Cheers to the last first quit day I'll ever have...cause there have been more than I care to try to count.
FML - cause I know it's going to suck and cause I know damage has already been done.
I've quit cold turkey for days, weeks, months and years before. This time I'm counting on Kill The Can being the X factor, the variable that's been missing for all of those previous attempts.
I don't want to be a dipper anymore. I never want to say the words "Skoal Straight" again, unless I'm talking about the most moronic thing I've ever done. I know I'll miss it - I'll miss the alone time, the stress relief, the habit that seems like a natural fit with watching sports, and even the spitting into that little round hold.
What I won't miss are the feelings of embarrassment and shame I get when I think about what I'm doing to my family. How I may be taking years off my life. How old will my kids be when I die because of such a fucking selfish and meaningless habit. I won't miss worrying about how long it'll be until I have to have surgery to remove or repair my part of my face. I won't miss feeling like an asshole for single-handedly sabotaging my family's finances.
It's been a long time that I have wanted to quit. Just been too stupid to do it. Not this time.
I'm 37 years old, been dipping off and on since 19. Before writing this, I took my last dip out of my mouth, then flushed half a can down the toilet. I have a 10 month old daughter, 3 year old son, 14 year old step-son, and a wife that for some reason puts up with me. I got serious about quitting this time when I heard some recent stories about Curt Schilling, and the shit he's going through. They say people don't make major changes until they go through enough pain. Well, I'm going to use his pain as my own cause it hits home enough.
I'm hoping that I can be a solid, contributing member to this group. Can't wait til February, but I'll start with worrying about when I wake up tomorrow morning.
