Alright guys. I feel like I've found the pattern/triggers of what makes me go up and down, in and out of the foggy fucking frame of forgetfulness.
I dipped snuff for 15-16 years. I quit three years ago...switching my addiction from snuff to 4MG nicotine gum. I chewed that shit all day, every day. I convinced all my friends, loved ones, and coworkers that it was completely healthy. They supported me.
The past year or so, I've been dipping, chewing nicotine gum, and using the patch. Cold turkey is the best thing I've done.
My triggers are when I'm on auto pilot. When I do routine activities, I dig in my pocket to find nico gum or snuff. When I'm active, working outside of my comfort zone, or doing something challenging, I rarely think about it.
My posts still seem all over the place...out of whack. I do feel better and I credit this website and it's awesome members with my success so far. Keep up the good work!