Day One

[davo]

I was literally weeks into my quit on KTC before she finally started believing me that I was really quit and not just lying again.

And yes, the wife really does learn to trust you again as long as you give her a reason to trust you again.

Thanks Ag and Notdead,

I am just now getting back to my own intro page and read your posts - it's good stuff and reminds me I am not alone in this struggle.

Tonight I have the long overdue talk with my wife about my resolve to take back my life and return to the lives we once shared. I don't expect it to be the most welcome heart to heart but necessary nonetheless. It's good to know that your wives have taken you back - it gives me hope.

Thanks again for you honesty.

[Notdeadyet]

davo -

You know what is so great about this place? It is the undeniable truth that while we are all as different as night and day, from all walks of life, from all over the country, etc., we are exactly the same when it comes to this damn addiction.

Man, I cannot count how many of those moments I had when my wife would walk in the room and I was thinking "oh shit" as I tried to cover up the dip in my mouth. Like in your case, my wife would have this look of disgust on her face asking me, "WHAT is in your mouth???" The last "bust" was a couple of days before I found KTC. I used to find comfort in being holed up in my home office that is located above the master - it is an area that typically only I enter with the exception of my 5-year-old daughter (who would come up and ask me about the "candy smell"). It was my comfort zone where I could dip without getting busted. She'd call me and I could spit out the dip and chew on a bunch of gum and floss real quick before running downstairs. However, I started getting lazy. I started leaving disposable coffee cups filled with spit in them in the trash can (strategically placed so they wouldn't spill over). One day she comes upstairs. The smell hit her and she KNEW what it was. She jumped my ass 6 ways to Sunday and didn't talk to me for 4 days. I was literally weeks into my quit on KTC before she finally started believing me that I was really quit and not just lying again.

My point is, stick with your quit and she'll learn to trust you again. Now my wife is VERY proud of me. While she didn't understand the addiction (she, too, never used nicotine) she knew it was something I struggled with for many many years. Hell, she even keeps up with my days now and has bought me a special present for my 100th day. SOOOOO, stick with it...the trust will return.

My point in that long story -- we've all been there. Shout if you need anything, you are doing a fantastic job. I quit with YOU today.

AgLawyer, great info. Read this and was saying, me, me, me, me, and me. Reads like my life. And yes, the wife really does learn to trust you again as long as you give her a reason to trust you again.

Thanks for being a posting whore, it helps us!

[AgLawyer]

davo -

You know what is so great about this place? It is the undeniable truth that while we are all as different as night and day, from all walks of life, from all over the country, etc., we are exactly the same when it comes to this damn addiction.

Man, I cannot count how many of those moments I had when my wife would walk in the room and I was thinking "oh shit" as I tried to cover up the dip in my mouth. Like in your case, my wife would have this look of disgust on her face asking me, "WHAT is in your mouth???" The last "bust" was a couple of days before I found KTC. I used to find comfort in being holed up in my home office that is located above the master - it is an area that typically only I enter with the exception of my 5-year-old daughter (who would come up and ask me about the "candy smell"). It was my comfort zone where I could dip without getting busted. She'd call me and I could spit out the dip and chew on a bunch of gum and floss real quick before running downstairs. However, I started getting lazy. I started leaving disposable coffee cups filled with spit in them in the trash can (strategically placed so they wouldn't spill over). One day she comes upstairs. The smell hit her and she KNEW what it was. She jumped my ass 6 ways to Sunday and didn't talk to me for 4 days. I was literally weeks into my quit on KTC before she finally started believing me that I was really quit and not just lying again.

My point is, stick with your quit and she'll learn to trust you again. Now my wife is VERY proud of me. While she didn't understand the addiction (she, too, never used nicotine) she knew it was something I struggled with for many many years. Hell, she even keeps up with my days now and has bought me a special present for my 100th day. SOOOOO, stick with it...the trust will return.

My point in that long story -- we've all been there. Shout if you need anything, you are doing a fantastic job. I quit with YOU today.

[Leahy16]

Davo - work on yourself and the rest will happen as a positive consequence to your actions. You cannot talk Amy back into the close loving relationship you had in the past. It will have to be rediscovered by her and that will only happen if she sees you as a man. Not a boy posing as a man. You need to be a man.

To rediscover your manliness you must quit nicotine. The lies and deceit you're telling yourself and Amy is standing in the way of your feeling good about yourself.

At some point you must also man-up and tell her about this addiction. You might also share with her your thoughts below.

You can do this!

[davo]

Check out Luby's intro. It shows he path of a man dealing with his demons and struggling to share his battle with his wife. index.php?showtopic=5005st=15

welcome to the suck davo. you came to the right place

Thanks per034. I checked out Luby's intro and I started thinking of all the many times and the "clever" ways I lied to my wife. The last time was 2 nights ago watching Sunday Night Football with a very tasty microbrew, sitting on the couch (by myself) when my wife came down stairs to ask if I had heard our son on the monitor (I am in charge of the monitor at night). I had not heard him because it was in voice activation mode and does not pick up when he kicks the wall during his sleep.

I did not have time to quickly remove the dip from my mouth and stash it in a handy paper towel then a quick sip of beer to rinse my mouth and mask the smell. I had gotten good at this but not good enough. Long story short she came all the way down to the TV room and I still had the dip in and couldn't look at her. I leaned my hand against my dip cheek and tried to hide it. She asked me what was wrong and I said I was "upset about my football team losing". She said what's in your mouth and I said "nothing" (I said "nothing" - can you believe it! - I lied to her face again - caught in the act and still couldn't admit that I am an addict).

I have been caught similar to this at least 10 times in the last 7 years - each time it's the same but this time it has to be final. I have been feeling terrible about myself the last 3-4 months and I need to take back control.

I called the dentist yesterday afternoon after registering with KTC and will have my first check up today in 7 years. I am afraid for how disgusting it is going to be but I need to begin to face up and man up. I hate that I have to say this about myself. I do feel better already even with the fog and headaches.

My wife never used tobacco and never had any addictions like I have. Early on she supported my quitting and was willing to be there but then got soooo angry at the repeated lying and "clever" deceit (I can't blame her for that). I don't know if we will ever get back the love we started with 15 years ago (or if we will make it through this). We are talking on a need to know basis now and put up a good front for our son whom we both adore.

Terrible times now but hoping and praying I can show her someday that the man she married is still here. I need our lives back - I need my life back.

[per034]

Check out Luby's intro. It shows he path of a man dealing with his demons and struggling to share his battle with his wife. index.php?showtopic=5005st=15

welcome to the suck davo. you came to the right place

[nicofiend]

Welcome aboard Davo! Wise decision you made to quit sucking the nic bitches titty, I was on it for over 18 years, before I realized my freedom meant more to me than a half jaw, or missing tongue if I would have continued! Proud to be quit with you. nico

[luby]

You posted roll, you are quit today! Great job. Accountability and honesty are the keys to this web site working, you are off to a perfect start. Aglawyer and DennyX are some great guys to learn from.
Here is my secret to staying quit: USE this site, use the crap out of it. READ EVERYTHING on here; Intro threads from other quitters, past quit group threads, Hall of Fame speeches. This site is the tool you need to be successful but like any tool it is only good if you use it.
Welcome, I will quit with you today.

[Bean]

I second everything you've gotten so far, and I want to add something. You were a dick. But the key is "were." You can't change the past. Nobody can. But you can start being the person Amy deserves. That is a simple choice, but a huge commitment. I know because I did the exact same fucking thing...except my "Amy" is named "Shannon."

You can't quit for anyone else. But I did quit for me. I quit so I could stop acting like a sailfish sack of crap to the people I love most...my wife and kids. You've already made the choice. Now just keep your word. Stay strong and stay quit, bro!!!

[davo]

Thanks for the support all.

I've quit some type of nicotine so many times I find it hard to believe this time it will stick. It feels different this time though - I am sick of the deceit and disgusted by the habit.

My 50th birthday is in April, 2012 and it's time to become the man I used to be.

[AgLawyer]

------Another lying addict.

You can't go wrong here. Drink the kool-aid and you WILL succeed. I, too, will be looking for you on roll. You can't buy the kind of support you will get here. Embrace it.

[DennyX]

Welcome davo - man, you're not alone. There are lots of us here that lied to their wives, lied to our children, and gave up life with our families every day just so we could go off and hide like a little bitch and sneak a dip. It's pathetic. Before we go any further, join your brothers and sisters in the January quit group and post roll - your promise not to use today (and today only). I never ever ever would have thought I could make it through a day but this formula works. I'm proud to be quit with you today. Go post roll now, I'll be looking for your name.

Stat strong brother!

Denny

[just me and my can]

First off, congrats on making the best choice ever. Secondly, there are a bunch of guys in here that have had the experience in dealing with hiding the chew from their wife. Although it will be hard get your wife on your side.

Post roll early everyday and honor your word to not use nicotine one day at a time.

[bigbamadan]

After 30+ years of tobacco use (quit cigs: Aug, 2006/quit cigars: Feb, 2011) quit chewing today, 10-17-11 I am finally done!

Of course all the details are similar to everyone else. I just can't stand the lying to my wife. She is supposed to be the one person I can share everything with and be totally and completely honest with and I have betrayed, disrespected, lied to her face and just plain treated badly due to my nic fits and hiding my addiction.

I am sorry Amy  - I hope you can forgive me...again. I know that if it wasn't for our beautiful son you would be gone already. I know you will never see this but I needed to say to someone who might understand what I have put you through and what I am going through.

Love, me

Welcome Davo.

Check out the Welcome Center

Head on over to January 11 and post roll. Keep your word. Then repeat.

Pending you are a man of your word this will be the easiest most complicated ball crushing task you have ever done.

One other thing....I would highly encourage that you share all of what is below with Amy. I know it won't be easy, but I promise it will strengthen your resolve and quit.

Have her check out this link:

http://www.killthecan.org/community/spouse.asp

[davo]

After 30+ years of tobacco use (quit cigs: Aug, 2006/quit cigars: Feb, 2011) quit chewing today, 10-17-11 I am finally done!

Of course all the details are similar to everyone else. I just can't stand the lying to my wife. She is supposed to be the one person I can share everything with and be totally and completely honest with and I have betrayed, disrespected, lied to her face and just plain treated badly due to my nic fits and hiding my addiction.

I am sorry Amy - I hope you can forgive me...again. I know that if it wasn't for our beautiful son you would be gone already. I know you will never see this but I needed to say to someone who might understand what I have put you through and what I am going through.

Love, me