a respectable job at an automotive plant, mom is a den-mother for the girl scouts and bakes a lot. I like when she bakes and I get to see her all covered in flour, you know what I mean? Love you, mom!
Anyway, back to the whole “my extraordinary gifts” thing: I actually hold a couple of fancy degrees. First, I earned a B.S. in Math from Fraud University when I was just 17. I’m a proud FU alumni. There were some tough courses in that program, such as counting days. I figured out quickly that I wasn’t going to be an accountant. I also took one called “The Joke’s on you”, but I didn’t do so hot. So I changed majors again, switching to Physics. I actually figured out the secret to unlocking the whole space-time continuum thing. It’s cool because I can jack off while playing Call of Duty without having to pause the game. It also helps me pick out a brotherhood of “quitters” (you guys shouldn’t refer to yourselves in such a demeaning way) wherein I can post once every two weeks or so, while virtually fast-forwarding my quit just past the halfway point the HOF. I haven’t figured out what that acronym means exactly, but I’m pretty sure it stands for “Hegelonfinkelschneit”, which is German for “A secret brotherhood where we eventually get to build our own Angry Birds app using pictures of our naked, fat, pale selfies”. In any case, I’m in. I also majored in German, if you couldn’t tell.
So anyway, my parents have been on me since I was 22 to get my own place. I’m just not into it. I’m 40 and doing just fine on this couch. In fact, this couch has my morbidly obese frame perfectly imprinted on it with the corresponding outline of body grease. Or maybe it’s the baby lotion. Ah, it all runs together anyway. So when some of you guys say you’ve “fought the beast” for 18 years, I feel you on that. The beast to me is the overbearing father in my life that told me to get a job.
Another thing I’m pretty awesome at is dependability. That’s something I’ve long considered an attribute. Mom even let me guest-speak at the girl scout troop meeting once. Greatest day of my life (wink, wink). But I made them come downstairs. Mom was so annoying that day. She had like 80 yankee candles going. Not sure what that was about. So when people ask me if I’m the real thing, I’m just like, “Sure, I’m James Gordon”. And usually they don’t say much after that. But I know they know.
IÂ’m also good at following instructions and paying attention to detail. One of the dudes on your site, some Slug.go (OMG I hope thatÂ’s not his real name LOL) guy, told me something about roll. I shut my browser window real fast, which IÂ’m used to doing because mom spanks me when she catches me flogging the dolphin to lesbian scenes. Anyway, I went upstairs and asked mom to make me some rolls. We had the greatest flour fight ever. She doesnÂ’t know it, but I filed that memory in the spank tank for laterÂ…
So about the space-time continuum thing: It’s pretty cool that I’ve been a “quitter” (again, you guys shouldn’t be so hard on yourselves) for a couple of days. I’m putting this in my Intro because I’m not sure if some of the Veterans are keen enough to realize that my days are actually entire weeks for some of them. But I feel like maybe my time-warp skills are fading, because it feels like hours now between slap-the-ham sessions for me.
Some of you guys are talking about wives and kids and “quitting” for them. I’m not one to judge, but that may be a poor example for your offspring. I had a date once. Unfortunately, the cold Minnesota Winter locked up the internet connection and my Oovoo account froze up just like Lake Superior. Anyway, I’m not sure she was really a girl, but it doesn’t matter.
Whoever named me fat Jimmie sure hit the nail on the head. You guys are so smart (except that whole “quitting dip” thing). I personally won’t give up dip. You guys are missing out, IMHO. If you’ve never had a Ruffles potato chip delicately lathered in Ranch, you’re letting the best in life pass you by.
Anyway, I saw something about intros and decided I’d chime in. You guys may not hear from me until we cross the bridge into “Hegelonfinkelschneit” together, but that’s okay. It’s only one day in the life of James Gordon.
As for your website, I browsed it for a few minutes and figured out what KTC stands for. Kill the Can. I totally get it. Sometimes after a chicken and potato chip binge, I absolutely can do some of that action. Have any of you guys ever “roughed up the suspect” while sitting on the potty? You should try it!
So basically, thatÂ’s me. IÂ’m kind of like a fat Chuck Norris ninja-type with the ability to fast-forward time and not miss anything at all. And I was serious about that lollipop and ball-gag thing.
I can’t wait to Hegelonfinkelschneit with all of you. Especially Paul S. For being a serious “quitter” with such a sunny disposition, he seems like a decent enough guy for being from Kentucky. I’m pretty sure he’s probably like 6’3” and athletically built with a respectable job and a monster truck, but I’d kind of like him to hurl a nude Angry Bird Selfie at me.
Gotta run guys, momÂ’s making hot cross buns. They make a huge mess, and she gets on me for stomping when I want something because she says it messes up the dough. But it will get all over her, and she might even let me lick the spoon.

*Disclaimer: this is not intended to offend fried chicken fans, gamers, girl scouts, or residents of the Greater Twin Cities Metropolitan area.

Ladies and Gentleman- James Fucking Gordon.
Paul S, I'm a little pissed about this, because after Slug.go's suggestion of someone ghosting an intro for Fat Jim, I was envisioning a contest of sorts, with several people taking a shot at the Bio. I just don't see a lot of people being able to create this type of Gordon universe. This is why they usually put all of the good people at the end of the talent show.

2 words....fucking epic

First things first...that "intro" is hands down the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen on this website, it isn't even a competition. Second, if we can get that "intro" down to single words, we truly are immortal gods.

Funniest fucking Intro ever. I tip my hat to the author. Can't wait for the movie to come out.

Back to the top, some may have missed this. Wonder if we can get this to be a page long? Could take years...

I'm curious to see how many years it will take. Challenge accepted.

For all of you Gordo watchers. His two weeks appearance is due today. Keep your eyes peeled for him, and keep this string at the top (bottom). QLF E14D

I put the over under at 6.5 days for El Gordo to show up again? Whatcha got? I'm going to be optimistic and say UNDER

Now it's time to continue the challenge and see how long it takes for this fucker to be a full page. VORTEX CONTINUE!!

Since Gordo is in the room, wanted to make sure he saw how his legend began

Few ppl will ever have the ability to capture so much attention....back to the front if the room!

JG meta 1

Wow.. I guess I'm the talk of the quit group.. Sorry I haven't posted everyday.

I thought this was a support group not a place to bash the people that are going through the same issues that you are.

Maybe this site is not for me.. I didn't realize that you had to post everyday. Sorry I can't.

I have been busy and trying my best to forget about this crazy habit that I have had for WAY 2 long.

78 days.

'Popcorn'

A support group by it's very nature requires your presence in order to be supported.

Posting roll daily is pretty much the only bloody rule we have.

I don't really know where to go with that, except to say that if you think the way to get to where your going is by showing up once every two weeks then no this site is probably not for you. Good luck.

And then...poof....he's gone.

I am screaming with fucking laughter.
DWD and Sapp are right, there is now way that was really James Gordon.
That was even funnier than Paul S's intro thread.
He ends it with "78 Days". I am fucking pissing myself whether that was a mod playing a joke or whether it was really him. Either way, it is the highlight of my day!!!!!!!!!

Who knew that James Gordon had "622" after his name?
This whole time I thought he was just JamesGordon.
Was that really him? How will we know?
Hey Gordon- if that was really you, please go back and read the whole thread. You have to start two weeks ago.
I will keep bumping this message to the bottom of the list so that you can see it when you log back in in two weeks, so that you see my suggestion, but by then the OP will be 4 weeks old. You have a lot of reading ahead of you, and not a lot of time apparently.
In reality, I think it is just too big a coincidence that some of the vets just today started bitching about us talking too much about El Gordo, and also the day that the scriptures predicted his next return. Its just too neat.

JG meta 2

If it is a joke, it has had me fooled for a Gordon and a half.

I am now proceeding with the assumption that it was really a post by James Gordon, and not a joke.
If that is the case, it is a fascinating post.
How much of the James Gordon threads did he read before he posted that?
Did he do all the way back?
How did he not know you are supposed to post roll every day?
If he didn't know you were supposed to post roll, why does he post roll at all?
Did he really intend to come back every two weeks...er... I... mean every full Gordon?
What if we never started the Gordon threads, would he have just posted to the hall of fame?
Would we have let him?
Why does he pick Wednesdays? Is hump day usually his toughest day?
I could go on forever. And none of these questions will ever be answered.
Fat Jimmy is blowing my mind, again.
Thank you James Gordon.
I look forward to day 92 a full Gordon from now.

Man i don't give a damn what anybody says, newby, maybe, veteran, that is some funny shit right there.

Totally agree. My ghost bio pales in comparison to this hilarity. Prophetic.

Who knew that in the span of two international standard Gordon's this class would unite in solidarity behind the stalwart leadership of James mother fucking Gordon.

I'm proud to be quit on this Gordon and for every Gordon henceforward and hitherto.

No kidding bro, I was thinking the same thing. James Gordon united this class like nothing else had before. The official whipping boy of May 14, and we thank you.

James Gordon...May2014's Haley's comet. You can set your fucking watch to him.
JamesGordon622...6x2+2=14. QLF E14D. Holy shit, this is how crop circles are laid out, and Stonehenge. Time traveler (fix from slug.go)

Four Gordons and seven years ago...Gordo influenced Lincoln's Gettysburg address

Classic, now we are 'bump fixing' Gordon posts

They are all too precious. Can't afford to miss one.

Crop circles!!!! Just awesome!!!!

How does the spreadsheet get formatted to the Gordon scale?

I can do an extra column that converts your quit days into international standard Gordon's. I'll do it tonight.

Now THAT'S brotherhood!!!

Sapper, you've got too much time on your hands. I agree with you that it is a hoax. Read his last roll post before this. Day 64-feels like the first two weeks...I call hilarious bullshit.

Not really, and it doesn't take long anyway, but regardless, this is so epic, I'll make time to create a new unit of time measurement. My goal is to see it in widespread use in the future. Somebody needs to start a Wikipedia page about James Gordon and Gordon's as a unit of measurement.

So...7.14 Gordons gets one in the HOF?

Yes sir, your math is solid.

Actually, the true value of Gordons to HOF has 14 decimal places. Here I've calculated the exact value of the number of Gordon's to HOF. We'll refer to this value as HOG's (Hall of Gordon's).

7.14285714285714

I was really hoping for an indeterminate number, like Pi, but oh well.

JG meta 3

I really don't know what the fuck is the problem with alot of you..

Here I am trying by best to quit this fucking deadly habit that I have and trying to make it through just one day without thinking about quitting.

But I'm getting major shit about not being able to post every day.

Sorry that I don't have to time to sit and chat all day long on this site. I'm lucky to get on the computer once a week just to check my own email.

So NO I will not be able to post every day.

I'm glad most of you are getting a kick out of it.

To all the folks that have said positive things and have sent positive IM's I thank you.

This site has helped me a ton besides all the inmature posting that SOME of you have posted.

James- I found your post. Let me address your points one at a time.
1. We're addicts, that is one problem we all have in common.
2. You don't get the way quitting here works. The rest of us are not trying to make it through the day without thinking about quitting. That is not an effective strategy to quit. If there were kids setting your house on fire with a book of matches, would you close your eyes and plug your ears, and hope they would be gone when you opened them?
3. You don't have to chat, you just have to post roll. When you practice, I bet you can get it done in less than a minute. You don't have one fucking minute? What is your profession? You can only get on a computer once a week? Are you stuck in the gimp box the rest of the week?
4. If you can't post every day, you can reach out to someone via text to post for you. If you don't want to that, you can FUCK off.
5. You sound sarcastic, but yes, most of us are getting a kick out of it, thanks.
6. I'm happy that people said positive things to you in a PM, did you reply? Or were you out of time?
7. How has it helped you a ton? You obviously didn't read much on the site. You are not posting roll regularly. Do you have a secret core group of supporters that just remained silent the last few weeks?
If you think the site is helping you now, imagine how much it would help you if you were participating, instead of being (as far as I know) the most legendarily half-assed member in the history of the history of the site.
If you stop your whining, and think about how things are supposed to work around here, and then how you do them, maybe you will get your shit together. If you don't, why should we give a shit?

To the bottom. Lipi speaks the truth James.

Effing Lipi.... Love that shit!! 'Popcorn'

'Popcorn' is exactly right!!

JG meta 4

If anyone wants to compile the insane list of conspiracy theories, be my guest. I can only go so far down the rabbit hole before it start staring back at me...

Bump just because this monster is fucking hilarious.

The Gordon622 threads should have their own pinned topic on the site, and a dedicated moderator tasked with adding new content and tracking the appearances of JG.Does anyone have an explaination from Fat Jimmy yet as to why he only gets 2 minutes per week on the computer, or are we still going with "stuck in Gimp Box"?

My HOG date is 6/13/14. No longer interested in HOF.

I thought for a second I was having a stroke when I saw this.....

Gordon's Constant 7.14285714285714 'roflmao'

I just have to say, this has been an epic discussion...

I hope this epicness never dies.

Has he made an appearance lately. I mean has 1 IGU been completed yet? I'm jonesing.
edit: Paul S still has the best addition to this clusterfuck. Dat intro...

So he posted a full Gordon on day 78, next Gordo will be day 92. Biq question: does he break with Gordo cycle posting and post day 100...or wait until day 106? Vegas odds are 4:1 he posts day 100, then is never heard from again. Greatest trick the Gordo ever performed was making people think he didn't exist. Stay Gordo my friends.

I cannot wait to write his HOG speech...Epic, part deux. Stay Gordon indeed. I have a rough draft ready.

But to Lippi's point on the intro, a contest is probably in order. I'll write mine on HOG+1 non-ISG day. But here's a snippet:

"I'd like to thank mom and all my May brethren. Mostly mom, though. Mom, you have no idea how much help you've been. Thanks for always being there for me and resetting the wireless router everytime I stomp my feet and yell upstairs. For you May guys, thanks for being there every Gordon or so, and for using all those emoticons LOL. You guys really do crack me up. IMHO You should make one wearing an apron and flour-covered. Also, to my mom, thanks for washing those socks, even though you know they don't go on my feet. And thanks for using triple coupons on Brawny paper towels. I get backed up sometimes during marathon gaming sessions, and I hate when I take it out by Gordo-varnishing Grandma's old coffee table.

For all you guys that PM'ed me, I sort of appreciate it, but was expecting more of a schoolgirl/ball-gag hookup. Unless the goth thing was a joke, in which case I could make that work I guess. Same skirt, anyway. I know you guys advised me to post or to text you. I appreciate that. I'll definitely PM you back when I get to HOFx8 here in a few ISGs. The 622 isn't one to fly solo, as you all know by now.

To Ridiculous (sp?) I'm not sure what meta JG 1 means, but I think it's like that basketball player Meta World Peace, though I think he uses two "t's". You might have meant that and just spelled it wrong. It happens, man. Keep your chin up. I'll keep my chins up too. I've got like 5 LOL. Metta World Peace is a wierd name, but sounds bad-you-know-what (mom will yell at me if I type a$$). I think you all know what word I'm talking about."

Is there even a point in having the contest? Paul S, you are the ghost writer of Mayhem...just wouldn't seem right any other way...

622 bitches

Fuck the contest. Paul already won the contest. He truly understands the ways of Gordon.

Anyone remember this guy?

It's been so long.....where the fuck is JamesGordon????

It's only been like 2/3 of a Gordon. (rough math, obviously...Gordon's cannot be measured in fractions)

'Finger' 'Remshot' '40'

Fuck it, I'll take part in helping revive this beast.

He looks to have logged on Saturday, but no post.
He must be building anticipation. Or he caved during his 7th Gordon. I have heard that the 7th Gordon is especially tough on dudes attempting their fifth roll post.
Gordo's on day 97 today...Thursday will be watershed event of a magnitude never witnessed by mere mortals.

An Associated Press dispatch just announced that there will be a full vote of Congress on Thursday, May 15, 2014 to vote on a legislative act proclaiming that day a new national holiday. In one of the only instances of unified bipartisan support since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, both houses of Congress are expected to bypass floor debate and go straight to a vote, with no opposition expected. Although the specific wording has yet to be finalized, May 15th is expected to be forever known as either "Fat Jimmy Day" or "The Day that JamesGordon Roared". Proposed Spanish translations are varied, but Hispanic communities are coalescing around "El dia del hombre con huevos de oro" which, loosely translated, means "The Day of the Man with Golden Balls". The White House is enthusiastically supporting the new proposed federal holiday, but would like to see Congress go further, suggesting that it would welcome the idea of all Thursdays hereafter referred to as Gordays.

That's.hilarious Krusty! I'm on pins and needles waiting for Thursday!

Holy hell... I gotta get in this... This is hilarious.. I just busted up laughing during a "boring" meeting at this shit... Boss is probably pissed, but I don't have to see him until the Gorday after next.

El dia del hombre con huevos de oro --- F'ing genious! That is my new battle cry in quit!

I can't wait to see Fat Jimmy's HOG speech courtesy of Paul S. I've been looking forward to it for Gordon's on end.

I've been tracking Fat Jimmy, and he was on-line again this morning, still no post.
What is happening Fat Jimmy? Why are you just observing us? Are you just waiting for Gordon 7.14, or are you afraid to admit you caved?
My prediction for his post tommorow.

"Despite not getting any support from SOME people on this site, posting here has helped me a lot. I thank those who have sent me a PM. sorry I couldn't respond. Time constraints. To the people who reached out to me with your digits, it meant the world. I hope I will never have to use any of them. To those that asked for my digits, I will get you them as soon as my cell phone works out here. To my support network, and you know who you are, thank you for standing up for me while everyone turned me into a group joke.
I made it!
James Gordon- Day 100"

This thread is so cool. I have to hold down the page down key for like 2 minutes to get to the end and it goes off the right side of the page. Can't even read slug's original post.
I am personally holding out hope for a post tomorrow since it is the Gordon of May. What will we do if he doesn't appear...for the love of god!

JG Meta 4!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid the worst news we could all fear is upon us. Our idol, nay, our demigod, the source of Gordonian physics and Gordesian coordinates has deemed us no longer worthy of his comradarie, and has removed himself now and forevermore from the rolls of May 2014.

James Gordon, if one day in the future, thou deem it within your will to join us again, even if only for a brief interlude, we will welcome your return almost as excitedly as the expected return of the Almighty! Please don't forget us as you spread your awesome quit karma across the known Gordiverse.

Does this mean its time to rework the header and rename the quit train?
Has El Gordo finally jumped the shark?
If he doesn't show up for Day 100, he has no value to me.
Maybe he will brighten up the August 2014 Roll Call with some sporadic and bizarre posts, become a source of intrigue, then become a source of great amusement, then become a laughing stock, then become annoying.

A sad day indeed. I shed a tear like the indian looking at the trash dump.

I'm old, and this reference is older than me.

LOL! I'm old too- and i remember it- but i think it's from the days when my parents could only afford a black and white tv, because i see it in black n white. I think it's from hippy days!

I don't understand...why isn't he here anymore?? How did he formally leave?? Please tell me this isn't true!

Okay, I must clarify, this was my assumption based on the fact that he lurks online but doesn't post roll with us anymore. He hasn't officially denounced us, but does it matter, he's done so by his actions. He has foresaken us in the moment of our greatest need.

Damnit Sap!
I have been existing on the illusion of JamesGordon622 for weeks now. Don't burst my bubble.

so you're telling me there's a chance I could still see ole Gordo post a 100?!?!?!?!?! What a fucking emotional roller coaster this Thursday has become!!!

I'm betting he has been drafting his HOF speech!!!

This has all come way too far for no HOF speech. If jg622 won't write it, I believe our resident ghost writer laureate has something prepared...

Paul S? Care to chime in?

Now we have one anonymous lurker... Could it be the illusive Fat Jimmy?

I'm here.. I didn't want to disappoint all of you.

Yes 100 days.. Still not easy but still off the can.

Made it through 10 days and Disney with the family and the first couple weeks of Turkey season.

No 100 day speech for me. I will write my speech in 900 more days

HE LIVES!
There is a god!

Congrats on the 100 days Gordo... Glad you stopped by!

No worries, JG622. Your HOF speech arrives in T minus 1.5 hours...

JamesGordon- I am looking forward to your 1000 day Speech. At that time you should have accumulated approximately 100 total posts, which, if you were the garden variety half-assed poster, would be the number you should have today. But you are far from the garden variety half-assed poster, we all know that by now. You are a whole new breed.
As always, I am completely stunned whenever I read something by El Gordo.
I'm not ready to talk about this one yet, but might have some close analysis later.
Paul, looking forward to your speech.

Congrats, JG! Now, how about posting roll with us?

Well, gentleman, here we are. Today, Fat Jimmie hits Hegelonfinkelshcneit with all his May brethren. Not all of them, really, just the ones with 7.14285714285714+ Gordons. Some of you aren’t there yet, but I won’t judge. I realize it’s been roughly 1.489352414127 Gordons since my last post, but I’ve logged on every few hours to make sure this secret society’s internet domain was still intact. Based on my original interpretation of Hegelonfinkelschneit, I expected to see the “Naked, Pasty-White Selfie Angry Birds” app on the Android marketplace. Maybe it’s only for Apple. I hate apples. But I’ll keep looking. Maybe you all are waiting on the “quitters” who haven’t hit as many Gordons as I have before you launch it. I sure hope it’s free to download.

Before I get to my words of gratitude, I really need to fill you “quitters” (LOL) in on the goings-on in the world of the “Hombre con Huevos de Oro.” (OMG Krusty that made me lmao). I don’t know how you guys know so much about me, but you’re amazing. Holding a degree in German, I obviously had to google it word-by-word to be sure, but as it turns out, I really do like it when mom scrambles my eggs to a nice golden color. I’d take a warm, sloppy mouthful of anybody’s yummy huevos EDD!!! LOL your acronyms…I’m pretty sure it means either “every damn day” or “explosive diarrhea discharge”. Either one makes contextual sense here, so I’ll refrain from further differentiation.

In other happenings, the “Nick beast” (That’s dad’s name, you guys just spell it wrong) finally made me apply for a job, so I did. That day was bad from the start, and I had a nice can of dip (sour cream and onion) and a bag of Ruffles to calm my nerves. First, I had to shower, which is not on my list of favorite things. After a thorough scrubbing of the portions of my undercarriage which were reachable (I used mom’s loofa scrubbie, btw. It smelled SOOOO good so I sniffed it for like an hour), I rinsed off and realized that removing all that caked-up baby oil created a significant amount of dry skin. And I had to stand there for awhile because my Gordo-pubes were clogging the drain. What a crappy drain. Mom knew I was stressed, so she lathered me back up with lotion. All I can say is that slapping the ham to that episode was the closest thing to real violence I will likely ever experience. So on my way to the place I was applying, I got pulled over in mom’s Oldsmobile. Apparently it isn’t okay to drive 5.327143989519385 Gordons per hour in a 2.587238502932 zone. I told the guy it was only like a Gordon and a half over, but he made a big deal of it. What a jerk. It might have been that RickDiculous character that jumps on our site every now and then. My reflection in his Ray-Bans made my mom’s Oldsmobile look skinny. Weird!

So I finally got to the Tire  Lube place I was applying to (not real big on tires, but HUGE on lube) and went in to apply. They asked if I had any experience in automotive, and I proceeded to tell the manager on duty that I was a world-class bad-ass in Grand Theft Auto: Las Vegas. He thought it was funny, so I kept on with the jokes. After about 10 minutes, he totally quit laughing and called the police. Same jerk with the sunglasses showed up and told me to leave. I havenÂ’t yet heard back to see if I got the job, though IÂ’m optimistic. Must be a lot of interviews still to do—thatÂ’s my guess anyway. As you all are totally aware, IÂ’m normally really good at reading between the lines.

So on the way home, I just flat out Killed the Can. As it turns out, Ruffles don’t have Ridges post-colon. Write that one down. Fact. The problem was that I was still in Mom’s Oldsmobile. So I pulled into a K-Mart parking lot, took her license plate off and left the car where it sat. I was almost home, so it was no biggie. It’s been a cold Spring in “Minnie” so I was glad to have the extra warmth as I hoofed it for about a half-mile. Mom was soooo mad. But that’s okay. She spanked me pretty thoroughly, so I turned around and thoroughly spanked it again if you know what I mean.

So in retrospect, that partial-Gordon wasn’t so bad. I had two “Flog-the-dolphin” sessions before lunch. Check-mate.

And now for a few expressions of gratitude from “Fat Jimmie”. This site has empowered me to embrace my inner-Jimmie and even speak occasionally in third-person.
I'd like to thank mom and all my May brethren. Mostly mom, though. Mom, you have no idea how much help you've been. Thanks for always being there for me and resetting the wireless router everytime I stomp my feet and yell upstairs. For you MayHAM (yum) guys, thanks for being there every Gordon or so, and for using all those emoticons LOL. You guys really do crack me up. IMHO You should make one wearing an apron and flour-covered. Also, to my mom, thanks for washing those socks, even though you know they don't go on my feet. And thanks for using triple coupons on Brawny paper towels. I get backed up sometimes during marathon gaming sessions, and I hate when I take it out by Gordo-varnishing Grandma's old coffee table you let me keep down here in the basement. Mom, I also appreciate when you come downstairs and change the lightbulb. You know I like it dark down here, but seeing your midriff when you stand on that Little Giant and reach is automatic spank-tank material.

Thanks to those of you who PM’ed me and offered to post roll or something like that. Sounds like some B.S. administrative tasks meant to suppress the brotherhood of this site, so I don’t want us to get caught up in those kinds of details. I’m glad I didn’t have to go through this journey alone. I “Quit” with each and every one of you—within reason, of course; I’m not one to overcommit.

And thank you to RickDiculous and Pinched (before you changed it) for your Avatars. Dang. You guys must be total chick magnets.

I feel like my Intro speech was a little vague on a few points, so let me take a stab at clarifying them. A couple of you have asked me where the 622 suffix came from. I’m 40 now. That number actually has a triple-meaning in my life. First and foremost, it’s my weight in Gordo-grams. (1Kg = 2.6 Gg). I prefer to use the metric system as the baseline calculation because it allows me to feel a little better about my endowment in specific anatomical regions than do the measurements by standard units. Secondly, if you divide 622 by 1 Standard Gordon, you get roughly 87. That’s the number of non-Gordon days I went in a row once without eating a vegetable. Huge accomplishment followed closely thereafter by a huge bowel movement. Kill the Can, says I. 622 also happens to be the number of 1-on-1 Warcraft victories I had when I joined your site, which was about 3.5 Gordons or so ago now. I’ll never forget that day. Even as I made my first post, I remember wondering how anybody would keep up with my high level of commitment. It looks like only a dozen or so of you could. The rest of you guys aren’t even at this mark yet. Hang in there, though. Keep your chins up and keep on “quitting”. 622 is also my personal record for the number of times I “Dated Miss Michigan” in a single Standard Gordon. Thank GOD mom is a Mary Kay rep. Their replenishing cream works wonders on a guy that likes to “Shoot for the socks” with the frequency I do.

I’d continue writing for another 7/16ths of a Gordon, but I don’t want to cramp up my hands because I can hear the girl scout troop meeting upstairs and I know these palms will get a workout thinking about that later. I’ll continue to check in with you fine quitters every Gordon or so. Stay vigilant, my dear anonymous friends. Please do not fret if I make assertions about a 10-day trip to Disney (because people really do go to Disney for that amount of time…they’re called seasonal workers) or occasionally write in BOLD LETTERS or ALL CAPS. That’s just some pent-up frustrations because I can’t “badger the witness” when mom’s friends are over. My greasiest, pube-laden, mom-smelling Gordo-hugs to each of you.

In closing, I’d like to convey my emotions by mis-quoting King Leonidas’ Character in the Movie ‘300’. “Tonight, we dine in mom’s basement and Gordo-varnish a sock in honor of the Snowflakes. Especially Paul S…So Hot.”

Damn, that's funny...

"that's fucking hilarious. I damn near pissed myself" -slug.go

I'm in tears. I love Mayhem.

Doc Chewfree! I told you it was gordograms! Exclamation points!!!!

Here you go, Lipi.

Some sort of parallel Gortex happening in here......

The actual Gordon posts in here are the really amazing part. It's like shaking hands with David Koresh or Jim Jones.

[SAM83]

James Gordon - Day 64 Feels like the first 2 weeks but I will make it!

James, you posted day 50 on 3/26 (your first day on roll), then come back two weeks later and post day 64?  Not how this works.  Either post roll EVERY DAMN DAY or be gone.  If damn near every one else in May can come in here on a daily basis, you sure as hell can, too.  Whoever is keeping the Spreadsheet this week, I recommend leaving Mr. Gordon on page 3 until he posts 5 straight days.
Get with us, James, we're pulling for you!

bump

back up there

Who the hell is James Gordon? Is this a May member? I'm confused.

JamesGordon is a showman. He is mysterious. He shows up when he wants to.
Gordo- if you really want to blow peoples minds, this time don't just take 2 weeks off, take about 5 weeks off. Then just show up on day 100! James FUCKING Gordon! Hall of Fame on three fucking posts! It will be incredible.
You can be like the Haley's Comet of Project Mayhem. Every 5 weeks you blow through the roll call, changing peoples lives, the life of the party. It will be fucking awesome.
Seriously bro- you need to post roll. Right now you are just stopped, and as soon as you have a lame excuse, you will hit the chongo again.
No one even knew you were a part of the group. I am all about self-accountability, but are you really even a member here?

Maybe he's actually Matt Damon.

back on top, Claude Rains!

need to keep this on top until we hear from our international man of mystery

Bumperooney

With a dude like el Gordo, we might have to keep this ball in the air for weeks until he finally sees it. But when he does, I am sure he will inspire and amaze us with his answers.

Maybe he's a time traveler!?! :ph43r: 'qt' 'winker'

This is liquid gold -- by the time Who-the-fuck-is-James-Gordon reads this, he'll have his own FB fan page (sorry Lipi), probably a theme song, and very likely be Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man in the World.

"I don't always post roll, but when I do, I prefer to do it JamesGordon style."

I think we just found a new motto -- and mascot -- for this page.

Here's to everyone on this page / site that gets it. Quit with all of you.

Flux capacitor maybe??? Delorian?

Needed to Post- Mayhem Style-- but putting this future cautionary tale on 'How not to Quit' back on Top

He's John Galt!

I'm actually named after Ayn Rand... My pops is an interesting dude _

Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life has gotten a little weird lately. I don't have a computer, or a phone......... Oh shit, wrong group. Sorry May!!!!

Don't take the lame asses. Protect your quits!!!! Post roll every damn day!!!!

He's actually in May 2124. No biggie. Just goes to show you shouldn't tinker with wormholes in the early/late stages of your quit.

bumpsky to the top

This is literally going to have to stay here for a month before he sees it. My apologies for continuing the massive quote vortex.

I was feeling a little low this morning, due to no appearances from JamesGordon. I clicked on his name, seeking inspiration.
Unfortunately, it looks as if he has been back to site since he was "discovered" by Project Mayhem. He undoubtedly saw the almost cult-like following he has acquired, but didn't comment on it, and didn't post roll.
Part of me is hoping he is going to follow my plan, and will come back in a blaze of glory on day 100. I think its more likely that he wasn't ready for the responsibilities and increased scrutiny that come with being a celebrity.
Gordo- vaya con dios, we hardly knew you.

He's almost a folk hero at this point. Shrouded in mystery and hailing from a different time. A time where quits were won with minimal involvement. Let's hope this doesn't end up being yet another cautionary tale.

To quote Sir Winston Churchill on James Gordon, 'I cannot forecast the actions of JamesGordon. He is a riddle, wrapped up in a mystery, inside an enigma.'

I was going to post support roll today but instead...how small can we get Slug's first post...

my god this shit is getting ridiculous

QLF, E14D w/JamesGordon

It's no fun until the first post is a single column of letters......

Bump to shrink the slug

That sounds dirty

2 cents

I'm quit like James Gordon
13eezee - qlf with jamesgordon!
Bumpfix

I can't begin to express how thrilled I am that Mayhem and its loyal supporters have rallied together behind the bold path charted by Jimmy Gordo, aka Fat Jimmy. His time is of such value that for our meager little page (and site) to even get two appearances by his Epic-ness is something we should embrace. Only a chosen few get the sacred invitation to join his elite band of posters. Maybe they're lingering, maybe they're not. Small minded folk such as ourselves will never know. They are the chosen ones. The Ghost Posters. The Ghosters?
- Krusty (sorry for the bump)

Do not let this vortex die!! JamesGordon, only your return will end this madness.

When this is all said and done, JamesGordon and May 14 shall be legendary within KTC. Drink it in brethren.

Though the quit is hard and the craves tough, I shall not despair for I hear the return of James Gordon on the horizon, yea, even knocking on the outer door as we speak. I will continue to wait for James Gordon.

Sending James Gordon into the abyss

I'm not sure if that last post means that we are supposed to stop talking about El Gordo, but this vortex made me spit fake chew on my computer and laugh several times.
"Fat Jimmy" is the greatest nickname that Gordon ever had.
I think Fat Jimmy is the most fun I have had on this site. The dude will be mentioned prominently in my HOF speech. Thanks for noticing him Slug.go. To think his subtle presence might have gone unnoticed without your vigilance.

I think people like this are toxic to our cause. So, if the outer door is properly tyled then no one shall enter except for those who are worthy of our cause. Which is to stay quit.

Like the Toxic Avenger, just not as cool or mutated. Actually that means he's nothing like Toxie. RIP

Let us not give up the cause, Mayhem, but keep fighting the good fight! Slug.go's OP is down to two words per line, let us push it to singles!

Sorry I've missed this guys been catching up on sleep and emails. Many pissed of people I'm dealing with, but this epicness has helped relieve some stress. Thank you James Gordon

We all owe Fat Jimmy so much, he has helped us all by showing us how a true quitter should act.

Fat Jimmy is like the Incredible Hulk/Mormon we all knew when we were children.

If you scroll up and down real quick on the post string it is kind of psychedelic. Reminds me of climbing Mt. Fuji with Zillah cowboy in my younger days. Going for one word per line for Slug!!!!

I love, love, love, that this quote vortex was the first thing I saw after the two days of downtime.

Maybe he's Flash Gordon, here and gone in a flash!
Back to the top.

QLJG, E14D!

Everyone needs to breathe a deep sigh of relief, despite the heart palpitations caused by Bizarro World May Roll Call. I checked once, twice, fee-tines-a-mady (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOLH9QF-NnI) and -- I'm not kidding, gents -- Fat Jimmy has not made an appearance since the new world order came into existence. By my rough math, he's on day 70 today (Tues the 15th). If we're men of our word, this quote vortex has at least 30 more days and potentially one more platform transfer before Fat Jimmy graces us with his third post as he saunters into the HOF. Fat Jimmy: like a boss.

...and the legend continues.

We mustn't give this up lest Fat Jimmy think we've stopped caring!

QLJG E14D

It brings a tear to my eye knowing how proud Fat Jimmy would be if he could see all the inspiration he has caused...

Have you ever been so far even as decided to use go want to look more like?

RickD... are you ok? Did you have a stroke when you wrote that comment?

I love the fact that most of slug's original post is now down to single words...

Yesterday would have been perfect. May 14 had 3 days of 100% posting followed by a week of double digit debauchery. Fat Jimminy G is crying in his cheerios.

My biggest fear is that Fat Jimmy posts roll, but this vortex is buried somewhere and he doesn't see it.
It's like a signal fire, we need to keep it burning at all times.

The new format may confuse him if he ever did come back.....but, back to the top any way :-)

I'm pretty sure that slug's OP is literally going to disappear haha. Fat Jimmy, one way or another we will make sure you see this.

Reading back through every single post in this vortex takes about 10 minutes.... well, at least once you're done hallucinating and your eyes stop bleeding, it does.

Hi guys, my name is James Gordon. I’m just an ordinary guy with some extraordinary gifts. I found KTC when I was Googling a place to get some decent fried chicken. Apparently I fat-fingered and missed the “F” in the middle. It’s too stinking close to the “T”. Anyhow, I was emotionally compelled by some of the stories of anguish, distress, and poor roll posting (or something like that)I found in the Mayhem Group. It resonated deeply within my soul. Even though I don’t dip, I wanted so badly to connect. Now I think I have found a home.
Like most of you, it has been a long, cold Winter here in Minneapolis. I guess it hasnÂ’t been that long, really, itÂ’s just that IÂ’ve never had the chance to play World of Warcraft in my parentsÂ’ basement between sessions of surfing barely-legal (maybe?) porn sites for eight months straight. By the way, if any of you know a schoolgirl that likes lollipops and ball gags, PM me. But thatÂ’s the only reason you should PM me.
I was born in 1974 to a middle-class family on the upper East side of the city. Dad works a respectable job at an automotive plant, mom is a den-mother for the girl scouts and bakes a lot. I like when she bakes and I get to see her all covered in flour, you know what I mean? Love you, mom!
Anyway, back to the whole “my extraordinary gifts” thing: I actually hold a couple of fancy degrees. First, I earned a B.S. in Math from Fraud University when I was just 17. I’m a proud FU alumni. There were some tough courses in that program, such as counting days. I figured out quickly that I wasn’t going to be an accountant. I also took one called “The Joke’s on you”, but I didn’t do so hot. So I changed majors again, switching to Physics. I actually figured out the secret to unlocking the whole space-time continuum thing. It’s cool because I can jack off while playing Call of Duty without having to pause the game. It also helps me pick out a brotherhood of “quitters” (you guys shouldn’t refer to yourselves in such a demeaning way) wherein I can post once every two weeks or so, while virtually fast-forwarding my quit just past the halfway point the HOF. I haven’t figured out what that acronym means exactly, but I’m pretty sure it stands for “Hegelonfinkelschneit”, which is German for “A secret brotherhood where we eventually get to build our own Angry Birds app using pictures of our naked, fat, pale selfies”. In any case, I’m in. I also majored in German, if you couldn’t tell.
So anyway, my parents have been on me since I was 22 to get my own place. I’m just not into it. I’m 40 and doing just fine on this couch. In fact, this couch has my morbidly obese frame perfectly imprinted on it with the corresponding outline of body grease. Or maybe it’s the baby lotion. Ah, it all runs together anyway. So when some of you guys say you’ve “fought the beast” for 18 years, I feel you on that. The beast to me is the overbearing father in my life that told me to get a job.
Another thing I’m pretty awesome at is dependability. That’s something I’ve long considered an attribute. Mom even let me guest-speak at the girl scout troop meeting once. Greatest day of my life (wink, wink). But I made them come downstairs. Mom was so annoying that day. She had like 80 yankee candles going. Not sure what that was about. So when people ask me if I’m the real thing, I’m just like, “Sure, I’m James Gordon”. And usually they don’t say much after that. But I know they know.
IÂ’m also good at following instructions and paying attention to detail. One of the dudes on your site, some Slug.go (OMG I hope thatÂ’s not his real name LOL) guy, told me something about roll. I shut my browser window real fast, which IÂ’m used to doing because mom spanks me when she catches me flogging the dolphin to lesbian scenes. Anyway, I went upstairs and asked mom to make me some rolls. We had the greatest flour fight ever. She doesnÂ’t know it, but I filed that memory in the spank tank for laterÂ…
So about the space-time continuum thing: It’s pretty cool that I’ve been a “quitter” (again, you guys shouldn’t be so hard on yourselves) for a couple of days. I’m putting this in my Intro because I’m not sure if some of the Veterans are keen enough to realize that my days are actually entire weeks for some of them. But I feel like maybe my time-warp skills are fading, because it feels like hours now between slap-the-ham sessions for me.
Some of you guys are talking about wives and kids and “quitting” for them. I’m not one to judge, but that may be a poor example for your offspring. I had a date once. Unfortunately, the cold Minnesota Winter locked up the internet connection and my Oovoo account froze up just like Lake Superior. Anyway, I’m not sure she was really a girl, but it doesn’t matter.
Whoever named me fat Jimmie sure hit the nail on the head. You guys are so smart (except that whole “quitting dip” thing). I personally won’t give up dip. You guys are missing out, IMHO. If you’ve never had a Ruffles potato chip delicately lathered in Ranch, you’re letting the best in life pass you by.
Anyway, I saw something about intros and decided I’d chime in. You guys may not hear from me until we cross the bridge into “Hegelonfinkelschneit” together, but that’s okay. It’s only one day in the life of James Gordon.
As for your website, I browsed it for a few minutes and figured out what KTC stands for. Kill the Can. I totally get it. Sometimes after a chicken and potato chip binge, I absolutely can do some of that action. Have any of you guys ever “roughed up the suspect” while sitting on the potty? You should try it!
So basically, thatÂ’s me. IÂ’m kind of like a fat Chuck Norris ninja-type with the ability to fast-forward time and not miss anything at all. And I was serious about that lollipop and ball-gag thing.
I can’t wait to Hegelonfinkelschneit with all of you. Especially Paul S. For being a serious “quitter” with such a sunny disposition, he seems like a decent enough guy for being from Kentucky. I’m pretty sure he’s probably like 6’3” and athletically built with a respectable job and a monster truck, but I’d kind of like him to hurl a nude Angry Bird Selfie at me.
Gotta run guys, momÂ’s making hot cross buns. They make a huge mess, and she gets on me for stomping when I want something because she says it messes up the dough. But it will get all over her, and she might even let me lick the spoon.

*Disclaimer: this is not intended to offend fried chicken fans, gamers, girl scouts, or residents of the Greater Twin Cities Metropolitan area.

Ladies and Gentleman- James Fucking Gordon.
Paul S, I'm a little pissed about this, because after Slug.go's suggestion of someone ghosting an intro for Fat Jim, I was envisioning a contest of sorts, with several people taking a shot at the Bio. I just don't see a lot of people being able to create this type of Gordon universe. This is why they usually put all of the good people at the end of the talent show.

2 words....fucking epic

First things first...that "intro" is hands down the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen on this website, it isn't even a competition. Second, if we can get that "intro" down to single words, we truly are immortal gods.

Funniest fucking Intro ever. I tip my hat to the author. Can't wait for the movie to come out.

Back to the top, some may have missed this. Wonder if we can get this to be a page long? Could take years...

I'm curious to see how many years it will take. Challenge accepted.

For all of you Gordo watchers. His two weeks appearance is due today. Keep your eyes peeled for him, and keep this string at the top (bottom). QLF E14D

I put the over under at 6.5 days for El Gordo to show up again? Whatcha got? I'm going to be optimistic and say UNDER

Now it's time to continue the challenge and see how long it takes for this fucker to be a full page. VORTEX CONTINUE!!

Since Gordo is in the room, wanted to make sure he saw how his legend began

Few ppl will ever have the ability to capture so much attention....back to the front if the room!

JG meta 1

Wow.. I guess I'm the talk of the quit group.. Sorry I haven't posted everyday.

I thought this was a support group not a place to bash the people that are going through the same issues that you are.

Maybe this site is not for me.. I didn't realize that you had to post everyday. Sorry I can't.

I have been busy and trying my best to forget about this crazy habit that I have had for WAY 2 long.

78 days.

'Popcorn'

A support group by it's very nature requires your presence in order to be supported.

Posting roll daily is pretty much the only bloody rule we have.

I don't really know where to go with that, except to say that if you think the way to get to where your going is by showing up once every two weeks then no this site is probably not for you. Good luck.

And then...poof....he's gone.

I am screaming with fucking laughter.
DWD and Sapp are right, there is now way that was really James Gordon.
That was even funnier than Paul S's intro thread.
He ends it with "78 Days". I am fucking pissing myself whether that was a mod playing a joke or whether it was really him. Either way, it is the highlight of my day!!!!!!!!!

Who knew that James Gordon had "622" after his name?
This whole time I thought he was just JamesGordon.
Was that really him? How will we know?
Hey Gordon- if that was really you, please go back and read the whole thread. You have to start two weeks ago.
I will keep bumping this message to the bottom of the list so that you can see it when you log back in in two weeks, so that you see my suggestion, but by then the OP will be 4 weeks old. You have a lot of reading ahead of you, and not a lot of time apparently.
In reality, I think it is just too big a coincidence that some of the vets just today started bitching about us talking too much about El Gordo, and also the day that the scriptures predicted his next return. Its just too neat.

JG meta 2

If it is a joke, it has had me fooled for a Gordon and a half.

I am now proceeding with the assumption that it was really a post by James Gordon, and not a joke.
If that is the case, it is a fascinating post.
How much of the James Gordon threads did he read before he posted that?
Did he do all the way back?
How did he not know you are supposed to post roll every day?
If he didn't know you were supposed to post roll, why does he post roll at all?
Did he really intend to come back every two weeks...er... I... mean every full Gordon?
What if we never started the Gordon threads, would he have just posted to the hall of fame?
Would we have let him?
Why does he pick Wednesdays? Is hump day usually his toughest day?
I could go on forever. And none of these questions will ever be answered.
Fat Jimmy is blowing my mind, again.
Thank you James Gordon.
I look forward to day 92 a full Gordon from now.

Man i don't give a damn what anybody says, newby, maybe, veteran, that is some funny shit right there.

Totally agree. My ghost bio pales in comparison to this hilarity. Prophetic.

Who knew that in the span of two international standard Gordon's this class would unite in solidarity behind the stalwart leadership of James mother fucking Gordon.

I'm proud to be quit on this Gordon and for every Gordon henceforward and hitherto.

No kidding bro, I was thinking the same thing. James Gordon united this class like nothing else had before. The official whipping boy of May 14, and we thank you.

James Gordon...May2014's Haley's comet. You can set your fucking watch to him.
JamesGordon622...6x2+2=14. QLF E14D. Holy shit, this is how crop circles are laid out, and Stonehenge. Time traveler (fix from slug.go)

Four Gordons and seven years ago...Gordo influenced Lincoln's Gettysburg address

Classic, now we are 'bump fixing' Gordon posts

They are all too precious. Can't afford to miss one.

Crop circles!!!! Just awesome!!!!

How does the spreadsheet get formatted to the Gordon scale?

I can do an extra column that converts your quit days into international standard Gordon's. I'll do it tonight.

Now THAT'S brotherhood!!!

Sapper, you've got too much time on your hands. I agree with you that it is a hoax. Read his last roll post before this. Day 64-feels like the first two weeks...I call hilarious bullshit.

Not really, and it doesn't take long anyway, but regardless, this is so epic, I'll make time to create a new unit of time measurement. My goal is to see it in widespread use in the future. Somebody needs to start a Wikipedia page about James Gordon and Gordon's as a unit of measurement.

So...7.14 Gordons gets one in the HOF?

Yes sir, your math is solid.

Actually, the true value of Gordons to HOF has 14 decimal places. Here I've calculated the exact value of the number of Gordon's to HOF. We'll refer to this value as HOG's (Hall of Gordon's).

7.14285714285714

I was really hoping for an indeterminate number, like Pi, but oh well.

JG meta 3

I really don't know what the fuck is the problem with alot of you..

Here I am trying by best to quit this fucking deadly habit that I have and trying to make it through just one day without thinking about quitting.

But I'm getting major shit about not being able to post every day.

Sorry that I don't have to time to sit and chat all day long on this site. I'm lucky to get on the computer once a week just to check my own email.

So NO I will not be able to post every day.

I'm glad most of you are getting a kick out of it.

To all the folks that have said positive things and have sent positive IM's I thank you.

This site has helped me a ton besides all the inmature posting that SOME of you have posted.

James- I found your post. Let me address your points one at a time.
1. We're addicts, that is one problem we all have in common.
2. You don't get the way quitting here works. The rest of us are not trying to make it through the day without thinking about quitting. That is not an effective strategy to quit. If there were kids setting your house on fire with a book of matches, would you close your eyes and plug your ears, and hope they would be gone when you opened them?
3. You don't have to chat, you just have to post roll. When you practice, I bet you can get it done in less than a minute. You don't have one fucking minute? What is your profession? You can only get on a computer once a week? Are you stuck in the gimp box the rest of the week?
4. If you can't post every day, you can reach out to someone via text to post for you. If you don't want to that, you can FUCK off.
5. You sound sarcastic, but yes, most of us are getting a kick out of it, thanks.
6. I'm happy that people said positive things to you in a PM, did you reply? Or were you out of time?
7. How has it helped you a ton? You obviously didn't read much on the site. You are not posting roll regularly. Do you have a secret core group of supporters that just remained silent the last few weeks?
If you think the site is helping you now, imagine how much it would help you if you were participating, instead of being (as far as I know) the most legendarily half-assed member in the history of the history of the site.
If you stop your whining, and think about how things are supposed to work around here, and then how you do them, maybe you will get your shit together. If you don't, why should we give a shit?

To the bottom. Lipi speaks the truth James.

Effing Lipi.... Love that shit!! 'Popcorn'

'Popcorn' is exactly right!!

JG meta 4

If anyone wants to compile the insane list of conspiracy theories, be my guest. I can only go so far down the rabbit hole before it start staring back at me...

Bump just because this monster is fucking hilarious.

The Gordon622 threads should have their own pinned topic on the site, and a dedicated moderator tasked with adding new content and tracking the appearances of JG.Does anyone have an explaination from Fat Jimmy yet as to why he only gets 2 minutes per week on the computer, or are we still going with "stuck in Gimp Box"?

My HOG date is 6/13/14. No longer interested in HOF.

I thought for a second I was having a stroke when I saw this.....

Gordon's Constant 7.14285714285714 'roflmao'

I just have to say, this has been an epic discussion...

I hope this epicness never dies.

Has he made an appearance lately. I mean has 1 IGU been completed yet? I'm jonesing.
edit: Paul S still has the best addition to this clusterfuck. Dat intro...

So he posted a full Gordon on day 78, next Gordo will be day 92. Biq question: does he break with Gordo cycle posting and post day 100...or wait until day 106? Vegas odds are 4:1 he posts day 100, then is never heard from again. Greatest trick the Gordo ever performed was making people think he didn't exist. Stay Gordo my friends.

I cannot wait to write his HOG speech...Epic, part deux. Stay Gordon indeed. I have a rough draft ready.

But to Lippi's point on the intro, a contest is probably in order. I'll write mine on HOG+1 non-ISG day. But here's a snippet:

"I'd like to thank mom and all my May brethren. Mostly mom, though. Mom, you have no idea how much help you've been. Thanks for always being there for me and resetting the wireless router everytime I stomp my feet and yell upstairs. For you May guys, thanks for being there every Gordon or so, and for using all those emoticons LOL. You guys really do crack me up. IMHO You should make one wearing an apron and flour-covered. Also, to my mom, thanks for washing those socks, even though you know they don't go on my feet. And thanks for using triple coupons on Brawny paper towels. I get backed up sometimes during marathon gaming sessions, and I hate when I take it out by Gordo-varnishing Grandma's old coffee table.

For all you guys that PM'ed me, I sort of appreciate it, but was expecting more of a schoolgirl/ball-gag hookup. Unless the goth thing was a joke, in which case I could make that work I guess. Same skirt, anyway. I know you guys advised me to post or to text you. I appreciate that. I'll definitely PM you back when I get to HOFx8 here in a few ISGs. The 622 isn't one to fly solo, as you all know by now.

To Ridiculous (sp?) I'm not sure what meta JG 1 means, but I think it's like that basketball player Meta World Peace, though I think he uses two "t's". You might have meant that and just spelled it wrong. It happens, man. Keep your chin up. I'll keep my chins up too. I've got like 5 LOL. Metta World Peace is a wierd name, but sounds bad-you-know-what (mom will yell at me if I type a$$). I think you all know what word I'm talking about."

Is there even a point in having the contest? Paul S, you are the ghost writer of Mayhem...just wouldn't seem right any other way...

622 bitches

Fuck the contest. Paul already won the contest. He truly understands the ways of Gordon.

Anyone remember this guy?

It's been so long.....where the fuck is JamesGordon????

It's only been like 2/3 of a Gordon. (rough math, obviously...Gordon's cannot be measured in fractions)

'Finger' 'Remshot' '40'

Fuck it, I'll take part in helping revive this beast.

He looks to have logged on Saturday, but no post.
He must be building anticipation. Or he caved during his 7th Gordon. I have heard that the 7th Gordon is especially tough on dudes attempting their fifth roll post.
Gordo's on day 97 today...Thursday will be watershed event of a magnitude never witnessed by mere mortals.

An Associated Press dispatch just announced that there will be a full vote of Congress on Thursday, May 15, 2014 to vote on a legislative act proclaiming that day a new national holiday. In one of the only instances of unified bipartisan support since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, both houses of Congress are expected to bypass floor debate and go straight to a vote, with no opposition expected. Although the specific wording has yet to be finalized, May 15th is expected to be forever known as either "Fat Jimmy Day" or "The Day that JamesGordon Roared". Proposed Spanish translations are varied, but Hispanic communities are coalescing around "El dia del hombre con huevos de oro" which, loosely translated, means "The Day of the Man with Golden Balls". The White House is enthusiastically supporting the new proposed federal holiday, but would like to see Congress go further, suggesting that it would welcome the idea of all Thursdays hereafter referred to as Gordays.

That's.hilarious Krusty! I'm on pins and needles waiting for Thursday!

Holy hell... I gotta get in this... This is hilarious.. I just busted up laughing during a "boring" meeting at this shit... Boss is probably pissed, but I don't have to see him until the Gorday after next.

El dia del hombre con huevos de oro --- F'ing genious! That is my new battle cry in quit!

I can't wait to see Fat Jimmy's HOG speech courtesy of Paul S. I've been looking forward to it for Gordon's on end.

I've been tracking Fat Jimmy, and he was on-line again this morning, still no post.
What is happening Fat Jimmy? Why are you just observing us? Are you just waiting for Gordon 7.14, or are you afraid to admit you caved?
My prediction for his post tommorow.

"Despite not getting any support from SOME people on this site, posting here has helped me a lot. I thank those who have sent me a PM. sorry I couldn't respond. Time constraints. To the people who reached out to me with your digits, it meant the world. I hope I will never have to use any of them. To those that asked for my digits, I will get you them as soon as my cell phone works out here. To my support network, and you know who you are, thank you for standing up for me while everyone turned me into a group joke.
I made it!
James Gordon- Day 100"

This thread is so cool. I have to hold down the page down key for like 2 minutes to get to the end and it goes off the right side of the page. Can't even read slug's original post.
I am personally holding out hope for a post tomorrow since it is the Gordon of May. What will we do if he doesn't appear...for the love of god!

JG Meta 4!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid the worst news we could all fear is upon us. Our idol, nay, our demigod, the source of Gordonian physics and Gordesian coordinates has deemed us no longer worthy of his comradarie, and has removed himself now and forevermore from the rolls of May 2014.

James Gordon, if one day in the future, thou deem it within your will to join us again, even if only for a brief interlude, we will welcome your return almost as excitedly as the expected return of the Almighty! Please don't forget us as you spread your awesome quit karma across the known Gordiverse.

Does this mean its time to rework the header and rename the quit train?
Has El Gordo finally jumped the shark?
If he doesn't show up for Day 100, he has no value to me.
Maybe he will brighten up the August 2014 Roll Call with some sporadic and bizarre posts, become a source of intrigue, then become a source of great amusement, then become a laughing stock, then become annoying.

A sad day indeed. I shed a tear like the indian looking at the trash dump.

I'm old, and this reference is older than me.

LOL! I'm old too- and i remember it- but i think it's from the days when my parents could only afford a black and white tv, because i see it in black n white. I think it's from hippy days!

I don't understand...why isn't he here anymore?? How did he formally leave?? Please tell me this isn't true!

Okay, I must clarify, this was my assumption based on the fact that he lurks online but doesn't post roll with us anymore. He hasn't officially denounced us, but does it matter, he's done so by his actions. He has foresaken us in the moment of our greatest need.

Damnit Sap!
I have been existing on the illusion of JamesGordon622 for weeks now. Don't burst my bubble.

so you're telling me there's a chance I could still see ole Gordo post a 100?!?!?!?!?! What a fucking emotional roller coaster this Thursday has become!!!

I'm betting he has been drafting his HOF speech!!!

This has all come way too far for no HOF speech. If jg622 won't write it, I believe our resident ghost writer laureate has something prepared...

Paul S? Care to chime in?

Now we have one anonymous lurker... Could it be the illusive Fat Jimmy?

I'm here.. I didn't want to disappoint all of you.

Yes 100 days.. Still not easy but still off the can.

Made it through 10 days and Disney with the family and the first couple weeks of Turkey season.

No 100 day speech for me. I will write my speech in 900 more days

HE LIVES!
There is a god!

Congrats on the 100 days Gordo... Glad you stopped by!

No worries, JG622. Your HOF speech arrives in T minus 1.5 hours...

JamesGordon- I am looking forward to your 1000 day Speech. At that time you should have accumulated approximately 100 total posts, which, if you were the garden variety half-assed poster, would be the number you should have today. But you are far from the garden variety half-assed poster, we all know that by now. You are a whole new breed.
As always, I am completely stunned whenever I read something by El Gordo.
I'm not ready to talk about this one yet, but might have some close analysis later.
Paul, looking forward to your speech.

Congrats, JG! Now, how about posting roll with us?

Well, gentleman, here we are. Today, Fat Jimmie hits Hegelonfinkelshcneit with all his May brethren. Not all of them, really, just the ones with 7.14285714285714+ Gordons. Some of you aren’t there yet, but I won’t judge. I realize it’s been roughly 1.489352414127 Gordons since my last post, but I’ve logged on every few hours to make sure this secret society’s internet domain was still intact. Based on my original interpretation of Hegelonfinkelschneit, I expected to see the “Naked, Pasty-White Selfie Angry Birds” app on the Android marketplace. Maybe it’s only for Apple. I hate apples. But I’ll keep looking. Maybe you all are waiting on the “quitters” who haven’t hit as many Gordons as I have before you launch it. I sure hope it’s free to download.

Before I get to my words of gratitude, I really need to fill you “quitters” (LOL) in on the goings-on in the world of the “Hombre con Huevos de Oro.” (OMG Krusty that made me lmao). I don’t know how you guys know so much about me, but you’re amazing. Holding a degree in German, I obviously had to google it word-by-word to be sure, but as it turns out, I really do like it when mom scrambles my eggs to a nice golden color. I’d take a warm, sloppy mouthful of anybody’s yummy huevos EDD!!! LOL your acronyms…I’m pretty sure it means either “every damn day” or “explosive diarrhea discharge”. Either one makes contextual sense here, so I’ll refrain from further differentiation.

In other happenings, the “Nick beast” (That’s dad’s name, you guys just spell it wrong) finally made me apply for a job, so I did. That day was bad from the start, and I had a nice can of dip (sour cream and onion) and a bag of Ruffles to calm my nerves. First, I had to shower, which is not on my list of favorite things. After a thorough scrubbing of the portions of my undercarriage which were reachable (I used mom’s loofa scrubbie, btw. It smelled SOOOO good so I sniffed it for like an hour), I rinsed off and realized that removing all that caked-up baby oil created a significant amount of dry skin. And I had to stand there for awhile because my Gordo-pubes were clogging the drain. What a crappy drain. Mom knew I was stressed, so she lathered me back up with lotion. All I can say is that slapping the ham to that episode was the closest thing to real violence I will likely ever experience. So on my way to the place I was applying, I got pulled over in mom’s Oldsmobile. Apparently it isn’t okay to drive 5.327143989519385 Gordons per hour in a 2.587238502932 zone. I told the guy it was only like a Gordon and a half over, but he made a big deal of it. What a jerk. It might have been that RickDiculous character that jumps on our site every now and then. My reflection in his Ray-Bans made my mom’s Oldsmobile look skinny. Weird!

So I finally got to the Tire  Lube place I was applying to (not real big on tires, but HUGE on lube) and went in to apply. They asked if I had any experience in automotive, and I proceeded to tell the manager on duty that I was a world-class bad-ass in Grand Theft Auto: Las Vegas. He thought it was funny, so I kept on with the jokes. After about 10 minutes, he totally quit laughing and called the police. Same jerk with the sunglasses showed up and told me to leave. I havenÂ’t yet heard back to see if I got the job, though IÂ’m optimistic. Must be a lot of interviews still to do—thatÂ’s my guess anyway. As you all are totally aware, IÂ’m normally really good at reading between the lines.

So on the way home, I just flat out Killed the Can. As it turns out, Ruffles don’t have Ridges post-colon. Write that one down. Fact. The problem was that I was still in Mom’s Oldsmobile. So I pulled into a K-Mart parking lot, took her license plate off and left the car where it sat. I was almost home, so it was no biggie. It’s been a cold Spring in “Minnie” so I was glad to have the extra warmth as I hoofed it for about a half-mile. Mom was soooo mad. But that’s okay. She spanked me pretty thoroughly, so I turned around and thoroughly spanked it again if you know what I mean.

So in retrospect, that partial-Gordon wasn’t so bad. I had two “Flog-the-dolphin” sessions before lunch. Check-mate.

And now for a few expressions of gratitude from “Fat Jimmie”. This site has empowered me to embrace my inner-Jimmie and even speak occasionally in third-person.
I'd like to thank mom and all my May brethren. Mostly mom, though. Mom, you have no idea how much help you've been. Thanks for always being there for me and resetting the wireless router everytime I stomp my feet and yell upstairs. For you MayHAM (yum) guys, thanks for being there every Gordon or so, and for using all those emoticons LOL. You guys really do crack me up. IMHO You should make one wearing an apron and flour-covered. Also, to my mom, thanks for washing those socks, even though you know they don't go on my feet. And thanks for using triple coupons on Brawny paper towels. I get backed up sometimes during marathon gaming sessions, and I hate when I take it out by Gordo-varnishing Grandma's old coffee table you let me keep down here in the basement. Mom, I also appreciate when you come downstairs and change the lightbulb. You know I like it dark down here, but seeing your midriff when you stand on that Little Giant and reach is automatic spank-tank material.

Thanks to those of you who PM’ed me and offered to post roll or something like that. Sounds like some B.S. administrative tasks meant to suppress the brotherhood of this site, so I don’t want us to get caught up in those kinds of details. I’m glad I didn’t have to go through this journey alone. I “Quit” with each and every one of you—within reason, of course; I’m not one to overcommit.

And thank you to RickDiculous and Pinched (before you changed it) for your Avatars. Dang. You guys must be total chick magnets.

I feel like my Intro speech was a little vague on a few points, so let me take a stab at clarifying them. A couple of you have asked me where the 622 suffix came from. I’m 40 now. That number actually has a triple-meaning in my life. First and foremost, it’s my weight in Gordo-grams. (1Kg = 2.6 Gg). I prefer to use the metric system as the baseline calculation because it allows me to feel a little better about my endowment in specific anatomical regions than do the measurements by standard units. Secondly, if you divide 622 by 1 Standard Gordon, you get roughly 87. That’s the number of non-Gordon days I went in a row once without eating a vegetable. Huge accomplishment followed closely thereafter by a huge bowel movement. Kill the Can, says I. 622 also happens to be the number of 1-on-1 Warcraft victories I had when I joined your site, which was about 3.5 Gordons or so ago now. I’ll never forget that day. Even as I made my first post, I remember wondering how anybody would keep up with my high level of commitment. It looks like only a dozen or so of you could. The rest of you guys aren’t even at this mark yet. Hang in there, though. Keep your chins up and keep on “quitting”. 622 is also my personal record for the number of times I “Dated Miss Michigan” in a single Standard Gordon. Thank GOD mom is a Mary Kay rep. Their replenishing cream works wonders on a guy that likes to “Shoot for the socks” with the frequency I do.

I’d continue writing for another 7/16ths of a Gordon, but I don’t want to cramp up my hands because I can hear the girl scout troop meeting upstairs and I know these palms will get a workout thinking about that later. I’ll continue to check in with you fine quitters every Gordon or so. Stay vigilant, my dear anonymous friends. Please do not fret if I make assertions about a 10-day trip to Disney (because people really do go to Disney for that amount of time…they’re called seasonal workers) or occasionally write in BOLD LETTERS or ALL CAPS. That’s just some pent-up frustrations because I can’t “badger the witness” when mom’s friends are over. My greasiest, pube-laden, mom-smelling Gordo-hugs to each of you.

In closing, I’d like to convey my emotions by mis-quoting King Leonidas’ Character in the Movie ‘300’. “Tonight, we dine in mom’s basement and Gordo-varnish a sock in honor of the Snowflakes. Especially Paul S…So Hot.”

Damn, that's funny...

"that's fucking hilarious. I damn near pissed myself" -slug.go

I'm in tears. I love Mayhem.

Doc Chewfree! I told you it was gordograms! Exclamation points!!!!

Here you go, Lipi.

Some sort of parallel Gortex happening in here......