I'm in!

[dchogs]

right on, taz. good post. family is a huge motivator. nice work in digging deeper into the why. don't stop digging though; there's still lots to learn about ourselves.

thanks!

[Jtricher]

Tazmed - Great insights. Thank you for making my quit stronger today. JT

[TCOPE]

As I head into day 9, I have to ask myself "why did I quit?"  Now before someone gets their panties in a wad and starts giving me shit, I'm not thinking about caving...just the opposite actually.  The question should probably me more like "why did it take so long to come to the decision to quit?", but that would take way too long to ask. 

I want a dip every moment of every day...I'm an addict.  I didn't really understand that until just a couple days ago.  Yeah, I know that I said it in my initial intro, but it really hit home the other day when I was waiting to get on a plane.  I looked over at the drink machine and thought to myself "Hey, I need to get one of those orange juice bottles so I can have a spitter on the plane."  Then I realized that no...I really DON'T need a spitter because I quit 5 days ago. 

So...why did I quit?  Having a dip in my mouth calmed me down.  It helped me focus.  It steadied my hands when I was woodworking.  It gave me clarity when I taught my kids right from wrong.  It made me the man that I was.  So why did I quit?

Oh yeah, I remember...it OWNED me.

I don't know what the final trigger was to get me to quit; my wife asked me that question and I couldn't give her an answer either.  What I do know is that one day I just thought about looking into an alternative to Copenhagen and I stumbled across KTC.  I started reading about the struggles others were having with their dip addictions and I saw myself in their posts.  People talking about staying up late to have a dip after their family went to bed...that's me.  Hoping to get a little "me time" so I could have another dip...yep.  Just about every description of hiding the addiction fit me "to a T" (whatever that means). 

So I was thinking about my reasons for quitting this morning and I had a revelation that hit me like a brick.  My three youngest kids LOVE to talk, especially to me...and usually when I'm trying to do something productive.  When I had a dip in my mouth I had to hide it from them because I didn't want them to see their dad doing something dangerous.  So in order to hide my addiction from them, I shunned them.  Phrases like "Go away", "Go play in traffic", "Can't you see that I'm working here?" would fly from my mouth and they would wander off to go do something...without me.

What I realized this morning was that I was selfishly taking myself out of their lives because Copenhagen was more important to me than my kids were.  How fucked up is that???

I owe everyone in my family a huge apology for my selfishness.  So...today, 9 days into my quit, I finally know why I quit.  It's because my addiction has been depriving my family of a dad.  I never knew how much I was missing until I cleared my head of that shit, and now that I do know, I am even more motivated to stay quit and get engaged in their lives. 

Thanks KTC, for the information, the support, and the friendships that I've developed to help get me headed in the right direction.  Damned proud to be quit with you today!

Do you know I never read a nighttime story to my son from the time he was born till he was 4 years old because that was my "dip" time. Were we all not pathetic junkies? I get sick to my stomach when I think about that lost time with my child.

When I quit I made a vow to read at least 2 stories a night to him to try and regain those precious moments. I've got 554 more days to go to equalize the 4 years I lost and make up for 1460 bedtime stories. You don't think I'm focused on that like a laser?

Thank you for helping my quit today with your story.
TCOPE

[MedStudent]

Nice, tazmed. Thanks for posting.

[Scowick65]

Good good stuff. Thanks for posting it. That was a good read.

[LLCope]

Great Insight Taz!

Keep up the Quit!

[Souliman]

Good stuff. Way to turn the corner and get on top of your quit.

I quit with you Taz.

[tazmed]

As I head into day 9, I have to ask myself "why did I quit?" Now before someone gets their panties in a wad and starts giving me shit, I'm not thinking about caving...just the opposite actually. The question should probably me more like "why did it take so long to come to the decision to quit?", but that would take way too long to ask.

I want a dip every moment of every day...I'm an addict. I didn't really understand that until just a couple days ago. Yeah, I know that I said it in my initial intro, but it really hit home the other day when I was waiting to get on a plane. I looked over at the drink machine and thought to myself "Hey, I need to get one of those orange juice bottles so I can have a spitter on the plane." Then I realized that no...I really DON'T need a spitter because I quit 5 days ago.

So...why did I quit? Having a dip in my mouth calmed me down. It helped me focus. It steadied my hands when I was woodworking. It gave me clarity when I taught my kids right from wrong. It made me the man that I was. So why did I quit?

Oh yeah, I remember...it OWNED me.

I don't know what the final trigger was to get me to quit; my wife asked me that question and I couldn't give her an answer either. What I do know is that one day I just thought about looking into an alternative to Copenhagen and I stumbled across KTC. I started reading about the struggles others were having with their dip addictions and I saw myself in their posts. People talking about staying up late to have a dip after their family went to bed...that's me. Hoping to get a little "me time" so I could have another dip...yep. Just about every description of hiding the addiction fit me "to a T" (whatever that means).

So I was thinking about my reasons for quitting this morning and I had a revelation that hit me like a brick. My three youngest kids LOVE to talk, especially to me...and usually when I'm trying to do something productive. When I had a dip in my mouth I had to hide it from them because I didn't want them to see their dad doing something dangerous. So in order to hide my addiction from them, I shunned them. Phrases like "Go away", "Go play in traffic", "Can't you see that I'm working here?" would fly from my mouth and they would wander off to go do something...without me.

What I realized this morning was that I was selfishly taking myself out of their lives because Copenhagen was more important to me than my kids were. How fucked up is that???

I owe everyone in my family a huge apology for my selfishness. So...today, 9 days into my quit, I finally know why I quit. It's because my addiction has been depriving my family of a dad. I never knew how much I was missing until I cleared my head of that shit, and now that I do know, I am even more motivated to stay quit and get engaged in their lives.

Thanks KTC, for the information, the support, and the friendships that I've developed to help get me headed in the right direction. Damned proud to be quit with you today!

[BeerBottleSpittoon]

You got some good quit going on here.

[tazmed]

Crappy sleep again last night...I think I may have gotten 90 uninterrupted minutes at one point. Not feeling too bad this morning though. What the hell...it's a beautiful day outside. Think I'll go enjoy my coffee on the patio.

I tried Jake's Mint Chew last night, and again this morning. It's not too bad, but I'm not overly impressed. I'm used to long cut so maybe finding little pieces floating free is what bothers me. The wads of beef jerky actually worked great...might just stick with that.

So I think I mentioned it somewhere, but I'm a geographic bachelor for a few more weeks. I'm on the west coast and my wife and family are on the east coast. Friday night I told my wife that I might not be a pleasant person to talk to this weekend because I decided to quit the Copenhagen. I think she actually cried a bit... Over the years she's given me some grief about my addiction, but never really pushed the issue. I explained my reasons for quitting and she's on-board 100%...not that I would have expected different.

The funny part was when she asked if the girls (twin 10 yo daughters) had convinced me to quit. I told her that they had played a role, but knew nothing about it. I decided that I have to be there to walk them down the aisle when they get married in 30 years (do the math), but I hadn't talked to them directly about it. Then she told me that they had come to her and said that they wanted to talk to me about quitting, that they thought is was dangerous, and that they wanted me to be safe.

I've been told that God works in mysterious ways, and I've seen some mysterious things. There's my latest example. Just in case I started to feel like caving, he dropped off two little girls to keep me honest.

Day 5...BRING IT ON!!!!

'na na'

[Souliman]

Right on Taz. Way to find some balance through all this bro. That's awesome.

[tazmed]

Well, this has been an interesting day. Day 4 without a dip. Didn't sleep for shit last night and had to teach all day today. I was totally expecting to have a crappy day, and probably jump all over a student because of how I felt. Weird thing is, I haven't felt bad at all today. No shakes, no headaches, no real cravings. I've had a small chunk of beef jerky wadded up in my cheek for most of the day, but still not getting near the bitch.

I got my first order of Jake's Mint Chew when I got home. I haven't tried it yet because I need to eat something, but it sure smells good. If the beef jerky has helped me this much, maybe the mint stuff will push me through to the other side.

Aside from being really tired, I really feel pretty good all things considered. I think I'll finish eating and see about a short nap on the couch.

Thanks for being there for me...bring on day 5! 'Finger'

[Scowick65]

Man...my brain is totally screwed today. 

I didn't sleep for shit last night, tossing and turning, weird dreams, dreaming of beef jerky even.
'crackup' 
So, this morning I get up and start my normal routine (with one big exception) and head out to get my first cup of coffee.  Right now I'm living bachelor because of my job so I normally make a pot of coffee last two days.  I pour the coffee and stick it in the microwave to reheat it...not realizing that I set it up to make new stuff this morning.  I take my first drink and burn the shit out of my tongue.  Brilliant!!!

Today is Day 4 and I'm teaching all day.  This should be fun...someone should warn my students.

javascript:add_smilie("'ODT'")

The joys of fog-tard-ness. Keep going one day at a time. You are doin' it! B)

[tazmed]

Man...my brain is totally screwed today.

I didn't sleep for shit last night, tossing and turning, weird dreams, dreaming of beef jerky even.
'crackup'
So, this morning I get up and start my normal routine (with one big exception) and head out to get my first cup of coffee. Right now I'm living bachelor because of my job so I normally make a pot of coffee last two days. I pour the coffee and stick it in the microwave to reheat it...not realizing that I set it up to make new stuff this morning. I take my first drink and burn the shit out of my tongue. Brilliant!!!

Today is Day 4 and I'm teaching all day. This should be fun...someone should warn my students.

javascript:add_smilie("'ODT'")

[tazmed]

"Taz if you want to get a little adventurous take a bag of green tea and soak it in Drambuie or a little Wild Turkey and lace it with a little cayenne powder! Sound crazy?? Dont knock it till you try it! Worked for me at times when I had them bone aching craves, and no fake shit!       

Nico"



That does sound interesting.  Of course the cayenne pepper would probably set my allergies to screaming, but...might be worth the risk.  B)

The beef jerky's working pretty well so far.  I spent a couple hours working in the yard after work tonight with a nice wad of jerky in my cheek, and didn't have any desire to pack my lip.  It's almost like going back to Red Man, but will a better flavor...and no spitting.  LOL

Thanks for being there today, guys.  I've got a John Wayne movie in the DVD, a cold beer ready to go, and another hunk of dead cow to chew on.  See you in the morning for roll call.  'Popcorn'

which John Wayne movie?

watched the new version of True Grit last nite with the fam......while it wasn't bad....

nobody says "Fill your hand you son of a bitch" with as much contempt and disdain as the Duke.....R.I.P.



True...the new one is good, but I still prefer the original. That seems to be the case with all the remakes Hollywood is doing...for me anyway.

The movie last night was "Cahill: U.S. Marshall".