I'm in!

[Souliman]

Nice work Taz. Saw some of your pics and that looked like some nice country.

Good quitting and I can relate to those frantic feelings of getting my name down early. Now a days, putting my name down is like screaming it to the world. Hell yes I quit.

[tazmed]

Hmmmm....Day 69... :P

I could comment on my number today in any manner of ways, but I don't think I will. I'll keep that between the missus and I.

So I'm back after 8 days of camping and no internet access. I had some really interesting thoughts while I was in the woods about my quit, and some things that really made me a little nervous. If you're not aware, I am responsible for adult Boy Scout leader training in my area and this past week has been a week long course that we put on called Wood Badge. It's a leadership course, not about scouting skills. Anyway, we spent the week at a Scout camp without internet access but down by the lake I could pick up a slight phone signal so I posted with the crackberry.

To say that it was a busy week would be an understatement...up at 0530 and going non-stop until around midnight each day. I had to make time to go find a phone signal...but I did it. There were a couple mornings that I got a little preoccupied with what I was doing and didn't get to post until later and those mornings really stressed me out. Yesterday was one of them...I couldn't post until I was actually on the road heading home. I got a few strange looks from people passing by who saw me sitting on the side of the highway, my truck bed overflowing with camping gear and a trailer to match, and me sitting there punching the little buttons on my phone with my fat thumbs.

The thoughts about not being able to post varied between near frantic and generally blase'...and that's what made me nervous. I keep hearing about the 70's funk and I may have ventured into it a little early. I kept having thoughts like "I'm out here in the middle of nowhere without access to any dip. I'm still quit and there's no chance of screwing that up, so not posting won't be a problem." Then it occurred to me that this is the first step towards a cave. From that point on, it was imperative that I post roll EVERY DAY no matter how long it took, or what I had to put on hold in order to do it. In this case, I kept the course director waiting for about 10 minutes while I went in search of a signal...it was worth it.

So I'm back today and I want to skip out on work so I can go back and read all the news from the week I missed. Unfortunately, I don't think my boss would approve. Anyway, I just wanted to check in and re-affirm my quit. I got a couple texts from my brothers which were really appreciated and that helped keep my mind straight. I'm glad to be back, and glad to be quit with everyone.

Bring on the 70's...I got this. 'arse'

[tazmed]

Day 59

I've been trading PM's with the Colonel this morning because of the weirdest deja vu experience I've ever had (I think we're psychic brothers or something now) and I realized that my PM's were getting longer and longer...and I started to feel sorry for him for having to read through my ramblings. So, here I am to inflict my thoughts on you, gentle reader. :rolleyes:

Let's see...day 59 is almost in the books. I woke up this morning and after my first cup of coffee and posting roll I decided to check out a little Facebook. What do you know, there's a message from an old shipmate of mine with a video of us working on the flight deck. Ahh the memories...dodging the aircraft, the smell of jet fuel and exhaust, working for three days straight, laying down in a firehose rack just to get a 5 minute nap before the next launch, finding the secret places to hide and throw in a dip...wait, why did that pop into my head? That's not a "good" memory...what the hell???

The past few days have been full of instances where memories and craves have popped into my head that I wasn't expecting. Just the other night I was out walking with Rush blasting away on my iPod and the thought hit me...I should have a dip in right now. The more I thought about it the madder I got, and before it was over I had walked 4.5 miles around my neighborhood. I think the people I passed three times down the street were starting to get worried about me.

Sitting in my office today I'm thinking about the 8 days I'll be spending in the woods starting tomorrow. For some reason I find myself thinking about dropping in a dip...camping last weekend went fine, without any craves...why now? I'm two months into my quit and so far it's been pretty easy for me; why am I getting the weird craves now? Is my brain screwing with me, making me want to stop on my way out of town and buy a roll of Copenhagen? I don't think so, but who knows? I've been spending so much money on beef jerky over the past week that the mountain bike I was going to buy for my HoF present with the money I'm saving from not buying Copenhagen might just have to be delayed. Damn...

I guess this whole thing just serves as a reminder that we need to stay vigilant, no matter where we are, how far into our quit we are, or what kind of situation we find ourselves in. She will sneak up on you when you're not looking and jump on your back once again. There are some new cavers in November who are proof enough for me. My quit is strong, but I have a plan to deal with things when they come up unexpectedly...do you?

Stay strong... 'archer'

[gladitsnotheroine]

Thoughts on Day 55...maybe more of a bitch session.

I'm pissed off today. I don't know why, but I am. I'm sitting here at my desk at work, plowing through the sunflower seeds and accomplishing absolutely nothing. I have a headache, my ears are ringing, and I feel dizzy and out of touch. There's nothing different about how my day started, but something is just way off today and I can't put my finger on it.

There's a guy at work, our facilities manager, who is responsible for new construction projects. I just sent him the quote he asked for two weeks ago and now he says he knows nothing about it. That pisses me off... I have a desk full of shit I should be working on, but I can't get started today. That pisses me off... There are people caving left and right in the quit groups. THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF...

We just got back from a family camping trip and everyone had a great time. I'm getting ready to spend a week in the woods doing things that I love. My step-son is still in the hospital but he's making small improvements every day. I should be really happy right now but for some reason I can't pull myself out of this funk...and that pisses me off. Why can't I get a Mulligan for today?

So...if you're doing your homework and reading the different quit groups you know that there's a ton of drama happening now, primarily in October and November. People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters and that's pissing off the people who've been around for a while. (no, I'm not considering myself a veteran) All of it seems so unnecessary...if you're quit, stay quit. If you're going to fuck around and cave, then go somewhere else to play your games and spread your misery. I've heard some say that others caving only strengthens their quit. I don't know if it does or not, but I do know that drama doesn't create anything that helps. Maybe that's what's eating at me today; I don't know. I want to crawl back in bed and start over today but that's not an option either. Shit...

I'm still quit and I'm pushing through the 50's. If that's as good as today gets, I'll take it.

Thanks for sharing. Its nice knowing others have shitty days too. Thanks for the support you continue to show me as well. Make sure to remember how you are getting through the fifties, it will be good info for me inabout 39 days.

[Scowick65]

People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters..

I will tell you, as one of these new quitters (Day 2, longest I have ever gone), what you said impacts me a hell of a lot more than what some of these assholes are doing. Quite frankly, I could give two shits right now if someone else caves; I am just starting out and I would rather read about someone gutting it out (you, and many others on here), than some clown who does not have the balls to quit.

And, when I do read the bullshit that they are up to, it is not fucking it up for the newer guys (or at least this is true in my case). Frankly, they are emboldening me to stay strong. Sure, I could have caved today after sitting in boring ass class for 6 straight hours without a dip, and then going to another 2 hour class without having one all day. I could have done it and not told any of you, or just ignored the site for a few days, or whatever else these guys do. But you know what? I did not cave. I did not want to be anything like the guys who are getting their asses chewed out (no pun intended) right now. Because of their bitching and moaning, and their weakness, I did NOT cave today. Fuck them.

You will go far with that attitude. The quit is strong with this one.

[blat1]

People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters..

I will tell you, as one of these new quitters (Day 2, longest I have ever gone), what you said impacts me a hell of a lot more than what some of these assholes are doing. Quite frankly, I could give two shits right now if someone else caves; I am just starting out and I would rather read about someone gutting it out (you, and many others on here), than some clown who does not have the balls to quit.

And, when I do read the bullshit that they are up to, it is not fucking it up for the newer guys (or at least this is true in my case). Frankly, they are emboldening me to stay strong. Sure, I could have caved today after sitting in boring ass class for 6 straight hours without a dip, and then going to another 2 hour class without having one all day. I could have done it and not told any of you, or just ignored the site for a few days, or whatever else these guys do. But you know what? I did not cave. I did not want to be anything like the guys who are getting their asses chewed out (no pun intended) right now. Because of their bitching and moaning, and their weakness, I did NOT cave today. Fuck them.

[Jtricher]

Thoughts on Day 55...maybe more of a bitch session.

I'm pissed off today. I don't know why, but I am. I'm sitting here at my desk at work, plowing through the sunflower seeds and accomplishing absolutely nothing. I have a headache, my ears are ringing, and I feel dizzy and out of touch. There's nothing different about how my day started, but something is just way off today and I can't put my finger on it.

There's a guy at work, our facilities manager, who is responsible for new construction projects. I just sent him the quote he asked for two weeks ago and now he says he knows nothing about it. That pisses me off... I have a desk full of shit I should be working on, but I can't get started today. That pisses me off... There are people caving left and right in the quit groups. THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF...

We just got back from a family camping trip and everyone had a great time. I'm getting ready to spend a week in the woods doing things that I love. My step-son is still in the hospital but he's making small improvements every day. I should be really happy right now but for some reason I can't pull myself out of this funk...and that pisses me off. Why can't I get a Mulligan for today?

So...if you're doing your homework and reading the different quit groups you know that there's a ton of drama happening now, primarily in October and November. People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters and that's pissing off the people who've been around for a while. (no, I'm not considering myself a veteran) All of it seems so unnecessary...if you're quit, stay quit. If you're going to fuck around and cave, then go somewhere else to play your games and spread your misery. I've heard some say that others caving only strengthens their quit. I don't know if it does or not, but I do know that drama doesn't create anything that helps. Maybe that's what's eating at me today; I don't know. I want to crawl back in bed and start over today but that's not an option either. Shit...

I'm still quit and I'm pushing through the 50's. If that's as good as today gets, I'll take it.

Well put. I agree and know what you are going through. Very well. Good news is that it's temporary. I enjoyed reading this, which made my quit stronger today.

[Wild_Bill]

Taz,
Your intro is one of the best I've read. Don't know why, really just hit me in a powerful way. Screw the funks! You'll emerge better and strong after they pass.

Keep up the good quit, brother.

PS: Thank you for your service to this country! (Catapults? That had to be kind cool, huh?)

[LLCope]

TAZ,

You dipped for years versus only 55 days of quit. It is amazing what the human body/mind can do to heal itself in just 55 days! The good news is that the next funk will not be as bad or last for as long. The real good news as Scowick just pointed out, one day they will not exist--the addiction will always exist (NOT ONE DIP EVER) but the pain will subside and cease to exist!.

The funk is not who you really are--it is a lie---it is the addiction trying to keep you from freedom.


Your quit is strong! You have one of the strongest Quits in your group.

LL

[Scowick65]

I had the funk in the 50s, 70s and the 120s. It sucked. I just felt bad. I was a depressed. The good news is that I am at day 248 and I have not had it since the 120s.

I make a ledger sometimes to help. Something like this:

7,300 days using vs. 248 days clean.

Yea, you have give your body a chance to clean up as nine said. Hang tough. Bitch all you need to on the site. Know that we read your thoughts on your thread. I see that 1,067 people have read your thread. PM if I can help more.

[ninereasons]

I struggled with similar Stage 2 Fog. It lasted for a very long time - months. It went away.

There are dozens - if not thousands - of harsh chemicals in dip in addition to nicotine. You are still in an early period of recovering from long-term abuse by exposure to this chemical insult, that has changed your body and brain in both reversible and irreversible ways.

However, you are going to make it through all this. Your life will become more and more free - and this is more and more true long after you reach those first 100 days of staying clean. One day at a time.

Good stuff, tazmed. Congratulations on burying nicotine 55 days deep. Keep shoveling. Stay quit.

[tazmed]

Thoughts on Day 55...maybe more of a bitch session.

I'm pissed off today. I don't know why, but I am. I'm sitting here at my desk at work, plowing through the sunflower seeds and accomplishing absolutely nothing. I have a headache, my ears are ringing, and I feel dizzy and out of touch. There's nothing different about how my day started, but something is just way off today and I can't put my finger on it.

There's a guy at work, our facilities manager, who is responsible for new construction projects. I just sent him the quote he asked for two weeks ago and now he says he knows nothing about it. That pisses me off... I have a desk full of shit I should be working on, but I can't get started today. That pisses me off... There are people caving left and right in the quit groups. THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF...

We just got back from a family camping trip and everyone had a great time. I'm getting ready to spend a week in the woods doing things that I love. My step-son is still in the hospital but he's making small improvements every day. I should be really happy right now but for some reason I can't pull myself out of this funk...and that pisses me off. Why can't I get a Mulligan for today?

So...if you're doing your homework and reading the different quit groups you know that there's a ton of drama happening now, primarily in October and November. People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters and that's pissing off the people who've been around for a while. (no, I'm not considering myself a veteran) All of it seems so unnecessary...if you're quit, stay quit. If you're going to fuck around and cave, then go somewhere else to play your games and spread your misery. I've heard some say that others caving only strengthens their quit. I don't know if it does or not, but I do know that drama doesn't create anything that helps. Maybe that's what's eating at me today; I don't know. I want to crawl back in bed and start over today but that's not an option either. Shit...

I'm still quit and I'm pushing through the 50's. If that's as good as today gets, I'll take it.

[LLCope]

I am glad your step son is improving. Proud to be quit with you!

[Souliman]

You are a champion Taz. You really are. With all that and you being able to stay on the path is inspirational to lots of folks bro. Talk about conviction...man you got it. Glad you're here and I'm always willing to help if I can.

[tazmed]

Day 42

Well...this has been a fun ride. I guess just breaking a 34 year addiction wasn't interesting enough for me. Nooooooo, I had to throw a bunch of added stressors in there just to liven things up a bit. So let's see...

A surprise accreditation survey at the hospital where my programs are way behind because they were neglected for many years.

A tragic event that affected my hospital and community (and made national news) that we're still running counseling sessions for.

My step-son is in an accident that should have killed him and will take months, possibly years to recover from. For those following Doug, he should be getting out of the ICU today. :D

My wife moves across the country after 16 months of separation because of my job and starts her own new job, only to have to fly back to the other side of the country to take care of our son.

I get to play single dad for twin 11 year old girls and a 10 year old boy who all HAVE ISSUES of their own!

Clearly I don't do things the simple way...but, it's all good. Because, even though the feeling if wanting a dip are still there (and pretty strong at times), I am quit today...and that's all that matters. I'm taking this day by day and feeling better with each one that passes. I never would have thought I could go 10 days, let alone 42, without Copenhagen, but with the support of everyone here I'm well on my way to staying free from the nic bitch. So...here's to day 42...Bring it!

B)