Ok guys I failed on day one, I thought I was in a better place mentally yesterday to start my quit because things have been on an upswing lately and I have been wanting to do this for a long time. As I mentioned before I have been in Law Enforcement for 10 years and currently I am very unhappy with my career and looking to exit and move on to something else so I can better provide for my family. I have moved pretty damn high in my organization for my age (I made Lieutenant at 34, 35 now), but I have been suffering with some PTSD issues that I refused to acknowledge. Over the last 4 years my family has had a rough time (my wife nearly died during childbirth of our daughter, my wife's mother died shortly after that, my father was diagnosed with ALS and died within a year in 2016, and this year me and my wife have been having marital problems).
I hid my dipping (Grizzly Wintergreen pouches) from my family for a long time and my wife was really mad when she found out, but she did not make me quit. I want to quit for me, but the lingering thoughts of a marital issue that popped up today started creeping in my head while at work and the damn nicotine started whispering to me. I thought if I used a vape pen that I had and a really low dose of nicotine, I made me able to taper better when my brain started going crazy, but that was a lie.
30 minutes after using the vape pen I was buying a damn can, and here I am having to admit that I failed.
I am not proud of myself at this moment.