Day 293 and the cravings have been considerable harder the last week or so.....just getting back down to the basics and reaching out.
It's been a long time and a lot of drama, misunderstanding and resentments which is why i haven't reached out earlier but this is bigger than me and any risk of having to re-live those days of early and niave thinking have to be faced head on. Besides, those of us involved have all moved on and grown from it.
I have to keep moving forward but damn my feet just feel stuck! 'bang head'
Nice to hear from you again, and I can relate to the way you feel. 293 days...seems like you should have this thing licked, but you're frustrated that you still struggle. I feel you, but I think you need to take a step back and look big picture.
Stupid analogy...
For the past 293 days you've been engaged in a massive game of tug of war with dipbacotine ( I made that word up, it's a combo of dip, tobacco and nicotine).
You've been tugging on that rope so hard to keep yourself out of that pit of mud that your arms feel like jello, your legs are on fire, you hands are blistered and full of rope burn, and your sick of it. Your sick of trying so hard, but you're afraid of being pulled back into the pit of addiction.
Let go of the rope.
By letting go of the rope you don't "lose", you don't end up in the pit, you just finally realize that you don't have to play tug of war anymore, like you did in the beginning. In the beginning you had to tug that som bitch with all your might just to stay afloat.
It's been 293 days now. You're not cured (none of us are) and you might still have to play some games with dibacotine, but tug of war shouldn't be the game of choice anymore. You're beyond that. You did all the pulling you needed for close to a year now.
Time to take a step back a think about all the things you have learned here and all the good things you have done. Time to let go of all the "heaviness". It's time to quit smarter, not harder.
You are probably thinking "fuck you asshole, I feel like shit" and I get that, but I bet if you realllly think about it, you don't feel nearly as bad as you did in the beginning, and I bet if you think even harder, you know what it will take to get back to feeling good again.
It won't be going back to using brute strength to pull on that beat up and tattered rope, anymore. It will simply take some brain power to figure out how to wiggle those little feet loose and get them UNstuck. You got the tools, so use them. It's a lot easier than playing tug of war.
I know you got this.
Quit on...
