Addiction has destroyed my marriage

[Mass0426]

I can't change anyone else, but when I quit dipping, and quit lying to my wife about dipping I didn't approach the issue thinking "I really need to quit dipping" like I did every other time I tried to quit. I approached the problem by saying "I don't want to live this way, I need to change" and instead of focusing on keeping dip out of my lip, I focused on changing who I was. If you are ready to make that change click the link up above that says [community], then click the link that says [welcome center], then click [how to post roll]. When I started doing that, and doing it every day...it changed my life.
Also, Watch out by using the phrase addictive personality as a crutch for dipping. You're not dipping because you have an addictive personality, you're dipping because nicotine is addictive, everyone can be addicted to it, not just people with addictive personalities. Quitting has nothing to do with your personality, it has to do with being determined enough to deal with the day to day grind of fighting for craves. Good luck.

^^^ this guy knows what he is talking about.

Addictive personality.... I think it is more of a personality trait. Some of the most driven, successful, and intense people I've ever met are nicotine addicts on this site. All in inverting we do. Learn to harness that drive and the sky is the limit. This site and the principles of brotherhood + accountability = success will help you refocus. It really works.

Stay honest to yourself and you don't have to lie.

By the way, POST ROLL.

That is a requirement to be here, and is a few second a day investment to keep you focused and honest.

Get your name on roll. There are thousands of days of freedom among the quitters above me. They (we) post every day for a reason. Listen to us.

How do I post roll again? i'm sorry i'm not playing dumb - just everywhere in my mind right now....

[KingNothing]

Not much to add that these bad asses haven't already given. The fact is quitting nicotine is a very simple process. It isn't easy, but it's simple. Promise to keep nicotine out of your system that day (post roll), keep your promise by keeping nicotine out of your system that day. That's it. Like WildIrish said, you can't change yesterday and can't do anything about tomorrow until it gets here. Just for today, be a better man than you were yesterday in every facet of your life. The pieces will start to come together. You can do this Mass. Just do it.

[RDB]

Compartmentalization. Yep, I learned a lot about that about four years ago. I also learned that (many) women (tend to) view their life as a continuos sheet of fabric. Sometimes people they trust put a big old rip in that fabric. That person that they trust can repair the fabric. They can use the finest thread, and use the smallest stitches to repair that gash, making it nearly invisible. But the rip will never be completely invisible. Your wife will always see the tear you've made in her life fabric.

If you get your shit together, and truly make changes, she will forgive you at some unknown point in the future. But she will never forget what happened. Ever.

So, yeah we can help you quit dip. You have to want to quit. Not to save your marriage. Not because you have a baby on the way. You have to want to quit because you want to be quit.

Post roll. Post roll early in the day, before you leave the house. Post roll every single day. Weekends, holidays, your birthday, and the day your child is born. Post your promise, and keep it. No matter what. Stay quit.

[worktowin]

I can't change anyone else, but when I quit dipping, and quit lying to my wife about dipping I didn't approach the issue thinking "I really need to quit dipping" like I did every other time I tried to quit. I approached the problem by saying "I don't want to live this way, I need to change" and instead of focusing on keeping dip out of my lip, I focused on changing who I was. If you are ready to make that change click the link up above that says [community], then click the link that says [welcome center], then click [how to post roll]. When I started doing that, and doing it every day...it changed my life.
Also, Watch out by using the phrase addictive personality as a crutch for dipping. You're not dipping because you have an addictive personality, you're dipping because nicotine is addictive, everyone can be addicted to it, not just people with addictive personalities. Quitting has nothing to do with your personality, it has to do with being determined enough to deal with the day to day grind of fighting for craves. Good luck.

^^^ this guy knows what he is talking about.

Addictive personality.... I think it is more of a personality trait. Some of the most driven, successful, and intense people I've ever met are nicotine addicts on this site. All in inverting we do. Learn to harness that drive and the sky is the limit. This site and the principles of brotherhood + accountability = success will help you refocus. It really works.

Stay honest to yourself and you don't have to lie.

By the way, POST ROLL.

That is a requirement to be here, and is a few second a day investment to keep you focused and honest.

Get your name on roll. There are thousands of days of freedom among the quitters above me. They (we) post every day for a reason. Listen to us.

[worktowin]

I can't change anyone else, but when I quit dipping, and quit lying to my wife about dipping I didn't approach the issue thinking "I really need to quit dipping" like I did every other time I tried to quit. I approached the problem by saying "I don't want to live this way, I need to change" and instead of focusing on keeping dip out of my lip, I focused on changing who I was. If you are ready to make that change click the link up above that says [community], then click the link that says [welcome center], then click [how to post roll]. When I started doing that, and doing it every day...it changed my life.
Also, Watch out by using the phrase addictive personality as a crutch for dipping. You're not dipping because you have an addictive personality, you're dipping because nicotine is addictive, everyone can be addicted to it, not just people with addictive personalities. Quitting has nothing to do with your personality, it has to do with being determined enough to deal with the day to day grind of fighting for craves. Good luck.

^^^ this guy knows what he is talking about.

Addictive personality.... I think it is more of a personality trait. Some of the most driven, successful, and intense people I've ever met are nicotine addicts on this site. All in inverting we do. Learn to harness that drive and the sky is the limit. This site and the principles of brotherhood + accountability = success will help you refocus. It really works.

Stay honest to yourself and you don't have to lie.

[Dagranger]

I can't change anyone else, but when I quit dipping, and quit lying to my wife about dipping I didn't approach the issue thinking "I really need to quit dipping" like I did every other time I tried to quit. I approached the problem by saying "I don't want to live this way, I need to change" and instead of focusing on keeping dip out of my lip, I focused on changing who I was. If you are ready to make that change click the link up above that says [community], then click the link that says [welcome center], then click [how to post roll]. When I started doing that, and doing it every day...it changed my life.
Also, Watch out by using the phrase addictive personality as a crutch for dipping. You're not dipping because you have an addictive personality, you're dipping because nicotine is addictive, everyone can be addicted to it, not just people with addictive personalities. Quitting has nothing to do with your personality, it has to do with being determined enough to deal with the day to day grind of fighting for craves. Good luck.

[Idaho Spuds]

Welcome Mass,
"The first thing to do when you find yourself in a hole is stop diggin" Anonymous
Start healing yourself, physically and mentally. This won't happen overnight but each day do something to improve yourself.
Get on role and read up,
Idaho Spuds 689

[wildirish317]

My world came colliding on July 1st, 2016. That's the day, 6 years of lies came out into the open...On the other end, my beautiful, innocent, shocked wife.

Not going into too many details, (typical guy, right?) I was seeking attention and sexual gratification for 6 years of over my 8 year relationship with woman. She had no clue until the truth came out - that's alot of info for one woman to take. The therapist we saw this past Tuesday called it Compartmentalization.
"Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person's having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.
Compartmentalization allows these conflicting ideas to co-exist by inhibiting direct or explicit acknowledgement and interaction between separate compartmentalized self states."
For all these years I had somehow separated my normal life with this fantasy world i had created and somehow continued to justify my actions - a sense of entitlement, a sense of being invisible. There is more therapy to come and apologies for jumping around in this post.

Now I know this is a tobacco website and we are also talking about addictions here - well if it was easy to lie about this fantasy world, of course it was easy to cover up my dipping habits - I had been dipping over 10 years - my last dip was officially June 30th. Yes, so far, cold turkey!

Another addiction was fantasy football and other fantasy sports on various websites - I won here and there, but of course, with an addictive personality, I kept playing and charging the credit card or borrowing money and trying to pay it back - I got so far into debt on my CC I took out a small loan, without my wife knowing, and tried paying off the CC, only to put more back on the card, on top of paying a loan back.

All these lies (addictions) came all out at once - on July 1st, 2016. Put yourself in my wife shoes...how could you take that? how would you react?

I have hurt my best friend and here's the kicker, the worse part that i'm sure all you will definitely think i'm a POS - she's 7 months pregnant. How could I do that to her you ask? I was so consumed in my addictions, my other world, that I just felt i was in control, i could separate them, and live a normal life.

I'm emotionally drained - I don't wish this on anyone. If there is any positives to this story, here it goes: She made me tell my parents - My parents are in the ministry - even though I'm 36 years old, there is no worse feeling than seeing the disappointment on their face when they think you are living the perfect, Godly life - my relationship with God has gotten closer - I've asked for forgiveness and i know the road is long but i know he is my copilot and has to teach me patience through this process - and i'm still under the same roof as my wife - it has to be that little miracle in her stomach that is giving me hope.

Addiction is real, people! I want my family back and i'm willing to do whatever it takes...

I will use this site as my outlet and welcome any feedback, positive or negative, as I 100% own this and I strive to be a better man because of all of this.

Welcome Mass. For your first ever post on here, this is a doosey. We have a lot of people who can help, and I'm sure they will be along soon to add comment.

All I will say is forget your past. Don't think about tomorrow. Focus only on today. That's all you have. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Stay quit for just this one day. Anyone can do that.

Explore the site. Read introductions. Read HOF stories. Play some games in Wildcard. Post roll.

Above all else, post roll. It's your promise to remain quit today. Make that promise first thing in the morning, for yourself, and for us.

[Mass0426]

My world came colliding on July 1st, 2016. That's the day, 6 years of lies came out into the open...On the other end, my beautiful, innocent, shocked wife.

Not going into too many details, (typical guy, right?) I was seeking attention and sexual gratification for 6 years of over my 8 year relationship with woman. She had no clue until the truth came out - that's alot of info for one woman to take. The therapist we saw this past Tuesday called it Compartmentalization.
"Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person's having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.
Compartmentalization allows these conflicting ideas to co-exist by inhibiting direct or explicit acknowledgement and interaction between separate compartmentalized self states."
For all these years I had somehow separated my normal life with this fantasy world i had created and somehow continued to justify my actions - a sense of entitlement, a sense of being invisible. There is more therapy to come and apologies for jumping around in this post.

Now I know this is a tobacco website and we are also talking about addictions here - well if it was easy to lie about this fantasy world, of course it was easy to cover up my dipping habits - I had been dipping over 10 years - my last dip was officially June 30th. Yes, so far, cold turkey!

Another addiction was fantasy football and other fantasy sports on various websites - I won here and there, but of course, with an addictive personality, I kept playing and charging the credit card or borrowing money and trying to pay it back - I got so far into debt on my CC I took out a small loan, without my wife knowing, and tried paying off the CC, only to put more back on the card, on top of paying a loan back.

All these lies (addictions) came all out at once - on July 1st, 2016. Put yourself in my wife shoes...how could you take that? how would you react?

I have hurt my best friend and here's the kicker, the worse part that i'm sure all you will definitely think i'm a POS - she's 7 months pregnant. How could I do that to her you ask? I was so consumed in my addictions, my other world, that I just felt i was in control, i could separate them, and live a normal life.

I'm emotionally drained - I don't wish this on anyone. If there is any positives to this story, here it goes: She made me tell my parents - My parents are in the ministry - even though I'm 36 years old, there is no worse feeling than seeing the disappointment on their face when they think you are living the perfect, Godly life - my relationship with God has gotten closer - I've asked for forgiveness and i know the road is long but i know he is my copilot and has to teach me patience through this process - and i'm still under the same roof as my wife - it has to be that little miracle in her stomach that is giving me hope.

Addiction is real, people! I want my family back and i'm willing to do whatever it takes...

I will use this site as my outlet and welcome any feedback, positive or negative, as I 100% own this and I strive to be a better man because of all of this.