I'm in!

[Slattern]

Hey Good Blog TAZ. Proud to be quit with you!

[luby]

Day 115

I have friends who have blogs. Some of them have literally thousands of followers (I call them lemmings) and they write every single day. I've never been much of a prolific writer...I too have a blog somewhere called "The misguided adventures of a paramedic-at-large". I haven't been a paramedic for 6 years; that should tell you how often I write.

However, since finding KTC, I'm writing every single day. It may just be me posting roll, a quit note here in my intro thread, or a response to someone else. But, here we are 115 days into my quit and I'm on post 600...yes, this post right here is number 600. I don't know why, but I find that to be pretty cool. Aside from dipping, I'm not sure I've done ANYTHING 600 times, and definitely not in 115 days. I think maybe I'm addicted to KTC now. :rolleyes:

So...I've been hearing a lot of chatter about fake stuff again lately. I used Hooch, Jake's Mint Chew, and Oregon Mint Snuff for the first couple months of my quit, along with beef jerky, sunflower seeds, gum, and pistachio nuts. The idea of "stuff ANYTHING into your mouth to keep from putting nicotine into your system" is a good one and I took that to the extreme. Well, it worked. Some have said that using the fake dip is too close to the real thing for them...I guess I can understand that...but it worked for me. I didn't really think too much about it, but I found myself using less and less until one day I just didn't need any more. I've done the same thing with beef jerky and pistachios too. Now, if I need something I can just grab a piece of gum and life is good.


Aside from wanting to post number 600 before I head off to work, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I do know that I find it therapeutic to talk about my quit, and maybe that will help someone else get through a rough patch. I do it for me, but if it helps someone else...well...that's just a little extra gravy. 'archer'

Good stuff, I am kinda with you on the writing thing, not normal for me but it is something I do here....
I haven't posted anything in a bit on my own intro thread but I have quite a bit and I always think about it, I guess I too am becoming addicted KTC. I will gladly accept that, and I am proud to be a part of this community.
On the fake stuff? In 91 days I have gone thru a can and a half of hootch. I have not wanted to use it as I am in the "too close to the real thing for me" group. But i take it with me to work and I have always regarded it as an emergency solution if things get bad. It has not happened much, but the few times it has I have been glad it was part of my plan.
Sorry if i used your post to ramble away myself... keep writing, I always like hearing what you have to say. Thanks

[tazmed]

Day 115

I have friends who have blogs. Some of them have literally thousands of followers (I call them lemmings) and they write every single day. I've never been much of a prolific writer...I too have a blog somewhere called "The misguided adventures of a paramedic-at-large". I haven't been a paramedic for 6 years; that should tell you how often I write.

However, since finding KTC, I'm writing every single day. It may just be me posting roll, a quit note here in my intro thread, or a response to someone else. But, here we are 115 days into my quit and I'm on post 600...yes, this post right here is number 600. I don't know why, but I find that to be pretty cool. Aside from dipping, I'm not sure I've done ANYTHING 600 times, and definitely not in 115 days. I think maybe I'm addicted to KTC now. :rolleyes:

So...I've been hearing a lot of chatter about fake stuff again lately. I used Hooch, Jake's Mint Chew, and Oregon Mint Snuff for the first couple months of my quit, along with beef jerky, sunflower seeds, gum, and pistachio nuts. The idea of "stuff ANYTHING into your mouth to keep from putting nicotine into your system" is a good one and I took that to the extreme. Well, it worked. Some have said that using the fake dip is too close to the real thing for them...I guess I can understand that...but it worked for me. I didn't really think too much about it, but I found myself using less and less until one day I just didn't need any more. I've done the same thing with beef jerky and pistachios too. Now, if I need something I can just grab a piece of gum and life is good.


Aside from wanting to post number 600 before I head off to work, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I do know that I find it therapeutic to talk about my quit, and maybe that will help someone else get through a rough patch. I do it for me, but if it helps someone else...well...that's just a little extra gravy. 'archer'

[Souliman]

Day 111

Where have all my brothers gone?  September has already lost 5 guys after reaching the hall, and about 5 or 6 more on the verge of dropping to the slacker section of our spreadsheet.  Maybe they're just stronger than I am but I think I need this place.  Trying to keep up with the philosophy of Souliman alone keeps bringing me back.  Well, where ever they went, I wish them well and hope their quits stay strong.

So I spent the past hour reading through this intro thread.  I think Nico suggested that I do that so I could see how my quit progresses...thanks for the recommendation.  I enjoyed going back and reliving all that.  :rolleyes:

I suppose I should sit down and write my Hall of Fame speech, but for some reason I'm just not feeling really motivated to do that.  In my mind, speeches like that are supposed to be inspirational, or if nothing else, educational.  I'm not feeling either of those today.  About the best part of my day was my visit to the dentist this morning...and even that wasn't that great.  The funny part was my boss (the CEO) walking into the waiting room while I was sitting there reading a magazine.  Never expected that!!!  :blink:

Now, here I am at 111 days of quit and I was actually looking forward to my visit, thinking that I'd get all kinds of accolades from the dentist for taking my life back and quitting the demon weed after so many years.  Crickets...  Oh sure, she said that it was a pretty big accomplishment, but it seemed like it was just another statement from just another patient...something along the lines of "I think I'll cut the grass when I get home."  I was even ready to launch into my sales pitch for KTC, but she didn't really seem that interested.  I don't know what I was expecting, but I walked away a little bummed about the whole thing.  Oh well, I'm still quit and that's all that matters.  Oh yeah, the teeth and gums are great.  B)

Well, I suppose I should try and do something productive.  Stay strong and stay quit.

Hey Taz...forget them. Sure it is nice to have support. My family, my kids, may parents , and my friends are so happy and supportive, and there is no doubt it is nice to have someone in the corner cheering you on.

But....you know what, they were also trying very hard for the last couple years to get me to quit....and I didn't. Until a month ago. because I said so, because I made the decision, and I made the quit. I make the choice to put the poison in my pie hole or not.

The quit and all the benefits that go with are yours. Your life, your face, your heart health, your smile. Your sense of accomplishment and the pride you have in yourself for being stronger that the devils weed. Of course it would be nice to have the dentist heap praise on you for quitting, and some dentists will, but some just don't give a shit, you are just another set of teeth to clean and your jaw rotting off from cancer is not her problem in the big picture. Considering that her words of praise are hollow and trite.

The most important praise should come from inside of you. You alone know how hard it was and you alone know much it means, you alone know the priceless gift you have given yourself.

Focus on that, hold your head high, and be proud of yourself, for yourself. It's your life, your face, your health, and you are the one who had the strength to jump on the train tracks and save it.

Be proud brother, and know that ALL of us are proud of you as well and know just what you are going through.

Stay strong, stay quit....in camaraderie with you,

Pogue

Right on hooligan. I'd second absolutely every word PM has there.

You're a champ Taz.

[Pogue Mahone]

Day 111

Where have all my brothers gone? September has already lost 5 guys after reaching the hall, and about 5 or 6 more on the verge of dropping to the slacker section of our spreadsheet. Maybe they're just stronger than I am but I think I need this place. Trying to keep up with the philosophy of Souliman alone keeps bringing me back. Well, where ever they went, I wish them well and hope their quits stay strong.

So I spent the past hour reading through this intro thread. I think Nico suggested that I do that so I could see how my quit progresses...thanks for the recommendation. I enjoyed going back and reliving all that. :rolleyes:

I suppose I should sit down and write my Hall of Fame speech, but for some reason I'm just not feeling really motivated to do that. In my mind, speeches like that are supposed to be inspirational, or if nothing else, educational. I'm not feeling either of those today. About the best part of my day was my visit to the dentist this morning...and even that wasn't that great. The funny part was my boss (the CEO) walking into the waiting room while I was sitting there reading a magazine. Never expected that!!! :blink:

Now, here I am at 111 days of quit and I was actually looking forward to my visit, thinking that I'd get all kinds of accolades from the dentist for taking my life back and quitting the demon weed after so many years. Crickets... Oh sure, she said that it was a pretty big accomplishment, but it seemed like it was just another statement from just another patient...something along the lines of "I think I'll cut the grass when I get home." I was even ready to launch into my sales pitch for KTC, but she didn't really seem that interested. I don't know what I was expecting, but I walked away a little bummed about the whole thing. Oh well, I'm still quit and that's all that matters. Oh yeah, the teeth and gums are great. B)

Well, I suppose I should try and do something productive. Stay strong and stay quit.

Hey Taz...forget them. Sure it is nice to have support. My family, my kids, may parents , and my friends are so happy and supportive, and there is no doubt it is nice to have someone in the corner cheering you on.

But....you know what, they were also trying very hard for the last couple years to get me to quit....and I didn't. Until a month ago. because I said so, because I made the decision, and I made the quit. I make the choice to put the poison in my pie hole or not.

The quit and all the benefits that go with are yours. Your life, your face, your heart health, your smile. Your sense of accomplishment and the pride you have in yourself for being stronger that the devils weed. Of course it would be nice to have the dentist heap praise on you for quitting, and some dentists will, but some just don't give a shit, you are just another set of teeth to clean and your jaw rotting off from cancer is not her problem in the big picture. Considering that her words of praise are hollow and trite.

The most important praise should come from inside of you. You alone know how hard it was and you alone know much it means, you alone know the priceless gift you have given yourself.

Focus on that, hold your head high, and be proud of yourself, for yourself. It's your life, your face, your health, and you are the one who had the strength to jump on the train tracks and save it.

Be proud brother, and know that ALL of us are proud of you as well and know just what you are going through.

Stay strong, stay quit....in camaraderie with you,

Pogue

[AgLawyer]

Day 111

Where have all my brothers gone? September has already lost 5 guys after reaching the hall, and about 5 or 6 more on the verge of dropping to the slacker section of our spreadsheet. Maybe they're just stronger than I am but I think I need this place. Trying to keep up with the philosophy of Souliman alone keeps bringing me back. Well, where ever they went, I wish them well and hope their quits stay strong.

So I spent the past hour reading through this intro thread. I think Nico suggested that I do that so I could see how my quit progresses...thanks for the recommendation. I enjoyed going back and reliving all that. :rolleyes:

I suppose I should sit down and write my Hall of Fame speech, but for some reason I'm just not feeling really motivated to do that. In my mind, speeches like that are supposed to be inspirational, or if nothing else, educational. I'm not feeling either of those today. About the best part of my day was my visit to the dentist this morning...and even that wasn't that great. The funny part was my boss (the CEO) walking into the waiting room while I was sitting there reading a magazine. Never expected that!!! :blink:

Now, here I am at 111 days of quit and I was actually looking forward to my visit, thinking that I'd get all kinds of accolades from the dentist for taking my life back and quitting the demon weed after so many years. Crickets... Oh sure, she said that it was a pretty big accomplishment, but it seemed like it was just another statement from just another patient...something along the lines of "I think I'll cut the grass when I get home." I was even ready to launch into my sales pitch for KTC, but she didn't really seem that interested. I don't know what I was expecting, but I walked away a little bummed about the whole thing. Oh well, I'm still quit and that's all that matters. Oh yeah, the teeth and gums are great. B)

Well, I suppose I should try and do something productive. Stay strong and stay quit.

That dentist isn't an addict so doesn't understand. Just like my own dentist and doc who would constantly hound me to quit - not understanding WHY I would not just quit.

Your accomplishment is huge and make no mistake, your continued presence here likely strengthens your quit but definitely is a great means of support for others. While you and I haven't spoken much on here, I notice and certainly appreciate the support you give to me on the rolls. You are just one more person that I know looks for my name on there, which gives me the additional feeling of accountability, knowing that if I fell off the site you'd be thinking that I was just another douche. Thanks for that...I need that. Glad you remain here after hitting the hall.

[tazmed]

Day 111

Where have all my brothers gone? September has already lost 5 guys after reaching the hall, and about 5 or 6 more on the verge of dropping to the slacker section of our spreadsheet. Maybe they're just stronger than I am but I think I need this place. Trying to keep up with the philosophy of Souliman alone keeps bringing me back. Well, where ever they went, I wish them well and hope their quits stay strong.

So I spent the past hour reading through this intro thread. I think Nico suggested that I do that so I could see how my quit progresses...thanks for the recommendation. I enjoyed going back and reliving all that. :rolleyes:

I suppose I should sit down and write my Hall of Fame speech, but for some reason I'm just not feeling really motivated to do that. In my mind, speeches like that are supposed to be inspirational, or if nothing else, educational. I'm not feeling either of those today. About the best part of my day was my visit to the dentist this morning...and even that wasn't that great. The funny part was my boss (the CEO) walking into the waiting room while I was sitting there reading a magazine. Never expected that!!! :blink:

Now, here I am at 111 days of quit and I was actually looking forward to my visit, thinking that I'd get all kinds of accolades from the dentist for taking my life back and quitting the demon weed after so many years. Crickets... Oh sure, she said that it was a pretty big accomplishment, but it seemed like it was just another statement from just another patient...something along the lines of "I think I'll cut the grass when I get home." I was even ready to launch into my sales pitch for KTC, but she didn't really seem that interested. I don't know what I was expecting, but I walked away a little bummed about the whole thing. Oh well, I'm still quit and that's all that matters. Oh yeah, the teeth and gums are great. B)

Well, I suppose I should try and do something productive. Stay strong and stay quit.

[tazmed]

TAZMED,

I've enjoyed reading your posts over these last three weeks and look forward to many more. Do you still live in Charleston? I am on James Island. -cas

Nope, I left Charleston in March of last year. Still have some kids there (along with two houses that we can't sell) so we're back and forth from coast to coast a couple times each year.

[lazytrader]

Thanks for posting that Taz. Inspirational. Fences can be mended.

Yes, thanks for sharing.

nice story taz. you should keep in touch and do the right thing. only in your eyes and not anybody elses. you did really good. bet you would have felt like a total asshole had you not gotten up and walked upstairs. good job!

[lo sprk]

TAZMED,

I've enjoyed reading your posts over these last three weeks and look forward to many more. Do you still live in Charleston? I am on James Island. -cas

[Souliman]

I went through a phase of thinking the same. Thinking I owe folks my best effort to help them quit because only the Lord knows how many innocent folks I watched stuff their first dip into their lip from one my cans.

I look at it as living in the middle of a school of fish. Its a giant school, lots of fish in here. Lots of fish I never swum next to before and some that were in the school and got distracted by a shiny lure and veered off while the rest of us kept swimming straight. If you swim straight and swim hard, the fish next to you follow your direction. Can't worry about the ones far away. There's nothing you can do for them. You just hope that a fish next to you is next to fish that is next to a fish that is next to them. If all those fish swim straight and hard, we'll make it.

My point is you swim straight Taz. And you sure as hell swim hard. I know because I'm swimming next to you.

[tazmed]

Day 92

What we've got here is failure to communicate...

I'm sitting here in my office with my ADHD running full speed ahead, can't concentrate on anything for more than a couple minutes. So what do I do when that happens? I go and read the KTC forums, of course.

So I'm flipping through the pages (groups) and introductions and I start thinking about the new guys, and retreads, I've reached out to throughout my 92 days. Aglawyer, Gladitsnotheroine (misspelling and all), Justin, UIman, Colonel No Cope, Prada (she's still at sea, by the way), and quite a few others. I have to include Slattern and ShawnNJ as well as they're my June 22nd quit brothers. In considering each of these guys (and girl) who I'm still in contact with, I wonder why the others dropped off.

I know that there have been a few times when I've said something that probably pissed someone off. Other times I may have dropped the ball and not recognized that someone needed more from me. So what's the answer? Is there something more that I could have done to keep these guys engaged? Did I run someone off in the initial stage of their quit? Push them back into the can? I can only hope that's not the case. But then a thought hits me...who's responsibility is it?

Every morning for the past three months I have awakened bright and early and posted roll as soon as I could. Even the eight days I spent in the woods where I had to seek out a cell signal to post with my Blackberry, I posted early. Posting roll is MY responsibility and no one else's. Why should I be concerned if someone else posts roll, or doesn't? Posting is the reason I'm still quit after three months. But then I think that's the communication problem that the people who dropped off never really got. I'm here and they're not because I posted every day and they didn't. The question is, what can we do about it...should we do something about it?

I hear a lot of talk about accountability. I know a lot about accountability...or lack thereof. I stood out in the middle of Savannah Highway in Charleston on the night of June 18th, 2007 when they killed nine firefighters in the Sofa Super Store Fire because they didn't have any accountability...five close friends of mine are in the ground now because of it. So how does that apply to KTC?

KTC is a brotherhood, very similar to others, yet very different. Each one of us has a very different background, but we all have something in common...we're all addicts. So with the KTC brotherhood we have this thing called accountability...just like the fire department should have had. They failed and good people died. If we fail...people can also die...maybe not as suddenly, but they're just as dead...and in my mind, a more painful death because it's long and drawn out. If we're not accountable to each other, we can die. It's that simple. If I don't post roll early each morning I expect one of my brothers or sisters to track me down and find out why. I will also be more accountable to my brothers by making sure they're posting early...something I haven't been as faithful in as I should be. I will do better...funerals for friends suck. 'archer'

[Scowick65]

Thanks for posting that Taz. Inspirational. Fences can be mended.

Yes, thanks for sharing.

[Souliman]

Thanks for posting that Taz. Inspirational. Fences can be mended.

[tazmed]

Day 80

Well...this has been an interesting day.

First a little background: In 1972 my grandparents adopted me because my mother and father weren't what you'd call model parents. I have a full brother who I was raised apart from but we'd seen each other off and on until 1987. I can remember seeing my father three times in my entire life...two time were when he was in jail and the last time in 1985 just before I went into the Navy. So, I haven't seen my father and brother in 26 and 24 years respectively...

Fast forward to this week: My mother (bio) has had this idea in her head that I need to meet up with my father and "mend fences". As many mothers have the tendency to do, she tried to play the guilt card...maybe I should have told her that I don't play that game. Anyway, she lays this guilt trip on my head about how my father is 65 years old now and not in the best of health so I shouldn't waste any time making my decision. Well, I'm a procrastinator by trade so I hadn't made any decisions.

Then comes today when I get a voicemail from my mother who says my neice is a patient in the hospital I work in because she had a ruptured appendix. So here I am sitting in my office and it hits me...pediatrics is right above my office. Two of the people I've been avoiding for roughly 25 years are, right now, in the unit directly above my head. :unsure:

Well, I decided to bite the bullet and go introduce myself...but at the moment when I made that decision the biggest crave I've ever had hit me like to brick wall. 'bang head' I'm quit, and there's no way I'm going to cave today (because I promised you assholes this morning) but holy shit, that was a huge crave.

Anyway, I headed upstairs and walked through the fire door and literally ran right into them. My father, my brother, his wife, and my neice. The funny thing was that it was my brother who recognized me first having not seen me since 1987. It was totally awkward, but I think probably worth it. We talked a bit, had lunch, fumbled for words, and after about an hour said our goodbyes.

I don't know if it's too late to start a relationship with my father and brother, but the opportunity is there. Aside from biology, the one thing we have in common is that we're all addicts...just different substances. In making my decision to go upstairs and meet them I thought about my quit, and that's what made the difference. If I can kick a 34 year addiction to the curb every morning, I can grab my sack and take a little walk up a flight of stairs and face some other demons. So, thanks KTC, in helping me to be strong enough to quit dipping, I've found the strength to do other difficult things. 'Cheers'