Day 219 . . . .
The Meaning of Real Love
IÂ’ve been wanting to post these ideas for a while; so here goes.
One of the reasons why KTC works so well is that most of its members accomplish something that is rather unusual or rare in our world: they manage to love each other in one of deepest ways without ever having met each other. Eventually, some of us do meet each other, but thatÂ’s another story.
As soon as I mention the word, “love,” immediately people think of sexuality or romance. Even though such intimacy is on the periphery of real love, we’ve been conditioned by our culture to think of it as the essential or primary definition. However, real love goes deeper and farther. Real love is a willingness to do what is best for another person regardless of how that person reacts or receives that love or ever gives anything in return.
This goes beyond camaraderie. While all of us who are quitting nicotine have common ground and common experiences, the fellowship of quitting is probably not enough to keep KTC successful. Even though friendship is important, true love is more basic than camaraderie. Yes, we often develop friendships here, but the support and help we receive at KTC is separate from any such common ground. Friendships are based on mutual feelings and interests; Real love doesnÂ’t need those things.
The power of this quit site rests in the unselfish support of its members for each other. For some of us, especially the “old timers”, this support has involved years of helping people, most of whom they have never met or seen. These successful quitters don’t need to hang around any longer; their quits are established and solid. Yet, they do hang around. They hang around primarily because they care about the new folks who are quitting. They give encouragement, offer advice, explain and comfort those who are struggling to get free from the addiction. They give swift kicks in the backside when necessary. They are sounding boards for all the bitching and groaning that goes on. And they are willing to take mud in the face to help the newbie succeed.
The success of KTC depends on people coming alongside others and walking with them on the darkest and most miserable of roads. ItÂ’s often not pleasant, but it is indeed love in the deepest sense. At the end of that road is the light of freedom and a new life for the quitter. But it is important to remember that each successful quit is dependent on the aid and sacrifice of others.
And it is equally important to remember that, as we succeed, we are responsible to walk with others who need our help. It doesnÂ’t need to feel good; itÂ’s just something we must do.
